Monkeys, Emu's....and Tube Tops? Oh my!

Sorry this is a little late in the day but I had a 2nd grade field trip today and there was no time to write. I'm back though and boy, do I need a hysterectomy STAT! Kids are priceless....which to me means you wouldn't pay a penny for em if you didn't give birth to them. Shoot, I would probably bargain a 2 for 1 on my own two kids come to think of it. Anyway, field trip was good. We went to the zoo so we had about 3 hours to cover an area that takes about 8 hours to see everything.

First order of business? Bathroom. Second order of business? Lunch. Yes, it was only 10:30am but I wasn't going to carry around those sack lunches for 2 hours. Yah, I'm that kind of mom.

We set out on our way after about 45 minutes of slow eating. Jeez, my kids inhale their food. The two kids I was in charge of decided to slowly chew their food.

Hello? We've got a zoo to wander around!

As we walked around the zoo, some conversations began that set up for some confusion at who these kids were.

"I smell animal poop!"

Um....ya think? God didn't forget to give these kids brains thank goodness.

"Uh-ah-ah-eh-uh! I can speak monkey!"

Really? Well how do you say, "Move your ass kid because you walk like a turtle on crutches!"

"Can we feed the animals without getting slobber on us?"

Well jeez kid, I don't know. Can you manage to eat your applesauce without dropping it on your lap? No? Well it's probably a good guess an animal won't be careful either.

"I want to buy a bug with my credits. I want this wasp."

Um....K? Do you think you can possibly purchase another disgusting insect that doesn't make me cower in fear like an epileptic on crack? Yes? Thanks. You're the best!

"My shorts are dripping and making my shoes wet."

Well Einstein, when I said to not get your clothes wet...did ya think I meant that other person's clothes? Deal with it....your feet probably need cleaning anyway stinky!

Yep, it was a freaking super fantastic day with 2nd graders today and I lived to tell the tale.

One last thing though. It is the 3rd day of sunshine. It is also the 3rd day of me wearing a tube top. I'm getting quite the tan on my chest and shoulders. Oh yes people, Jeanie is back and she's coming back with a tan. My last thing isn't about my tan though. It's about my tube tops. Mom's hate me. They never really say anything. They say it with their eyes. They loathe me.

I'd like to take this moment to say, "Hey tube top hating moms, bite me. You can't wear tube tops? I'm so sorry about that but don't glare at me with your jealous eyes because of your downfall. Seriously, bite me. And while you're biting me....kiss my ass too. I don't think I'm better than you. I don't wear a tube top so your husband can drool over me. I like tube tops. They are my bread and butter. You don't like it....again.....bite me and kiss my ass."

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

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