What is your catch phrase? Everybody has one and they don't even realize it. It's the phrase that gets you through the day. It gets your through a moment. Shit, it gets you through life. I never realized mine until recently. It's foul but it encompasses me like a tight tube top on a hot summer day.
Fuck it.
It seems like whenever I'm feeling scared or blue, it works. Fuck it. Whether it be that leap into the unknown or the skip into something sinful. Fuck it.
It's like you're standing on a bridge attached to a bungee cord contemplating your life. Do you jump? Do you stand there like an idiot? Nope, fuck it. You only live once and there is never a do over in life. Just jump already.
If there is one thing I've learned and held on to so tightly is, my actions are mine. Sure they might effect the people around me but they're still mine. The way my actions effect other people is their own choice. I have absolutely no rights to how they feel. All I can worry about is my own. Some might say that's selfish because I'm a parent and my actions reflect off my kids but seriously, it's still my decision to do whatever the hell I want. As long as my decisions don't kill my kids, I feel pretty comfortable with my view on life.
Before I was married with kids, my catch phrase was so much fun. I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't do death defying acts or anything but I did swallow any fear that might've held me back. Being married with kids, my catch phrase is still somewhat fun. It's just not that life altering. It could just be the simple act of telling a perfect stranger off for staring at my tits....or just staring at me in general. I feel that it is my duty to leave a lasting impression on anybody that injects themselves into my life.
I've always been brutally honest in life. Don't get me wrong, I lie to save my ass sometimes but I've always been a horrible liar. Maybe that's why I embrace honesty. Cause I suck at being devious. And when I say honesty, I'm just meaning saying what's on my mind at the moment it enters my mind. I don't chew on anything. I spit it out. If you're bugging the shit out of me, you're gonna know it. If you look like shit in an outfit, I'm probably going to say it. If you've hurt me, believe me, you're gonna get a hot cup of reality from me.
Fuck it.
What's your catch phrase for life? Did you know you had one? Have a great Thursday. Weekend is almost here!
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
Showing posts with label rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rules. Show all posts
6/30/10
Oh there would be hell to pay I tell ya!
I'm not going to talk about Twilight's Eclipse....but it was a great movie! :)
I'm gonna take it back to the days when I would talk about my husband. You remember him? The guy who's kind of an asshole? There are certain rules I have to abide by with him. They aren't hard. They are quite understandable. Number one rule? Don't make him look like an asshole in front of ANYBODY!
What does that mean?
Well, I can't skool him in front of strangers that'll never see him again in his lifetime. Here's an example.
Upon leaving a Best Buy when we were in California, my husband and I were leaving the store. My husband proceeded to go out the IN door. I yelled out, "The door says IN dumbass!" Now this was in front of the door greeter. Whoopsie! Oh there was hell to pay for that one. Trust me, I didn't pay much attention to the scolding that ensued but I could tell from the look on his face that he was pissed.
Another example is making him look like an idiot in front of friends or family. It's not always easy to make him look like an idiot mind you, so when there's a chance, I can't help it. Here's an example.
In San Francisco, my husband asks me and M (the diabetic) if we wanted ice cream. Now M has been a diabetic for a month now. Where in the schedule does an impromptu ice cream cone appear? So what did I do? I "kindly" said, "No, we won't have any ice cream because um....god you're a dumbass." Now I said this in front of his brother and girlfriend/wife. Big mistake. But seriously, DUMBASS!!! Oh he scolded me for that one too. I think he "ignored" me for like an hour....or a minute....who knows, I wasn't paying attention anyway.
See? Rules. Sometimes I respect them but sometimes my bitch side comes out and it can't be helped.
Now one might ask, does he abide by the same rules? I think he does. I'm not really one of those people that really give a crap about what people think of me. I can actually recognize the futility of being embarrassed in front of perfect strangers and being mad about it. But yesterday! Oh here we go.
My friend G comes over to "play." That just means we sit out back drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and talking shit. I hadn't seen her since I left for California. So we're just having a pleasant conversation and my husband proceeds to come out with an iPod USB plug that appears to be broken. The casing is missing and it's just a shell of a USB plug.
Husband: Did you do this?
Me: Um....no.
Husband: Well the kids say they didn't do it so who did it?
Me: Maybe the gerbil that got out did it?
Husband: The gerbil??? No seriously, did you do this?
(Now at this point, I can tell he isn't kidding.)
Me: Why the fuck would I do that?
Husband: I don't know, that's why I'm asking.
(At this point, I've started to ignore him and tell G about the gerbil that got out. Husband huffs and goes back inside. When G leaves....oh, it continued.)
Me: What the hell was that outside??
Husband: I just asked why the USB plug was stripped and if you did it.
Me: I didn't jackass. And check yourself, I'm 35...not 2. Take it back a notch Officer.
Husband: I'm just sick of working my ass off and finding shit broken. This is ridiculous.
Me: Well, seeing as that USB plug is almost 6 years old, I think it's run it's course. Now kindly step back, think about it and I'll be waiting for your apology when you realize what a jerk you were. You'd be pissed if I did that in front of one of your friends.
This went back and forth. So my question is, seriously, what the hell was that about? I just don't get it sometimes. And I'm not gonna be all pathetic and think, "Poor me," but dammit! Was he flexing his husband muscles....in front of my girlfriend? Was he feeling left out? I mean, I've been trying to make this transition to night shift as simple as possible. I've made sure dinner was somewhat early. I've done the soccer game, the doctor visit. I didn't do those things solo to bring it up. I did it because that's my job. I don't resent it. He offered to do both of those things with me but I told him to get some sleep. Trust me, I don't want to burn the guy out with lack of sleep. I can do this. But seriously, what the hell was that about?
Phew, vent over. It's Hump Day....I'm off work and we got paid. Time to bring that massive balance down to $0 again.
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
I'm gonna take it back to the days when I would talk about my husband. You remember him? The guy who's kind of an asshole? There are certain rules I have to abide by with him. They aren't hard. They are quite understandable. Number one rule? Don't make him look like an asshole in front of ANYBODY!
What does that mean?
Well, I can't skool him in front of strangers that'll never see him again in his lifetime. Here's an example.
Upon leaving a Best Buy when we were in California, my husband and I were leaving the store. My husband proceeded to go out the IN door. I yelled out, "The door says IN dumbass!" Now this was in front of the door greeter. Whoopsie! Oh there was hell to pay for that one. Trust me, I didn't pay much attention to the scolding that ensued but I could tell from the look on his face that he was pissed.
Another example is making him look like an idiot in front of friends or family. It's not always easy to make him look like an idiot mind you, so when there's a chance, I can't help it. Here's an example.
In San Francisco, my husband asks me and M (the diabetic) if we wanted ice cream. Now M has been a diabetic for a month now. Where in the schedule does an impromptu ice cream cone appear? So what did I do? I "kindly" said, "No, we won't have any ice cream because um....god you're a dumbass." Now I said this in front of his brother and girlfriend/wife. Big mistake. But seriously, DUMBASS!!! Oh he scolded me for that one too. I think he "ignored" me for like an hour....or a minute....who knows, I wasn't paying attention anyway.
See? Rules. Sometimes I respect them but sometimes my bitch side comes out and it can't be helped.
Now one might ask, does he abide by the same rules? I think he does. I'm not really one of those people that really give a crap about what people think of me. I can actually recognize the futility of being embarrassed in front of perfect strangers and being mad about it. But yesterday! Oh here we go.
My friend G comes over to "play." That just means we sit out back drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and talking shit. I hadn't seen her since I left for California. So we're just having a pleasant conversation and my husband proceeds to come out with an iPod USB plug that appears to be broken. The casing is missing and it's just a shell of a USB plug.
Husband: Did you do this?
Me: Um....no.
Husband: Well the kids say they didn't do it so who did it?
Me: Maybe the gerbil that got out did it?
Husband: The gerbil??? No seriously, did you do this?
(Now at this point, I can tell he isn't kidding.)
Me: Why the fuck would I do that?
Husband: I don't know, that's why I'm asking.
(At this point, I've started to ignore him and tell G about the gerbil that got out. Husband huffs and goes back inside. When G leaves....oh, it continued.)
Me: What the hell was that outside??
Husband: I just asked why the USB plug was stripped and if you did it.
Me: I didn't jackass. And check yourself, I'm 35...not 2. Take it back a notch Officer.
Husband: I'm just sick of working my ass off and finding shit broken. This is ridiculous.
Me: Well, seeing as that USB plug is almost 6 years old, I think it's run it's course. Now kindly step back, think about it and I'll be waiting for your apology when you realize what a jerk you were. You'd be pissed if I did that in front of one of your friends.
This went back and forth. So my question is, seriously, what the hell was that about? I just don't get it sometimes. And I'm not gonna be all pathetic and think, "Poor me," but dammit! Was he flexing his husband muscles....in front of my girlfriend? Was he feeling left out? I mean, I've been trying to make this transition to night shift as simple as possible. I've made sure dinner was somewhat early. I've done the soccer game, the doctor visit. I didn't do those things solo to bring it up. I did it because that's my job. I don't resent it. He offered to do both of those things with me but I told him to get some sleep. Trust me, I don't want to burn the guy out with lack of sleep. I can do this. But seriously, what the hell was that about?
Phew, vent over. It's Hump Day....I'm off work and we got paid. Time to bring that massive balance down to $0 again.
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
5/25/10
Silence is Never Golden.
Yah, I know I switched it up a bit but it's true. In my Thir-thir-thirty five years of living, I've learned that a silent companion is a bad companion. Now don't get me wrong, there have been moments when I wanted to shut up the non-silent companions with a tube sock in the mouth but I'd rather they talk than be silent. Oh and if I'm being silent? Yah....ya better check the rat poison cause I'm prolly pissed off. A silent Jeanie is a very dangerous Jeanie.
Silence to me is too much time to think. Too much time to think isn't always a good thing. Over-thinking is very bad. Especially if your a dude. Dudes are rarely given the benefit for thinking at all but I think dudes are the worst in the thinking category. Women think but then it's done and over with. We've laid out our plans and gone on with life. Dudes can never let anything rest.
Tell me this? How are these humans I've aptly named dudes, the superior species? Annoying, isn't it?
I've discovered a catch phrase that I use quite often. "Get over it!" I say it to my daughter, M, all the time. She got into a fight last night with my husband, her daddy. Oh it was a doozy. M mouthed off to her dad and her dad went off! I have to admit, M deserved it. No 12 year old should talk like that to an adult. And trust me, you don't talk like that to my husband, the asshole. I've mentioned before that it's always a battle of wits and pride with that man. Add the fact that a 12 year old had backed him in the corner? Freaking mayhem. The sad thing is, my daughter has the same kind of attitude problem as my husband. She's stubborn and by god, she isn't going to admit it. Welcome to my life people....I gave birth to a female asshole. At the end of the day though, all I want to say and all I can say is, "Get over it!"
Because truly, get over it! Like last night, something highly annoying was...well, annoying me. Oh it was pathetic and ridiculous but it was really annoying me. This morning....okay, I'll admit, it's still annoying me but I'm gonna take my own advice and get over it. Trust me, I'm so much smarter than to let something pathetic and ridiculous annoy me more than a couple days. It's not worth my time. See? We truly are the superior species here. :)
Tuesday Carpool was a little somber today. It's almost over guys and we're all getting a little sad.
E was especially quiet this morning and I finally broached the subject.
Me: What's up E? You're so quiet.
E: I'm a little worried about something.
Me: Worried about what? You're 12.
E: I'm worried about my surgery.
Everybody: SURGERY???
Me: Surgery for what sweetie?
E: Um....er....::blushing::
Me: Oh jeez, you're gonna make me drag it out of you, aren't you?
E: I don't know how to explain it.
Me: Are you getting your tonsils taken out?
E: Nope.
Me: Adenoids?
E: Nope.
Me: Hair transplant?
E: Aim lower.
Me: Appendix?
E: ::blushing:: Lower.
Me: Um....er....your "no-no" box? ::snort::
E: Yes! I told M about it.
M (daughter): No you didn't! I would've remembered a conversation we had about you and your "no-no" square.
Me: Oh shit, that description keeps getting funnier and funnier. "No-no" square?
E: I did too tell you. Nice to know, my impending death by surgery wasn't anything for you to pay attention to.
M (daughter): E, I swear, I don't think you told me.
E: I did, now can we just drop it?
Me: Consider it dropped....wait....is that why you're having surgery? Something didn't "drop?"
E: ::groan:: This is going down as my worst day EVER!
Me: Oh sweetie, you're going to be fine. How many times have I opened the door practically half dressed? How many times have I embarrassed myself in front of you? You'd need like 15 hands to count that. We're all friends here. You're going to be fine. When's your surgery?
E: July 16th.
Me: That's the day after my birthday!
M2: My birthday is July 12th!
Me: July birthdays ROCK!
E: Girls suck.
And see?! The girls in the car moved one. "Got over it," so to speak. Ethan didn't. Dudes....they're all the same.
Have a great Tuesday! I'm off for three days and it's a wonderful thing!
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
Silence to me is too much time to think. Too much time to think isn't always a good thing. Over-thinking is very bad. Especially if your a dude. Dudes are rarely given the benefit for thinking at all but I think dudes are the worst in the thinking category. Women think but then it's done and over with. We've laid out our plans and gone on with life. Dudes can never let anything rest.
Tell me this? How are these humans I've aptly named dudes, the superior species? Annoying, isn't it?
I've discovered a catch phrase that I use quite often. "Get over it!" I say it to my daughter, M, all the time. She got into a fight last night with my husband, her daddy. Oh it was a doozy. M mouthed off to her dad and her dad went off! I have to admit, M deserved it. No 12 year old should talk like that to an adult. And trust me, you don't talk like that to my husband, the asshole. I've mentioned before that it's always a battle of wits and pride with that man. Add the fact that a 12 year old had backed him in the corner? Freaking mayhem. The sad thing is, my daughter has the same kind of attitude problem as my husband. She's stubborn and by god, she isn't going to admit it. Welcome to my life people....I gave birth to a female asshole. At the end of the day though, all I want to say and all I can say is, "Get over it!"
Because truly, get over it! Like last night, something highly annoying was...well, annoying me. Oh it was pathetic and ridiculous but it was really annoying me. This morning....okay, I'll admit, it's still annoying me but I'm gonna take my own advice and get over it. Trust me, I'm so much smarter than to let something pathetic and ridiculous annoy me more than a couple days. It's not worth my time. See? We truly are the superior species here. :)
Tuesday Carpool was a little somber today. It's almost over guys and we're all getting a little sad.
E was especially quiet this morning and I finally broached the subject.
Me: What's up E? You're so quiet.
E: I'm a little worried about something.
Me: Worried about what? You're 12.
E: I'm worried about my surgery.
Everybody: SURGERY???
Me: Surgery for what sweetie?
E: Um....er....::blushing::
Me: Oh jeez, you're gonna make me drag it out of you, aren't you?
E: I don't know how to explain it.
Me: Are you getting your tonsils taken out?
E: Nope.
Me: Adenoids?
E: Nope.
Me: Hair transplant?
E: Aim lower.
Me: Appendix?
E: ::blushing:: Lower.
Me: Um....er....your "no-no" box? ::snort::
E: Yes! I told M about it.
M (daughter): No you didn't! I would've remembered a conversation we had about you and your "no-no" square.
Me: Oh shit, that description keeps getting funnier and funnier. "No-no" square?
E: I did too tell you. Nice to know, my impending death by surgery wasn't anything for you to pay attention to.
M (daughter): E, I swear, I don't think you told me.
E: I did, now can we just drop it?
Me: Consider it dropped....wait....is that why you're having surgery? Something didn't "drop?"
E: ::groan:: This is going down as my worst day EVER!
Me: Oh sweetie, you're going to be fine. How many times have I opened the door practically half dressed? How many times have I embarrassed myself in front of you? You'd need like 15 hands to count that. We're all friends here. You're going to be fine. When's your surgery?
E: July 16th.
Me: That's the day after my birthday!
M2: My birthday is July 12th!
Me: July birthdays ROCK!
E: Girls suck.
And see?! The girls in the car moved one. "Got over it," so to speak. Ethan didn't. Dudes....they're all the same.
Have a great Tuesday! I'm off for three days and it's a wonderful thing!
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
5/20/10
Work Ethics
Here's mine. Do you do the same thing?
1) Unless you're dead, you don't call in sick.
Now this goes with some rules. I don't think people that call in sick are losers. I just think if you overdo the calling in sick, it's kind of annoying. Oh and if it's because of a migraine....yah, I've never had one so I just think it a headache.
2) Know your schedule.
This means know everybodys schedule. Nine time out of ten, you're gonna know who these people are and how unavailable they are. If you're covering for someone, don't expect any paybacks. You are getting paid to cover for this person. You aren't doing it for free. There is no payback. You'll get your payback in the form of a check.
3) Pay attention.
This is kind of like knowing the schedule. Listen to the quips here and there. Nine times out of ten, they're talking shit behind your back. Now here's where it pays off. Don't react immediately. Save it for a rainy day and then unleash the fury. They'll never know what hit em.
4) Wear your name tag just above your boob.
Well, cause customers love it. Yah, I went there.
5) Don't be afraid to admit to your boss that you like the job.
It's not going to hurt you but right after saying it, make sure you add that you're not fitting in with the sorority of the other techs. Oh yes people, I said it. The other techs are getting on my freaking nerves sometimes but refer to rule number 3. Hold it because there is a fury coming and it will be big.
6) Finally, when walking into work, put mass amounts of chapstick on.
It works when you want to bite somebodys head off. With chapstick on, you're more prone to smoothing your lips together while exacting your revenge later.
These are so far my work ethics. I reserve the right to add on. Because trust me, these people are like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I can't quite figure out whether to stake em with my words and stab em with my wrath.
Have a great Thursday! Good news! Tomorrow is Friday and I get to work with pop quiz guy. Woot! :/
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
1) Unless you're dead, you don't call in sick.
Now this goes with some rules. I don't think people that call in sick are losers. I just think if you overdo the calling in sick, it's kind of annoying. Oh and if it's because of a migraine....yah, I've never had one so I just think it a headache.
2) Know your schedule.
This means know everybodys schedule. Nine time out of ten, you're gonna know who these people are and how unavailable they are. If you're covering for someone, don't expect any paybacks. You are getting paid to cover for this person. You aren't doing it for free. There is no payback. You'll get your payback in the form of a check.
3) Pay attention.
This is kind of like knowing the schedule. Listen to the quips here and there. Nine times out of ten, they're talking shit behind your back. Now here's where it pays off. Don't react immediately. Save it for a rainy day and then unleash the fury. They'll never know what hit em.
4) Wear your name tag just above your boob.
Well, cause customers love it. Yah, I went there.
5) Don't be afraid to admit to your boss that you like the job.
It's not going to hurt you but right after saying it, make sure you add that you're not fitting in with the sorority of the other techs. Oh yes people, I said it. The other techs are getting on my freaking nerves sometimes but refer to rule number 3. Hold it because there is a fury coming and it will be big.
6) Finally, when walking into work, put mass amounts of chapstick on.
It works when you want to bite somebodys head off. With chapstick on, you're more prone to smoothing your lips together while exacting your revenge later.
These are so far my work ethics. I reserve the right to add on. Because trust me, these people are like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I can't quite figure out whether to stake em with my words and stab em with my wrath.
Have a great Thursday! Good news! Tomorrow is Friday and I get to work with pop quiz guy. Woot! :/
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
2/9/10
Mean mommy or excused exhaustion?
Okay, fine, I'll admit it. M was really sick. Most people know how hard that is. Not that M is sick but admitting I was wrong. My youngest K came home sick yesterday after throwing up in class. I was all prepared to hold her hair back with a bucket in hand but anymore throwing up never showed up. Basically she got to come home and play with her new toys from her birthday. And because she threw up at school, she gets today off on a no throw-up rule technicality.
It might be surprising to most that I'm a major rule follower. My dad would probably make the sound effect of a ::snort:: with that admission. But seriously, I follow all the rules. Fever free for 24 hours and the icky stuff like vomit and diarhea need to be 24 hour free too. I don't believe in sharing. Now that is the truth! I don't want people to give me their cooties and I won't give people my cooties. It's too bad more people don't feel that way as usually if I have cooties, it's because some snotty kid who wasn't mine gave em to me.
So, the question today of mean mommy or excused exhaustion needs to be answered. I'm not ashamed if the answer is mean mommy. Trust me, I've been called worse. But today I'm going to write an excused exhaustion note to M. What? She got one for PE!
Dear M****,
Please excuse your mommy for being somewhat unsympathetic yesterday. (I added somewhat but we all know there was no somewhat about it.) You see, she hasn't been feeling well for over a week. In fact, she probably has what you have right now. She hasn't gotten out of making you dinner, doing your laundry, taking you to school, picking you up from school or helping you with your homework. She's had to listen to you and your sister whine and argue over probably some of the stupidest things while her head was pounding. Remember yesterday when you said your head was about to explode? Well multiply that by a thousand when you add the incessant needs of a 12 year old and an 8 year old.
Thank You,
Mommy
P.S. And in case you were wondering, I still feel like poo but I'm still gonna have to suck it up and take you to the doctor and play nursemaid to you today and possibly tomorrow. Wait....what was I apologizing for?
And in closing, I have a very helpful husband at times. Yes, he works and when he comes home, he'd take over if I asked. I don't ask though because mommies never get excused absences. Mommies aren't allowed to take a sick day. Mommies aren't allowed to do anything but be mommies. So if I seem unsympathetic and quite frankly, a mean mommy.....my advice? SUCK IT UP! I do that every freaking day cause that's what mommies do!
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
It might be surprising to most that I'm a major rule follower. My dad would probably make the sound effect of a ::snort:: with that admission. But seriously, I follow all the rules. Fever free for 24 hours and the icky stuff like vomit and diarhea need to be 24 hour free too. I don't believe in sharing. Now that is the truth! I don't want people to give me their cooties and I won't give people my cooties. It's too bad more people don't feel that way as usually if I have cooties, it's because some snotty kid who wasn't mine gave em to me.
So, the question today of mean mommy or excused exhaustion needs to be answered. I'm not ashamed if the answer is mean mommy. Trust me, I've been called worse. But today I'm going to write an excused exhaustion note to M. What? She got one for PE!
Dear M****,
Please excuse your mommy for being somewhat unsympathetic yesterday. (I added somewhat but we all know there was no somewhat about it.) You see, she hasn't been feeling well for over a week. In fact, she probably has what you have right now. She hasn't gotten out of making you dinner, doing your laundry, taking you to school, picking you up from school or helping you with your homework. She's had to listen to you and your sister whine and argue over probably some of the stupidest things while her head was pounding. Remember yesterday when you said your head was about to explode? Well multiply that by a thousand when you add the incessant needs of a 12 year old and an 8 year old.
Thank You,
Mommy
P.S. And in case you were wondering, I still feel like poo but I'm still gonna have to suck it up and take you to the doctor and play nursemaid to you today and possibly tomorrow. Wait....what was I apologizing for?
And in closing, I have a very helpful husband at times. Yes, he works and when he comes home, he'd take over if I asked. I don't ask though because mommies never get excused absences. Mommies aren't allowed to take a sick day. Mommies aren't allowed to do anything but be mommies. So if I seem unsympathetic and quite frankly, a mean mommy.....my advice? SUCK IT UP! I do that every freaking day cause that's what mommies do!
If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
