I Pity the Fool.

I'm talking about my husband (the asshole). He's been so strong through this whole ordeal and even though I put on a front, this has been a little difficult to keep the strength. Don't get me wrong, his strength is kind of annoying but most of the time, it's welcomed with relief. Trust me, I can't reassure everybody in this house. Sometimes I need a little reassurance and my husband is doing a pretty good job doing it.

However! He has his moments too. He's almost clueless to the expense of this adventure we're on. When I seem stressed or overwhelmed, he thinks it's an overreaction of sorts. And before everybody jumps on him, I need to relay that this is probably as stressful or overwhelming to him....he's just not going to admit it. He's a dude. He's Mr. Fix-it. Men have to fix everything even when everything isn't fixable. An admission from me that I'm scared prompts an ensemble of him trying to tell me to stop being scared. When all I really wanna do is admit that I'm scared. I don't want to fix it. I just want to say it out loud.

Like last night. M and I are getting her school snacks and bags ready. It requires a lot of thought because we have to document what each carb count is for each food. And M has to think about if the snack is gonna satisfy her hunger.

Husband: You're not gonna be stressing out tomorrow, are you?

Me: ::rolling my eyes:: Uh.....yah!

Husband: Why? It's just school. She doesn't have to do anything strenuous or anything.

Me: I don't give a shit! I'm dropping your newly diagnosed diabetic daughter off at school....into the hands of practically strangers, hoping they don't kill her. Excuse the hell outta me for being a little stressed.

Husband: You just need to calm down. You keep acting like something is stressful, you're gonna stress your daughter out.

Now all of this is being discussed in front of M. If he hadn't had opened his big fat dude mouth, M wouldn't have known I was stressed. I was perfectly fine before Mr. Calm started talking. So for reals, if you just let me do what I do and be quiet, we won't have a problem. Dudes. Clueless idiots that think their dicks fix-all.

But I pity him at the end of the day. It must be difficult to ALWAYS be strong. He knows me and knows that if I'm not working properly.....NOTHING works properly. If I break or shut down, this whole system goes to shit. So on top of being the constant strength and organizer, he has to make sure his wife has all her batteries. So I might be on edge and bite his head off a little more than usual, at the end of the day, I appreciate him more than he'll ever realize.

My only problem? I ain't gonna tell him too much because if I say anything, he'll see it as a weakness he has to fix. Annnnnnnd, I don't need to be fixed. So don't tell him I said this. I'll tell him in my own way. :)

Have a great Tuesday people! M got to school just fine this morning. It was a little embarrassing walking in with mom but I didn't wear a tube top.

Carpool Convo

Me: Everybody excited about school being out in 3 days?

Everybody: YES!!!!

Me: Y'all ready for your tests?

M2: I have all my tests on Wednesday. Today and Thursday is gonna be GREAT!

E: How do you know what days your tests are on?

M (daughter): Don't you have your schedule?

E: There was a schedule?

Me: Oh good god! E! How do you know what to study for the night before?

E: I don't study.

Me: Good luck with that. I've gotta park today and walk Megan in. You guys okay with walking with a mom into school?

M2: I don't care.

We park and get out of the car. M2 bolts! I look at Ethan and smile.

Me: I guess M2 decided she cared.

E: I don't. I'll walk in with ya.

M (daughter): Mom? Can you hold this bag?

E: I'll hold it. What it is?

M (daughter): It's my bag with insulin in it.

E: Awesome....I'm like a doctor.

Me: Nah, you're more like an IV pole. :)

We walk by the principal and he recognizes me from last week.

Principal: Hi Mrs. Bonifacio. How's Megan doing today?

E: She's standing right here. Why don't you ask her yourself?

Me: ::snort:: She doing great. Thanks for asking.

M (daughter): Great, now the principal knows me.

E: No he doesn't. He was too busy looking at your mom.

Me: E!

E: What? Good thinking on NOT wearing a tube top this morning. Although the tank top obviously has the same effect.

Me: Shut it E.

We get to the door and E opens it for us. I put my hand on his head and smile.

Me: You're really the sweetest, you know that?

E: Well, I'd do anything for you guys. Well, maybe not anything for K (younger daughter) cause she's kinda crazy. But you and M, anything.

M (daughter): I'll see ya at lunch E.

E: I'll save you a seat.

Me: ((tear))

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

The Big Picture

I'm dedicating this post to a friend of mine. It could probably apply to a lot of my friends so feel free to think that I'm talking to you. I promise I won't write a song titled, "You're so vain." :)

The Big Picture. What am I talking about? Well, I think every day there is something that defines that day. It could be someone that said hi to you. It could be someone that made you mad. It could even be a mere smile from a stranger. The Big Picture. It's the ability to find that one thing about your day that either changed you or made you stop and think. Now I know a lot of people would say that they don't have time to stop and smell the roses but you really do.

At the beginning of 2010, I decided to live my life differently. Don't fix it if it ain't broke. Don't sweat the small stuff. And finally, always look for the big picture. I've managed to continue this "resolution" of sorts so far and I hope I continue it.

I can probably count on my one hand the amount of people that have my back. They would never leave me in my time of need. They would never tell me a lie to me to spare any hurt feelings. They would never stab me in the back. I won't name any of these people off but again, if you want, you can think I'm talking about you. I don't look at the amount of friends I can claim and feel loved. I look at the amount of friends that claim me and feel loved. That's my big picture. To have somebody that trusts me more than I can imagine is my big picture.

To be able to live up to that responsibility without even thinking twice is worth more than its weight in gold. I never feel used. I never feel taken advantage of. I never feel unappreciated. I feel loved. In my opinion, your friend can come in the form of the dreaded spouse, the parent, the inattentive sister, the overworked friend or the friend that handed you Kleenex after Kleenex when you were broken into a million little pieces. They've seen you at your worst and they've seen you at your best. And through worse or best, they didn't see a difference because they saw the big picture. Their big picture was just you.

What's your big picture?

I bet if you really thought about it, it would be a simple find. You might even be surprised that its been there almost your entire life. You just didn't take the time to look at the big picture.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.