Not Today Please.

Not really feeling well today. I knew it was happening last night when I felt tired at 9pm but by this morning, I was hit with a truck.

Husband: What's the matter with you?

Me: ::mumble:: I feel like shit.

Husband: What feels like shit?

Me: You name it, it hurts. Just leave me alone, your voice isn't helping.

Husband: Well somebody needs to wake up in a better mood.

Now here's where I don't get men. Yah, I was rude but I'd already explained that I didn't feel good. I told him to leave me alone. Where in there does it say to get butt-hurt because I asked him to leave me alone? This is my life. It's a constant battle of wits and pride. I hate it. Because he felt pushed into feeling like I just beat his pride with a bat, he took it upon himself to continue the 3rd inquisition.

Me: Why do I need to wake up in a better mood? I feel like shit. Could you just make sure M is up and getting ready for school before you leave?

Husband: You can't even get up and do that?

Me: Sure I can, continue being an asshole....I got this.

By this time, I'm attempting to roll out of my blankets and a wave of nausea hits me. (No, I'm not pregnant.) So I lay back down to try to let it pass.

Me: ::mumbling:: I'm gonna throw up. Please don't talk.

Husband: Oh so now I can't even talk?

Now, I'm not even sure what I did next but it involved frantically crawling to the bathroom. The rest should be assumed. And here is why my husband is lucky I didn't feel well enough to kill him this morning.

Husband: Did you just puke?

Me: ::groaning:: Mmmmm hmmmmm.

Husband: Did you?

Me: ::sigh:: YES!

Husband: Why'd you puke?

Me: ::silence::

Oh. My. God. How the hell should I know why I puked? There's a stomach virus going around. Maybe it was the 3 Cokes I drank last night before bed. But seriously, what kind of a stupid question is that? All I'm thinking at this point is when this puking episode is done, I'm gonna kill him.

Husband: Jean, are you okay?

Me: Yes, could you just leave me alone? I'll call you later.

Husband: What's your problem?

Now here is where my head explodes. What's my problem? Well jeez Sherlock, what do you think?

Me: Have a good day at work. (I turn the bathroom fan on and drown out anything else he has to say.)

Yah, I'm not feeling well today and it ain't getting better. This tirade on this here blog has taken way longer than it needed to take because of some pit stops back in the bathroom. Oh and the text I just received from my husband?

Husband (text): Why'd you puke this morning?

I haven't replied. I'm too busy trying exact my revenge on him later for being a clueless man. I hope every body's Wednesday is better than mine.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

You've been "purged."

Purged. A word that can prompt a visual of so many things. It's actually my favorite word to use when cleaning out my "friends" list on Facebook. I have over 200 friends on Facebook and I like to keep the number as close to 200 or under as possible. Why? Well, jeez, who can keep up with more than that? I don't get off on having friends. I'm comfortable in my real friendships. I don't need a pat on my back with the amount of friends I display on Facebook. Twitter is a whole other subject though. I have 60+ followers. That makes me happy. I wish more people followed my blog too. I know y'all read it but if you follow it by pressing that (Follow) button, it makes me happy.

If I ever do a purge on Twitter, it's usually if you are a pornbot and have one tweet that asks me to look at your webcam. Um....no. I have my own porn and my own webcam, thank you very much! I hate pornbots, they're usually gone within 24 hours by me or them. Who follows these people anyway?

Anywhoooo!

My purge list. The why's and when's of making my purge list. Of course if you're reading this, you probably haven't been purged. It's still good to explain just in case.

1) You friend requested me but have never spoken or typed one word to me. That leads me to believe that you are wanking to my pictures or are just snooping to see how my life turned out. (I don't mind if you wank to my pictures, just make sure you say hello from time to time. Wash your hands first though. Oh and I don't mind being nosy either. Just make sure you wave as you peek through my window.)

2) You update constantly about how good/bad your life is. Seriously, one minute you're happy, the next minute you wanna kill yourself. I don't give a crap! Seriously!

3) You update that you hate Facebook and you are leaving for awhile, then ten minutes later you update how cute your kids are. Um....that kinda goes with number two, I don't give a crap! You look like an idiot that severely needs medication.

4) Your updates are about 8 sentences long and basically just occupies space. I neither laughed, cried or smiled. I probably wasted about 2 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

5) You update something ominous. Again, this goes with number two. I don't care. You wanna kill yourself? Don't let me hold you back.

6) You constantly update in text speak. Now I didn't purge the person that ALWAYS does this but I'm giving you fair warning, it gives me a headache when I try to figure out what you are trying to say. Honestly, if you have THAT much to say, write a freaking note and post it that way! I really do love this person so she'll never stop cause she knows that I'll never purge her ass.

7) Unwanted pop-ups in chat. This may make a few people nervous. What classifies "unwanted" in chat? Well, keep it short. DON'T tell me you wanna screw me as your opening line. (Make it your third line at least!) And honestly, you should be comfortable enough with me to know if I'm okay to chat with you.

8) Farmville! Good god man! I don't do it. I don't wanna do it. If you send me a fig tree or a purple cow? PURGED!

Well, that pretty much covers it in this purging. I have the right to add on though.

DISCLAIMER: I have no problem if you purge me either. If I annoy you with my mind, PLEASE, feel free to click on my profile and press the (Delete) button. It might piss me off for a second but in all honesty, you probably would've been purged next go around anyway.

There is also this button I press when you're about to be purged. It's the (Hide) button. One might wonder, why don't I just (Hide) instead of (Delete)? Well, you just don't understand the personal high I get when I do a purge. I have no control over most things in my life. The purge is the one thing I can control.

Don't hate me, embrace me....or I'll purge your ass next time. ;)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.