11/16/10

Too much time in the morning.

With M doing basketball try-outs all week at 6:45am, I've got quite a bit of time on my hands. M has never played a day of basketball in her life. When she played soccer, putting a hand on the ball was a no no. She's so funny. I have to hand it to her though, I wouldn't have done this when I was a kid.

When I was in 8th grade at Monte Vista, I was on the basketball team. We sucked. We won one game and that was because the other team never showed up. You would've thought we won the Super Bowl with that "win." I played T-ball as a kid too. The only hit I got was a tap. The ball fell off the tee and nobody knew what to do with it so I just ran. Got a double. :) I was in gymnastics too but had to quit because I couldn't do a round off, flip flop. I couldn't balance more than 5 seconds on the balance beam and the idea of running really fast to get a good jump onto the uneven bars was laughable. Yah, not much of a sporty girl. No idea where these girls get it. I admire them though. I just wish it didn't cut into my sleep time as much as it did.

Tonight is K's performance. She tried out for the Australian part. She was so damn cute, she got the part of the First Mate on the pirate ship. For some reason, when she reads her lines, she sounds like an Australian pirate. The teacher keeps telling her that she's a pirate but K said, "But I wanted the Australian part." You gotta love her. The teachers love her too cause of course they think it's just adorable. She memorized all of her lines in less than a weekend and I can't wait to see it tonight.

Today is my last day before a day off. Again, I've inundated my day off with things to do so I'm not really looking forward to it. I work with the better than ever pharmacist so I'm just fine with today. Yesterday was Dennis day. He was less than annoying....a smidge. I swear though, it must be hard being perfect cause seriously, that guy thinks he shits gold and sweats diamonds. At times of his self-proclaimed perfection, he reminds me of my husband. My husband isn't always perfect though like Dennis so that's why I stay with him.

When I came home yesterday, I sat down on the couch (SHOCKER) and started reading a book. About an hour later, my husband comes home and proceeds to yell at the kids and bitch and moan about the house being a mess. It might've been the day I had but I kinda lost it. Is it too much to ask for the man in my life to just shut up? I mean, the guy is never happy. He always has something to bitch about. He wants a new house. (Nope, I ain't moving) He wants to go hunting but then he only wants to shoot a buck. (He better just freaking kill something) He barely sees us as it is and his first instinct is to come in the house and piss all over, marking his territory. Um, seriously.....I will castrate you if this continues. It's just the time of year I think. Either that or I'm just really tired.

On a lighter note, I'm running on Red Bull as usual. A couple Red Bulls brought home this morning by my husband. His words, "Have a great day and I'll make sure I save you a seat in the front for Katie's thing tonight." Awwwwww, he does love me. :) Have a great Tuesday everybody!


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

10/11/10

I was running late this morning....:/

Of all days to have a midnight storm and a vibrating dog....it's the day of a MONDAY! Seriously, my dog vibrates. And luckily, she crawls in your lap. ::evil grin:: But if it's 3am in the morning....GET OFF OF ME!!!!

So, it wasn't a very restful night. I managed to scream and yell at my kids to the point of them vibrating, but we got off to school and work on time.

I walked into work and I swear to god, it was a freaking mess. The weekend pharmacist, who was also the Monday pharmacist, still had auto-fills from the weekend to do. Add the 60 autofills from this morning and she was already 100+ prescriptions behind from filling. I downed my Red Bull and never looked at the clock. There was so much shit upon shit to do that it took most of my morning to finally get to the regular shit I had to do.

I love days like that. It zipped right to lunch time and never slowed down. I was the envy with my new scrub top. Red of course....with pockets. I love my pockets. I couldn't keep my hands out of them. When I left work tonight, I had 5 pens in em. By Thursday, I'll probably had tripled that.

My husband greeted me with a homemade dinner and brand new fuzzy slippers. Oh....and he cleaned the bathroom too! Man oh man, it's like freaking Christmas morning on this Monday evening. And before any of you think, he's not looking for anything in return. I pretty much kicked ass this weekend taking care of the kids and keeping them out of his hair while he worked and rested....I totally deserved this. It's a give, give here. I promised him some Chicken Spaghetti on Friday and he offered to take Thursday and Friday off to spend time with us. Give/Give. :)

So tomorrow, I'm prolly gonna walk into another mess or a mess that's about to happen. The relief pharmacist has a "system" that sucks. Basically it's double the work and not really productive. I do have to give him one thing....when none of the technicians moved to help a customer....his ass gets there in a timely manner. Good boy Tim. Good boy. Now shut up and get off my computer terminal!

Hope you all had a great Monday! I know I'm glad mine is over....it's barely 7:30pm and I'm already in my PJ's, wrapped in a blanket and drifting off to sleep. Damn, I'm gooooooooood.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

10/8/10

TGI.....Three day weekend!

There is absolutely nothing to do this weekend. No soccer games, No Steelers football. What am I going to do besides sit on my ass all weekend?

So yesterday, Dennis Hopper must've took some meds. I swear the guy is bi-polar or something. From the minute I walked in, he was on this kick. What was the kick?

"Can you take care of this Jean? Obviously, you're the only one who actually can."

"I always know when you're working with me, things are going to be done right."

"It's the A-team when it's you and I, it's the only thing that made this 12-hour day bearable."

Um...............WHAT??????

Seriously, on Monday the guy pretty much called me an idiot every 15 minutes. What the hell? And lemme get this out, all those things are NOT true. I work with very good people. They are really good at their jobs. When they walk in, it's like the sun finally came out, the birds started singing. When you're at work by yourself for 5 hours, the afternoon sunshine is like my breath of fresh air.

I have no idea where this 180 degree attitude came from.

1) My friend might've mentioned something to him.
2) My thinking that I hid my annoyance was terribly, terribly wrong.
3) He really is bi-polar and finally filled that medication.

Either way you look at it, it was a great day. A fantastic end to an otherwise up and down week. Today was payday and like my fellow technician said, "It's already gone." I had plans for this paycheck and those plans have been paid for.

It's gonna be a hot one this weekend. You'll be happy to know that I didn't pack the tank tops or tube tops away yet. They will be probably making their final appearance this weekend. Have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday. I'll be the one probably whining that it's Monday again. ;)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

10/7/10

I. Don't. Care.

Every morning, I wake my kids up.....four times. I'm nice at first, I'm a little mean the second time, I'm really mean the third time and by the fourth time, I'm a raving lunatic. I'm not complaining, it's just what I do.

When they finally come stumbling out into the living room, they grab the remote and turn on TeenNick. Full House. Oh the going's on's with the Tanners. I used to love that show, at least until little Michelle turned into that awkward brat that wasn't cute anymore. I love Jesse and Rebecca though. Oh man, Sparkman would be loving me right now. (Inside joke)

So anywho, every commercial break is about Degrassi coming back. They try to make it all dramatic about how Degrassi has changed. No cell phones, no public displays of affection....blah, blah, blah. I. Don't. Care. For like 2 months, it's the same damn commercial and for 2 months, I haven't once given a shit. What the hell is Degrassi anyway? It sounds like a new pot I'd wanna smoke in a bong. I have a sinking feeling it's not though.

This is what my mornings are like though. I'm on a loop every day. It's the same thing every morning. You're jealous of my life, aren't you? ;)

It's technically my Friday. I have to work with Dennis Hopper all day today. I've heard he was in a mood yesterday and to tell you the truth, this morning I'm hoping he is in another mood. Cause I'm not and I plan on saying something if he even thinks about being an asshole. I had too good of a day yesterday to let him ruin my today. So bring it Dennis! I dare ya!

Have a great day everybody. Stay tuned if I'm still apart of the working class....


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

10/6/10

Day off! Day off! Day off!

Annnnnnnnnd I'm busy. My M has doctor's appointments all day today. She'll be poked and poked again....then probably bled dry. Poor baby.

So I had a much better day yesterday. I still felt sick so I guess the reason for all things shitty at work really is Dennis Hopper's fault. VINDICATED! Yah, vindicated and screwed. I did however find out that I'm really not the only one he picks on. There's this other technician. So I have somebody to whine with about it. My husband was very glad to hear that.....cause he's tired of listening to it.

I think his reasoning behind his exhaustion with my complaint is he knows I'm a bad ass. He knows I don't usually take shit from anybody. Yet, since March I have. I guess that's a good thing. He believes in me....but in a small way he's a little disappointed in me as well.

This is the guy that watched me tell a Kmart loss prevention "officer" who accused me of repricing an outfit, "You have a flashlight and a plastic badge with Kmart on it. I'm not even in my 20's and I'm still better than you." I swear I almost made him cry. The "officer" not my husband.

So anyway, today is my day off and I'm gonna do it right. I'm gonna spend the entire day with my oldest and try not to make her cry. I might pay some bills. I might go grocery shopping. But you can bet that whatever I do, it ain't gonna consist of counting pills or putting things in a prioritizer. Because THAT will be tomorrow when I work the entire day with Dennis Hopper.

Have a great Hump Day everybody! I'm wearing pants and a long-sleeve shirt. I almost shed a tear. I miss my tank tops and tube tops. :(




If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

10/4/10

I am no Norma Rae....or whatever her name was.

You know? The lady that fought for union rights? Or was it just women's rights in the work place? Ah, forget it. The analogy is ruined since I have no idea who I'm analogizing.

Yesterday, I had visions of myself fighting for my rights to bitch slap my boss and quit. Granted, I was sick and very miserable so my vision was a little blurry but damn it would've been good. Stupid Sudafed slowed me down though. I did not quit. I instead came home and complained to my poor husband who in my opinion is sick of hearing about it.

"You've been saying the same thing since March. Either tell the prick to shove it or shut up about it."

He's totally right. I have been complaining about him since March. It's time to put up or shut up. The problem with me though, and it's quite an annoying problem actually, I tend to cry during confrontations. NOT because I'm a big baby and he's made me cry, but because that's just me. I get teary eyed, my voice starts to crack and it's humiliating. I do NOT want to cry in front of this man. He will NOT think he beat me to tears.

So what do I do?

And in my opinion, if even my own co-workers admit that he treats me differently, something is a little off in this situation. And what pisses me off more is he's asked if I was available for MORE hours!!! Um.....no. If you can't even admit to me and treat me with a tad bit more respect, why in thee hell would I do you any favors? But seriously, how does a girl, who cries when confronted or confronts, actually tell her boss that she thinks he's a real asshole? In a nice way of course.

Have a great Tuesday everybody! I have off tomorrow but will be jumping from doctor appointment to doctor appointment with M. And a better plus at my Tuesday??? I'm working with the other pharmacist today. Dennis Hopper will be nowhere in my area. :) Girls rule.


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm just not feelin it....

I've got things to do but I can't seem to find the mojo to do it. And I'm not talking about the things I have to do. Work, family, friends. I can fulfill my obligations to them....it's the other stuff. The stuff that is me. The fun stuff. The writing. The finding something fun to do. The fun stuff.

I've been feeling this way for awhile. It's not because I'm a snot monster. This started happening long before that. It's not the summer is over blues. Although the chills I experience don't make me happy. I'm gonna miss my tube tops something fierce. It's not the daily grind of counting carbs and figuring out insulin units.

I think it's just I feel like a rubber band that's too weak to stretch anymore. I can't do it all. I've got too much responsibility. When I was younger, the only responsibility I had was myself. Today, I have way more than that and sometimes, I'm the one that gets neglected. And I'm not being selfish. I'm not asking for a vacation. I'm really just babbling.

But yesterday as I laid down feeling like crap, whimpering like a meth addict, I decided to suck it up. I rolled off the bed, wrapped in my blanket and crawled through the hallway. It seems that the lower on the ground I am, the dizziness didn't attack. I've never been one to ask for help. I can do it, I just prefer not to. I found my husband asleep on the couch with the Raider game on in the background. I tapped him on the shoulder.....a couple times. When he finally became aware of my presence, I finally said it.

"I need your help."

That's all I had to say too. I've seen the look before when asking for help and the look said, "Oh god, what now?" He didn't have that look on his face. He just looked at me. It was the look of I could ask him for anything and he'd do it. I have to admit, the urge to ask for something ridiculous crossed my mind but I refrained. I needed three things.

1) We need to be fed.

2) We need coffee creamer for the morning.

3) The stupid smoke alarm needs a battery.

And yes, he did every single one. They weren't hard to do. But the thing was, he did it because I actually asked for help. Normally my rant would be, "Why do I even have to ask?" But not today, I'm just glad I finally pulled my snotty head out of my ass and asked for help.

I'm tired of feeling like the "world" depends on my strength. I'm tired of making sure every particular piece of the puzzle is perfect. I'm just plain tired. I'm not the only person in this world of work, family and friends. I'm just one freaking person. I can't be the everything on the team and I won't be.

I'm gonna recognize when I need help and actually ask for it. I'm gonna appreciate that my husband isn't a complete moron like I act like he is.

So happy Monday, I'm crawling to work today with enough Sudafed in my system to clear out a river of snot. I left my husband asleep with some defrosting ground meat in the sink. I've requested sloppy joes tonight for dinner. See? Help. I ain't ashamed to admit that I can't do it all.


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

9/7/10

I Make Things Too Easy.

I've got a plan for everything. I'm not an organized woman by any means. I have a disorganized system but it works. My husband has OCD though. He'll notice if his desk drawer has been opened. It's highly annoying but even more annoying is I know this about him. You'd think after 20 years together I would remember to put everything back the way it was to avoid the dreaded question. "Who was going through my stuff?"

My kids are pigs. They don't have a plan to save their life. Well, unless if their plan is to live like pigs so nobody is the wiser. They're probably conniving a plan to rule the world through their pigginess. I doubt it though.

So every morning, I wake the pigs up and lay out their to do's of the morning. It isn't a difficult to do or anything.

1) Get up.
2) Eat breakfast.
3) Make your lunch.
4) Make sure your clothes match.

See? It's easy. Now nowhere in this to do is brush your teeth or your hair. Make your bed. Or clean up your breakfast plates and spoons. Well, my pigs, it seems need to have these added onto the list. Jesus! I get the bed and plates because they're pigs but your teeth and hair??? Hello? They're girls. We're supposed to be programmed to look good when we walk out of the house. My girls? I'm convinced they need a tune up on the girl parts.

So as my husband left this morning, he had his coffee cup in hand and perfectly organized duty bag over his shoulder. The coffee was made the night before and his bag is ALWAYS organized. Every pocket has a purpose. Every zipper is zipped to the exact location. Closed but open just a little. I swear the man counts the teeth so he knows when someone has been in his bag.

I have work this morning. The day after a holiday in retail can go two ways. Bad or really bad. I'm expecting really bad but I am almost positive I will prevail to the point of passing out tonight. When it's busy, I tend to obsessively apply chapstick. Call it a nervous tic or just constantly chewing my lip because I wanna speak some swear words to the customers. I ran out of chapstick this morning. You'd think I had planned this better.

So as ya'll are going to work as well, remember this, it could be worse. You could be my children and live like pigs. You could be my husband and obsessively place things in order. Or worse, you could be me. You see, I went into his duty bag today to steal his chapstick. He's got like three in there. He ain't gonna miss one.

::ring ring::

Me: Yes? (I saw his name on the caller ID)

Husband: Did you go through my bag today?

Me: ::sigh:: You need medication.

Husband: So you did?

Me: Yes, I stole a chapstick.

Husband: Which one?

Me: They're all the same!

Husband: No they're not. There's one that I like better.

Me: Well, nine times outta ten....I took the "better" one.

I swear I zipped it back to the exact position. Happy Tuesday but it's really technically Monday. I'm gonna apply my chapstick all day and give it back to him with a smile and possibly a prescription for some medication.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

9/6/10

Non-laboring Labor Day.

I had a conversation with my father the other day. He was rolling his eyes while I whined about how tired I had been lately with my new shift at work. For a reminder, I'm working 24 hours now in the pharmacy. Compared to my 13 hours I worked previously and the 0 hours I worked before that. I'm also working until 5:30pm on those work days so I am no longer free to leave when the going gets tough. I have to stay and wade through the muck of late drop-offs and add flu shots. I. Am. In. Hell.

So anyway, my father loves me. He really does but he finds my exhaustion a joke. And even funnier, he's right. My father has worked for over 50 years at a 40+ hour a week job his entire life. He's managed people, he's yelled at people, he's fired people. He's done it all. In fact, he's done what "most" working people have done. I have never worked a 40 hour week in my entire lifetime. I've worked "maybe" 32 hours but never more. Yes, I know, you can roll your eyes too. I rolled my eyes as well with that epiphany.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to be a Special Ed. teacher. I wanted to be pediatrician. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a lot of things actually but the journey to be those people required.....an education past high school. I'm not a stupid woman. I'm pretty smart actually, but I hated school. I lasted three weeks in college....junior college that is but it was 3 weeks. My parents were smart. They said they wouldn't pay for the first semester but they would pay for the second semester. I never made it to semester two. Money well saved.

All I wanted to be was a mother. I wanted to be married. I wanted kids. But most of all, I just wanted "life" to start. You remember that feeling? When you're young and you can't wait to be an "adult" so you can do whatever you want? But now you're an "adult" and you can't quite figure out what the hell you were waiting for. I don't necessarily feel that way, I know what I was waiting for. I just wish I would've savored the freedom of being young. It wasn't really all that bad. Why did I rush to the responsibilities of being an adult? Why couldn't I dig my toes in the sand a little longer and embrace the simplicity of being a kid without a care in the world?

So on this day of non-labor, I plan on spending it with my kids and observing the simplicity of being a kid. I plan on sitting with my parents and embracing the act of being an adult with the people I rebelled against so long ago. And then maybe later? I'm gonna crack open a beer and toast to the fact that I majorly screwed up rushing toward a life as an adult. And then after the toast, I'm gonna go to bed because I have to go to work tomorrow. :) Happy Labor Day everybody. I'll see ya tomorrow. The "Other" Monday of the week.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

8/27/10

Title....that's all I got. ;)

Oh good god people, all of you working people are my heroes. How in the hell do you do it? Waking up every morning, just as the sun is rising to get your asses to work? Since school has started, I've realized that I have to start taking better care of myself. Cause I gotta tell you, being this tired is NOT normal.

I'm NOT pregnant so hush.

Yesterday was my first long day. And what I mean by long is the same thing every normal person does. 8 whole hours. ((GASP)) Yah, I realize, the act of feeling sorry for me is far from your thoughts. Suck it up Jeanie....everybody does it. I have a friend who I used to work with before that works hard like all you other people. He works at a hospital pharmacy and lives in New Orleans. He took a chance on an adventure and royally feels screwed.

He's not even 30 yet though. He has a gorgeous wife and absolutely no kids. He had every right to take a chance and has every right to continue to do it. Yesterday on his blog, he made an announcement that he was starting a new one. I miss those moments in my life where an adventure was a possibility.

http://reflectiondisposition.wordpress.com/author/mileskw/

I've been where he was where the world was my oyster and there wasn't a care in the world. I would drive fast, take spur of the moment trips to nowhere and take a giant leap into the unknown. I envy him actually. I don't envy the heartache of endeavors failing along the way but I do envy the excitement of those endeavors.

So my friend, my long lost brother from another mother, you will fail sometimes but you will accomplish so much in the end too. Because with every failure, there is an adventure you'll never regret. I believe in you and wish you luck.

Happy Friday everybody....I'm going back to bed! :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again

8/26/10

Not really inspired this morning.

Today is an 8 hour day. ((GASP)) I know, it's what everybody does but not me. I've been on short shifts since I started working. I don't think I'm ready for this. Now, don't get me wrong, the fat paycheck will be appreciated but the constant tiredness? Not so much.

The girls aren't doing too well with the new schedule either. It would suck to be able to sleep in for 3 months and then BAM, 6:30am wake ups. But with every new schedule, we're once again working for the weekend. With my new schedule, I have 3 day weekends now.

So today is my last workday before the weekend of my dreams. Katie has her first soccer game this weekend but as for anything else on the docket, haven't gotten word yet. My husband is working some extra shifts so with our solitude, I think I'm gonna finally dig deep for some inspiration and write. I've got a couple blogs to catch up on. My writerly friends are in need of some love so I'm gonna do my best here.

http://roguemutt.wordpress.com/

http://virginsheets.blogspot.com/

Have a great Thursday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

8/25/10

It's my day off....

...not to be confused with me avoiding my duties as a mother though.

1) Wake em up.

2) Wake em up again.

3) Wake em up AGAIN by using the f-word.

4) Listening to one of em cry because she can't find her new pants.

5) Relaying that crying of pants that are in the drawer and NOT missing is ridiculous.

6) Telling the other one to hurry up and do her shot.

7) Telling the other one again to hurry up and do her shot.

8) Tightening the pant's waist that were missing before.

9) Finding one of em crying because the previous MIA pants are "itchy" in the back where the tag is.

Good lord, when does this end? Yes, I know, I know. Never. Ask my mother, she still gets to see me cry over the stupidest things. And yes, I know, I made the decision to procreate. My fault.

On a lighter note, about 5 minutes ago, I noticed a bulge the size of big assdom.

Me: What is wrong with your butt?

K: I put a wet towel back there because it hurt.

Me: A wet towel. You put a wet towel back there?

K: ::tear:: Now my pants are wet AND itchy.

Husband: Lemme see.

K: Fix it daddy.

Me: Yes, fix your daughter's ass.

Husband: Jeez K, pull your underwear up. Why do you wear em so low?

K: Mommy wears em low.

Husband: No she doesn't.

K: Do you think they make thongs for kids?

Me: Why? So you can cry that your panties are up your butt?

Husband: To many, this would be a nightmare, surrounded by women my entire life that do nothing but whine and bitch. But to me, it's payback. Handle this Jean.

Me: Thanks, 'preciate it.

K: So do they make thongs?

Husband and Me: NO!!!

I think we're both getting paid back here. Have a great Hump Day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

8/23/10

This is my life.

I've begun to despise my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love em but good god do they know how to push my buttons.

With school starting, I've set some rules. With these rules, I stated that under no circumstances do they argue with me about them or try to get out of them.

Day 2 of set rules. 8pm, it's time to come inside and relax for the remaining hour and a half of wakefulness. Did they come in with a smile? Did they wave goodbye to their friends and run inside with a skip to their walk?

No.

They did what they always do and argued with me. I have had it with this attitude kids these days have where they don't take no for an answer. What part of me being an adult constitutes me explaining myself when I give an answer to a child? Absolutely nothing.

Child: Can I have another Coke?

Me: No.

Child: Why?

Me: Because you've already had a Coke today. Drink some water or some juice.

Child: But if I just drink water tomorrow, can I have a Coke tonight?

Now here's me. I'm not stupid. I know that tomorrow will come and somehow the child will ask for another Coke. It seems stupid and trivial but seriously? Why do I even bother to explain myself? No!!! Get your ass outta my face and drink some water!

And that's their downfall. Their momma ain't stupid. She isn't a pushover either. She'll apologize if she's wrong but she ain't gonna go back on a rule she set. And no amount of convincing is gonna....convince me. So shut up, get outta my face and please keep the muttering to a minimum.

Muttering. Now I may be losing some sight and some hearing but I can freaking hear you when you are talking shit. And I have never backed down from a muttering of smack talk that I knew it was directed at me. I went to Tracy High School dammit...the freaking palace of muttering, trash talking jack-asses. Oh yah....don't play me cause you will lose.

So we're on to day 2 of school. Yesterday was a cluster-fuck of idiots that don't get the concept of dropping their kids off at school. Drive, stop, drive again. Easy! But no, they have to try to get in the "better" lane or get their kid to the front of the door. I was 5 minutes late yesterday to work because I spent 30 minutes in the drop-off line at the middle school. Trust me, if I had 10 extra minutes....my ass was tempted to knock on a few bumpers and flip a couple dozen idiots off. But I didn't. Dammit, I didn't.

Today is a short day at work. I think it's my last short day in a long time. I plan on enjoying this day as best I can. When I walk out those Target doors at 2pm today....I will have a little wiggle to my hips and twinkle in my eye. I have no idea who I'm working with though. Yesterday I worked with Dennis Hopper and it wasn't too bad. We commiserated about the traffic in the morning....which is why I didn't get in trouble for being 5 minutes late. :) I'm actually starting to really, really like Dennis Hopper. Don't tell though. Have a great Tuesday everybody.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

First Day of School....and now it begins.

So today is the first day of school. Freaking fabulous! I've been trying to get rid of these kids for over a month now and it is finally here. No more, "Mom, I'm bored," or "Can we go to the pool," or "Can so and so spend the night?" Oh good golly, these kids are driving me freaking crazy!

So in honor of this glorious day, share my joy.

Me: Pop quiz midget! Who said this?

K: Huh? Wha.....?

Me: "First day of school! First day of school!"

K: Ugh, Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Me: Who said it? Come on, there's a prize.

K: Some stupid fish that didn't know what he was talking about.

Me: Ding, ding, ding! You won a ride to school and a half-walk into class. Congratulations....now get up.

It took her like 10 minutes to abandon the doom and actually get excited though. She must've brushed her hair until it was shiny and soft. She brushed her teeth BEFORE breakfast. Yah, I remember those days. The first day of school was always exciting for me too. Of course by day 2, I was completely over it and realized that summer was far away again. As a parent, that's music to my ears.

My oldest M, the new diabetic, is venturing into the unknown here. Schedules upon schedules. Snacks and insulin. And ((GASP)) the 7th grade. She is no longer the little grubby 6th grader. She's in the middle of the pack. She's almost top dog. She's also go this new disease she would rather hide from everybody but can't. Poor baby. I've met with the nurse at school though and I feel comfortable that M will come out of her shell and not be so ashamed to speak up. At least I hope so. She looks fabulous this morning though in her new clothes. All last year she looked like a skeleton until we finally got her diagnosed with diabetes so this new year, she looks like our M. It's really nice to send her back the way she should look.

So, as I dropped K off first this morning and wait to drop M off in a bit, I will be going to work. When I started this job in March, I just thought the extra money would be nice. I've come to realize that I needed this job to save my sanity as a mother. For 8 hours in a day where I might normally be a jittery ball of nerves for my kids....I will be dealing with dumbass customers trying to get their last minute prescriptions filled. Trust me, I'm being serious. 1) They're really dumbasses. 2) This job is a godsend for me.

Happy Monday everybody. Kids are back to school. It is indeed a Happy Monday.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

8/3/10

I've been on a break.

I think life just took over and I'm not complaining but until I can catch up with it, this blog is gonna suffer. I don't wake up with dirty thoughts spilling forth from my mouth anymore. I actually enjoy my minimal yet fullfilling job hours. My writing has taken a beating lately but I can feel the tingle of an idea deep in my brain. So bare with me for a bit please. I promise I won't let you down too long.

Here's a video cause words defy me. Enjoy! She makes me happy.


video

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again

7/27/10

Still got nothing....

...so I'll just continue with the story.

Y'all know about my moment but I have somewhat of a gigantic circle of people that experienced their own moments the day M was diagnosed with diabetes. I had warned a bunch of people that morning what I feared. There was a lot of, "Don't think that!" and, "I think it's just something simple." I continued to keep the positive thoughts but I am a chronic Web MD viewer and Web MD was screaming at me what the signs were.

After the doctor said those words, "It's diabetes." he left the room to start the admission process into Children's Dallas. I grabbed my phone and sent out a mass text to my circle of people. I often cringe at the feeling of being behind that text.

"It's diabetes. We're being admitted into Children's Legacy and being care flighted to Dallas after they stabilize her."

How horrible to be the recipient of a text like that. It must've felt like a sucker punch to the gut. I could've done it better but at that moment, I couldn't speak. No words could come out of my mouth.

My poor mother was at lunch and was at Home Depot. She had almost made it out the door but alas the text reached her in the garden department. My beautiful mother just sat down on a bag of fertilizer and cried. Every scenario that I had experienced, she was also experiencing. How do I fix this? What do we do? Another experience was, why is everybody just walking past her? Seriously, my mother has gray hair and nobody stopped to see if she was okay. You gotta love people!

My husband never got the text. This is a joke that will go down in the books. M's dad was at Sports Academy picking up empty drums and loading it onto a truck. He left his phone in the other car and was in reality doing something he shouldn't have been doing on his lunch. I kept waiting for him to storm in and demand control of the situation so I could finally break down. He wasn't coming.

As M and I walked through the hospital, into elevators, I kept checking my phone. I kept pressing the call button to call my husband but I never followed through. I looked at M and said, "I can't talk to him." M just calmly said, "Just page him mom, he'll come if you page him." I think I knew that but I'd already sent the text of doom....I didn't want to follow it up with a page of doom. I did though but I just typed three words.

"I need you."

We were in the car on our way to Children's Legacy when he finally called. I was driving like a lost, old lady looking for a garage sale. When my husband asked, "What's up?" I knew he had no clue what was coming. My heart was already broken but to actually say the words would do nothing for it. I couldn't get anything out except, "I need....I need....I need." That was all I could say. By the third plea, my husband finally got it. "Just say it and send me a text of where you are."

That was my husband's moment. He had 3 drums in the bed of his truck. He was over 50 miles away from us. His wife was on the phone with him barely holding on to reality. My Mr. Fix-it couldn't fix it. In the 30 minutes it took him to finally get to the hospital, he'd seen the text of doom, replayed in his head the pleading words, "I need....I need....I need," and still wasn't where he should've been.

He often apologizes for not being there when he should've. I've never felt like I was abandoned or alone that day. The amount of people that reached out to us and took control of an otherwise uncontrollable situation was huge. My mother finally got off that bag of fertilizer and picked my K up from school for me. My friend G immediately started getting my prescriptions covered by my insurance. My social network of friends continued to lend me their hands or their ears so I didn't feel so alone. My husband finally arrived at the hospital and allowed me a shoulder to lean on. My daughter M remained brave throughout the day when I needed bravery to prevail.

It was one thing that created a couple dozen moments.

My moral of this story? When I see an old lady sitting on a bag of fertilizer crying, I'm for damn sure gonna stop and ask if she's okay! :) Happy Tuesday everybody! I am quite sure today is gonna fly by seeing as it's already noon and I've only accomplished this today.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/25/10

Here's a quandry!

I've totally ran out of things to say! I know! SHOCKER! I think I'm going to just tell a story none of you knew. Excuse me if you don't care but until I get my muse back, this is the best I can do.

The day M was diagnosed with diabetes, I think everybody knew that I had already had a feeling what was coming. Call it instinct or just signs screaming at me for months that I chose to ignore. When I took her to the doctor, the long car ride prompted an apology to her for my procrastination. I had to say that I was sorry. I didn't tell her what I thought it was. I didn't want her to worry if I was wrong. I did however assure her that I was sorry and I wasn't mad at her. Cause you see, I wasn't quite ready for the answer and earlier that morning I felt like she was forcing me to get it.

When we got to the doctor and I gave the doctor her symptoms, he and I both knew what was coming. M left the room to go to the bathroom and I remained in the room. I didn't cry, I just sat there like a statue waiting for my life to crack. When M came back into the room, I realized that I had to pee too.

Now I went into the same bathroom M was just in and it had that little steel door you put your sample in. I heard the steel door open. I stood there in the bathroom, eavesdropping in a way. I heard the sounds on the other side of that square steel door. I held my breath waiting for anything. I heard the paper ripping. I heard the cap being twisted. My hearing was working very well that morning. I heard the nurse on the other side of the steel door say, "Oh no. Get the doctor."

My heart broke that moment. I left the bathroom and went back in the room with the biggest fake smile on my face. I stood there by the door just waiting. I had my hand on M's leg when the nurse came in and tested her blood sugar with a monitor. I didn't look at it. I just stood there with my eyes closed, holding onto her knee. I already knew. Instincts be gone, I'd eavesdropped on the worst news ever. I had a secret that was about to be spilled any second.

This was a moment where I didn't know if I should be the one that told my daughter of her fate or wait for the professional to do it. It's like those moments in your life that you'll never forget. Did I want M to remember this as coming from me or with me just standing beside her when the doctor told her? I didn't want to be a part of this moment. I couldn't be the one. I wasn't.

When the doctor came in and looked at me, I just closed my eyes again when he started to speak. "It's diabetes."

That was my moment. It was basically an hour of moments that I wish never happened. I pick through that day and try to figure out how I could've done those moments better or differently. If there was any moment I wouldn't change, it would be the one where I gave M a hug and said, "I'm sorry."

Happy Monday??? :) Yah, it's a happy Monday. I hope you all have a fantastic day.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/20/10

I think it's gonna rain.

You ever notice that when it rains it freaking pours when you least need it?? God help me, I'm in the middle of a shit storm and there ain't nothing I can do about it. It has nothing to do with anything but life and money. So the best way I can get through this is to try to find the funny.

Here it goes!

Ethan is doing great. His surgery went very well and unfortunately for him...and I, I know a bit too much about his "no-no square." And in honor of Ethan and trying to lighten his unrunnable spirits, when he came to the door this morning, I answered it in a towel. God, I'm going to hell but for some reason, the peephole is blocked by a piece of paper. What did the paper say?

"Give God a chance."

Thanks, maybe another day.

Yesterday was K's last day of futsol. Her daddy went and I prayed she'd have a good game. She did. Oh god, I love to watch her play. Being me however, I just wanna watch her play. The parent's of the other girls on the team, please don't talk to me. I'm cheering for my soccer stud. So this guy, we'll call him "Buff." I have no idea what his name is but "Buff" seems to fit the persona. Not cause he's actually buff but because he wears t-shirts the size my 8 year old wears. Seriously? Your shirt being tight doesn't make you look buff. It makes you look like you washed your shirt in hot water too many times.

Buff: Oh man, K was on it tonight! (He talks REALLY REALLY loud too)

Me: It was a good game.

Buff: Good game? Oh honey, that's the understatement of the world right there! That was ridiculous!!

Me: Well, I'm just glad this is over. I'm ready for outdoor soccer already.

Buff: Oh I've heard about you alright.

Me: Oh yeah? I'm famous huh? I am a bit of a screamer but it's really just cheering.

Buff: No, I'm talking about the tube tops. Can't wait.

Me: Oh, the tube tops? Yah, I don't like tan lines. What's your excuse for that outfit?

Buff: Huh?

Husband: We'll see ya at practice tomorrow! (He's literally pulling me with all his strength at this point)

Me: Um....arm socket....need use of my arm.

Husband: I should kick his ass for being a douchebag but damn Jean, you sure know how to castrate a man!

Me: His shirt's too tight. His brain doesn't have enough oxygen to understand what I said.

Today at soccer practice? My husband decided to go and leave me at home.

Text from husband: That guy is wearing an over sized shirt today. It looks like it would fit a grizzly bear.

Me: He prolly just bought it. Hasn't had time to wash it 3,000 times in hot water yet.

Text from husband: No, I think your verbal castration clicked. He refuses to look at me.

Yah, that's the best I got for funny. I hope you all had a great Tuesday! Mine is about to be called. I'm so ready for this shitstorm of bills to STOP already! Momma needs a vacation but can't afford it. See y'all tomorrow!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/18/10

Don't worry....I'm certified.

What does that mean?

Actually, it doesn't mean shit. Certification to most just means that you studied really hard for a test, learned that stuff to pass the test, passed the test and then promptly forgot everything you learned. That's pretty much what I did. I couldn't do half the stuff I learned today. I don't really want to either.

So this weekend was pretty uneventful. It was heaven! My redneck Filipino husband built himself a deer blind. Basically it's a wooden box he'll stand in and kill deer when they come close. Well, it has a couple windows. He actually did a pretty good job at it which leads me to ask again, who is this man? Everyday he surprises me with another talent. Now don't get me wrong, I took shop in school. Hey, there were some cute guys in the class and the girl to boy ratio was always a cool 1:5. But ask me to make a wooden picture frame and I'll just go get some sticks and a hot glue gun. I don't remember shit about that.

I'm sure I could remember things I've learned in the past but the information just clicking on the fly, ain't really my forte. Is that just a Jeanie thing?

People are constantly amazing me with the amount of information they retain. The English language and how to write it is one of them. I graduated in 1992 and rocked English class. It was one of my favorite subjects. Dur. How could it not be? But ask me what a preposition is and I'm gonna embarrass myself. About the only thing I ever retained in English class....is how to read. I can spot mistakes in books but can't spot my own.

One of my least favorite things about English class was trying to find the symbolism in a story. The word "symbolism" is kind of like the word "priortizer" to me. I hate it. Why does a book have to have symbolism? Why can't I just read a book and understand the concept instead of finding the hidden meaning behind it? A book for me is an escape. A trip to the unknown away from the reality of my life. Word in some places is agents are looking for books with symbolism. Seriously? Are we writing classics now that some poor 12th grader is gonna roll their eyes at in 15 years? I don't really want to write a classic.

I have a "friend" who shall remain nameless, that writes. And when I say writes, I mean he really writes. His stories whether short or long are the epitome of symbolism. As an adult that chooses to read what she wants to read, I have to admit that I wish I could write like that. And even though his stories or books have no vampires or werewolves in them, he can write a mean story. Which brings me back to amazement of the skills people retain.

I love when people surprise me and make me want to be a better person. Whether it be a better writer or a better....carpenter, I'm paying attention.

Have a great Monday. My eyes are finally back to what they're supposed to look like. I have to take these giant capsules of Omega-3 and all I keep tasting is fish. It's fantastic. (sarcasm)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/16/10

I am never alone.

Seriously, nobody is. If you feel alone, you're just choosing to be alone. I always have somebody to reach out to or keep me company. It can be anybody but I've got my favorites. I think I'm a favorite on some other people's list too.

What about the oblivious nature of people that want to be in your life that you don't see? Nnnnnnnnnnnnope, not me. I see everybody. I pay attention. I think more people should pay attention. There would be a lot less people in the world with frowns on their faces.

Is this just me? Am I the only person that finds the silver lining in a shitty situation? Let me clarify, life hands out shitty situations all the time, people contribute to the shitty situation. What do you do to get out of the shitty situation? Depends, right?

You can either bathe in the shit or grab some soap.

I'd like to think the better choice is to grab the soap. DON'T BEND OVER TO GET IT THOUGH! Cause life will screw you that way too.

I love Fridays. It's an end. It was that light at the end of the tunnel. It's the day that means my family isn't passing each other and grunting hellos along the way. We can take a moment to say hi and actually have a conversation. I think that's the most important thing. Actually asking the question, "How was your week?" Giving a shit, so to speak. Cause the week is gone. It's ovah! It's all behind you now. Find your light. Find your moment. Just take one second to look around and see who's there. It might surprise you.

There might be someone standing there with his/her hand out for you to hold if you need it. And it's like the forgotten or missed high-five. It hurts if you're the one standing there with your hand out and nobody takes it. And next time? They ain't gonna be there anymore.

I feel like Jack Handy today. :) Have a fabulous weekend. It'll be over before we know it.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/15/10

So this is it...Part 2.

Why Part 2? Well shit, cause it's my birthday and I can do whatever the hell I want. Just kidding...not whatever...but some things I wouldn't normally do.

Okay, turning the age wasn't that bad. I have been busy since 5am. I took my parents to the airport. (Still a little pissed that they decided to vacation on such a special day) I went to my ophthalmologist appointment at 10am. Here's that.

Doctor: Have you been stressed out?

Me: You got a couple hours?

Doctor: Well, I've never seen a case this bad but cases this bad is usually brought on by stress.

Me: So on top of being stressed, I'm now reduced to looking like Rocky after fighting Apollo Creed? Purrrrrrrrrrrrfect.

Doctor: I'm gonna drain these. It's gonna hurt.

Me: Just do it Doc....I don't care.

::10 minutes go by::

Me: Well, I don't know ya, but I seriously wanna kick your ass now.

Doctor: Wouldn't be the first time.

Me: I'm guessing it won't be the last either.

So, seems to me that I need to take better care of myself and pay attention to the signs my body parts are trying to tell me. But seriously, this was ridiculous. 2 weeks of misery, brought on by stress....which in fact just stressed me out more. I'm not a genius...well I am a literary genius but any other genius, not so much...but how does this make sense in the health department.

So I returned home with old lady pills and eye drops. I hung around for awhile and then decided to finish my chores. I slipped on a miniskirt and tank top and what did I do next???

Got my inspection sticker! First time for me. I usually make the husband do the manly duty but dammit, I got nice, long, YOUNG legs to show off.

The guy tells me to wait in the waiting room, so I mosey on around the corner and find the co-workers "waiting room."

Me: Is this seriously your waiting room?

Guy: No, it's ours. Yours is through that back door.

Me: Yah, I'm not going in a back door. Can I sit out here with you guys?

Guy: Sure you can but it's hot as hell out here.

Me: Ah, that's okay. I barely have any clothes on anyway.

Guy: This reminds me of a movie I once watched.

Me: Lemme guess. Titillating Auto-Techs?

Other Guy: How'd you guess he was thinkin' porn?

Me: Probably cause I was thinkin' porn.

Guy: You aren't trying to butter us up to pass your inspection, are you?

Me: Would that work?

Other Guy: No comment.

Guy: Well hell yah it would work!

Me: I don't have to butter you up...I'm just making conversation.

Inspector: You passed.

Other Guy: So close.

Me: Yet so far away. Thanks boys.

I love birthdays. When I got home and told my husband that I got the inspection sticker, what do you think he said?

"You went in THAT???"

::giggle:: Why yes I did. Happy Birthday to me, and you, and you, and you, and you!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/14/10

So this is it.

It's my last day being a 35 year old. I am even closer to being 40 starting tomorrow. Ugh, I know, I know. Age is nothing but a number but this really sucks. There is no loophole I can find that still rounds down to 30. I am officially going to have to round up.

It ponders a question I've often asked myself.

Is this it?

Why yes it is Jeanie, this is it. Sure I can find endeavors to conquer but do I want to? It's like that bucket list people on their death beds make. What would my bucket list have on it?

1) Still wanna be published.
2) Still wanna go to Ireland.
3) Still wanna visit England.

Pretty short bucket list. I know I can add on but I've always thought bucket lists were depressing because every year, nothing gets scratched off. If I keep adding to it, I'll be reminded that once again, I've managed to miss another year of fulfilling a dream. That's not fun. And just adding realistic dreams isn't fun either. That kind of like cheating.

I think I'm just going to stick with the original plan. Keep good friends near. Smile everyday. Laugh until it hurts at least once a week. I've been able to stick to that for awhile. So goodbye 35. I'm gonna miss that loophole I found for you of NOT rounding up. Hiya 36. You ain't got shit on my, "I'm 28!"

Have a fantastic Hump Day! The girls have dentist appointments today and pay day is tomorrow.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/13/10

You'd think I'd be more prepared.

Okay, so at 4am this morning, I wake up. I sleep with a sound machine. All of us do. It sometimes sounds like a tornado or hurricane in this house to a stranger with all the wind, ocean and rain coming from our rooms. I never had to sleep to noise until I had babies. Damn kids, they ruin everything.

So I wake up because my sound machine turned off. Too quiet to sleep. Yes, I know, I'm weird. And as I punched the sound machine in vain trying to turn it back on, I realize, it's awfully dark in the house.

Like some stranger crept behind me and said, "Boo!" I jumped out of bed and thought, "Holy shit, no way....they turned my power off!!!"

My second thought?

It was nice knowing everybody....my husband is going to freaking kill me!!!

I was in a panic. I was frantically dialing the power company. "All lines are busy, please try your call again." I kept going outside to see if anybody else in the neighborhood had lights. (I was totally aware that most people were probably sleeping through this) When I finally got through to the power company, I plugged my account number in and held my breath.

"We are aware of a mass outage in your area." (Click)

Even then, I couldn't help thinking that the mass outage could've been because other people got their power shut off. Gimme a break, it was early...I was still preparing for death by husband.

An hour and a half later to be exact, the power turned back on and all was right in my world. Except I really still need to pay this electric bill. Did I?

No. I haven't quite gotten that gift yet where I can actually shit out money. Come on pay day, momma needs to stay alive another month!

Have a great Tuesday! I ain't got shit to do and I plan on doing that perfectly.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/12/10

Yah, I was lazy.

I missed Thursday and Friday blog. Sorry about that. Hey, I told you about my eye. Well it ended up turning into eye(s) on Thursday. So I finally went to the doctor and found out it was Pink Eye. WTF?! I'm thirty....five. Not five. But god dang, that shit hurts like a hot poker in the eye. I know the feeling as I'm a smoker and I've had a cherry blow into my eye before. And today? 5 days later....still have eye(s) that need to either get better or spontaneously combust. They're really starting to piss me off, yanno?

Anywhooooo!

I'm gonna call this confession day. I figure I should confess something to make up for my lack of enthusiasm last week. Tit for tat.

I'm dyslexic. No, not the one that can't read words. The one that keeps me from organizing and sequencing. I didn't have to go to special classes or get extra time on tests. I was just constantly and still am constantly made fun of.

You see, I don't know my lefts and rights. I can't alphabetize to save my life. Numbers are okay but letters and directions aren't my strong suit. Don't ever ask me for directions. I will get you to Tupelo instead of Tuscon. When telling me to turn left, could you just point in the direction you want me to go in? Oh and when pointing, don't do it in a manner that sound exasperated. It's truly not my fault. I learned my ABC's in Kindergarten. But I have to actually "sing" the alphabet song to figure out if "L" comes before or after "K."

It's actually quite funny because I don't actually "sing" the alphabet but if you watch me, you can see it in my eyes. Oh yah, I'm singing it alright. And when I get to the letter, an excited gleam comes over my face when I've found the correct letter.

I went my entire life thinking I had been dropped on my head as a baby. I knew it wasn't the pot. I was like this way before I partaked in that. It wasn't the drinking either. This was and has always been a problem of mine. You know when you put your index finger and thumb out to make and "L" shape? Yah, well with me, they BOTH look like "L's" and shit.

I've been told that it's an adorable attribute of mine. The mental deformity I have is adorable? I've gone through life with many idiosyncrasies that people have found adorable. This particular one will never be adorable to me. It's humiliating. There is one silver lining here though. My kids don't have it. They actually tell me which way is left. They've trained themselves to point AND say the direction. Taking care of their "special-needs" mother. That's love baby. Love.

So as I start this humid and hot as Hades Monday, remember the "special" people. They don't all drool. They don't all clap for no reason. Some of them appear normal. Some of them are adorable. Some of them need you to point and allow them some time to sing the alphabet. Happy Monday!


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/7/10

Hello Hump Day....whatcha got for me?

Answer?

An infection in my left eye that makes me resemble a UFC fighter that requires medical attention. Oh yahhhhhhhhhh, livin' the dream today!

Some pet peeves today to pass the time.

1) My daughter has completely lost the ability to pour herself some cereal.

I actually told her today to make her breakfast! ((GASP))

2) The money in our bank account is dwindling and I haven't even paid the bills yet.

Yet, my husband spent $100 on soccer stuff for our youngest last night with hardly a bat of an eye.

3) Showering requires at least an hour of my time.

No, not for any other reason except I just can't walk out, dress and leave.

4) My writing muse has completely disappeared.

Nope, can't even think of what to write when I have all the time on my hands. It sucks.

5) My youngest has a soccer game tonight and tomorrow night and I have to do the single parent routine for both of them.

Not angry about the single parent routine, I'm just more sad that her dad can't watch her play.

6) Today's blog is gonna suck cause I can barely see the computer screen.

The use of only one eye is very distracting. Who knew?

Have a great Hump Day people! The week is halfway over and my birthday is coming up. I'll be 28 for 7th time in history. What? I can sooooooooooooo pull that off. :)


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/6/10

I actually have stuff to do today. SHOCKER!

I hate that! Your days off are inundated with crap. I guess I'm lucky that I have em so I can do em without being a toolbox that needs to take a day off but still, I just kinda wanted to lay on the couch all day. Not gonna happen though.

Ugh, my husband and I watched like 2 episodes of Deadliest Catch last night. We've watched this show forever. It's almost an obsession with us. Those guys that are human yet so trashy are like family to us. Well, for awhile now we've been wondering if they were going to have when Captain Phil dies and last night....they started the making of it. I was crying like a baby. I know he's gonna die. But the show is coming off as he might survive the massive stroke. He isn't.

I'm such a softy, I know. SHOCKER! But I'm getting to an age now where death is imminent for some people. A few of my friends can relate. Losing your father or mother is probably my biggest fear. Watching it happen is even harder. My husband's father used to live with us in San Diego. He had a massive stroke too. We were the one's that caught it. We were the one's that flew him to the hospital. We were the one's that pondered the what-ifs of what to do next. It isn't something anybody should have to go through.

I can honestly say, my husband leaned on me and I was there to stay strong so he wouldn't fall. Going back home in June was heart breaking if not relieving. His dad is still alive, thank god. But time is ebbing away and I don't know how my husband will survive it when it happens.

So at the end of the show, watching Captain Phil's sons lean on each other, my husband looked at me and said, "Don't ever leave me."

Why did he say that?

Because he knows it's coming.

What did I say?

I just smiled through my pathetic tears of watching strangers hug it out like I know them like family and said, "I never have."

Annnnnnnnd, then I said, "You're like a fungus that'll never go away."

Humor....it's my crutch during moments of sincerity.

Have a great Tuesday people!


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/5/10

It could've been worse...but it never is.

I love my weekends now. I've mentioned before that weekends mean more when you actually have a jobbity job and you crave a couple days off. Granted, I only work two days a week and there is always a couple days off in between my work days. Yes, hate me, love me....it's probably easier just to love me. :)

So on Saturday, I actually went out with most of my "new" coworkers. This could've been bad. I'm happy to report, I don't think I made too much of an ass out of myself. I mean, I drank and wasn't afraid to. I opened my mouth and said some things. All and all, I left feeling like I probably didn't leave a bad taste in their mouth. At least I don't think I did.

The reality is, I still live by the rule that you either love me or hate me. I can't mold myself into a person that I'm not. I can be obnoxious when I want to be. I can be friendly when I want to be. It is too tiring to try not being who I am. She always comes out anyway and wouldn't they rather NOT be surprised when I say something inappropriate then actually be shocked? I'd like to think so.

Yesterday was the 4th of July. We didn't do a damn thing all day except clean the house. My daughter whined, "Why do we have to clean on a holiday?" Oh good god, unless you wanna fight for our country, you better clean your room, yanno? We did however go out to watch fireworks. This town loves fireworks. They're illegal. So whenever there is a show, everybody comes out to watch. It was a freaking madhouse. Luckily my parents live close to where the show was so we just parked and sat in a field. When the show started, they were right in front of us. Ha ha!

However, I'm now suffering with multiple ant bites on my feet and my shoes aren't fitting right today. Oh today is going to suck. I can already picture the comfort level is at a freaking 1 1/2 and I'm not gonna be able to smile about it.

Have a fantastic Monday. Most of you azzholes are off so lemme leave you with this. I am not, so therefore, I hate you.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/2/10

Patience is a virtue?

I despise that saying. I have about as much patience as a newborn by a nipple. Waiting for things frustrate me beyond anyone's imagination. I. Hate. Waiting.

So today I worked. It was pretty slow in the morning but damn it picked up after noon. And then? It happened. After working in the pharmacy for 3 months, I finally got my first customer that I probably could've killed if I had a gun. This bitch needed a bullet to her head. She walked up bitchy and nothing good could come of it.

My dilemma? Oh jeez, I suck at customer service when the customer is an asshole or a bitch. It takes every ounce of patience NOT to strangle them or unleash my own fury. And believe me, I could've made this woman cry with my venom. I wanted to as well.

Did I? Dammit! No.

I'm kind of pissed at myself for NOT doing what comes so naturally for me. But alas, another day, I am employed.

So, what do you do when someone pisses you off and you can't do a damn thing about it? Are you like me and think of things you should've said like 5 hours later? Do you imagine meeting them in an alley and kicking their fat asses until they're pulp?

No?

Damn. I need medication.

Have a great weekend! Be safe! Wear flame retardant clothing and bring your condoms!


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

7/1/10

Sometimes you just gotta say it.

What is your catch phrase? Everybody has one and they don't even realize it. It's the phrase that gets you through the day. It gets your through a moment. Shit, it gets you through life. I never realized mine until recently. It's foul but it encompasses me like a tight tube top on a hot summer day.

Fuck it.

It seems like whenever I'm feeling scared or blue, it works. Fuck it. Whether it be that leap into the unknown or the skip into something sinful. Fuck it.

It's like you're standing on a bridge attached to a bungee cord contemplating your life. Do you jump? Do you stand there like an idiot? Nope, fuck it. You only live once and there is never a do over in life. Just jump already.

If there is one thing I've learned and held on to so tightly is, my actions are mine. Sure they might effect the people around me but they're still mine. The way my actions effect other people is their own choice. I have absolutely no rights to how they feel. All I can worry about is my own. Some might say that's selfish because I'm a parent and my actions reflect off my kids but seriously, it's still my decision to do whatever the hell I want. As long as my decisions don't kill my kids, I feel pretty comfortable with my view on life.

Before I was married with kids, my catch phrase was so much fun. I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't do death defying acts or anything but I did swallow any fear that might've held me back. Being married with kids, my catch phrase is still somewhat fun. It's just not that life altering. It could just be the simple act of telling a perfect stranger off for staring at my tits....or just staring at me in general. I feel that it is my duty to leave a lasting impression on anybody that injects themselves into my life.

I've always been brutally honest in life. Don't get me wrong, I lie to save my ass sometimes but I've always been a horrible liar. Maybe that's why I embrace honesty. Cause I suck at being devious. And when I say honesty, I'm just meaning saying what's on my mind at the moment it enters my mind. I don't chew on anything. I spit it out. If you're bugging the shit out of me, you're gonna know it. If you look like shit in an outfit, I'm probably going to say it. If you've hurt me, believe me, you're gonna get a hot cup of reality from me.

Fuck it.

What's your catch phrase for life? Did you know you had one? Have a great Thursday. Weekend is almost here!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/30/10

Oh there would be hell to pay I tell ya!

I'm not going to talk about Twilight's Eclipse....but it was a great movie! :)

I'm gonna take it back to the days when I would talk about my husband. You remember him? The guy who's kind of an asshole? There are certain rules I have to abide by with him. They aren't hard. They are quite understandable. Number one rule? Don't make him look like an asshole in front of ANYBODY!

What does that mean?

Well, I can't skool him in front of strangers that'll never see him again in his lifetime. Here's an example.

Upon leaving a Best Buy when we were in California, my husband and I were leaving the store. My husband proceeded to go out the IN door. I yelled out, "The door says IN dumbass!" Now this was in front of the door greeter. Whoopsie! Oh there was hell to pay for that one. Trust me, I didn't pay much attention to the scolding that ensued but I could tell from the look on his face that he was pissed.

Another example is making him look like an idiot in front of friends or family. It's not always easy to make him look like an idiot mind you, so when there's a chance, I can't help it. Here's an example.

In San Francisco, my husband asks me and M (the diabetic) if we wanted ice cream. Now M has been a diabetic for a month now. Where in the schedule does an impromptu ice cream cone appear? So what did I do? I "kindly" said, "No, we won't have any ice cream because um....god you're a dumbass." Now I said this in front of his brother and girlfriend/wife. Big mistake. But seriously, DUMBASS!!! Oh he scolded me for that one too. I think he "ignored" me for like an hour....or a minute....who knows, I wasn't paying attention anyway.

See? Rules. Sometimes I respect them but sometimes my bitch side comes out and it can't be helped.

Now one might ask, does he abide by the same rules? I think he does. I'm not really one of those people that really give a crap about what people think of me. I can actually recognize the futility of being embarrassed in front of perfect strangers and being mad about it. But yesterday! Oh here we go.

My friend G comes over to "play." That just means we sit out back drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and talking shit. I hadn't seen her since I left for California. So we're just having a pleasant conversation and my husband proceeds to come out with an iPod USB plug that appears to be broken. The casing is missing and it's just a shell of a USB plug.

Husband: Did you do this?

Me: Um....no.

Husband: Well the kids say they didn't do it so who did it?

Me: Maybe the gerbil that got out did it?

Husband: The gerbil??? No seriously, did you do this?

(Now at this point, I can tell he isn't kidding.)

Me: Why the fuck would I do that?

Husband: I don't know, that's why I'm asking.

(At this point, I've started to ignore him and tell G about the gerbil that got out. Husband huffs and goes back inside. When G leaves....oh, it continued.)

Me: What the hell was that outside??

Husband: I just asked why the USB plug was stripped and if you did it.

Me: I didn't jackass. And check yourself, I'm 35...not 2. Take it back a notch Officer.

Husband: I'm just sick of working my ass off and finding shit broken. This is ridiculous.

Me: Well, seeing as that USB plug is almost 6 years old, I think it's run it's course. Now kindly step back, think about it and I'll be waiting for your apology when you realize what a jerk you were. You'd be pissed if I did that in front of one of your friends.

This went back and forth. So my question is, seriously, what the hell was that about? I just don't get it sometimes. And I'm not gonna be all pathetic and think, "Poor me," but dammit! Was he flexing his husband muscles....in front of my girlfriend? Was he feeling left out? I mean, I've been trying to make this transition to night shift as simple as possible. I've made sure dinner was somewhat early. I've done the soccer game, the doctor visit. I didn't do those things solo to bring it up. I did it because that's my job. I don't resent it. He offered to do both of those things with me but I told him to get some sleep. Trust me, I don't want to burn the guy out with lack of sleep. I can do this. But seriously, what the hell was that about?

Phew, vent over. It's Hump Day....I'm off work and we got paid. Time to bring that massive balance down to $0 again.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/29/10

Exceeds Expectations

So yesterday I was pleasantly surprised with my 90 day review. First lemme tell ya, I can believe I've lasted 90 days working again. Lemme tell ya secondly, this job has literally saved my sanity over the past month.

The idea of working in pharmacy saving your sanity is quite an oxymoron. (I looked it up, it's the right word!) I'm constantly surrounded with sick people, impatient people, spazzy people and through all of that, I embrace the insanity. There are only two choices on the review. Exceeds expectations and doesn't meet expectations. I got all exceeds.

As I sat there, I kept thinking about the day my friend helped me get the job. Nowhere in my head did I think I would really "need" this job. I just wanted to get out of the house. Today, 90 days later, I really "need" this twice a week retreat from the daily grind of life. It's kind of nice to be pushed into another life where you don't have an insulin bottle shoved in your face or a sheet of paper to write down carbs and pray you have enough food to reach that magic number 85. Instead, I just do what I'm supposed to do and get paid for it.

We were quite busy in the morning in spite of a lull in pharmacy land called "summertime" ghost town. By the time it was my lunch, we started to taper down. There were no more prescriptions to count. There were no more insurance problems to call on. I got sent home early. This was a gift though. My youngest K had a soccer game, I had a family to feed and this gift gave me an extra 2 hours to get ready for it.

So as my husband came home from a 24 hour shift of regular work and part time work, I had dinner in the oven, my K was dressed in her soccer gear and I had Red Bull in the fridge for my husband later on. Poor guy only got to sleep like 4 hours before he had to go back into work. I'm running circles around these people but I've already said to all of em, "Don't get used to it!" Because I ain't Superwoman and this is going to start pissing me off soon. :)

K played goalie for her first half and played forward the second half. McKinney FC won! It was good to see some soccer again...with the buzzing of those World Cup horns.

Me: You were awesome tonight!

K: I let 2 goals in.

Me: Oh good god, you're just like your daddy. What about the 4+ goals you saved?

K: I still let in 2 goals.

Me: And how many goals did you make?

K: 2.

Me: So you made up for em. Shut up.

K: Did you see that one I made with my left foot?

Me: The slider? Yah, did you see me almost fall off the bleachers cause I got my feet tangled when I jumped up to cheer?

K: No, I'm sorry I missed that.

Me: Was Coach J proud of you?

K: Yah, he kept telling all the girls to watch me and follow me. He's gonna make me the most hated player on the team.

Me: Why? Cause he keeps making me an example?

K: No, because....wait....what does example mean?

Me: It means he's putting you on a pedestal and making the other girls feel like they aren't good enough.

K: Yah.....he's making me an example.

Me: I'll talk to him about it. Nobody will hate you baby.

K: Wear a tube top when you talk to him....that seems to work when you want something.

Me: You got it kid. :)

Have a great Tuesday everybody! I'm off to the hospital with M today for her first endocrinologist meeting. God I hate hospitals. :(

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/26/10

Did ya miss me?

I missed you all! Okay, I missed y'all a little, okay? It was a great vacation. We spent our entire time visiting with family...and not once did I want to drive an ice pick in my eye. I absolutely love my second family. Love. Them.

NOTE! I refer to them as my mom, dad, sister and brother. I'm not going to waste my time with adding the in-law. They've been in my life for over 20 years...I think I deserve this right.

Dad was unfortunately still recouping from his surgery from a few weeks back. When we arrived, he was in the hospital. There was word that he'd be in all week but it seems my dad did a little guilt trip on the doctor and got released the day after we arrived. Thankfully, me or the kids didn't have to visit a hospital on our vacation. I think we've had enough of hospitals, thank you very much. My girls hadn't see their grandparents since 2003! Mark it people! Imagine it. Meeting your grandma and grandpap for what might seem the first time ever. K was too young to even know these people. M had a memory of our last visit that really wasn't a good one. These girls needed a do over and I hoped and prayed it would be a good one.

The happiness and joy that filled the house when we arrived was touchable. I'd like to think they were equally glad to see me but they'd actually seen me in December. I was old news. The grandchildren were the cherries on this sundae. My mom had ALL of her grandchildren within hugging reach. When dad got home, K migrated to his side and never left his side...unless her cousin PM was over....then she was in cousin heaven. M was shy of course but you could tell she was happy to be with everybody. Me on the other hand, they told me I'd lost weight since December....I grabbed everybody for hugs and never wanted to let go. :)

I got to see some friends. Some I hadn't seen in years. Some I'd seen in December. Lemme tell ya, I've never felt more loved than I did over this trip. God I love the people that share my life with me. I am a very lucky girl. I've known that. I know that. I will never take it for granted.

Upon returning home, I realized that reality is what I make it. Here's my reality. No matter how hard or how easy things seem, I will always have an avenue or person to turn to. That is my reality. People come and go sadly. Some people choose to leave. Some people don't know any better than to disappear. It's the people that stay and want to stay that are worth the fight. So at home, I have MY family and MY friends. My family is always worth the fight. My friends are my fight. I have my work and I thank God every Monday and Friday that I have it to take away the constant "to do" of my life. For 8 hours, I can worry about something else. That is a great feeling.

My girls have returned back to normal where they think the world revolves around them. I continue to run circles around them while they think their turtle speed is standard. I have to remind myself that a thank you from an adolescent is like asking for a free car from the government. My husband is happy being back on patrol and you can tell he is just giddy with the idea of it.

Me? Well, I'm just trying to embrace the reality of things. To those of you that know me and love me....I love you too. To those of you that don't and just kinda like me...I kinda like you too.

I have nothing funny to say today. I have nothing humorous to get you through your day. All I can say is this marks 100 posts and I'm a lucky girl. I hope I never run out of things to say or things to laugh about. But knowing me....I'd have to be dead for that to happen. Happy Monday! This is going to be a busy week of doctor's appointments, movies, soccer games and practices. God help you....I'm riding this life somewhat solo for awhile while my other half acclimates to being a vampire. Wish me luck!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/13/10

OMG....99th post today!

Annnnnnd I'll be on vacation for a week so number 100 is gonna have to wait. So this weekend was fantastic. I learned a lesson in trust. My mom and dad took my kids for the day on Saturday and didn't kill M. I knew they could do it. I never had a doubt. My poor husband is on call this last week and 2 days left on it, he gets called out. Damn, it never fails.

So now we're in the home stretch of a much needed vacation. I had so much stuff to do but absolutely no motivation to do it. My mother in law is so damn cute. I called her last week to tell her not to panic about M's eating and allowable foods. So now she is panicking. I can bet she wouldn't be if I hadn't said a word. I will never learn. I think the best part about his vacation is allowing everybody to see that M is okay. Because, she is.

What else did I learn this weekend? Well, it wasn't a new lesson. It was kind of an old lesson. Never, never expect anybody to understand something they shouldn't have to understand. Not everybody is like me. I may be a selfish bitch sometimes but I have the ability to set it aside. Other people? They can't. I forgive them. That is all.

So I'll be leaving ya'll for awhile. I can't write my blog on my phone anymore...it's very annoying. I will miss it though. Imagine all the shit going through my head and not having an outlet to get it out. This could either benefit you later or not. We shall see. :)

Husband: Do I have a bruise on my forehead?

Me: Um.....I don't see anything.

Husband: It freaking hurts!

Me: What the hell did you do?

Husband: I got pissed off at the lawn mower and slammed it down. When I picked it up, the handle hit me in the forehead.

Me: Did doing that fix the lawn mower?

Husband: No, but it made me feel better doing it.

Me: Said the dumbass with a bruise on his forehead.

Husband: I thought you said I didn't have a bruise.

Me: I just didn't want to give you any other excuse to be a whiny baby. Silly me!

Have a fantastic week while I'm gone. I'll miss you!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/11/10

Ugh....I'm Already on Vacation

It truly sucks when you can see the light of your vacation but still have 2 more days of work. I hate that. There is so much stuff to do before vacation and I don't want to do it. I just want to be on vacation.

Yah, so freaking bummed out.....that is all today. Have a great weekend and be safe.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/10/10

Shake your.....tailbone?

Did y'all know that we have a tail bone? Which means somewhere along the line, we had a freaking tail? That is amazing to me but only in the sense that we still have a tailbone of useless bones. Well, I broke mine after giving birth to M. She was a tiny little thing so the fact that I still broke it is peculiar. Well, I broke it again after K. Again, she was another tiny little baby so jeez god, gimme a freaking break here!

You can't fix a broken tailbone. Well, they say they can but that involves...um...er....repositioning it? Cue the scary music because repositioning it involves someone, hopefully a medical professional sticking his finger where the sun should NEVER shine and doing it from there. I have not had that procedure done. Trust me, this is a pain in the ass, no pun intended, but I'm not doing THAT!

So yesterday, me and the girls went to Six Flags. It was their first time and it was perfect. The lines were practically nothing. The weather was bearable with the constant cloud cover and occasional rain. We went on every ride that K was tall enough for. Only 3 in the park where she wasn't. So we'd been there for over 8 hours. I was so ready to get the hell out of there. I'd never done an amusement park without the help of my husband. I think I did a pretty damn good job! So the deal was, one more ride and they better pick a good one. Luckily they did pick one of my favorites. No wait, it was a quick decision on who was going to be where. Originally I had sat in the front, M in the middle and K in the back. This time it was M in the front, K in the middle and me in the back. Here it is!

Me: Hold on K!

K: You hold on mom, the back bounces around A LOT!

Me: Huh? {{ZOOOOOOOM}}

First turn and bounce? Yeah, it lifted me off the seat and slammed me back down on the corner of the chair....right, directly on my tailbone.

Me: Son of a Bitch!!!

How many more times did we do that? Freaking 10 more turns and slams. I had done it again. I knew it. It took my breath away. Tears instantly sprang to my eyes. My mouth desperately trying to find more swear words. I'm proud to say, I found a whole lot more and when we reached the end and stopped to get out, I found my last one.

Me: Mvther Fvcker!

Oh my kids loved that one. The smiles and laughs coming from them did NOTHING for the pain in my ass though. I had managed to spend the entire day at Six Flags with no injury and the last ride....freaking INJURY! The limp back to the car was pathetic. The mini whines and whimpers incited more giggles from the girls.

Cell phone conversation.

M: Hey dad, guess what? Mom broke her butt again.

Add cell phone laughter and the day was complete. Happy Thursday people! It's almost Friday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/9/10

Am I Immune to the Ultimate Love Story?

This morning, my husband and I were watching the morning news. Well, I was, my husband was putting on his shoes. It was a slow news morning so they had a fluff piece on about some newlyweds. They were going through old vacation photo albums of the wife's. In a picture, they showed the girl at Disneyland standing next to one of the seven dwarfs....or do we call them little people too? Anywho, the husband saw his father standing behind the posing dwarf. In front of the father was a stroller which held the husband! They'd never met. The wife was from Florida and the husband was from Canada.

It was fate. They were 5 years old in the picture. The father looked as if he was looking into the camera. The newscasters were "awwing and ooohing" during the entire story. My response?

"Stalker!"

Now my husband, isn't a romantic. He knows that kind of shit is wasted on me. My response prompted a sigh and an eye roll. "You don't think that is the coolest love story ever?"

I don't. It's peculiar but I didn't turn all warm and gushy. I mean, come on! We all know this is a small world and stranger things have happened. Of course, I don't really believe in fate. If fate were real, I'd be with somebody else right now. But why is it that this love story didn't prompt gushy feelings of true love?

I have a couple friends that have great loves. Their love makes me want to vomit. Not because I hate them. Because love makes me wanna vomit. I loathe the term "making love." In fact, that whole combination throws me into a scowl and an eye roll. Seriously, let's just call it what it is. Nowhere in that whole act am I "making love." Cause if that's "love" and I'm "making" it, love is truly a dirty thing. :)

Is there something wrong with that? Am I the only one that thinks that? Please tell me I'm not. I need some company here.

Me and the girls are off to Six Flags today. Yes, I'm crazy. But we had planned this before M was diagnosed with diabetes. I have made a promise that I won't hold us back from fun. Even though, this day would've sucked before the diagnosis, it's going to be a little harder. My backpack weighs over 15 pounds. When I walk a mile with this backpack on, I have a feeling I'll finally remember why I have a husband. Ah, true love....carry my backpack now. ;) Happy Hump Day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/8/10

Oh Glorious Day Off.

I have the day off today. Going back to work was a welcome adventure. It took my mind off the constant counting of carbs and the in my face worry about M. Now of course I looked at the clock whenever the time allowed to wonder if she had her snack or tested her blood sugar, but luckily for her, I wasn't right there nagging her about it.

With going back to work, I haven't lost touch with the modern annoyances of a pharmacy. The customers that call and drag on about what the hell they want. My daughter has a new saying for that. "Spit it out Bella!" You know, from Twilight! Bella always stuttered when she was upset. Yah, I am constantly thinking, "Spit it out Bella!" I mean, how hard is it to say when I say, "Target pharmacy, this is Jean," what exactly that you want. No, instead I get, "Uh, um, er, I, um, I." It takes all my energy not to reach through that phone and strangle them.

Even worse? I actually get to see these people face to face! They come in and they're just as annoying. Oh! And then they complain about the price AFTER I rang them up and they paid for it already!

With being gone for over a week, I'm still being blamed for stupid shit. I've got the best comeback though. "I don't know. I was home taking care of my daughter when that cluster fuck apparently happened!" You should've seen the look on my bosses, Dennis Hopper's face when that left my lips. It was fantastic! There's this thing we do at the pharmacy that's called returning to stock. If a prescription isn't picked up over a week, we need to clear the bin of it. You credit return it and black out the name and prescription number BEFORE putting the bottle back on the shelf. Well, somebody didn't do that step and one of the techs caught it. Did she just black out the name? No! She saved it to show Dennis Hopper. Why in god's name would she do that? I haven't a freaking clue.

In doing that, she unleashed a pop quiz of pop quizzes on how to return to stock. That's what I'm talking about. There is no teamwork here. There is only a game of who can get the finger pointed at them and get told that they are WRONG. What this tech didn't realize is, she potentially got one of her friend's in trouble. Not me! The other tech. Uh oh! Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut next time huh?

Now here is where I'm going to digress. Upon returning to work, I have a new respect for where I work. I have a new respect for the other techs. They stepped up when I needed them too and in my opinion, I haven't been there long enough for them to step up. But they did and I will forever appreciate that. I don't pretend to understand the constant finger pointing but I only work two days a week so I don't have to. My only job is to come to work and do my job the best that I can. I can do that.

Dennis Hopper: It's a mess over here.

Me: Jeez, it was clean when I walked away. What did you do?

Dennis Hopper: I just did the overrides.

Me: ....and decided to run the labels. Just do the overrides next time and keep your fingers off my stuff.

Dennis Hopper: I was just trying to help.

Me: How is screwing with my labels, then complaining about how messy it is helping?

Dennis Hopper: Are you using the prioritizer?

Me: I'm sorry, did you just say prioritizer?

Dennis Hopper: Sorry.

Me: Seriously, move along now. There's gotta be a report you need to run or something. Go...shoo!

Dennis Hopper: I can honestly say since hiring you, the abuse I get has multiplied.

Me: Seriously, why are you still standing here?

Yes people, I love work. It's a welcome change. Have a great Tuesday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/6/10

Still Searching!

When I was a kid, I could miss sleep and still knock people out the next day. Whether it was an all-nighter, studying ::snort:: or an all-nighter, fighting and making up with my boyfriend, I could survive it with no problems.

Now?

Oh good god people, I need a sleep clinic JUST to catch up on some sleep. There is just not enough time in the freaking night. All during the day, I could nap (which isn't like me) and by 9:30pm that night, I'm starting to drift off. I mean, jeez, I'm 35 years old! Not 60!

With feeling like I'm not rested, my coping skills are suffering. I have the patience of a newborn wanting some milk. My littlest one is suffering. My sweet K. I miss her. We used to have so much fun but once diabetes came into our lives, the fun has mysteriously left the building. Now, don't get me wrong, I can still find some fun but it's hard work finding it now.

Ask a mom what the best day of their life was and they'll probably answer the day they became a mommy. As a mom what the worst day of their life was and there is where the answers will change. I hope I have found my worst day. I hope there will never be another one. My hope means nothing though as life will give me whatever it wants to give me. Life is a mystery. Life sucks. But when I wake up every morning feeling more tired than I did the night before, I still have to thank life for giving me another day.

So today is Monday. What can I say that'll perk y'all up and begin this day with a smile? Um....er.....if you find it, could you let me know? Cause I'm fresh out of smiles this morning. It's already over 100 degrees at 8am this morning. My hair is starting to curl from the humidity after I painstakingly straightened it at 7am. The house is once again a mess. I've got the beginnings of a zit on my chin. Oh and my eyes won't quit watering from the allergies. Yah....I'm a regular freaking breath of fresh air...if we lived on a field that was fertilized with shit.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

6/4/10

Schools OUT!

Am I the only parent that loves when school is out? I don't think I am but I know a lot of people that like the schedule of school. I like a schedule, don't get me wrong. Shit, my life is a freaking schedule now. But there is nothing sweeter than silence in the morning. There is no need to yell out, "Get UP!" Not once have I said the sentence, "Hurry UP!"

Okay, reality check. In about a month, I'm probably going to post a blog about how I hate summer because the kids have said, "I'm bored. There's nothing to do." Granted, with the kids being older, they can pretty much find ways to occupy their bored times in the form of some technological device. That's what I do when I'm bored. {{dirty thought}}

I'm so incredibly exhausted. I'm so tired, that on a regular basis, I act drunk because my mind is so exhausted. No, I'm really not drunk....I swear. I don't remember things I should remember. I don't recognize people that I should recognize. I say things that don't make sense. And lastly, my writing is kind of suffering too. And don't think I don't sleep. Oh, I sleep alright. It's just even in my sleep, my mind is buzzing. I dream of diabetes. I dream of numbers. I dream of syringes. I dream of expired insulin. I dream of over feeding M with french fries. When I wake up, I feel like I've ran a marathon...well, a 5K cause I'll never be in shape enough to run a marathon.

Because I'm so exhausted, my social skills are suffering. I don't have the energy to be a social butterfly. I don't even have the energy to be a hermit. And sure, there are little glimpses of who I used to be here and there but the glimpses are fleeting.

Today, I'm going back to work. I'm a little worried about M but there's nothing I can do. My mother, bless her heart, told me to quit. Thanks mom. That's the last thing you should tell somebody. I know though, she's thinking with what happened to M, I need to focus all my energy on her. I know, I get that but I truly don't have anymore energy that I'm already giving her. You see, when I sleep, I'm thinking about it. When I'm awake, I'm thinking about it. Watching TV, every other commercial is about a meter or diabetes. Reading a magazine, every 5 pages is an advertisement for a glucose meter. It's freaking everywhere! I'm not in lala land, trying to avoid the issue. Trust me, my energy is all on this.

So today, I hope to discover at work that putting another task in front of me will make me relax. And I know it's weird to think that a busy pharmacy will be relaxing but hey, a girl can dream yanno? I know that I'm going to look at the clock today and wonder if M had her snack, or what her blood sugar was, or if she ate lunch but even with that....at least my energy will be distributed among other things too.

I'm fooling myself, aren't I? Have a great Friday people! I'll see you all on Monday, bright and early!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.