It's a Battery Life

{{dirty thought}}

Now that I got that outta my system, I'll explain. It might be a surprising fact that I'm a very positive person in this relationship. I always think the best and think that positive energy makes everything turn out okay. And no, I'm not the type of person that thinks I'm unlucky when it doesn't. I don't think the world is out to get me. I don't think that at all.

I know, I've mentioned karma but I truly believe in karma. Karma isn't out to get me though. It's just there to bang me over the head with reality sometimes.

When my husband and I first started going out, we were always the unlucky couple. Our proms were inundated with flat tires, limo hit and runs, missed dances by like 2 minutes and reservations not in the system when we arrived at the restaurant. Long trips either had an overheated radiator 3 hours into the trip or a speeding ticket 5 minutes into the trip. Now you would think these occurrences would lead me into a negative way of thinking. Not so! I just think life thought we needed some excitement. Thanks life, 'preciate it!

20 years into our relationship, it hasn't changed much. I am the positive side of this battery and my husband is the negative. He is the one that believes that life is out to get us. Any kink in his chain, he falls to pieces and goes on a tangent on how life sucks. If I get a kink in my chain, I usually take a breath and patiently unkink the chain.

How does this type of relationship work? Well shit! I haven't a freaking clue. It drives me bonkers that this logical man believes that luck is not on our side. It drives me crazy that this man actually believes luck is the down cursor of all our "misfortunes."

Luck has nothing to do with it. Luck is just what you decide to get you down....or up for that matter. I believe and been proved correct most of the time that if you've been wronged, you can usually find a loophole or some fine print to get out of it. Yesterday, for a split second, I saw a glimpse of this positive energy attack my husband. He was attempting to read that fine print or find that elusive loophole. I've never laughed so hard in awhile.

Husband: I just broke another tooth.

Me: Again!?

Husband: Damn, freaking Doritos.

Me: You're blaming the Doritos and not wondering why you've once again broke another tooth?

Husband: I think it's a crown.

Me: Oh well that's good. You'll just need $500 for a new crown and not $1000 for a root canal.

Husband: Do you remember who did this crown?

Me: I really don't pay that much attention to your dental hygiene. That's your own thing.

Husband: I don't think they're supposed to break like this. I think I may get something out of this.

Me: You think a crown has a lifetime warranty?

Husband: Well, that or some kind of guarantee!

Me: Sweetie? It's a crown. I don't think crowns have a warranty more than a week after they install it. It ain't a Blu-Ray player.

Husband: Well, that's bullshit!

Me: No, that's just life. Quit eating so god damn much and breaking your teeth on stooopid things.

Husband: So this is my fault?

Me: Um....no honey, you're right. I blame the Doritos and the faulty crown.

And there you have it. He tried and he failed to find the brighter side. Did he hold on to this new way of thinking that life is NOT out to get him?

Nope! Two hours later, after putting in our new Blu-ray of Avatar.

Husband: It's not working!!!!

Me: Calm down.

Husband: It's been loading for like 2 minutes.

Me: Well the pack came with a DVD too so just put that one in.

Husband: This is bullshit! We need a new Blu-Ray player...shit, we might as well get a new TV too. This place is going to shit! When it rains, it's a fucking shit-storm on the Bonifacio's.

Me: Yah, poor you. Want a Dorito?

Happy Monday people! It's gonna be a fantastic, busy day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.


  1. I'm not religious but I think something is out to get me. I actually have a story idea in the pipeline where a guy thinks someone is screwing with him--and finds out someone is!

  2. Okay so I KNOW we have had the luck/karma conversation before. You basically hit the nail on the head of the relationship Kel and I have. On a side note Karma was good to us the first part of the day at the DMV, but alas as soon as we got home the sewage and water board started jack-hammering right outside our windows. Karma is a bitch and unfortunately I tend to agree 100 percent with 'The Man' that life is out to get us. Kel on the other hand, well, you know, she's with you. Thanks for brightening up our day Jeanie.