Undeniable

I rarely lie. If I say something, 98% of the time, I am being truthful and completely mean what I've said. Examples? K and I had to run to Zales today at the Allen Outlets and lemme tell ya, being at any outlet on the weekend is probably #1 on my list of "Don't wanna do." I ran into Gwen from my old Target days. We did the glance, look away, glance again, oh my god it's you! She looks fantastic. I gave her the biggest hug. Not one of those hugs you're thinking about. Those hugs you give and before you stop hugging you make that conscious decision not to let go yet. There's not that many moments in your life for a hug like that. I can tell you there's been a handful of hugs I decided I needed just a little longer of a hug. I've hugged my sister like that. I've hugged my mom like that. And yah, I've even hugged my husband like that. It's an undeniable need to stop time and hold onto that one moment before it's gone. I haven't seen Gwen for almost 3 years and I just knew seeing her today was truly a gift I'd probably not get again for awhile. Now back to "rarely lying." Megan's car screams. No seriously, it screams! The belt needs replaced. That's all I got. It screams because it needs a new belt. It's been doing this for a long time. In fact, our neighbors use it as an alarm clock of sorts. They hear that noise and that's a cue to go to bus stop, wake up or start getting ready. Every morning at 6:30am, Monday through Friday, Megan has either started her car or there's a pack of wild boars being massacred. What pisses me off here is I guarantee you if my husband's car made this noise when he was in high school it's been fixed before it made that sound a second time. So tonight I told one of those rare lies that got me this text. "I have off on Monday so I promise it'll be fixed before she has to go to school on Tuesday. It only took him 7 months to make that promise and it took one of my "rare" lies to get it done. I'd apologize to my neighbors but I'm gonna wait until Tuesday morning before I throw all my eggs in a basket. There's still plenty of time for his "rare" lie of, "I think I fixed it." We've been duped by that quite a few times. My husband is quite handy though. He's fixed quite a few things that would've otherwise broke us. Lately though he's decided he doesn't want to be handy anymore. Wherein before if our fence blew over he'd be out there the next day pouring concrete and reassembling that fence. Or our air conditioner breaks and he's up in the attic sweating his ass off changing something. Or even more miraculous, our TV screen looks like we should have 3D glasses on to enjoy the show, he's solder ironing something and voila, it's fixed. Now? We have a new fence that cost us a fortune, our A/C unit was replaced which was a small fortune and he honestly just threw away a TV I'm convinced wasn't garbage. I get it, you're like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon and are getting too old for this shit but can we maybe space out these small fortunes you spend because you don't wanna get your worn out hands dirty? And if your daughter is driving a car that screams for over 7 months, at least be honest with yourself knowing you'd never of let that happen to you 25 years ago. "Kinda fixed it," my ass. I will say this though, he is extremely hard working and would do anything to get us what we needed. He always answers any want or wish with a, "Get it!" My M actually said the other day how dad has made any expectations she's had for a boyfriend or husband way outta reach. She didn't say it because of something dad bought or gave to one of us. She said it after watching him lean down for a kiss with all his gear on and all I did was pucker my lips. That's my husband y'all! He's done nothing but undeniably love me for over 26 years and I'll take his Danny Glover impersonation every day for just that reason. Now who wants a hug??? If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I used to love this whole blog stuff!!

So I took a stroll down memory lane today and one of the roads I took lead me to this blog. Oh man, I can't believe how many posts I have. Can I talk or what? You know how this feels? It feels like that friend you run into after a decade has passed and you feel so exhausted at how much you have to talk about to catch them up on you and your life. All of that, PLUS the underlying guilt you feel for letting all the time pass between you. I have quite a few friends I don't see regularly. I have about a handful that can start up like no time has passed at all. This blog is not that friend. This blog already feels like that one friend that keeps giving me the stink eye. Screw you blog! Take that guilt and blow it out your ass. Anywho!! My husband is still my husband. My daughter M still has type 1 diabetes but still kicking it's ass. My younger daughter K is still my mini me but has came up with a few things to confuse me. I am still that sweet and fun loving girl you all remember. (I can't believe I managed to type that out) I still work part time as a pharmacy technician. I make pretty good money but don't feel like work owns my ass. Reading my past posts I can honestly say I'm in a much better place when it comes to work. (Shut up y'all, I'm much better!!) I have my moments but who doesn't?? I'd like to think if I went missing, almost everybody who saw me at work, would throw a tantrum. See?!?! Sweet and fun loving dammit! M is a junior now and doing everything a junior does. She drives. She has a boyfriend. She sleeps all the time. She's always asking for money. Another thing about M is she never goes to bed without giving me a kiss and she never leaves for school without telling me goodbye and holding my hand. I'd say I couldn't be prouder of her but that'd be a huge lie. She is constantly showing me and her dad how great a woman she is and will continue to be. As some of you know, we were thrown a curve ball almost 5 years ago with M but as I said 5 years ago, I'll say it again, Diabetes won't define who M is. She is everything I've ever wanted her to be and it had nothing to do with diabetes. K is a 7th grader and probably has a better social like than M and I combined. She still plays soccer. She still doesn't know when to shut up. She still tries to be the funniest person in the room even if that room isn't looking for a comedy act. (My dad is totally laughing at me right now because this description could've been my description 27 years ago) If there's one thing about K that is all hers, it's her dedication to whatever is put in her way and she's told she couldn't do it. I'll admit, I'm usually the one telling her she can't do it so I imagine it's her way to make mom wrong. She's proven me wrong a lot over the last couple of years. Guys, she placed 3rd place in the hurdles last week! Hurdles! She had been a forward in soccer since the age of 7 and this last season she tried out a defender position and freaking rocked! I love this about K though. She's never afraid to try new and scary stuff. This girl of ours isn't somebody you want to run into in a dark alley. She is a beast. My husband still works too much but that's not a complaint. As you can see, these girls are bleeding us dry and he adores his girls and loves to give them the things they need or want. Before anybody jumps on me and says we're raising spoiled brats, shut it. They're honor roll students. They won't be treated rough or differently until they prove they deserve that kind of treatment. Trust me, having a dad who is a police officer, isn't an easy ride. He automatically considers them guilty rather than being innocent. He is convinced that any day now we are going to be blindsided by a teenager. I'm also a little surprised how easy it's been so far. Don't tell him I said this but when my girls have made a mistake, I've buried it deep from him. Like when K broke her iPhone screen...for the 3rd time. Or the time K lost her soccer ball...while playing an actual game. Oh I got tons of these! It's just easier than letting him put his badge on and acting like a cop instead of "daddy." Okay, so, you've been caught up. I kinda want to keep up on this blog so hopefully I won't be doing this dance in another 3 years but if I do, hold the guilt trip and bite me. This girl has an 8-5 tomorrow. If I go to sleep now, I'll have about 7 hours of sleep. Just enough to be my sweet and fun loving self. If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Sowwy I've been MIA...

So, it's been awhile. Sorry about that. I can't really say it's because I've been so busy. It's actually the complete opposite. It seems like everybody in my family is busy and I'm just trying to find something worthy of appearing productive. I am no longer employed at Target. I'm gonna refrain from the story because it's not really worth my effort to explain it....plus, it'll just make me mad. Let's just say, Buzz proved to be exactly who he always was. I will always love Target as a company though. I met some pretty fantastic people there and plan on keeping in touch with them. Buzz will never see my prescription money again and if I never see him again, that'll make me happy. I was off for about 6 weeks this summer and quickly realized, I am not cut out to stay home. I will literally sit on my ass and then be depressed about it when I go to bed. Do you ever wake up and all you really wait for is it to be acceptable to go to bed again? Well, that was me for 6 weeks. I wouldn't say I was clinically depressed but prolly a little self-diagnosed depressed. :) Over the summer, the family went to Maui for the wedding of my brother-in-law to a girl I'm very excited to call my sister. It was a beautiful affair. Expensive as fuck, but beautiful none the less. It was a family reunion of all of my favorite family members. No drama. No fights. Just a lot of laughs and fun. The hiccup of the trip was in order for us to afford the trip we drove 16 hours to Phoenix to catch a flight to Maui. Not bad driving there but oh my god, coming home was a battle. NOT a good way to end a relaxing vacation. In fact, I wouldn't recommend it to my worst enemy....or Buzz. :) My diabetic wonder went to Camp Sweeney again for 2nd session and had a blast. Made a lot of friends and came home with no boyfriends. My youngest mini-me went to New Hampshire with my mom for 3 weeks and visited with my sister and her brood. The mini-me has also graduated to competitive soccer and is now in Liverpool. Yet another expense added onto the list. In closing of this post, I've now been hired at Tom Thumb, a Safeway company. It's the same place I started when we moved to Texas while my husband searched for a police department. Same old boss which is quite the perk cause I absolutely adore him and his spazzy way of managing. He's definitely not a Buzz...kill. So I don't know if posting on here will be normal but I'm gonna try my best to keep it up. Next post will be about my 20th high school reunion.... If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Let it go Louie!

Hi everybody! It's been awhile and a lot has happened but I won't be updating you on the past 7 months, I promise.

Today I wanna talk about the past. You ever have a couple days where the same lesson keeps happening over and over again so you think some cosmic karma is trying to hit you over the head. "Hey! Pay attention!" I had my best friend/brother in law down over the past 4 days. We have a history longer than the history I share with my husband (his actual brother). Him and I have experienced some life lessons together that still affect us today.

I was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels yesterday. This guy has been with the same woman for over 28 years but finally just married her. He didn't believe in the sanctity of marriage but also believed since he wasn't married, he could cheat on her whenever his dick pointed him in the wrong direction. So the episodes were of his transformation from a playboy to a married man. I was crying the entire time. Hey, I'm a sap. I cry at weddings. Something was bugging the crap out of me though. All his friends kept saying things so unsupportive to him. It was like all of these "close friends" were basically reminding him what a loser he was. Here is this guy that is taking this giant leap into a new life and all his friends and family are poking him with his past. Why? It was their wedding reception and people were toasting him like it was a roast. Let it go Louie! What we were doesn't make us what we are!

Right?

My father has a tradition. It's a holiday tradition, usually done over dinner. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, you name it, if we are eating an elaborate dinner as a family, he's keeping up the tradition. What's the tradition? He tells the same stories of my mistakes and blunders. Sure, some of em are funny as hell but most of em aren't me anymore. How many times must I be reminded what I horrible child I was or how many hairs he lost with me growing up? I'm ::age omitted:: years old dangit! Let it go Louie! I'm not that girl anymore. Sure, I still have a smidge of a "me" complex where I sometimes think, "What about me?" but I'm a mother and a wife. I am aware that it's not all about me. It can't be.

I think it bothers me though because it means I'll never be forgiven. My mistakes will always be my middle name. The definition of my life will be every lie, every mistake and every selfish act I did. That's not fair! I don't do that to people. Do I?

Shit, I totally do.

Since 1992, my date for my high school reunion was always going to be my brother in law/best friend. Why? Well, my husband hated EVERYBODY in my class. Why would I bring him to my reunion? He seemed a little hurt by that when I informed him that I didn't wanna bring him. Of course, as I considered it, he said something reminiscent of 20 years prior like, "Nobody better fuck with me though or look at you!" But who am I to expect others to forgive and forget my past when I can't even do the same for my husband? Forgiveness doesn't condone behavior, it gives a freedom to go forward. I guess I've got a date to my high school reunion to ask. :)

So as I have a lot of things I wish people would forgive me for, I too need to forgive and as I say, "Let it go Louie!" I will try not to bring up a past behavior that hasn't resurfaced since that day. I will no longer allow a moment that still makes me cry when I speak of it to control me. I will almost always look at you as you are today, not how you were yesterday. I will embrace who I am today and accept that what happened before is what got me here.

I had to say goodbye yesterday and watch my best friend/brother in law leave again. I cried of course but I also felt a sense of relief. All of the things that we had experienced together, been angry about, still to this day tear up about aren't worth the effort. Just the fact that we share em should be enough. We've been giving em so much power all of these years but have never even considered letting em go. Well, no more.

Let it go Louie!


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

One thing.

Isn't it funny how one thing can ruin your entire day? And that one thing is some douchebag that has bugged the shit out of you for quite awhile?

Yesterday was one of those monotonous days. Not really busy but I felt like I just couldn't keep up. The phone wouldn't shut up. The fax machine was like permanently ON. Those damn electronic prescriptions just kept coming in. I'd clear those out and BANG, 8 more would pop up.

"Excuse me, you've got 8 new prescriptions in the file....please bend over."

God dammit! Oh and my new pet peeve is new customers. That's not very customer servicey of me but when I ask, "Have you filled here before?" and the answer is, "Um.....I'm not sure." Oh. My. God. I could just throttle the person. And they can tell too because I'm not very good at hiding my annoyance. Considering my annoyance is usually accompanied with a sigh and rolling my eyes as I grab a blank profile to fill out, yah, I'm pretty fucking annoyed.

But my one thing, the ONE THING that gets me more pissed than anything is people that think they're better than me. It's not that they are....cause they're not. It's that they make no qualms about acting like they're better than me. They talk down to you. They talk over you. They don't even bother listening to you. They are the ultimate douchebag of douchebags.

What's your one thing? The one thing that makes you burn with hate? Rage against the law that prevents you from murder? Shake your fist at the employee handbook that clearly states that you can't call a customer out for being an asshole? What would you like to say to them? Here's mine:

Mr. Davidson? I know how to spell Davidson. You sound like a complete idiot when you say, "Like Harley Davidson." You aren't even a smidge cool enough to associate your name with a Harley. I swear to god, if I ever see you outside of work, I plan on being the biggest bitch to you and you will probably cry. And if you do cry, I will just stand there and watch with a smile on my face. And Mr. Davidson? I'd say kiss my ass but you sir aren't even worthy of doing that.

Happy Hump Day! It's my last day before my 4 day weekend. I've got 8 and 1/2 hours. 5with the good pharmacist and 3 and 1/2 with Buzz. My give a shit meter was on empty yesterday at 4pm so today oughta be fun. ;)


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Happiness.....I'm easy. :)

It's Tuesday! I made it through my Monday with Buzz and one of my favorite pharmacists was back. Seriously, making it through yesterday was like the ultimate hill because I really only have to deal with Buzz for like 2 hours on Wednesday. And as y'all know, by Wednesday, I really don't give a shit. If you're sick and I appear sympathetic....damn, I'm good cause I really don't give a poo. Suck it up, pay for your meds and get the hell outta here!

What does that have to do with my title of Happiness? Well, absolutely nothing. I just felt like talking about the mundane things that make me happy. I've never been a hard person to please. I don't like jewelry. I don't really need flowers. If my husband bought me jewelry, I'd check his cock for a disease. I swear I would. Cause there is absolutely no reason to buy me that shit. It's just a waste of time. I've got a wedding ring, my grandmother's ruby ring and my ring with my daughters' birthstone. I can't wear earrings because they get infected when I do. Necklaces are just annoying unless I'm trying to be fancy....and honestly, how fancy is a tube top or a tank top?

I got some sun on my face this weekend. Granted, I was wearing sunglasses so in reality, my face just appears dirty but I know it's a tan. A little color on my pasty white skin makes me happy. NOT a tan I got from a tanning bed or a spray. A real tan. The kinda tan that looks healthy. The kinda tan that tightens your skin a little making you appear 5lbs lighter. Yah, that kinda tan makes me happy. I could sit in the sun and feel like a million bucks. The cool breeze that happens in Texas over spring blowing your hair in a way. Damn, I'm kinda turning myself on here. Love the sun. I've missed the sun. But you can feel it in the air, Spring has sprung and Jeanie's about to be very happy. Tube tops, tank tops, spring dresses and my favorite black flip flops are the choice. That is my kind of happiness.

Now how hard is that? Extremely difficult when it's freaking freezing for 6 months and the dress of choice is clothes that a hobo would put his nose up to. And when you're me and desperately trying to appear somewhat sexy, how in thee hell is that possible when your only option for clothes is sweatpants and hoodies? I even one year tried to get some nice warm clothes by purchasing sexy boots, nice jeans and sweaters. Lemme tell ya, sexy boots are painful within minutes of wearing em and sweaters aren't very warm unless you've got a nice coat overtop of it. That's another thing, I've never owned a coat that kept me warm.

So anywho, yet another post about nothing with a large side of whine. So in closing, I give you my list of happiness.

1) The sun.
2) Red Bull.
3) My couch.
4) My black Nike flip flops.
5) My iPod and an empty house so I can dance my ass off in private.
6) General Hospital
7) A nice patio chair with a patio table to put my feet up on.

Oh and of course my family and friends. :) I hope you all have a great Tuesday. I will be spending the day with one of my favorite pharmacists.


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Spring Break

I took a week off because the kids had a week off. I'm allowed. It was so nice not to wake up at 5am and fight with the kids.

Some things happened over the past week that broke my heart. I have some lessons I learned from and lessons retaught.

A loss by any means can remind you of your own losses.

There isn't a manual on how to get over a loss. There is no magic word that will make everything better. There isn't one because as humans, you can't get over a loss of a loved one or a dream. And I'm not here to help other than to say, I've felt loss in my life and still haven't gotten over it. I just adapted to it and learned from it.

The day M was diagnosed with diabetes, it felt like a death. A death of a lifestyle that we'll never get back. I mourned the loss of easy in her life. I cried for the "what ifs" that would never happen. But at the end of the day, there is nothing you can do except adapt. Find just one thing that betters your life from it and use it to get you through your day. On May 26th it will be a year and I can say, the normal I was promised that would return has. I've adapted, she's adapted and our normal is finally here.

And whatever loss you've experienced, whether it be a death of a loved one or the obliteration of a dream, there has to be something in it that benefits your life. It might be an appreciation of what you have, a memory worth savoring or just a hug held longer than usual. At least that's how I've always tried to overcome a loss. But I will say this, I could just be full of shit. I accept that. :)

It's a short post today but I had to put something down on paper. Y'all know how I take a break and make it an even longer one. Happy Monday! My eyes are so dry and itchy. I've also decided that as soon as this day is over, I'm gonna have the answer of if I'll make it through this week. I think the pimple on my nose says it's gonna be a long one. :)


If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.