New rule.....same rule.

Okay, this might offend some people, but remember, you were warned.

I have a rule. Don't call me a bitch. Now, that isn't to be confused with the fact that I actually AM a bitch. But if you are male, don't call me one. It's disrespectful. It'll also get you a barrage of dirty looks and make your life hell for awhile. Just ask any guy that's ever called me that before.

Clarification: Teasing me by calling me a bitch is allowed. Calling me a bitch when I'm actually being a bitch isn't.

Confused yet? Imagine being my husband....or any other male I hang out with!

Okay, so that's the same rule. Oh and a fellow female is ALLOWED to call me a bitch but that's because in this world, I feel bitches need to embrace their bitchiness and unite. Now to the new rule. As you all know, I have two daughters. This house is destined to be an estrogen palace in a couple years and it's only going to get worse. My tween M is a sweet child but she has her moments. And me being a female, I've on occasion called her a bitch. That may shock some people but suck it up! So the other day after a day out with their daddy, the brood came home in a tizzy. Here's the conversation.

M: Mom! Dad's being mean to me! (This is a typical complaint.)

Me: What else is new? Lemme guess, you got hungry and Dad said no. (Megan could eat an entire cow if she put her mind to it. She's always hungry.)

Husband: No. She wanted me to buy her a new soccer ball and when I said no, she started acting like a little bitch.

M: See!!??

Okay, the whiplash that I suffered when I jerked my head up was painful but the physical restraint I displayed from slapping my husband upside his head was even more difficult. No, no! Well, I'm a good wife so I asked the girls to disappear while I had a discussion with their daddy. Trust me, chastising him in front of the kids would've probably proved useless. My husband is a proud and stupid man sometimes. Here's how the conversation went.

Me: Um, you're not allowed to call your daughter a bitch anymore than you're allowed to call me one.

Husband: Oh but you can call her one?

Me: Yes I can. I'm sorry but you're not allowed in the bitch clubhouse. If I ever hear you call her a bitch again, to her face, I will make your life hell and you will pay dearly for it. Got it?

Husband: Sure thing but I reserve the right to lay down my own rules. You get to call me every name in the book. I'd like to make my own "no,no" names.

Me: Lay it on me then.

Husband: A$$hole and Dumba$$.

Me: Is that it?

Husband: That's it.

Me: You got yourself a deal, Dickhead and Jacka$$!

Husband: Bitch.

Now you see, that one was allowed! He was just teasing.....I think.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

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