This is my life.

I've begun to despise my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love em but good god do they know how to push my buttons.

With school starting, I've set some rules. With these rules, I stated that under no circumstances do they argue with me about them or try to get out of them.

Day 2 of set rules. 8pm, it's time to come inside and relax for the remaining hour and a half of wakefulness. Did they come in with a smile? Did they wave goodbye to their friends and run inside with a skip to their walk?

No.

They did what they always do and argued with me. I have had it with this attitude kids these days have where they don't take no for an answer. What part of me being an adult constitutes me explaining myself when I give an answer to a child? Absolutely nothing.

Child: Can I have another Coke?

Me: No.

Child: Why?

Me: Because you've already had a Coke today. Drink some water or some juice.

Child: But if I just drink water tomorrow, can I have a Coke tonight?

Now here's me. I'm not stupid. I know that tomorrow will come and somehow the child will ask for another Coke. It seems stupid and trivial but seriously? Why do I even bother to explain myself? No!!! Get your ass outta my face and drink some water!

And that's their downfall. Their momma ain't stupid. She isn't a pushover either. She'll apologize if she's wrong but she ain't gonna go back on a rule she set. And no amount of convincing is gonna....convince me. So shut up, get outta my face and please keep the muttering to a minimum.

Muttering. Now I may be losing some sight and some hearing but I can freaking hear you when you are talking shit. And I have never backed down from a muttering of smack talk that I knew it was directed at me. I went to Tracy High School dammit...the freaking palace of muttering, trash talking jack-asses. Oh yah....don't play me cause you will lose.

So we're on to day 2 of school. Yesterday was a cluster-fuck of idiots that don't get the concept of dropping their kids off at school. Drive, stop, drive again. Easy! But no, they have to try to get in the "better" lane or get their kid to the front of the door. I was 5 minutes late yesterday to work because I spent 30 minutes in the drop-off line at the middle school. Trust me, if I had 10 extra minutes....my ass was tempted to knock on a few bumpers and flip a couple dozen idiots off. But I didn't. Dammit, I didn't.

Today is a short day at work. I think it's my last short day in a long time. I plan on enjoying this day as best I can. When I walk out those Target doors at 2pm today....I will have a little wiggle to my hips and twinkle in my eye. I have no idea who I'm working with though. Yesterday I worked with Dennis Hopper and it wasn't too bad. We commiserated about the traffic in the morning....which is why I didn't get in trouble for being 5 minutes late. :) I'm actually starting to really, really like Dennis Hopper. Don't tell though. Have a great Tuesday everybody.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

My Theme Song

Crazy Bitch by Buck cherry. Oh yah, if I died tomorrow, it would play at my funeral as they carried my casket down the aisle. Then everybody would cry because....well, hello! I'm dead. And as they carried my casket back down the aisle, they would play it again. Cause that's how I roll.

Okay, now that that's over. What would your theme song? Would it be sad and sappy? Every funeral I've ever been to, the consensus has been to celebrate the life instead of mourning the loss. Well no shit but what about the next day when the reality of the loss hits you again. I always get hit with the realization that I can't just pick up a phone and say hi. That's what has hurt the most when I lost someone special.

Loss.

It doesn't have to be a death but in a sense, when you lose someone whether it be to circumstances or because there wasn't any room in your life anymore for that person, it still feels like a death. I don't handle loss very well. It's hard for me to let go of people that have been intricate parts of my life. I fight tooth and nail to keep them close until it's dead and black. When in reality, I should've said goodbye way before the blackness and death happened. Maybe better things might've happened if I had.

I've reconnected with so many people I thought I lost. About 90% of them are great reconnections but the other 10%? Yah, shoulda just kept on walking and never said hi. They were probably toxic before which is why they're still toxic to me. Oh and I'm not stupid enough to realize that I was probably toxic to them as well. Some people shouldn't be together when it starts to sour. Some people shoulda kept walking...shit, they shoulda ran as fast as their feet could take em.

But don't you agree that the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" of life is too tempting NOT to explore? Why do we do this to ourselves? I've never been a person that regrets anything in my life. I don't even like to use the word mistake very much either. Those two words basically mean the same thing if you think of it. But what do you call it when you wish you woulda just kept walking?

An oversight of being a stupid and dreamy female?

What if that oversight ended up hurting the other person too?

Even worse, what if the other person is happy you didn't keep walking?

Oh, I'm all over the place on this, aren't I?

Okay, changing the subject. I'm going back "home" with my family for a visit with family. My father-in-law isn't healthy and when I visited before, something told me to convince my husband to visit. That "something" was correct as he isn't doing so well. All I can hope is the procedures and surgeries being preformed on him prior to our visit fix him and he's good when we get there. I have every hope and prayer (allowable to a non-church girl) that this will be a happy visit. I also have a fear from past experiences that our time is short and our good intentions of visiting will be too little, too late. I was never a fan of my father-in-law. He was mean and nasty to everybody. In his old age, the miracle of medication has changed that. My father-in-law has always loved me from day one. He calls me "Gina." One, because he says it's his name for me and nobody elses. Two, because I swear, he doesn't know my name isn't "Gina." :)

Hold on "Dad," we'll be there soon. "Crazy Bitch" is coming home and bringing your son with her.

Happy Thursday! It's almost Friday.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm more gullible now than I ever was

I have this cold from hell that everybody seems to be suffering from. I felt a little better yesterday but woke up today with about 10 bricks in my chest.

Tuesday carpool today! Enjoy!

Me: Ugh, I've had this damn sneeze stuck in my brain for over an hour. It. Just. Won't. Come. Out.

E: Say Pineapple-wingnut-nimnuts! It works everytime!

Me: ::long pause:: No.

E: Why not?

Me: Because you just want me to say something stupid. I'm NOT falling for it.

E: I'm hurt that you would think I would do that to you. It works. Something about the tongue at the roof of your mouth stops the sneezing sensation.

Me: Why can't I just put my tongue on the roof of my mouth then?

E: It's how often you put it there. It's like a combination to a padlock. It's up to you. You either say something that sounds stupid or look like you have a feather stuck up your butt.

Me: ::sigh:: Pineapple-wingnut-nimnuts.

E: ::snort:: (He truly snorted too) Nope! Now you sound AND look crazy.

Me: I hate chu!

Have a nice day everybody! I still have to sneeze.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.