Balls, Testicles and Tests....Oh my!

It looks like my schedule is Monday's and Friday's for the next 3 weeks so far. Well, let's just say that's my schedule until I find the possibility to be more available.

So with Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off, you'd think my ass would be reintroduced to it's long lost friend....the couch. Not so. Well, not so for this week at least. My parents moved out of their 5 bedroom house into a 2 bedroom apartment. (Don't worry, it's a good thing. Selling the house was a huge burden lifted from my almost-retired parents.) My parents are over 60 though and cleaning their house was yet another burden I decided to try and unburden them from doing. I'm not in any better shape but at least I have age and time on my side.

I had to go to the doctor yesterday for some personal issues and it was one of those appointments where my husband felt compelled to accompany me. (Don't worry, that was a good thing too. I knew immediately upon waking up that morning that I wasn't going to be able to do it alone.)

Note: Even though most times where my husband attends things he isn't supposed to I wanna strangle him, he actually made this grueling and terrifying experience tolerable. I reserve the right to bitch and moan about him later though.


It was a longer day than expected which meant wringing my hands, sweating and feeling like I was going to hyperventilate. When I finally had to go in for the "procedure" of sorts, I had managed to hype myself up into a twitchy mess of heaving breaths and almost hysterical crying. Here is why my husband was welcome.

Husband: Would it make you feel better if you could kick me in the balls while they do it?

Me: Um...maybe?

Husband: (looking at my doctor) Is that possible? Can I go in there with her?

Doctor: No. I'm sorry. She's gotta be brave like she's always been.

Me: I'm not much of a tough cookie today Doc. I'm more of an uncooked cookie.

Doctor: Oh come on! This is coming from the girl who decided epidurals were for wimps.

Me: I only said that because it wore off before it should've and I didn't want him to do it again. Purely wimpy statement on my behalf.

Doctor: Nope, you'll always be my toughest patient.

Husband: Sorry babe, I tried.

Me: Can I just kick you in the balls now then?

Doctor: You two are funny. Toughest AND favorite patient.

Husband: (looking at the doctor) If we're that, can she kick YOU in the balls then?

Doctor: Um....no.

Me: Well jeez Doc, what do I need to be in order to do THAT then?

Doctor: My wife.

Me: ::giggle:: Okay, I'm ready. Take me to your leader. (looking at my husband) You better cover your balls babe....I know where you sleep.

And that is why he was welcome. He managed to take my mind off of everything and focus on the prospect of kneeing testicles instead.

Note: I paid him back for his attention by NOT kneeing him in the balls. I am a good wife next to my good husband. At least that is what I told myself last night after I medicated and drifted off into a drug-induced coma.

Happy Hump Day people! Make it a good one cause it'll be over before you know it!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

No comments:

Post a Comment