It's Time to Clue Everybody In.

People often wonder why I'm funny....or a bitch. The truth of the matter is, I'm constantly finding myself surrounded with characters that deserve a shout out. I wouldn't be who I am without the help of the people that I make fun of, live with or despise.

My husband. The quintessential asshole. It's an endearing term. It's also hard not to get some pointers from him during certain moments in my life. Like the time the Market Street manager saddled up next to me and asked if I needed help renting a video.....as I was returning a video.

Me: I'm returning a video so I think I got it.

Him: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh....oh-kay.

Me: You alright there or are you having a seizure?

My oldest. The emotional melting pot of tears and dirty looks. Yah, we pick on her occasionally but seriously, toughen up girl and stop crying!

Her: Dad doesn't fight fair. He fights dirty.

Me: Welcome to my world sweetie.

Her: He purposely tries to pick on me to make me cry, then he gets mad at me for crying.

Me: Yep, you're an idiot. You've just painted your button neon yellow and given him a free pass to push it until it's dead and black.

Her: How do you fight with him?

Me: Well, sometimes I put an "Out of Order" sign on those buttons and when he pushes them, I don't let it bother me. It really pisses him off. You should try it. You'll save me some money on Kleenex.

My youngest. The reincarnate. The karma that has bitten my ass. The girl that is doomed to be cute as hell but grounded for the rest of her life.

Her: Hey mommy, I finally figured out what I am.

Me: What are you talking about?

Her: I'm filipeño!

Me: Sweetie, it's just filipino. Not filipeño like the pepper.

Her: Well, everybody always thinks I'm Mexican so I just added a little flavor.

Me: You're. A. Genius.

My boss. The Dennis Hopper of my life. The "Pop Quiz Asshole." One on one, he's actually great. Add a couple more people in the mix, good god, where's my gun?

Him: Okay, pop quiz people.

Everybody: ::sigh::

Him: How do you alphabetize?

Yah, I'm not even going to dignify that with anymore banter.

There are so many more people in my life that I will mention throughout this blog. I'm not forgetting you, I promise. It is Monday though and I have to get to work. I'm almost positive that I'm working with Dennis Hopper this morning. I'm also positive that I might need a beer after work. Have a great day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.