I Make Things Too Easy.

I've got a plan for everything. I'm not an organized woman by any means. I have a disorganized system but it works. My husband has OCD though. He'll notice if his desk drawer has been opened. It's highly annoying but even more annoying is I know this about him. You'd think after 20 years together I would remember to put everything back the way it was to avoid the dreaded question. "Who was going through my stuff?"

My kids are pigs. They don't have a plan to save their life. Well, unless if their plan is to live like pigs so nobody is the wiser. They're probably conniving a plan to rule the world through their pigginess. I doubt it though.

So every morning, I wake the pigs up and lay out their to do's of the morning. It isn't a difficult to do or anything.

1) Get up.
2) Eat breakfast.
3) Make your lunch.
4) Make sure your clothes match.

See? It's easy. Now nowhere in this to do is brush your teeth or your hair. Make your bed. Or clean up your breakfast plates and spoons. Well, my pigs, it seems need to have these added onto the list. Jesus! I get the bed and plates because they're pigs but your teeth and hair??? Hello? They're girls. We're supposed to be programmed to look good when we walk out of the house. My girls? I'm convinced they need a tune up on the girl parts.

So as my husband left this morning, he had his coffee cup in hand and perfectly organized duty bag over his shoulder. The coffee was made the night before and his bag is ALWAYS organized. Every pocket has a purpose. Every zipper is zipped to the exact location. Closed but open just a little. I swear the man counts the teeth so he knows when someone has been in his bag.

I have work this morning. The day after a holiday in retail can go two ways. Bad or really bad. I'm expecting really bad but I am almost positive I will prevail to the point of passing out tonight. When it's busy, I tend to obsessively apply chapstick. Call it a nervous tic or just constantly chewing my lip because I wanna speak some swear words to the customers. I ran out of chapstick this morning. You'd think I had planned this better.

So as ya'll are going to work as well, remember this, it could be worse. You could be my children and live like pigs. You could be my husband and obsessively place things in order. Or worse, you could be me. You see, I went into his duty bag today to steal his chapstick. He's got like three in there. He ain't gonna miss one.

::ring ring::

Me: Yes? (I saw his name on the caller ID)

Husband: Did you go through my bag today?

Me: ::sigh:: You need medication.

Husband: So you did?

Me: Yes, I stole a chapstick.

Husband: Which one?

Me: They're all the same!

Husband: No they're not. There's one that I like better.

Me: Well, nine times outta ten....I took the "better" one.

I swear I zipped it back to the exact position. Happy Tuesday but it's really technically Monday. I'm gonna apply my chapstick all day and give it back to him with a smile and possibly a prescription for some medication.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.


Non-laboring Labor Day.

I had a conversation with my father the other day. He was rolling his eyes while I whined about how tired I had been lately with my new shift at work. For a reminder, I'm working 24 hours now in the pharmacy. Compared to my 13 hours I worked previously and the 0 hours I worked before that. I'm also working until 5:30pm on those work days so I am no longer free to leave when the going gets tough. I have to stay and wade through the muck of late drop-offs and add flu shots. I. Am. In. Hell.

So anyway, my father loves me. He really does but he finds my exhaustion a joke. And even funnier, he's right. My father has worked for over 50 years at a 40+ hour a week job his entire life. He's managed people, he's yelled at people, he's fired people. He's done it all. In fact, he's done what "most" working people have done. I have never worked a 40 hour week in my entire lifetime. I've worked "maybe" 32 hours but never more. Yes, I know, you can roll your eyes too. I rolled my eyes as well with that epiphany.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to be a Special Ed. teacher. I wanted to be pediatrician. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a lot of things actually but the journey to be those people required.....an education past high school. I'm not a stupid woman. I'm pretty smart actually, but I hated school. I lasted three weeks in college....junior college that is but it was 3 weeks. My parents were smart. They said they wouldn't pay for the first semester but they would pay for the second semester. I never made it to semester two. Money well saved.

All I wanted to be was a mother. I wanted to be married. I wanted kids. But most of all, I just wanted "life" to start. You remember that feeling? When you're young and you can't wait to be an "adult" so you can do whatever you want? But now you're an "adult" and you can't quite figure out what the hell you were waiting for. I don't necessarily feel that way, I know what I was waiting for. I just wish I would've savored the freedom of being young. It wasn't really all that bad. Why did I rush to the responsibilities of being an adult? Why couldn't I dig my toes in the sand a little longer and embrace the simplicity of being a kid without a care in the world?

So on this day of non-labor, I plan on spending it with my kids and observing the simplicity of being a kid. I plan on sitting with my parents and embracing the act of being an adult with the people I rebelled against so long ago. And then maybe later? I'm gonna crack open a beer and toast to the fact that I majorly screwed up rushing toward a life as an adult. And then after the toast, I'm gonna go to bed because I have to go to work tomorrow. :) Happy Labor Day everybody. I'll see ya tomorrow. The "Other" Monday of the week.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.