I'll Fix You My Pretty.....and your little dog too!

Today was Tuesday which means I have to get up as usual but I actually have to leave the house for my carpool. It was a great morning in spite of the fact that I could've slept for an eternity longer. The Blu-Ray was fixed....by me. I read up on the blu-ray player I have and figured out how to update it with my wireless network. I am now watching Avatar on blu-ray. Yes....I am the plus in this relationship. Found my loophole and read the fine print....oh yes I did.

Tuesday Carpool people and I can't possibly do it justice. It really needs pictures and audio but since I got neither of those, let's see how good my writing is.

M2: I'm sorry, I didn't know it was so late.

Me: It's 7:22am, you're not late. You're right on time in Jeanieland.

M2: I hurt my arm playing basketball with my dad last night and my mom's all mad at me because I can't practice my piano. Well....she's not mad...

Me: Yah right....she's beating you, isn't she?

M2: Yah, she's got a mean left hook.

::E gets in the car::

Me: Hello E. Ready for your tests today?

E: Oh I'm as ready as I'll ever be Miss Daisy.

M2: You're weird.

E: You're weirder.

Me: That's okay, M's the weirdest so she's got you all beat.

M (daughter): Why mother? Why do you always have to.....?"

E: Oh dang, have you ever seen her when she's hungry? She acts like she's drunk and going to die.

Me: I have, I'm the one who has to feed this child.

M (daughter): I'm not weirder than you E. You're just plain lame.

Me: Oh, that's not true, E's my favorit...est boy in the neighborhood.

M (daughter): Not mine....I like (bad kid who shall remain nameless) Oh, I kinda just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Me: Yah, there's no way (bad kid who shall remain nameless) is your fave. Swallow that vomit!

E: Oh that kid needs a good butt kicking at least twice a day.

M (daughter): Then do it already!

E: Oh I did. Yesterday I had to tackle him and sit on him until he stopped. I said, "Boyah, you bettah quit child!"

Me: ::snort:: So what you're saying is you turned all Aunt Jemima on his ass?? What's with the southern accent...did you get your switch and whip him till he squealed like a pig?"

E: Oh hush you! You should have your husband teach him a lesson.

M2: Oh yah, your husband is a little scary. That one day I came to the door to get M and he opened the door, I almost ran away screaming.

Me: That's cause you woke him up. He's like a bear waking up from hibernation. FOOD! ::scratch scratch:: WHERE'S MY BERRIES???

M (daughter): ::snort:: You even added the scratching. When he wakes me up, as he walks away, he's always scratching "something."

E: Let's stop talking about him....he's so scary, he probably senses that we're talking smack about him.

Me: Okay, this conversation doesn't reach his ears. Deal? We're all safe from the bear.

M (daughter): Hey mom, you see that tall kid in the green? That's the kid that doesn't believe in God.

Me: It's okay he doesn't believe in God.

E: He's Catholic!!! Oh and a....douchebag too.

Me: You finally learn what a douchebag was? And being a Catholic explains it. Catholic parents are like Nazis.....most kids grow out of it.

M (daughter): Yah but he's always swearing at me. He's the one who called me the "B" word.

Me: ::pulling up to the curb::pushing the button for the window down on M's side:: You want me to talk to him? I'll teach him a few new words and have him crying for his mommy.

Sidenote: As the window is slowly rolling down, all three kids in my car squeal nervously and scoot down, hiding. From an outsider looking in, I look like the only occupant of the car. The kid (the non-God believer) looks over and I ask, "What are you looking at?"

The snickers and sighs throughout the car almost give them away. Of course the fact that they actually had to get out....really gave them away.

E: Thanks a lot.

M2: Yah, I bet he's calling you the "B" word too.

M (daughter): Mother, one day, I'm going to get you back.

Me: Nah, one day, you'll be doing this to your own daughter. Have a great test day weirdos!!!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

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