I Make Things Too Easy.

I've got a plan for everything. I'm not an organized woman by any means. I have a disorganized system but it works. My husband has OCD though. He'll notice if his desk drawer has been opened. It's highly annoying but even more annoying is I know this about him. You'd think after 20 years together I would remember to put everything back the way it was to avoid the dreaded question. "Who was going through my stuff?"

My kids are pigs. They don't have a plan to save their life. Well, unless if their plan is to live like pigs so nobody is the wiser. They're probably conniving a plan to rule the world through their pigginess. I doubt it though.

So every morning, I wake the pigs up and lay out their to do's of the morning. It isn't a difficult to do or anything.

1) Get up.
2) Eat breakfast.
3) Make your lunch.
4) Make sure your clothes match.

See? It's easy. Now nowhere in this to do is brush your teeth or your hair. Make your bed. Or clean up your breakfast plates and spoons. Well, my pigs, it seems need to have these added onto the list. Jesus! I get the bed and plates because they're pigs but your teeth and hair??? Hello? They're girls. We're supposed to be programmed to look good when we walk out of the house. My girls? I'm convinced they need a tune up on the girl parts.

So as my husband left this morning, he had his coffee cup in hand and perfectly organized duty bag over his shoulder. The coffee was made the night before and his bag is ALWAYS organized. Every pocket has a purpose. Every zipper is zipped to the exact location. Closed but open just a little. I swear the man counts the teeth so he knows when someone has been in his bag.

I have work this morning. The day after a holiday in retail can go two ways. Bad or really bad. I'm expecting really bad but I am almost positive I will prevail to the point of passing out tonight. When it's busy, I tend to obsessively apply chapstick. Call it a nervous tic or just constantly chewing my lip because I wanna speak some swear words to the customers. I ran out of chapstick this morning. You'd think I had planned this better.

So as ya'll are going to work as well, remember this, it could be worse. You could be my children and live like pigs. You could be my husband and obsessively place things in order. Or worse, you could be me. You see, I went into his duty bag today to steal his chapstick. He's got like three in there. He ain't gonna miss one.

::ring ring::

Me: Yes? (I saw his name on the caller ID)

Husband: Did you go through my bag today?

Me: ::sigh:: You need medication.

Husband: So you did?

Me: Yes, I stole a chapstick.

Husband: Which one?

Me: They're all the same!

Husband: No they're not. There's one that I like better.

Me: Well, nine times outta ten....I took the "better" one.

I swear I zipped it back to the exact position. Happy Tuesday but it's really technically Monday. I'm gonna apply my chapstick all day and give it back to him with a smile and possibly a prescription for some medication.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.