I Pity the Fool.

I'm talking about my husband (the asshole). He's been so strong through this whole ordeal and even though I put on a front, this has been a little difficult to keep the strength. Don't get me wrong, his strength is kind of annoying but most of the time, it's welcomed with relief. Trust me, I can't reassure everybody in this house. Sometimes I need a little reassurance and my husband is doing a pretty good job doing it.

However! He has his moments too. He's almost clueless to the expense of this adventure we're on. When I seem stressed or overwhelmed, he thinks it's an overreaction of sorts. And before everybody jumps on him, I need to relay that this is probably as stressful or overwhelming to him....he's just not going to admit it. He's a dude. He's Mr. Fix-it. Men have to fix everything even when everything isn't fixable. An admission from me that I'm scared prompts an ensemble of him trying to tell me to stop being scared. When all I really wanna do is admit that I'm scared. I don't want to fix it. I just want to say it out loud.

Like last night. M and I are getting her school snacks and bags ready. It requires a lot of thought because we have to document what each carb count is for each food. And M has to think about if the snack is gonna satisfy her hunger.

Husband: You're not gonna be stressing out tomorrow, are you?

Me: ::rolling my eyes:: Uh.....yah!

Husband: Why? It's just school. She doesn't have to do anything strenuous or anything.

Me: I don't give a shit! I'm dropping your newly diagnosed diabetic daughter off at school....into the hands of practically strangers, hoping they don't kill her. Excuse the hell outta me for being a little stressed.

Husband: You just need to calm down. You keep acting like something is stressful, you're gonna stress your daughter out.

Now all of this is being discussed in front of M. If he hadn't had opened his big fat dude mouth, M wouldn't have known I was stressed. I was perfectly fine before Mr. Calm started talking. So for reals, if you just let me do what I do and be quiet, we won't have a problem. Dudes. Clueless idiots that think their dicks fix-all.

But I pity him at the end of the day. It must be difficult to ALWAYS be strong. He knows me and knows that if I'm not working properly.....NOTHING works properly. If I break or shut down, this whole system goes to shit. So on top of being the constant strength and organizer, he has to make sure his wife has all her batteries. So I might be on edge and bite his head off a little more than usual, at the end of the day, I appreciate him more than he'll ever realize.

My only problem? I ain't gonna tell him too much because if I say anything, he'll see it as a weakness he has to fix. Annnnnnnd, I don't need to be fixed. So don't tell him I said this. I'll tell him in my own way. :)

Have a great Tuesday people! M got to school just fine this morning. It was a little embarrassing walking in with mom but I didn't wear a tube top.

Carpool Convo

Me: Everybody excited about school being out in 3 days?

Everybody: YES!!!!

Me: Y'all ready for your tests?

M2: I have all my tests on Wednesday. Today and Thursday is gonna be GREAT!

E: How do you know what days your tests are on?

M (daughter): Don't you have your schedule?

E: There was a schedule?

Me: Oh good god! E! How do you know what to study for the night before?

E: I don't study.

Me: Good luck with that. I've gotta park today and walk Megan in. You guys okay with walking with a mom into school?

M2: I don't care.

We park and get out of the car. M2 bolts! I look at Ethan and smile.

Me: I guess M2 decided she cared.

E: I don't. I'll walk in with ya.

M (daughter): Mom? Can you hold this bag?

E: I'll hold it. What it is?

M (daughter): It's my bag with insulin in it.

E: Awesome....I'm like a doctor.

Me: Nah, you're more like an IV pole. :)

We walk by the principal and he recognizes me from last week.

Principal: Hi Mrs. Bonifacio. How's Megan doing today?

E: She's standing right here. Why don't you ask her yourself?

Me: ::snort:: She doing great. Thanks for asking.

M (daughter): Great, now the principal knows me.

E: No he doesn't. He was too busy looking at your mom.

Me: E!

E: What? Good thinking on NOT wearing a tube top this morning. Although the tank top obviously has the same effect.

Me: Shut it E.

We get to the door and E opens it for us. I put my hand on his head and smile.

Me: You're really the sweetest, you know that?

E: Well, I'd do anything for you guys. Well, maybe not anything for K (younger daughter) cause she's kinda crazy. But you and M, anything.

M (daughter): I'll see ya at lunch E.

E: I'll save you a seat.

Me: ((tear))

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Double the worry....cue the boogyman.

So today is Wednesday...Hump Day. My favorite day of the week. Today? Yah, it ain't treating me so well today.

Here's a pretty picture of what today is starting out with. My father-in-law is preparing for surgery today and tomorrow. We are kind of worried but we're not really talking about it. Avoidance has always been our forte in the Bonifacio household.

Avoidance. It should be my middle name.

For about two months now, my oldest daughter M has grown 3 inches and shrank to an annoying 75lbs. Yah, I'd give anything for her metabolism but I'm not 12. I've attributed it to puberty and hormones but something else has been going on that I've.....um....avoided. My procrastination was to wait until school was out but she was dizzy and weak this morning so today is the day. So now we've got two crisis to deal with until all the answers are given.

And whether my knack for avoidance or procrastination denies me for the 12th year in a row the award of Mother of the Year....then so be it. I can handle any crisis you throw at me after about 5 minutes of hysterics. That's all I need is 5 minutes and then it's done and over. I'm ready to handle the crisis. You give me that 5 minutes and when it's done, I'll hold you up, hand you tissues and take charge. I haven't been given my 5 minutes today yet. I've never had 2 things to worry about. Does that mean I need 10 minutes or am I just screwed?

Bottom line? I may need a shoulder later. I may need someone to slap me. I may need to just curl up in a ball and cry until there are no more tears.

My true bottom line? I'm not going to ask for any of those things. I am the strong one here. I am the one that never loses it. I am the one person that can't do any of those things.

At least not this week. Maybe next week. Have a great Hump Day people. Mine is barely getting started and I can't wait until Thursday already.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

If Life were a Lollypop.

So I bought this giant bag of Dum-Dums yesterday and pretty much devoured the entire bag in less than 3 hours. And hush, I shared....a couple. My tastes for certain flavors are strange. I can switch from butterscotch to fruit flavor with a flick of the tongue. I don't really care because I love my lollipops.

That is the epitome of me though. I'm not really choosy. I'm happy most of the time with whatever you throw at me and if it's a lollipop, I'm a very happy girl. When bad things happen, yah, it sucks but if there isn't anything you can do about it, what's the point of dwelling of it?

So last night after leaving the soccer game of Cops vs. Didn't know they were playing cops, my husband's take-home car went kaput. We were in Richardson on a side road. What does this mean? Well according to my husband, it's the end of the world. He's gotta use his own car and his own gas money. Yah, it sucks. That's going to add on at least $125 a week in gas money for us. Oh and his truck needs new tires before he gets his expired inspection sticker updated. We're looking at $500 in new tires. Yah, like I admitted, it sucks.

But! Here is where it's good to be with me. Now my husband bitched and moaned for like 2 hours. I probably had a sour face for about 10 minutes. Was there anything we could do differently? Nope. Were we on the freeway when the car went kaput? Nope. Do we have a car that he can use? Yep. And finally, get over it dude, it's freaking done. I mean jeez, would you rather be pissed off or just deal with it? Now my husband would probably say he would want to bitch about it but you can't be that way around me. One, because I'm not gonna let you. Two, because I'm gonna tell you to shut up because I'm tired of hearing you bitch and moan. Seriously, get over it!

So as me and the girls got a ride home in a cop car by one of our favorite officers, I managed to finish off my bag of Dum-Dums. The last flavor? Mystery. To this day, I have never hated the mystery flavor. It's never been a coconut or a chocolate one. (Which I think are the worst ideas for lollipop flavors) And that was my epiphany. Life is like a mystery lollipop. You never know what you're gonna get. But when you stick that candy delight in your mouth, it's done. There's no turning back. You're going to either be surprised or satisfied but anyway you look at it, there will always be another lollipop.

So suck it up. Life sucks sometimes but there is always going to be a little mystery and adventure to keep your taste buds excited.

Tuesday Carpool.

E: I'm finally getting my own room.

Me: How's that gonna happen?

E: My dad is giving me his office.

Me: Oh, bachelor pad.

E: Hold it, they're painting it baby blue.

Me: Oh, um.....if it's your room, why are they painting it baby blue?

E: That was the deal.

Me: You got screwed.

E: Hi, have we met...I always get screwed.

M (daughter): One word. Posters.

E: M? You really want me to get my butt kicked, don't you?

Me: Boys can't do posters anymore? No Farrah Fawcett or Cindy Crawford?

E: Who?

God, I need a lollypop. I'm getting OLD! Have a nice Tuesday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

My Weekend of Nothingness and Everything.

This is gonna be a short one because I can't imagine it being very long. This weekend was probably one of the greatest weekends in awhile. No, it wasn't because my husband was working the entire weekend and I saw him for like 3 total hours. Kinda missed him actually. Missed him enough to visit him a few times while he worked overtime at the Wildflower festival. Saw him in the shorts they issue police officers for hot weather. Highlight of that hour I tell ya. :)



Anyway, I went to Borders on Saturday to get the autograph of my favorite author, Charlaine Harris. She writes vampire books. Now all of you know, I write. I don't write about vampires. I couldn't if I tried. It's more of a brain vacation when I read my vampire books. I don't want to write about something that I couldn't do justice. I just want to read a good fluff that makes me smile.



If I could have one wish it would be to be that author that everybody woke up early to see. I want people to hang on my every word. I want people to ask me questions about how I do what I do. I've never been one of those people that follow stars around like puppy dogs. I dabble in Twitter and follow agents but I don't kiss their ass like some of the other people on Twitter do. I just don't want to be that person. I've actually never been that person. The old saying, "The squeaky wheel gets oiled...or lubricated." I am not, nor will I ever be a squeaky wheel. If I am ever going to be a published author, it will be because I did it the hard way. The way most published authors did it.

Is that naive?

Probably. But that's just me. I won't apologize because I don't follow the ass-kissing line or do things the easy way. So did I say to Charlaine Harris that I was an unpublished author and really wanted to be her one day?

Nope. I said thank you and walked my weary way with my signed books. Because I will be her one day even if I'm old and senile. It will happen and it will happen because I did it the hard way.



Have a fantastic Monday....it'll be over soon. Or at least it's started so now all it needs to do is end. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

My Want List.

Wants and needs. Two very different words and even more difficult to decipher which is more important. It was a question my mom used to ask throughout my life.

"Do you need a beer or do you just want a beer?"

Nine times out of ten, I both wanted and needed the beer. When it comes to material things though, wants and needs get easier to identify. The importance of those two words can either put you in the poor house or in rehab. As an adult, we have the capacity to pick and choose what we get ourselves. As children, we didn't have the ability to say no. All we cared about as kids was we wanted it and we wanted it now. Need? Okay, we needed it too.

My carpool brigade are three tweens. My daughter, M, a responsible child that expects to get paid an allowance for being capable of owning a house key and opening the door. The neighbor girl, M2, a smart and church-going girl that always has something inspirational to say. She's pretty dang smart too. The neighbor boy, E, a smart ass, church-going boy who thinks my tube tops are the coolest comeback. The difference of their want lists are typical of who they are.

My daughter, M.

1) Money.
2) Money.
3) An iPhone.

The neighbor girl, M2.

1) World Peace.
2) Straight A's.
3) World Peace.

The neighbor boy, E.

1) An iPhone.
2) A laptop.
3) A sickle and a machete.
4) An iPod Touch.
5) An E-reader.

My adult words of reality to the three tweens?

To my daughter, M. Sweetie, you're gonna have to do a lot more than turn a key and open a door to get an allowance. Going from school to home on your own is no reason to get paid. God gave you legs. They're for walking, running and crawling if you have to. Congratulations! You've. Got. Legs. Oh, and you've got an iPod Touch...what the hell do you need an iPhone for?

To the neighbor girl, M2. Sweetie, you are smart so straight A's are possible. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though. There ain't nothing wrong with a B. Oh, and world peace? Never gonna happen! Sorry about that.

To the neighbor boy, E. Sweetie, you need to lower your standards. Making 20 cents an hour isn't gonna get you any of those things on your list. Get yourself a library card and I promise for the next 7 months I will be sporting a tube top....just for you!

My want list?

1) Health.
2) Happiness.
3) Piece of Mind.

I smoke so therefore, I am NOT healthy but that's my own fault.

I'm always smiling so happiness for me is making sure my smile is contagious. If you don't feel like smiling, that's your own fault. Ain't my problem.

I live and lie in my own bed. Anything I've ever done that could be perceived as a mistake or a regret is what got me here today. I'm perfectly fine with that. No regrets.

And finally, putting the word "need" in front of those "wants" changes them. I need health. I need happiness. I need piece of mind.

1) Must. Quit. Smoking.
2) Say goodbye to toxic people that think the world revolves around them, therefore infecting me with negativity.
3) Never make a mistake twice...cause that's just stoooopid.

Happy Tuesday people! It's just like Monday except Tuesday called in sick and Monday pulled a double!


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

The hurdles of being me.

There are many hurdles in life. Some are easy and some are painfully difficult. Whether it be a death of someone you love or the cold hard fact of never being that size 2 you were in high school, they are all hurdles. I often wish for the old days when hurdles were the size of curbs but in all honesty, those hurdles were when we were under the age of 10. Once we reached the ripe old age of 11, the hurdles grew to fences we couldn't hop over without a boost. Trust me, I tried to and ended up in handcuffs with three of my best friends in the back of a squad car.

My hurdles these days aren't really that difficult now. I try to see the good in each day I am given. Because in all seriousness, there is always something good in your day. I could choose to ignore them or I could embrace them for what they are. Little pieces of joy that made me laugh or smile.

For years I was a rejected wannabe author. Every query letter I sent out was rejected with a, "Not for me," reply. I understood the industry. I didn't like it but I understood it. It was just another hurdle I needed to jump over and no matter how many times I fell flat on my face, I still took another running start for it again. When I finally cleared that hurdle and ran for the next, it felt good. Clearing that hurdle meant I was rejected but requested. Rejection still hurts but being able to say that I'm requested too numbs it a bit. You can't go through life without a little rejection to knock you back to earth.

People in my life, whether they be men or women, have always put me on a tall pedestal. It's not something I resent but it is something I wish didn't happen. I'm not perfect. I cry when I'm sad. I smile when I'm happy. I pee my pants sometimes when I laugh. It's a long drop from my pedestal and when I fall, it hurts.

I got another request yesterday and I'm still racing toward that next hurdle. I don't mind if I fall flat on my face. Here's my biography. As an unpublished writer, my biography is short but in some ways it is long too. The agents don't care that I'm a brunette or have been writing since I could pick up a pencil. They just don't care.

My biography is short and simple. I am a daughter, a mother, a wife and a friend. Charles M. Schulz was once quoted, “Big sisters are like the crab grass in the lawn of life.” He was an only child and probably needed introducing to a few thousand little sisters. I am also a little sister.

I read this to my husband last night and what he said had the potential to really bug the crap out of me but I decided to see the good in it.

Him: You are so much more than that. You come across as boring and you are anything but boring.

Me: Thank you but they don't care.

Him: I do though. I want you to know that after each of those descriptions, there is an entire essay about how good you are at every one of them.

Me: Yah, but they don't care.

Him: Well, I guess you're right about that if that got someone interested but just imagine how interested they would be if they knew exactly who you were.

Me: Seriously, they don't care.

Him: Yah, you said that already. I just hope one of these days you get to actually say who you are and then you'll see that I'm right.

Me: Thank you. But seriously, they don't care.

Him: Oh shut up! You need to add on to that biography that you're a pain in the ass.

Me: I did. I said I was a wife.

And ladies and gentlemen, I am a pain in the ass. If I wasn't, I would've never started jumping those hurdles when I turned 11.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.