Oh there would be hell to pay I tell ya!

I'm not going to talk about Twilight's Eclipse....but it was a great movie! :)

I'm gonna take it back to the days when I would talk about my husband. You remember him? The guy who's kind of an asshole? There are certain rules I have to abide by with him. They aren't hard. They are quite understandable. Number one rule? Don't make him look like an asshole in front of ANYBODY!

What does that mean?

Well, I can't skool him in front of strangers that'll never see him again in his lifetime. Here's an example.

Upon leaving a Best Buy when we were in California, my husband and I were leaving the store. My husband proceeded to go out the IN door. I yelled out, "The door says IN dumbass!" Now this was in front of the door greeter. Whoopsie! Oh there was hell to pay for that one. Trust me, I didn't pay much attention to the scolding that ensued but I could tell from the look on his face that he was pissed.

Another example is making him look like an idiot in front of friends or family. It's not always easy to make him look like an idiot mind you, so when there's a chance, I can't help it. Here's an example.

In San Francisco, my husband asks me and M (the diabetic) if we wanted ice cream. Now M has been a diabetic for a month now. Where in the schedule does an impromptu ice cream cone appear? So what did I do? I "kindly" said, "No, we won't have any ice cream because um....god you're a dumbass." Now I said this in front of his brother and girlfriend/wife. Big mistake. But seriously, DUMBASS!!! Oh he scolded me for that one too. I think he "ignored" me for like an hour....or a minute....who knows, I wasn't paying attention anyway.

See? Rules. Sometimes I respect them but sometimes my bitch side comes out and it can't be helped.

Now one might ask, does he abide by the same rules? I think he does. I'm not really one of those people that really give a crap about what people think of me. I can actually recognize the futility of being embarrassed in front of perfect strangers and being mad about it. But yesterday! Oh here we go.

My friend G comes over to "play." That just means we sit out back drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and talking shit. I hadn't seen her since I left for California. So we're just having a pleasant conversation and my husband proceeds to come out with an iPod USB plug that appears to be broken. The casing is missing and it's just a shell of a USB plug.

Husband: Did you do this?

Me: Um....no.

Husband: Well the kids say they didn't do it so who did it?

Me: Maybe the gerbil that got out did it?

Husband: The gerbil??? No seriously, did you do this?

(Now at this point, I can tell he isn't kidding.)

Me: Why the fuck would I do that?

Husband: I don't know, that's why I'm asking.

(At this point, I've started to ignore him and tell G about the gerbil that got out. Husband huffs and goes back inside. When G leaves....oh, it continued.)

Me: What the hell was that outside??

Husband: I just asked why the USB plug was stripped and if you did it.

Me: I didn't jackass. And check yourself, I'm 35...not 2. Take it back a notch Officer.

Husband: I'm just sick of working my ass off and finding shit broken. This is ridiculous.

Me: Well, seeing as that USB plug is almost 6 years old, I think it's run it's course. Now kindly step back, think about it and I'll be waiting for your apology when you realize what a jerk you were. You'd be pissed if I did that in front of one of your friends.

This went back and forth. So my question is, seriously, what the hell was that about? I just don't get it sometimes. And I'm not gonna be all pathetic and think, "Poor me," but dammit! Was he flexing his husband muscles....in front of my girlfriend? Was he feeling left out? I mean, I've been trying to make this transition to night shift as simple as possible. I've made sure dinner was somewhat early. I've done the soccer game, the doctor visit. I didn't do those things solo to bring it up. I did it because that's my job. I don't resent it. He offered to do both of those things with me but I told him to get some sleep. Trust me, I don't want to burn the guy out with lack of sleep. I can do this. But seriously, what the hell was that about?

Phew, vent over. It's Hump Day....I'm off work and we got paid. Time to bring that massive balance down to $0 again.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.


  1. That's what my husband asked when the argument continued. :) That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.