Church Folk are Weird

Yah, I said it. The possibility that this statement will come back and haunt me at the Pearly Gates doesn't scare me. But seriously, church folk are weird.

It was carpool Tuesday today and our good girl M2 informed me that she was being punished. The conversation went on for the entire car ride so try to keep up.

M2: I got grounded.

Me: I'm shocked. What'd you do?

M2: I broke my commitment.

(I have to admit at first I thought it was a commitment to abstinence. My mind always goes to dirty.)

M2: I was up at 8:15pm when I should've been sleeping by 8pm.

Me: Did they beat you with flames and needles?

M2: They took my books away from me.

Me: What??!! So they....um....well that's just stoooopid. Church folk are weird.

E: Sing it Miss Jean! Oh and wear that tube top when you do it. Blue is definitely your color.

Me: Oh I'll do you one better. I'll wrap a rosary and use it for an ankle bracelet.

E: Seriously, I'm still mad about the airgun.

M2: What about the airgun?

E: Well, now D**** threatened to shoot my dad with his airgun.

Me: Why's he mad at you?

E: Cause my dad called his parents and told them they were illegal. Now D***** can't play with it either.

Me: So how's he gonna shoot your dad?

E: I don't know but I started laughing and told him that my dad has 911 on speed dial.

Me: Cause pressing 9-1-1 isn't fast enough?

M (daughter): Good one mom. E, your dad is crazy.

E: If church folk are weird, explain to us just how long K is grounded for?

Me: She's grounded until I say she isn't grounded.

M2: Ohhhhhh, what'd K do?

Me: Um....er....she called a boy g-a-y and kneed him in the....um...er....

E: The no-no box!

Me: ::snort:: The what box?

E: The no-no box. You know.

Me: Yah, I got it but why is it the "no-no box?"

E: I don't know, my mom and dad call it that.

M (daughter): I dare you to call it that to your friends.

E: No way.

Me: What do you call it in front of your friends?

E: We don't really talk about em.

Me: So, lemme get this straight. Your parents grounded you from books for reading 15 minutes past your bedtime....which in my opinion is way too early. And your parents have reinforced in that brain of yours that....um....er....that general area is a "no-no" box.

M (daughter): Mom, I love you.

Me: Yah, I don't ever wanna hear you say the words "not fair" come out of that mouth of yours. You could be M2 and E.

E: What's wrong with calling it the no-no box?

Me: Lemme put it this way. When you're older....you're gonna wanna change it to the yep-yep box. Your parents have basically, sub-consciously, made you think anything that has to do with...um....er....forget it.

E: No! What?

Me: How many carpools are left in the year?

M2: About 3?

Me: I'll tell you everything you two wanna know on my last carpool day.

And with that, I repeat....church folk are weird. I am convinced that I was put on this earth to fix the evils that they put upon their children.

Have a great Tuesday and have fun with your yep-yep boxes! :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

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