Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda.

Yesterday was a good day in all aspects of a day.

1) Kids came home alive.
2) Husband came home alive.
3) I probably coughed up the equivalent of a newborn baby from my lungs.

Yeah, wouldn't do anything differently if I had a chance. That chance to do things over though? I bet I could find a day in my life I would do differently. I have to thank the uber genius, Jeff Sparkman for this brain worm though. He's already figured out when and where he's going back.

I thought I did but then I reconsidered. If I judged all my days like I did above, why would I choose to change anything? Every bad thing that's ever happened to me, whether it was jail, detention, bruising, sprain, car accident, broken heart, or just a bad day, it still got me to the present. And in the present, I'm a pretty cool chick, I believe. I survived the worst and lived to tell the tale. But let's just say we had to pick a day or a moment. The genie has a knife to your throat so to speak.

Fine! I'll pick a freaking day!

Now, this ain't gonna be easy and to be honest with you, the genie should just slice to the left. I wouldn't pick a day that changed me forever. I wouldn't pick a day that someone died. I wouldn't pick a day where I turned left and should've turned right. All of those days brought me to today. To change those days would break the space continuum. I don't want to do that!

Nah, the day I would choose would be this. Kindergarten. Lunch time. I, with my red Tupperware lunchbox. I hadn't opened it yet. I was just sitting there. Why didn't I open it and begin to eat? Well, earlier in the day, I had stolen Joey Carmichael's lunch money and it was in my red Tupperware lunchbox. It was about ten quarters and whenever I jostled my lunchbox around, you could hear the change in it. I was playing the part of an anorexic that day but Joey was hungry. He was crying because he'd "lost" his lunch money. My Kindergarten teacher, Miss Jones, was eyeing the lunch table and she'd zeroed in on me. Sweet, innocent, Jeanie was caught. Why did I steal his lunch money? I haven't a freaking clue! It was $2.50!

Why did I pick that day? Well, in my calculation, that was the day that I began lying for a living. That was the day that my sweet disposition was tainted for $2.50.
That was the day that I decided (stupidly) that I would forever lie, cheat or steal to save the persona other people had for me. I never wanted to make mistakes in front of people. I never wanted to admit a failure in front of people. I wanted people to believe that I was p-p-p-perfect. And don't get me wrong, nobody ever bought that I was perfect, but the amount of lies I told to try to get them to believe that I was perfect, defined me for the rest of my life.

Now here's the kicker. What would I have changed about that day? I woulda still stolen the $2.50. I shoulda put the money in my pocket. I coulda got away with it then!

Have a freaking fantastic Thursday people! What day would you change? What is your "Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda?"

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.


  1. Ow. That was so funny. I would have to think, really hard, about a day I'd change.

  2. It took me an entire day to figure that out. I try not to have regrets but I do regret getting caught that day. :)