Why am I surprised?

I belong to this writers group of assholes. Yeah, I said it. They're assholes. What makes them assholes? Well sadly, they're like me. They are brutally honest and never think anything is close to perfect. And this is the society we live in where if you say something is perfect...there is no room to improve. Okay, that's fair but come on, can't you give a girl a dog treat some time?

So I finally write this synopsis of crap. I rewrite it. Oh and did I mention that I rewrite it again! Yep! I had to skimp on the rules too. The margins are exactly 1 inch. The title is in there as a header so as not to take a line away from me. Oh and instead of double-spacing, I space and a halfed it. (Watch the news on May 28th cause if they disqualify me for that, I'm calling in a bomb threat!) Okay, so then I go to my writer's website. www.writers.net I copy and paste. I type out the rules and submit. I swear I had a heart palpitation when I pressed the post button. I don't even think I even asked a question...I just posted it. They know what I'm posting for. I can literally hear their drool hit the floor from the salivation to rip another unpublished writer to shreds. Okay, so I go back and look at my post and reread it. Cause god help me if I ever had a misspelled word in there! I read it, I make sure the synopsis is in bold and for good measure, I read it again. It's CRAP! I mean seriously, how can you write about something with overflowing information, pick and choose the main plot lines and NOT sound "cluttered," "piddily," "cliche" or "flat?"

Oh and in case you didn't catch it...those words in quotes are what the assholes used when describing my synopsis. And what did I do? I thanked them for their honesty and kindly asked for more emotional beating. Well, I gotta go bend over again...I'm back to the synopsis tomorrow. Lord help me and remind me when I'm published to go back to that site and give them a good old fashioned, "Nanny, nanny, boo-boo!"

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.


Synopsis of crap!

Today I woke up knowing that I had a job to do. I have to write a synopsis or a summary of sorts. I'm entering my completed manuscript in the 2009 Manuscript Contest with the Writer's League of Texas. I had already entered it a couple years ago but I submitted under the wrong category of Romance. When my score card came back I think the first line was, "You've entered this under the wrong category because in romance, the main character never commits adultery." The judge was very nice though because he still critiqued me and gave me a 50 out of the 250 applicants for Romance. (Not bad for being a doof!) So I thought, easy peasy! I'll just pull up the old entry and submit under the correct category, Mainstream Fiction. Well, seems the league has changed it's rules from two years ago and the synopsis has to be one page, 12pt font and double spaced. People! My manuscript is over 300 pages! How in thee hell am I going to make that into one page?

So, it's now eight hours later and I'm on the second sentence. I've spent most of my day responding to Facebook status updates and filling out surveys all day. I've tried to find anything else to do except writing my synopsis. I've got to get this done and in the mail before March 6th. Why is it so hard to summarize a story that I wrote and quite frankly, I'm in love with? I'll tell you why. I wrote this manuscript over three years ago. I've rewritten it twice. I've edited it over ten times. I've changed the title twice. I've changed the characters names three times. I've read this story over fifty times. I'm sick of this book! It's not funny to me anymore. It doesn't make my heart go thumpity thump anymore. It doesn't make me imagine what soundtrack will play during the imaginary movie I've planned for it. It has become the thorn in my butt. I've started countless new and exciting novels but haven't been able to finish them. I keep coming back to the thorn. I have to put this baby to bed and it's not going to be technically in bed until it's published or thrown in the fire pit. So tomorrow I'm going to try again and maybe I'll get to the fourth sentence but I do know that by March 6th, I will have a synopsis for this thorn I call a novel and it will be in the hands of agents and authors. And by June, around the time I'm supposed to be in Hawaii, I will have hopefully have received word that I've won or I suck. Here's hoping for the first!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.