Do you measure your happiness by the amount of smiling you do or the amount of times you didn't say the "f" word?

I say the "f" word a lot! It's like my bread to my butter. My poor children have heard me use that word too much in their lifetime but to me, it's not like the word will surprise them later. I'm actually doing them a service by using it often. I think it's almost become a staple for my conversations. My husband says it all the time though and even I notice he uses it during inoportune moments.

So anyway, pointless rant up there, I go out with my friend today to browse a home party with flip flops and clothes. $72 later, I walked out with a tube top, 2 bags and a "muffin top" hider. What is a "muffin top" hider you might ask? Well, it's a band that's about 7 inches wide that acts like a belt around your waist. The tagline was, "Hide your muffin top and avoid unsightly butt cleavage!" Well, if I wasn't sold with the prospect of hiding my butt cleavage, I don't know what would've sold me! And then on the way home, my friend asks if we should start working out since I'm going to Hawaii in about a month and she's about to start hitting the pool. Well, duh! Yes! What was her first hint at me wanting to exercise? Could it have possibly been the "muffin top" hider I bought?????

What she doesn't know is I went online the other day and bought these pills called: TrimBall-EXP200. They're a fiber pill that expands in your stomach taking the effect of an actual lap-band surgery. It guaratees that I'll lose 23 pounds in 7 weeks or my money back. I don't need to lose 23 pounds but if I did, that would be fantastic! I'm not gonna tell my husband I bought them though because I think I want him to marvel at my stamina to losing weight the "right" way. :) Of course since it's fiber...the constant pooping might tip him off but he's not that attentive to bowel movements. Tampons he'll notice but bowel movements, nothing. Of course, tampons actually affect his plans for the night but a bowel movement does nothing to interrupt his wants and needs.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.


What do I do now?

Okay, those that know me understand my obsessive behavior. I'm a moody girl that can change in a flash. Trust me, my husband really does love me. I haven't quite figured out why but I'll take what I can get. So here I was about four weeks ago, writing another manuscript. I could, on a good day, averaged 5,000 words in the manuscript. I was shooting for a full novel at 80,000 words. I did it in three weeks. I'd write like a maniac all day and when my husband got home, I'd stop. Hey, someone had to cook dinner and pay attention to the money-maker in the family. My best friend, who is my brother-in-law came down for a visit and I still got in some writing. I'd wake up early and write until the bedroom door opened.

So, I'm done. I love the manuscript and I even whipped out a query letter. Not so hard when you're on your second manuscript. I was such a virgin before but my cherry's been popped and I'm on it now. I even discovered a new style of writing that I got into. I'd like to call it quirky, yet not annoying. Even tried writing in past tense instead of present tense. LOVED THAT! I discovered I could write a book where all the characters were liked and I could even write some suspense. I discovered that when the people that read my rough manuscript called halfway through their read threatening, "It better not be..."

Okay, so here I am, wondering what to do now? Usually I'd put the completed manuscript high up and unreachable and let it stew. Kind of like marinating. I've gotta forget about it and do something else. I've got countless ideas in my head for a new manuscript. Should I start another one? Should I put the love I have for this last manuscript on hold and just pound away at the keyboard with another one? I did that last time and stopped because I'm obsessive.

And also, I've given this rough manuscript out to a bunch of people. Most I truly love and most I'm starting to love again. Facebook is my reunion center! And I'm not stupid enough not to get that these people are saying they love my book because they don't have the fangs of real critics but they all like the parts I loved. I can't be crazy enough to think that if they're excited about the parts I was excited about, they're not loving it to be nice. Right?

Oh, another pointless rant about nothing. I know but I think I'll just chalk this up to moody AND annoying. I've gotta hit the bookstore today and get the new Sookie Stackhouse book. Surprisingly, I'm obsessed with vampire books and I don't write about vampires. I'm not that good! Maybe I'll start another manuscript...that oughta piss Sparkman off. Or on top of being pissed, it might actually kick him in the butt to finally start on his "Work in Progress" that he teased me with months ago but hasn't finished!!!!!! I completely understand how being a stay-at-home mother with plenty of free time can't possibly compare to being a working man with an actual job...get on it Sparkman! I wanna find out if Harbor is a transvestite!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.