i believe in a lot of things but what I believe in most is there's always a plan and I expect that plan to okay out.

2/2/2016 Tuesday So it's the first Tuesday of the month. What does that mean? Well Conrad has a SWAT training day and low and behold my 2nd born decided to pop a low grade fever and have nausea. She's about 5 days to becoming 14 but in my mind, I couldn't just pick her up and let her fend for herself. I picked her up in my white jacket and uniform and she burst into tears. I get it, she doesn't feel good. I burst into hysterics if I spring a 99.2° fever so I told her I'd figure something out. Conrad was out. Megan offered to run homd to skip classes. So I texted my Rph's and clued em in and said I'd be in when I knew someone could be there with her. I think I managed to douse myself all day today with antibacterial gel and did the same to Megan. I mean what was I thinking??? I called my daughter to be excused to come home who if she gets thus, we are fucked. We are checking ketones, debating on an ER visit for fluids and mother of the year here thought that was a good idea. Luckily, my crew excuses me until the rush hours set in around 3:30 until my original schedule ended at 7pm. Can I tell you how relieved I was? Lemme tell ya how relieved Katie was when she saw me hanging my jacjet up and folding my pants. Apparently the idea of having her sister home to be her caretaker wasn't gonna really pay off. I do love my baby still needs me no matter how hard she tries to convince me she doesn't. I'll take whatever I can get. I'm sure mom's would agree. It was soup, Gatorade and was truly a lay on the couch sleeping with the help of phenergan kinda day for my baby girl. Getting home after 7pm, she looked a bit better and I can only pray she wakes up the same way tomorrow. Been doing a lot of praying lately. I've never been very "churchy" since I was a kid and my parents did their duty making sure I was saved. Conrad and I lost all our faith in the Catholic Church when they demanded $3,000 for a wedding and a mandatory marriage retreat that'd cost us $1,500. We walked out thinking not good thoughts about the church I was raised with and lived. A religion my husband received the sacraments while at boot camp. You know the real kick in the ass? When Megan was 3 months and we went to get her baptized by the Catholic Church. We had our god parents all picked out too. My older and only sister Terri and Conrad's younger and only brother Paul. I don't know if it was when he wouldn't even look at us or shake our hands when we introduced each other or him actually saying because we got married in a Methodist church by a Lutheran priest our daughter a bastard in the lords eyes. A bastard that would only be allowed into hell because we were essentially NOT married because it wasnt the Catholic check that blessed our union...for $4,000. Let's just say I walked away in tears and Conrad walked away wanting to kick that priests ass. I remember holding on tight with Megan that day and I also remember Conrad holding me while I wept for what felt like an entire day. But we never went back. But back to the praying. I can't believe the God I believe in would turn its back on us so I pray. I pray every night I say goodnight to Megan. I pray for my California family we lost this month over the years that remind us of how much we miss and forget they're not alive. I pray for my dad (in law) who had a procedure on Monday that we'd questioned its worth before the same procedure almost took him life. I pray that the hospital he goes too knows what they were doing needed to be done to prolong his life. His life, his legacy, his smile, his laughter, we prayed they understood these things were more important to us than a procedure that almost killed him 4 years ago. So call me a hypocrite or a family doomed to hell because the Catholic Church said so. God listens. God has a plan and I believe that plan is already written but the power of prayer works no matter what the outcome is. Prayer is healing. It's not magic or an illusion. I think we'd all agree that when we pray, our soul comes out feeling good again. I hope you all are being comforted somehow and can feel the warmth of something beyond what we can visibly see. And know that if you ever ask for a call to prayer, you've got it and I hope you can feel it envelope your. Stay strong and we're all in this together. ❤️ If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.