If Karma is a Bitch....Her Name Has to Be Jeanie.

Okay, I think I'm contradicting myself here. I've said that I don't believe in luck. I don't believe that life is out to get me. I do however believe that Karma is alive and well....living in TexASS.

Over the past couple of years, I've been reminded quite a few times of what a pain in the ass I was as a child. My reminder is in the form of a sweet little girl. I've mentioned her before. It's K, my youngest, my mini-me. I adore her. Don't get me wrong. In fact, I tend to favor her because I "get" her in more ways than one.

My oldest, I don't "get." She's quiet, she's sensitive and by god damn, she is a moody lil' bitch when she wants to be. Yah, yah, yah....I know, a couple days ago, I compared her to my sister. I'm not favoring that comparison when I say the above. It's different when my sister is an adult and my child is a tween. I hate that I don't "get" M. I hate that I favor her sister sometimes. You'd think that since I recognize it, I'd find a way to put a stop to it. I've tried but damn, it's really hard to do.

Sometimes I wish that I could ship her off to my sister for awhile so she could figure her out. So my oldest could get a taste of what it feels like to be understood. In this house, nobody gets her.

This weekend was a weekend of nothingness. It was freaking GREAT! We had a mailbox fixed. My husband went to look at some land for this year's deer lease. (Don't ask...trust me, you don't want to know.) Sunday was Mother's Day. My mother and I put a request in and wished for my husband's homemade enchiladas. Oh yah, we got em too. Mom and dad brought over some wine and my mother and I got a little tipsy on "our" day. Our only sadness was we couldn't enjoy it with the other mother in the family. We toasted to her though and wished she was with us. If there is one thing, we are descendants of some great mothers. We've laughed, we've cried and we've succeeded through every endeavor motherhood has thrown at us. Oh, and we're not stupid enough to realize that it ain't even close to being over.

I hope everyone who has the honor of being a mother had a great Mother's Day. I hope those of you who aren't mothers, took the day to say thank you. I'll leave you with a mini-conversation between me and my daughters. Ya gotta love it cause if I didn't, I'd be in a freaking asylum by now.

K: Hey momma, what do you want for Mother's Day?

Me: Nothing. I have everything I've ever wanted.

M: Don't believe her K, she'll be asking us to clean our rooms any minute.

Me: Well, did you clean your room?

K: Good one M. We prolly would've gotten away with it if you hadn't have opened your big mouth.

M: Well if that ain't the kettle and the pot.

Me: Oh hush. Did you clean your room?

M: I'll do it later.

K: I already cleaned mine.

M: Butt kisser.

K: Kettle!

Me: Sisters, sisters, there will never be another sister..... (This is a song from White Christmas that my mom used to sing to me and my sister to break the fights up.)

M: Mom, if that didn't work on you and Auntie T****, why would it work on us?

Me: Is it annoying?

M: Very.

Me: Then my job here is done. Go clean your room.

M: ::grumble mumble:: Fine. But it is annoying.

K: If that isn't a pot and kettle....I don't know what is.

Me: Sweetie....give it up. You're not saying it right.

K: Am I the pot or am I the kettle?

M: Neither, you're a dork.

Me: Your Auntie would be so proud of you and shocked at the same time M.

And she would too. :) Happy Monday people....it'll be over soon.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Friday is for freakazoids.

Yah, I said it. Freakazoid. It's my sister's word. It always makes me giggle. There's a lot about my sister and I that make me giggle. I'm the younger sister so that means that I'm the annoying one. The memories we share are about 30/70. 30% being typical sister-hating stuff but 70% being things that I laugh at to this day. Yah, I love my sister.

Anywho! This Friday is definitely for freakazoids. My husband had a dental appointment at 9am. My kids were on slow motion speed and I have been running around like an idiot doing nothing at all.

::Collective Sigh:: It's 9am. You'd think I was relaxing by now but nope. My husband has called me a total of 5 times in the last 15 minutes because the office is closed. Both my kids have called also to inform me that I forgot to pack their homework folder or give them money. Um, why is it my fault that the office is closed, their homework wasn't put in their backpack and I forgot to run around like a human ATM machine throwing money around? All I can say is if the bank account hadn't informed me that we got paid today, I'd be a pretty pissed off woman right now. But I'm not. ::evil grin::

You see, I plan on being anything BUT pissy this weekend. I'm fully aware that my high expectation is probably going to lead to disappointment but I'm ready for it. Tomorrow is the banquet. It's like Prom for adults. Last year I sat at the table with some friends while my husband did the Honor Guard colors for over 2 hours. Yah, fun, fun, fun. This year, he isn't doing the Honor Guard colors. That guarantees that I won't be dateless and desperate for 2 hours. Last year some girl kept flirting with my husband and informing me of how my husband sexually harasses her on a daily business. This year, this girl is planning on being an uber bitch if that girl does a repeat performance. Last year my husband got stinkin' drunk and pissed in front of about 10 people. This year that husband's wife may have to kill him if he repeats that too.

So there ya go. I've weighed the pros and cons of my weekend. I've established what went wrong last year and realized that it can't get any worse, right? Right?

Well, Friday is for freakazoids but don't ask who's more of a freakazoid. And I know I'm gonna have one helluva story to tell on Monday. It can go two ways.

1) I hate my husband.
2) I hate my husband but he has his qualities.

I think both ways will envelope some comedy. Here's hoping I don't make an ass of myself!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

SNOWpocalypse?

If my sister read this, she'd probably mail me a box full of crap because she lives in New Hampshire and has had a lot of snow this winter. Well sis, I live in Texas and snow in Texas is a big deal. At least, that's what Pete Delkus tells us every freaking time he reports the weather. Anyway, I'm not going to talk about the weather but I will say Pete Delkus had the nerve to call this snow storm a Snowpaloooza. No wonder all the other states hate us.

Today is Thursday and on Thursday nights, my husband works a part-time for security at a weekly hockey game. It's his favorite part-time because he gets paid to watch a hockey game. Yah, what a life! Here's why I hate this part-time. He is now looking into an adult hockey league. Good god! It's the freaking same old thing with men. They come up with a "great" idea, get all gung-ho about it and after a week, the "great" idea wasn't really such a "great" idea. I grew up with this with my father. I love my dad but this is the guy that bought an expensive bicycle so he could save gas and ride his bike to work.

He did it for a week. Guess who has the bike now? My husband.

He also once bought one of those stationary bikes and parked it in front of the TV thinking he'd get in shape doing what he loves the most.

That stationary bike turned into a coat rack.

When my husband mentioned his pro-hockey dreams I of course did the worst thing ever for a wife to do. I laughed at him. Now he's more determined than ever to do it. I mentioned he might wanna try a pair of in-line skates first before attempting a virgin skate over ice. He's looking for a pair right now. I'm having dreams of getting this man practicing his skating on video. I'm also having dreams of one day being a ballerina too but you don't see me buying a tutu and twirling throughout the neighborhood either.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.