Bonifacio Blabs

Let it go Louie!

2011-10-20T09:20:00.007-05:00

Hi everybody! It's been awhile and a lot has happened but I won't be updating you on the past 7 months, I promise.

Today I wanna talk about the past. You ever have a couple days where the same lesson keeps happening over and over again so you think some cosmic karma is trying to hit you over the head. "Hey! Pay attention!" I had my best friend/brother in law down over the past 4 days. We have a history longer than the history I share with my husband (his actual brother). Him and I have experienced some life lessons together that still affect us today.

I was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels yesterday. This guy has been with the same woman for over 28 years but finally just married her. He didn't believe in the sanctity of marriage but also believed since he wasn't married, he could cheat on her whenever his dick pointed him in the wrong direction. So the episodes were of his transformation from a playboy to a married man. I was crying the entire time. Hey, I'm a sap. I cry at weddings. Something was bugging the crap out of me though. All his friends kept saying things so unsupportive to him. It was like all of these "close friends" were basically reminding him what a loser he was. Here is this guy that is taking this giant leap into a new life and all his friends and family are poking him with his past. Why? It was their wedding reception and people were toasting him like it was a roast. Let it go Louie! What we were doesn't make us what we are!

Right?

My father has a tradition. It's a holiday tradition, usually done over dinner. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, you name it, if we are eating an elaborate dinner as a family, he's keeping up the tradition. What's the tradition? He tells the same stories of my mistakes and blunders. Sure, some of em are funny as hell but most of em aren't me anymore. How many times must I be reminded what I horrible child I was or how many hairs he lost with me growing up? I'm ::age omitted:: years old dangit! Let it go Louie! I'm not that girl anymore. Sure, I still have a smidge of a "me" complex where I sometimes think, "What about me?" but I'm a mother and a wife. I am aware that it's not all about me. It can't be.

I think it bothers me though because it means I'll never be forgiven. My mistakes will always be my middle name. The definition of my life will be every lie, every mistake and every selfish act I did. That's not fair! I don't do that to people. Do I?

Shit, I totally do.

Since 1992, my date for my high school reunion was always going to be my brother in law/best friend. Why? Well, my husband hated EVERYBODY in my class. Why would I bring him to my reunion? He seemed a little hurt by that when I informed him that I didn't wanna bring him. Of course, as I considered it, he said something reminiscent of 20 years prior like, "Nobody better fuck with me though or look at you!" But who am I to expect others to forgive and forget my past when I can't even do the same for my husband? Forgiveness doesn't condone behavior, it gives a freedom to go forward. I guess I've got a date to my high school reunion to ask. :)

So as I have a lot of things I wish people would forgive me for, I too need to forgive and as I say, "Let it go Louie!" I will try not to bring up a past behavior that hasn't resurfaced since that day. I will no longer allow a moment that still makes me cry when I speak of it to control me. I will almost always look at you as you are today, not how you were yesterday. I will embrace who I am today and accept that what happened before is what got me here.

I had to say goodbye yesterday and watch my best friend/brother in law leave again. I cried of course but I also felt a sense of relief. All of the things that we had experienced together, been angry about, still to this day tear up about aren't worth the effort. Just the fact that we share em should be enough. We've been giving em so much power all of these years but have never even considered letting em go. Well, no more.

Let it go Louie!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

One thing.

2011-03-22T22:08:00.003-05:00

Isn't it funny how one thing can ruin your entire day? And that one thing is some douchebag that has bugged the shit out of you for quite awhile?

Yesterday was one of those monotonous days. Not really busy but I felt like I just couldn't keep up. The phone wouldn't shut up. The fax machine was like permanently ON. Those damn electronic prescriptions just kept coming in. I'd clear those out and BANG, 8 more would pop up.

"Excuse me, you've got 8 new prescriptions in the file....please bend over."

God dammit! Oh and my new pet peeve is new customers. That's not very customer servicey of me but when I ask, "Have you filled here before?" and the answer is, "Um.....I'm not sure." Oh. My. God. I could just throttle the person. And they can tell too because I'm not very good at hiding my annoyance. Considering my annoyance is usually accompanied with a sigh and rolling my eyes as I grab a blank profile to fill out, yah, I'm pretty fucking annoyed.

But my one thing, the ONE THING that gets me more pissed than anything is people that think they're better than me. It's not that they are....cause they're not. It's that they make no qualms about acting like they're better than me. They talk down to you. They talk over you. They don't even bother listening to you. They are the ultimate douchebag of douchebags.

What's your one thing? The one thing that makes you burn with hate? Rage against the law that prevents you from murder? Shake your fist at the employee handbook that clearly states that you can't call a customer out for being an asshole? What would you like to say to them? Here's mine:

Mr. Davidson? I know how to spell Davidson. You sound like a complete idiot when you say, "Like Harley Davidson." You aren't even a smidge cool enough to associate your name with a Harley. I swear to god, if I ever see you outside of work, I plan on being the biggest bitch to you and you will probably cry. And if you do cry, I will just stand there and watch with a smile on my face. And Mr. Davidson? I'd say kiss my ass but you sir aren't even worthy of doing that.

Happy Hump Day! It's my last day before my 4 day weekend. I've got 8 and 1/2 hours. 5with the good pharmacist and 3 and 1/2 with Buzz. My give a shit meter was on empty yesterday at 4pm so today oughta be fun. ;)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Happiness.....I'm easy. :)

2011-03-21T21:38:00.005-05:00

It's Tuesday! I made it through my Monday with Buzz and one of my favorite pharmacists was back. Seriously, making it through yesterday was like the ultimate hill because I really only have to deal with Buzz for like 2 hours on Wednesday. And as y'all know, by Wednesday, I really don't give a shit. If you're sick and I appear sympathetic....damn, I'm good cause I really don't give a poo. Suck it up, pay for your meds and get the hell outta here!

What does that have to do with my title of Happiness? Well, absolutely nothing. I just felt like talking about the mundane things that make me happy. I've never been a hard person to please. I don't like jewelry. I don't really need flowers. If my husband bought me jewelry, I'd check his cock for a disease. I swear I would. Cause there is absolutely no reason to buy me that shit. It's just a waste of time. I've got a wedding ring, my grandmother's ruby ring and my ring with my daughters' birthstone. I can't wear earrings because they get infected when I do. Necklaces are just annoying unless I'm trying to be fancy....and honestly, how fancy is a tube top or a tank top?

I got some sun on my face this weekend. Granted, I was wearing sunglasses so in reality, my face just appears dirty but I know it's a tan. A little color on my pasty white skin makes me happy. NOT a tan I got from a tanning bed or a spray. A real tan. The kinda tan that looks healthy. The kinda tan that tightens your skin a little making you appear 5lbs lighter. Yah, that kinda tan makes me happy. I could sit in the sun and feel like a million bucks. The cool breeze that happens in Texas over spring blowing your hair in a way. Damn, I'm kinda turning myself on here. Love the sun. I've missed the sun. But you can feel it in the air, Spring has sprung and Jeanie's about to be very happy. Tube tops, tank tops, spring dresses and my favorite black flip flops are the choice. That is my kind of happiness.

Now how hard is that? Extremely difficult when it's freaking freezing for 6 months and the dress of choice is clothes that a hobo would put his nose up to. And when you're me and desperately trying to appear somewhat sexy, how in thee hell is that possible when your only option for clothes is sweatpants and hoodies? I even one year tried to get some nice warm clothes by purchasing sexy boots, nice jeans and sweaters. Lemme tell ya, sexy boots are painful within minutes of wearing em and sweaters aren't very warm unless you've got a nice coat overtop of it. That's another thing, I've never owned a coat that kept me warm.

So anywho, yet another post about nothing with a large side of whine. So in closing, I give you my list of happiness.

1) The sun.
2) Red Bull.
3) My couch.
4) My black Nike flip flops.
5) My iPod and an empty house so I can dance my ass off in private.
6) General Hospital
7) A nice patio chair with a patio table to put my feet up on.

Oh and of course my family and friends. :) I hope you all have a great Tuesday. I will be spending the day with one of my favorite pharmacists.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Spring Break

2011-03-21T07:23:00.003-05:00

I took a week off because the kids had a week off. I'm allowed. It was so nice not to wake up at 5am and fight with the kids.

Some things happened over the past week that broke my heart. I have some lessons I learned from and lessons retaught.

A loss by any means can remind you of your own losses.

There isn't a manual on how to get over a loss. There is no magic word that will make everything better. There isn't one because as humans, you can't get over a loss of a loved one or a dream. And I'm not here to help other than to say, I've felt loss in my life and still haven't gotten over it. I just adapted to it and learned from it.

The day M was diagnosed with diabetes, it felt like a death. A death of a lifestyle that we'll never get back. I mourned the loss of easy in her life. I cried for the "what ifs" that would never happen. But at the end of the day, there is nothing you can do except adapt. Find just one thing that betters your life from it and use it to get you through your day. On May 26th it will be a year and I can say, the normal I was promised that would return has. I've adapted, she's adapted and our normal is finally here.

And whatever loss you've experienced, whether it be a death of a loved one or the obliteration of a dream, there has to be something in it that benefits your life. It might be an appreciation of what you have, a memory worth savoring or just a hug held longer than usual. At least that's how I've always tried to overcome a loss. But I will say this, I could just be full of shit. I accept that. :)

It's a short post today but I had to put something down on paper. Y'all know how I take a break and make it an even longer one. Happy Monday! My eyes are so dry and itchy. I've also decided that as soon as this day is over, I'm gonna have the answer of if I'll make it through this week. I think the pimple on my nose says it's gonna be a long one. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

It wasn't me!

2011-03-11T07:37:00.003-06:00

I am not a religious person by any means. (Said the girl who gave up cussing for Lent) But after waking up this morning and hearing the horrible news of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan and Hawaii bracing for a tsunami as well, I did my Facebook scan and conducted a roll call of sorts. The people I know are safe.

I am heartbroken at the pictures but I don't take it upon myself. I don't run around feeling the heartbreak and act like it's my personal heartbreak. That completely irks me to the point where I wanna strangle people. And don't try to make this about God. I swear, "The earth is crying, the heavens are wreaking havoc on us. We must pray to God." Are you freaking kidding me???? That person is gonna be deleted from my Facebook friends. Don't make this disaster my fault. Don't make it God's either.

I didn't shake the earth. I didn't cause the ripple in the ocean and cause the wall of water to rise. I mean my goodness. Take that bible I know you don't have at the ready and shove it up your butt! (Still not cussing)

I've have had it with people trying to shove God down my throat. My friend posted a status update about her hair falling out and some dummy replied, "You need to let God in your life." Seriously???? God is making her hair fall out? Poor God, he gets blamed for everything obviously. If I was God, I'd be pissed at all the fingers pointed in his/her direction. I sometimes picture him/her saying with his/her hands up, "Wasn't me!"

Now I wanna talk about the news. I'm one of those obsessive people that stay glued to the set watching the devastation over and over again. Since 5am this morning, the breaking news has changed every hour. It's like a horror movie. It's 8am and the tsunami has passed through Hawaii and is threatening the US West Coast. Dude, the waves weren't that bad in Hawaii from what I'm hearing....why are they trying to inflict panic in the West Coast now? What are we waiting for now? I can just imagine my Auntie grabbing her powdered milk and soup cans right now, running through the streets and screaming. Calm down Auntie, put the water jugs down, you'll pull a muscle.

I blame the news for this. They literally and visibly were disappointed Hawaii wasn't obliterated by this tsunami. What a bunch of douchebags! They'll probably commit suicide if there isn't at least one death on American soil.

Happy Friday everybody? Prepare for the "Help Japan" telethons and text JAPAN to At&T to donate. Oh and Brad Pitt? New Orleans ain't back yet.....please don't move to Japan to raise awareness.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I Give Up!

2011-03-10T06:35:00.004-06:00

I'm Catholic. I was baptized and confirmed and all the Catholic beliefs were shoved down my throat until the age of 18. When I got married however, the Catholic church believed that I should pay $3000 to get married in it's church and I decided getting married in a Catholic church wasn't very important. So, my husband and I were married by a Lutherin priest in a Methodist church. So far, the heavens hasn't rained blood for it either. The Catholic church has denied my children be baptized Catholic though because a Catholic priest once had the nerve to tell me that God looked at my children as bastards because we weren't married in his eyes. Um....yah, I said some pretty harsh things to that priest and never went back.

I've abandoned a lot of things when concerning the Catholic faith but I've always recognized Lent. The whole eating no meat thing isn't my thing. Yesterday, I had a meatloaf sandwich and didn't even think twice about it. As for the 40 days and 40 nights of giving something up that I would miss, I've always done that. Last year, I gave up soda. It wasn't that difficult, soda is expensive! It was pretty easy actually and I even kept my weight at my perfect weight.

This year however, I'm going to attempt to give up the impossible. Cussing.

Stop laughing.

No really, stop laughing.

Yesterday was a rough day at work. It seemed the devil was out in full force yesterday and decided to send all his minions into the pharmacy just for me. So yesterday was OUT! I cussed so many times, I think I even surpassed my original record of 15 cusswords an hour. So, today's the day. I am going to try really hard.

Yesterday's conversations.

Me: Hey, I'm going to give up cussing for Lent.

Husband: How ya gonna do that? You breathe cusswords.

Me: You don't think I can do it?

Husband: I think you can do anything but you without a cussword is like Red Bull without vodka.

Me: Shit, Red Bull without vodka is a fucking tragedy.

Husband: Um.....does Lent start tomorrow?

Me: Crap! Yes, it freaking starts tomorrow for me.

--

M: I love how I'm suddenly Catholic and I have to give up something for Lent.

Me: Oh shut up and pick something. I'm gonna kick your mother....fudging ass.

M: How's that not cussing?

Me: Ass is a donkey.

M: When you mean it as a donkey! When you mean it for the word butt....it's cussing.

Me: Smart ass.

--

Day 1
Cussword Count by 7am: 2

This is gonna be a long 39 days. Happy Thursday everybody!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm like a pit bull I tell ya!

2011-03-09T06:58:00.002-06:00

Here's why.

M, my 13 year old is a smart girl. I count my blessings everyday for that. In being smart, she's very trustworthy too. I don't think she's ever told a lie her whole life and if she has, she must be a good liar. Bottom line, I trust her. I've never been given a reason not to trust her judgement.

She's the daughter of a cop too. It's almost as bad as being the daughter of a pastor. You know the old saying of those kids are the worst kind of kids. Not M. K on the other hand might be a different story but not M.

My husband and I don't overprotect her. We don't keep her from things. We don't set rules that will "protect" her from the evils of actually living and experiencing life. You can't do that. Especially with a daughter of a cop. We know the statistics and we're going to beat the odds.

So yesterday after a long and busy day at work, I get home and immediately have to go to K's "3rd grade Open House." After changing out of my red and khakis, I went outside and found M in tears. It seems the next door neighbor took it upon himself to chastise my daughter for talking to a couple boys. Nevermind that the boys were in her class. Nevermind that it's a public street. Nevermind that he had no right whatsoever to say anything to my daughter. His problem? Well, his 10 year old was standing with my daughter while she was speaking with the spawns of the devil. ((GASP))

Um.....no. I don't think so. And I was pissed. I was shaking like a leaf. So I called my husband into the back yard and told him the situation. Now my husband isn't much of a fan of boys talking to our daughter. Trust me, he was watching her and knew what was going on. But all the man had to see was I was probably going to blow this completely out of control if he didn't handle it. And he did. He went over and had a little talk with the guy.

It took me like two hours to finally calm down, and that was even after the wife came over and apologized again for what her husband did. Look, I'm not going to tell anybody how to raise their children but some of the parents on this block are fucking NUTS! It's mostly girls with the exception of a few boys. The answer to keep their daughters from the evils of boys is to inform them that they are to come inside if there's a boy present. Um.....WHAT???? Jesus, can you say 15 and pregnant in your future???

It's one thing to talk to your girls about the facts of life but basically enforcing the idea that boys are evil and should be avoided is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Not to mention making everybody uncomfortable because a person isn't anatomically correct. Good lord, I live on a block with retards. Lesson taught though. Don't scold my child. Don't embarrass my child. Don't make my child cry. If you do any of these things, you will regret it.

I'm gonna end this by saying, Happy Hump Day. If you find yourself in my neighborhood and you have a penis, please tuck it away as you might be stoned to death.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Short one....

2011-03-08T07:32:00.002-06:00

...cause I'm afraid of what I really wanna say.

As I was trying to leave work yesterday, I was walking in front of a guy that was on the phone. I'm not much of an eavesdropper but he was right behind me. I heard him tell whoever he was on the phone with, "As soon as I get outta here, I'll be right over. I love you baby." My first instinct wasn't, "Awwww, how sweet." My first instinct was just to smile. But then, as he passed me by, he walked up to one of our cashiers and say, "So what time do you think you'll be home?"

Yah, what???

Now I don't even know any co-workers outide of the pharmacy. I don't really wanna. I'll say hi and maybe smile at em but I've got way too many faces to remember anyway. So I don't know this cashier but I do slow my walk a little to overhear him tell her, "I'm gonna go home and sleep for a bit. I love you baby."

What a douchebag!

And this isn't a quandary or anything. I ain't gonna tell this girl, who I prolly couldn't pick out in a line-up anything but the word love obviously was like breathing for that guy. Saying, "I love you," to a person that believes in the word, love, is probably too important for it just to be spewed like vomit. I love yellow cake and chocolate frosting. I love the people I work with. I love boy short underwear.

Does my throwing the word around like that make me a douchebag? I don't think so but I could care less if it does though.

I also love my kids and my husband. I tell them everyday before they go to school, before he goes to work, when they go to bed, and when he gets home in the morning. I feel I didn't just vomit that word, love. I mean it with every fiber of my being. I know the hypocrisy of it and I choose to use it at my will.

I love my family, my friends and my life. I do know this though, I would never tell my husband that I love him and turn around to tell another man the same thing. It wouldn't be right.

Huh, I guess I'm not a douchebag after all. Have a great Tuesday everybody! I love you! :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I don't really mind it.

2011-03-07T08:00:00.002-06:00

Monday's that is.

I mean sure, it's the beginning of the work week but what kind of crybaby would I be when I only work 3 days and I just had 4 days off? What I hate is the responsibility of what Monday's bring.

It takes me about an hour to get back into the groove of things. And that's an hour AT work. Like right now, I could totally close my eyes and fall back asleep. But I can't. I've got about 1/2 an hour before I have to leave. When I get there, hopefully the 2 cups of coffee and the Red Bull in my hand wakes me up a bit. Either that or makes me jumpy....cause I gotta pee. :)

5am wake ups for this track thing with M is killing me! And yes, I know, M's the one who actually has to DO the track at 6am in the morning but the act of rolling over, pounding the snooze button 4+ times and then repeating myself, "Get up baby, you've got lots of stuff to do, make your lunch, let's go," is really exhausting. But I already went into that on Friday, NOT gonna repeat whine.

My husband had to be up at 4am this morning but that was his choice. He's on his way to some new deer lease to sign the contracts for it. From what I hear, and I rarely listen when the word hunting is mentioned, it's a better lease of land. Whatever. Hunting season starts in October, why am I being forced to hear about it in March?

M has a track meeting tonight at 6pm. She told me about it and I elected to say, "Tell your father, I ain't gonna be able to rush home for it." These kids are gonna be the death of any relaxation for me and my husband. We've got soccer and now we've got this track AND choir stuff. I mean jeez, can't a girl plop down on a couch after a day of work. Well, THIS girl is. And this girl is also going to go to bed at 10pm tonight. This is where it starts too. Dinners are gonna start being served at 5pm. Showers are gonna be taken at 7pm. Old fart status will be achieved within the week.

I carpool M and E to track on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays now. Being so early, here's the convo.

Me: Hey E, are you as tired as we are?

E: ::grunt::

Me: My feelings exactly.

M: ::mumble::

Me: No, you'll have to walk home today. Nobody's home to pick you up.

M: ::grumble::

E: I'll walk with you.

M: ::grunt::

Me: See ya later my little track stars. Have a great day!

E: ::mumble:: you too.

M: ::grumble:: bye.

Yah, we're a laugh riot in the morning. Have a great Monday people. It'll be about 1 hour and 45 minutes before I start speaking more audibly without mumbles reminiscent of a monkey. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm a lover....not a fighter.

2011-03-04T07:30:00.008-06:00

Mornings are so monotonous. It's the same thing every morning. I yell at my kids, I yell at em again, I threaten death, I yell at them yet again. I get it, you're tired, school sucks and sleep is all you wanna do. Well suck it up azzholes, you think I want to be doing this too?

So yesterday I was in a coma from 10am to 3pm. Count that as 3 days of catching up from repeating the words, "Get UP!!!" over and over again. Today, I have to do the taxes. Taxes used to be fun for me. I loved watching the refund climb as I added my deductions. Lately, for about 3 years, the refund barely climbs. My husband makes too much money and add me going back to work, this one may just be about 8 hours of praying we don't owe.

It pisses me off when people come out with thousands of dollars in a refund. Jeez, what famous author of fiction does their taxes???

Anywhoo! Today I have a rant. 13 year olds. Even worse, a 13 year old that always has an answer. How can this girl listen to reason but STILL have a mumble or a grumble for rebuttal. I swear, I wanna reach over and strangle the rebuttal out of her. And the arguments are so ridiculous, I sometimes wanna strangle myself for falling for it. And everything is so dramatic. Oh and even better, or more annoying is she thinks she's such a bad ass. I mean, the girl hasn't gotten into a fight once in her life yet she acts like she's the UFC champion of the world. Um......no sweetie. You can't get into a fist fight with your friend's mom or dad. That would be my job, and I ain't gettin' involved. But I swear, this girl's attitude is gonna get me in trouble. My thoughts on that is, "Why me?"

M: ::slamming the door:: I swear, if (name omitted)'s dad doesn't quit being a jerk, I'm gonna have words with him.

Me: What?

M: I already told (name omitted) if he has a problem with me, he needed to come over and say it to my face.

Me: Are you freaking kidding me? Jesus! You do realize that if he says anything to you, which he has a right to now, me or your dad is gonna get involved, right?

M: Good!

Husband: If your mom or I get into a fight with a neighbor because of your mouth, I'm gonna have to beat you.

Me: Hmmmmm, I wonder where she gets it from. :/ Whatever happened to solving problems with a joke and a smile. Why's it always gotta be so dramatic?

And this has been my life since I was 16 years old. My husband was the most hated person in town because he was SUCH an asshole! He ran his mouth first and never freaking shut it. I on the other hand never got into a fight. I probably had a total of 3 people that hated me enough to want to fight me, but I had some great friends that kept me from harm's way. Oh and sidenote, those 3 people that hated me, hated me because of that asshole who is my husband right now. Silly girls. ;) I've tried to explain to the 13 year old the trick to NOT fighting. Being mouthy is fine, but you better have a bad ass friend in your corner, cause I was not meant for being a bad ass.

I don't think she gets it though and I fear one of these days is probably gonna end with a black eye and more dramatics. I only hope she finds a friend like I had. It was a Halloween party of Halloween parties. The girl, we'll call her "Sasquatch" had been gunning for me for about a month. It happened so quick but all I remember was my hair being pulled from behind. The next thing I knew, my bad ass friend had clocked her good, my hair was released instantly and "Sasquatch" was out cold on a kitchen floor. I looked at my friend in shock because it may have been quick, but my life passed before my eyes with the first hair tug. Seriously, "Sasquatch" would've mutilated me. I smiled a mischievous grin and said, "Shot of tequila?"

That was the first night I got sick off tequila....and it wasn't my last. Happy Friday everybody! I've got a freaking 8am soccer game tomorrow for Katie and I'm ridin' it solo. Lord help me or give me a stomach bug to get me out of it. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Hello again :)

2011-03-03T08:52:00.003-06:00

So, we're into 2011 and this is my first post of the year. I apologize for being absent for so long. It's been so busy I guess with work, the girls and my husband. I'll just try to catch up.

Work is going good. I'm up to 24 hours a week now, working Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I have a 4 day weekend but I'll tell you, by Wednesday, my "give a shit" meter is at an all time low. It's becoming busier in the pharmacy. I made it an entire year at good ol' Target and I have to admit, going back to work was the best decision that fell into my lap ever. Dennis has gotten a new nickname. "Buzz" was given to him for the reason that whenever he walks into the pharmacy, he's a major buzzkill. He's still the same. He is still under the impression that he's perfect but he's kinda growing on me. I've become quite close to everybody else in the pharmacy and have grown to depend on them as co-workers and friends. I love when that happens.

The girls are good. K is 9 years old and going on 30. She still has the ability to make you smile and laugh in your darkest mood. Of course with getting older, her ability to stop talking has taken a turn to not existing. She truly is still my mini-me. I can never say anything bad about her because I would essentially be saying bad things about me. I do understand what my father meant when he kept telling me to stop and think before opening my "smart mouth" when I was growing up. M still has diabetes. :) Yes, I know, it's a lifelong disease. She is 10 months in from her diagnosis and in all honesty we're kicking it's ass. It's gotten easier after she graduated to the carb-ratio plan. No more limited carbs. Now she can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants and just figures out the dose of insulin with it. She has also graduated into the next step of womanhood and recently dove into hormone hell. Yet another thing that'll mess with her disease but we seem to be coping well. My poor husband has one hormone-less child in the house. I fear he'll leave us all when all 3 of us gang up on him. In the end though, the girls are moving forward and I'm just desperately hanging on to try to keep up. It's fantastic!

My husband has moved from upstairs being a detective back to patrol. It was quite a transition for us but after a couple months, we've got it. He's happy. :) The first month was all about trying to find a balance from being a family and accommodating a guy that couldn't quite get that he had a family to spend time with. I thought it was an easy concept. Him? Not so much.

My view has always been that home was a sort of "home base." Nobody could touch me here. They couldn't hurt me. They couldn't bring me down. I could be myself, whether it be a raving lunatic or a tired and exasperated woman. I am accepted in my home. My husband would come home and act like everything was an attack. So after a couple days of explaining that concept to him and a couple weeks of repeating it, he finally got it. This family has been through so much, we really needed a place where we felt safe. You can't come home and invade our place by yelling at us and flexing your manly muscles without getting a dose of ego-popping from me. And the poor girls, they barely saw him and when they did, he was always yelling at them. Um.....no. And poor me, when I finally got a moment alone with him, he was complaining about how messy the house is and how he wants to move. Um.....no. Don't shit in my cornflakes buddy cause I will make you beg for mercy. You sir are outnumbered here, count it, readjust the attitude.

Don't worry though, when you have me as wife, a friend or a mother, you'll always see the light.

Now I'm gonna try to keep this up again. No promises though but I will try. I've missed it. Everybody is fine though. I have no complaints. I'm looking forward to starting some new habits, ending some old ones and making good decisions that will make me and my circle of friends and family happy. Happy Thursday everybody! For old times sake, here's a carpool convo. New characters are M2's brother T and E's brother I, who I've nicknamed "Tuba." He plays an instrument that is NOT a tuba but whenever I call it a tuba, giggles ensue from everybody but "Tuba." :) Oh and M is trying out for track now at school with E so that's the reason for the conversation.

Me: M ran a mile in 9 minutes yesterday and she hates running.

T: That means she'd probably run a 5K in about 25 minutes. For somebody who hates running, that's a pretty good time.

Me: I think she's better at short distance. She tends to burn out quick.

Tuba: My dad ran a Marathon Man and my mom runs every morning.

Me: Nobody like a bragger Tuba.

Tuba: I'm not bragging but some people die doing the Marathon Man.

Me: I know I would. I ran a 5K.

T: What was your time?

Me: 45 minutes.

T: WHAT????? Did you crawl it? Or was it in water or something?

Me: Nooooooooooooooo, I walked up the hills and sprinted down em. There were a lot of hills but the cookies at the end were fantastic!

T: I'd say nobody likes a bragger but 45 minutes is NOTHING to brag about Miss Jean.

Me: Well hey, it's about 2 miles to school from here. Get out and we can see who makes it there first. Me or you. :P

T: I ran a 5K in 22 minutes.

Me: Seriously, get out. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Too much time in the morning.

2010-11-16T07:30:00.004-06:00

With M doing basketball try-outs all week at 6:45am, I've got quite a bit of time on my hands. M has never played a day of basketball in her life. When she played soccer, putting a hand on the ball was a no no. She's so funny. I have to hand it to her though, I wouldn't have done this when I was a kid.

When I was in 8th grade at Monte Vista, I was on the basketball team. We sucked. We won one game and that was because the other team never showed up. You would've thought we won the Super Bowl with that "win." I played T-ball as a kid too. The only hit I got was a tap. The ball fell off the tee and nobody knew what to do with it so I just ran. Got a double. :) I was in gymnastics too but had to quit because I couldn't do a round off, flip flop. I couldn't balance more than 5 seconds on the balance beam and the idea of running really fast to get a good jump onto the uneven bars was laughable. Yah, not much of a sporty girl. No idea where these girls get it. I admire them though. I just wish it didn't cut into my sleep time as much as it did.

Tonight is K's performance. She tried out for the Australian part. She was so damn cute, she got the part of the First Mate on the pirate ship. For some reason, when she reads her lines, she sounds like an Australian pirate. The teacher keeps telling her that she's a pirate but K said, "But I wanted the Australian part." You gotta love her. The teachers love her too cause of course they think it's just adorable. She memorized all of her lines in less than a weekend and I can't wait to see it tonight.

Today is my last day before a day off. Again, I've inundated my day off with things to do so I'm not really looking forward to it. I work with the better than ever pharmacist so I'm just fine with today. Yesterday was Dennis day. He was less than annoying....a smidge. I swear though, it must be hard being perfect cause seriously, that guy thinks he shits gold and sweats diamonds. At times of his self-proclaimed perfection, he reminds me of my husband. My husband isn't always perfect though like Dennis so that's why I stay with him.

When I came home yesterday, I sat down on the couch (SHOCKER) and started reading a book. About an hour later, my husband comes home and proceeds to yell at the kids and bitch and moan about the house being a mess. It might've been the day I had but I kinda lost it. Is it too much to ask for the man in my life to just shut up? I mean, the guy is never happy. He always has something to bitch about. He wants a new house. (Nope, I ain't moving) He wants to go hunting but then he only wants to shoot a buck. (He better just freaking kill something) He barely sees us as it is and his first instinct is to come in the house and piss all over, marking his territory. Um, seriously.....I will castrate you if this continues. It's just the time of year I think. Either that or I'm just really tired.

On a lighter note, I'm running on Red Bull as usual. A couple Red Bulls brought home this morning by my husband. His words, "Have a great day and I'll make sure I save you a seat in the front for Katie's thing tonight." Awwwwww, he does love me. :) Have a great Tuesday everybody!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I was running late this morning....:/

2010-10-11T19:17:00.005-05:00

Of all days to have a midnight storm and a vibrating dog....it's the day of a MONDAY! Seriously, my dog vibrates. And luckily, she crawls in your lap. ::evil grin:: But if it's 3am in the morning....GET OFF OF ME!!!!

So, it wasn't a very restful night. I managed to scream and yell at my kids to the point of them vibrating, but we got off to school and work on time.

I walked into work and I swear to god, it was a freaking mess. The weekend pharmacist, who was also the Monday pharmacist, still had auto-fills from the weekend to do. Add the 60 autofills from this morning and she was already 100+ prescriptions behind from filling. I downed my Red Bull and never looked at the clock. There was so much shit upon shit to do that it took most of my morning to finally get to the regular shit I had to do.

I love days like that. It zipped right to lunch time and never slowed down. I was the envy with my new scrub top. Red of course....with pockets. I love my pockets. I couldn't keep my hands out of them. When I left work tonight, I had 5 pens in em. By Thursday, I'll probably had tripled that.

My husband greeted me with a homemade dinner and brand new fuzzy slippers. Oh....and he cleaned the bathroom too! Man oh man, it's like freaking Christmas morning on this Monday evening. And before any of you think, he's not looking for anything in return. I pretty much kicked ass this weekend taking care of the kids and keeping them out of his hair while he worked and rested....I totally deserved this. It's a give, give here. I promised him some Chicken Spaghetti on Friday and he offered to take Thursday and Friday off to spend time with us. Give/Give. :)

So tomorrow, I'm prolly gonna walk into another mess or a mess that's about to happen. The relief pharmacist has a "system" that sucks. Basically it's double the work and not really productive. I do have to give him one thing....when none of the technicians moved to help a customer....his ass gets there in a timely manner. Good boy Tim. Good boy. Now shut up and get off my computer terminal!

Hope you all had a great Monday! I know I'm glad mine is over....it's barely 7:30pm and I'm already in my PJ's, wrapped in a blanket and drifting off to sleep. Damn, I'm gooooooooood.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

TGI.....Three day weekend!

2010-10-08T08:08:00.002-05:00

There is absolutely nothing to do this weekend. No soccer games, No Steelers football. What am I going to do besides sit on my ass all weekend?

So yesterday, Dennis Hopper must've took some meds. I swear the guy is bi-polar or something. From the minute I walked in, he was on this kick. What was the kick?

"Can you take care of this Jean? Obviously, you're the only one who actually can."

"I always know when you're working with me, things are going to be done right."

"It's the A-team when it's you and I, it's the only thing that made this 12-hour day bearable."

Um...............WHAT??????

Seriously, on Monday the guy pretty much called me an idiot every 15 minutes. What the hell? And lemme get this out, all those things are NOT true. I work with very good people. They are really good at their jobs. When they walk in, it's like the sun finally came out, the birds started singing. When you're at work by yourself for 5 hours, the afternoon sunshine is like my breath of fresh air.

I have no idea where this 180 degree attitude came from.

1) My friend might've mentioned something to him.
2) My thinking that I hid my annoyance was terribly, terribly wrong.
3) He really is bi-polar and finally filled that medication.

Either way you look at it, it was a great day. A fantastic end to an otherwise up and down week. Today was payday and like my fellow technician said, "It's already gone." I had plans for this paycheck and those plans have been paid for.

It's gonna be a hot one this weekend. You'll be happy to know that I didn't pack the tank tops or tube tops away yet. They will be probably making their final appearance this weekend. Have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday. I'll be the one probably whining that it's Monday again. ;)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I. Don't. Care.

2010-10-07T07:14:00.003-05:00

Every morning, I wake my kids up.....four times. I'm nice at first, I'm a little mean the second time, I'm really mean the third time and by the fourth time, I'm a raving lunatic. I'm not complaining, it's just what I do.

When they finally come stumbling out into the living room, they grab the remote and turn on TeenNick. Full House. Oh the going's on's with the Tanners. I used to love that show, at least until little Michelle turned into that awkward brat that wasn't cute anymore. I love Jesse and Rebecca though. Oh man, Sparkman would be loving me right now. (Inside joke)

So anywho, every commercial break is about Degrassi coming back. They try to make it all dramatic about how Degrassi has changed. No cell phones, no public displays of affection....blah, blah, blah. I. Don't. Care. For like 2 months, it's the same damn commercial and for 2 months, I haven't once given a shit. What the hell is Degrassi anyway? It sounds like a new pot I'd wanna smoke in a bong. I have a sinking feeling it's not though.

This is what my mornings are like though. I'm on a loop every day. It's the same thing every morning. You're jealous of my life, aren't you? ;)

It's technically my Friday. I have to work with Dennis Hopper all day today. I've heard he was in a mood yesterday and to tell you the truth, this morning I'm hoping he is in another mood. Cause I'm not and I plan on saying something if he even thinks about being an asshole. I had too good of a day yesterday to let him ruin my today. So bring it Dennis! I dare ya!

Have a great day everybody. Stay tuned if I'm still apart of the working class....

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Day off! Day off! Day off!

2010-10-06T08:14:00.002-05:00

Annnnnnnnnd I'm busy. My M has doctor's appointments all day today. She'll be poked and poked again....then probably bled dry. Poor baby.

So I had a much better day yesterday. I still felt sick so I guess the reason for all things shitty at work really is Dennis Hopper's fault. VINDICATED! Yah, vindicated and screwed. I did however find out that I'm really not the only one he picks on. There's this other technician. So I have somebody to whine with about it. My husband was very glad to hear that.....cause he's tired of listening to it.

I think his reasoning behind his exhaustion with my complaint is he knows I'm a bad ass. He knows I don't usually take shit from anybody. Yet, since March I have. I guess that's a good thing. He believes in me....but in a small way he's a little disappointed in me as well.

This is the guy that watched me tell a Kmart loss prevention "officer" who accused me of repricing an outfit, "You have a flashlight and a plastic badge with Kmart on it. I'm not even in my 20's and I'm still better than you." I swear I almost made him cry. The "officer" not my husband.

So anyway, today is my day off and I'm gonna do it right. I'm gonna spend the entire day with my oldest and try not to make her cry. I might pay some bills. I might go grocery shopping. But you can bet that whatever I do, it ain't gonna consist of counting pills or putting things in a prioritizer. Because THAT will be tomorrow when I work the entire day with Dennis Hopper.

Have a great Hump Day everybody! I'm wearing pants and a long-sleeve shirt. I almost shed a tear. I miss my tank tops and tube tops. :(

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I am no Norma Rae....or whatever her name was.

2010-10-04T22:38:00.006-05:00

You know? The lady that fought for union rights? Or was it just women's rights in the work place? Ah, forget it. The analogy is ruined since I have no idea who I'm analogizing.

Yesterday, I had visions of myself fighting for my rights to bitch slap my boss and quit. Granted, I was sick and very miserable so my vision was a little blurry but damn it would've been good. Stupid Sudafed slowed me down though. I did not quit. I instead came home and complained to my poor husband who in my opinion is sick of hearing about it.

"You've been saying the same thing since March. Either tell the prick to shove it or shut up about it."

He's totally right. I have been complaining about him since March. It's time to put up or shut up. The problem with me though, and it's quite an annoying problem actually, I tend to cry during confrontations. NOT because I'm a big baby and he's made me cry, but because that's just me. I get teary eyed, my voice starts to crack and it's humiliating. I do NOT want to cry in front of this man. He will NOT think he beat me to tears.

So what do I do?

And in my opinion, if even my own co-workers admit that he treats me differently, something is a little off in this situation. And what pisses me off more is he's asked if I was available for MORE hours!!! Um.....no. If you can't even admit to me and treat me with a tad bit more respect, why in thee hell would I do you any favors? But seriously, how does a girl, who cries when confronted or confronts, actually tell her boss that she thinks he's a real asshole? In a nice way of course.

Have a great Tuesday everybody! I have off tomorrow but will be jumping from doctor appointment to doctor appointment with M. And a better plus at my Tuesday??? I'm working with the other pharmacist today. Dennis Hopper will be nowhere in my area. :) Girls rule.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm just not feelin it....

2010-10-04T08:04:00.004-05:00

I've got things to do but I can't seem to find the mojo to do it. And I'm not talking about the things I have to do. Work, family, friends. I can fulfill my obligations to them....it's the other stuff. The stuff that is me. The fun stuff. The writing. The finding something fun to do. The fun stuff.

I've been feeling this way for awhile. It's not because I'm a snot monster. This started happening long before that. It's not the summer is over blues. Although the chills I experience don't make me happy. I'm gonna miss my tube tops something fierce. It's not the daily grind of counting carbs and figuring out insulin units.

I think it's just I feel like a rubber band that's too weak to stretch anymore. I can't do it all. I've got too much responsibility. When I was younger, the only responsibility I had was myself. Today, I have way more than that and sometimes, I'm the one that gets neglected. And I'm not being selfish. I'm not asking for a vacation. I'm really just babbling.

But yesterday as I laid down feeling like crap, whimpering like a meth addict, I decided to suck it up. I rolled off the bed, wrapped in my blanket and crawled through the hallway. It seems that the lower on the ground I am, the dizziness didn't attack. I've never been one to ask for help. I can do it, I just prefer not to. I found my husband asleep on the couch with the Raider game on in the background. I tapped him on the shoulder.....a couple times. When he finally became aware of my presence, I finally said it.

"I need your help."

That's all I had to say too. I've seen the look before when asking for help and the look said, "Oh god, what now?" He didn't have that look on his face. He just looked at me. It was the look of I could ask him for anything and he'd do it. I have to admit, the urge to ask for something ridiculous crossed my mind but I refrained. I needed three things.

1) We need to be fed.

2) We need coffee creamer for the morning.

3) The stupid smoke alarm needs a battery.

And yes, he did every single one. They weren't hard to do. But the thing was, he did it because I actually asked for help. Normally my rant would be, "Why do I even have to ask?" But not today, I'm just glad I finally pulled my snotty head out of my ass and asked for help.

I'm tired of feeling like the "world" depends on my strength. I'm tired of making sure every particular piece of the puzzle is perfect. I'm just plain tired. I'm not the only person in this world of work, family and friends. I'm just one freaking person. I can't be the everything on the team and I won't be.

I'm gonna recognize when I need help and actually ask for it. I'm gonna appreciate that my husband isn't a complete moron like I act like he is.

So happy Monday, I'm crawling to work today with enough Sudafed in my system to clear out a river of snot. I left my husband asleep with some defrosting ground meat in the sink. I've requested sloppy joes tonight for dinner. See? Help. I ain't ashamed to admit that I can't do it all.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I Make Things Too Easy.

2010-09-07T07:53:00.002-05:00

I've got a plan for everything. I'm not an organized woman by any means. I have a disorganized system but it works. My husband has OCD though. He'll notice if his desk drawer has been opened. It's highly annoying but even more annoying is I know this about him. You'd think after 20 years together I would remember to put everything back the way it was to avoid the dreaded question. "Who was going through my stuff?"

My kids are pigs. They don't have a plan to save their life. Well, unless if their plan is to live like pigs so nobody is the wiser. They're probably conniving a plan to rule the world through their pigginess. I doubt it though.

So every morning, I wake the pigs up and lay out their to do's of the morning. It isn't a difficult to do or anything.

1) Get up.
2) Eat breakfast.
3) Make your lunch.
4) Make sure your clothes match.

See? It's easy. Now nowhere in this to do is brush your teeth or your hair. Make your bed. Or clean up your breakfast plates and spoons. Well, my pigs, it seems need to have these added onto the list. Jesus! I get the bed and plates because they're pigs but your teeth and hair??? Hello? They're girls. We're supposed to be programmed to look good when we walk out of the house. My girls? I'm convinced they need a tune up on the girl parts.

So as my husband left this morning, he had his coffee cup in hand and perfectly organized duty bag over his shoulder. The coffee was made the night before and his bag is ALWAYS organized. Every pocket has a purpose. Every zipper is zipped to the exact location. Closed but open just a little. I swear the man counts the teeth so he knows when someone has been in his bag.

I have work this morning. The day after a holiday in retail can go two ways. Bad or really bad. I'm expecting really bad but I am almost positive I will prevail to the point of passing out tonight. When it's busy, I tend to obsessively apply chapstick. Call it a nervous tic or just constantly chewing my lip because I wanna speak some swear words to the customers. I ran out of chapstick this morning. You'd think I had planned this better.

So as ya'll are going to work as well, remember this, it could be worse. You could be my children and live like pigs. You could be my husband and obsessively place things in order. Or worse, you could be me. You see, I went into his duty bag today to steal his chapstick. He's got like three in there. He ain't gonna miss one.

::ring ring::

Me: Yes? (I saw his name on the caller ID)

Husband: Did you go through my bag today?

Me: ::sigh:: You need medication.

Husband: So you did?

Me: Yes, I stole a chapstick.

Husband: Which one?

Me: They're all the same!

Husband: No they're not. There's one that I like better.

Me: Well, nine times outta ten....I took the "better" one.

I swear I zipped it back to the exact position. Happy Tuesday but it's really technically Monday. I'm gonna apply my chapstick all day and give it back to him with a smile and possibly a prescription for some medication.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Non-laboring Labor Day.

2010-09-06T12:05:00.006-05:00

I had a conversation with my father the other day. He was rolling his eyes while I whined about how tired I had been lately with my new shift at work. For a reminder, I'm working 24 hours now in the pharmacy. Compared to my 13 hours I worked previously and the 0 hours I worked before that. I'm also working until 5:30pm on those work days so I am no longer free to leave when the going gets tough. I have to stay and wade through the muck of late drop-offs and add flu shots. I. Am. In. Hell.

So anyway, my father loves me. He really does but he finds my exhaustion a joke. And even funnier, he's right. My father has worked for over 50 years at a 40+ hour a week job his entire life. He's managed people, he's yelled at people, he's fired people. He's done it all. In fact, he's done what "most" working people have done. I have never worked a 40 hour week in my entire lifetime. I've worked "maybe" 32 hours but never more. Yes, I know, you can roll your eyes too. I rolled my eyes as well with that epiphany.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to be a Special Ed. teacher. I wanted to be pediatrician. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a lot of things actually but the journey to be those people required.....an education past high school. I'm not a stupid woman. I'm pretty smart actually, but I hated school. I lasted three weeks in college....junior college that is but it was 3 weeks. My parents were smart. They said they wouldn't pay for the first semester but they would pay for the second semester. I never made it to semester two. Money well saved.

All I wanted to be was a mother. I wanted to be married. I wanted kids. But most of all, I just wanted "life" to start. You remember that feeling? When you're young and you can't wait to be an "adult" so you can do whatever you want? But now you're an "adult" and you can't quite figure out what the hell you were waiting for. I don't necessarily feel that way, I know what I was waiting for. I just wish I would've savored the freedom of being young. It wasn't really all that bad. Why did I rush to the responsibilities of being an adult? Why couldn't I dig my toes in the sand a little longer and embrace the simplicity of being a kid without a care in the world?

So on this day of non-labor, I plan on spending it with my kids and observing the simplicity of being a kid. I plan on sitting with my parents and embracing the act of being an adult with the people I rebelled against so long ago. And then maybe later? I'm gonna crack open a beer and toast to the fact that I majorly screwed up rushing toward a life as an adult. And then after the toast, I'm gonna go to bed because I have to go to work tomorrow. :) Happy Labor Day everybody. I'll see ya tomorrow. The "Other" Monday of the week.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Title....that's all I got. ;)

2010-08-27T08:14:00.011-05:00

Oh good god people, all of you working people are my heroes. How in the hell do you do it? Waking up every morning, just as the sun is rising to get your asses to work? Since school has started, I've realized that I have to start taking better care of myself. Cause I gotta tell you, being this tired is NOT normal.

I'm NOT pregnant so hush.

Yesterday was my first long day. And what I mean by long is the same thing every normal person does. 8 whole hours. ((GASP)) Yah, I realize, the act of feeling sorry for me is far from your thoughts. Suck it up Jeanie....everybody does it. I have a friend who I used to work with before that works hard like all you other people. He works at a hospital pharmacy and lives in New Orleans. He took a chance on an adventure and royally feels screwed.

He's not even 30 yet though. He has a gorgeous wife and absolutely no kids. He had every right to take a chance and has every right to continue to do it. Yesterday on his blog, he made an announcement that he was starting a new one. I miss those moments in my life where an adventure was a possibility.

http://reflectiondisposition.wordpress.com/author/mileskw/

I've been where he was where the world was my oyster and there wasn't a care in the world. I would drive fast, take spur of the moment trips to nowhere and take a giant leap into the unknown. I envy him actually. I don't envy the heartache of endeavors failing along the way but I do envy the excitement of those endeavors.

So my friend, my long lost brother from another mother, you will fail sometimes but you will accomplish so much in the end too. Because with every failure, there is an adventure you'll never regret. I believe in you and wish you luck.

Happy Friday everybody....I'm going back to bed! :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again

Not really inspired this morning.

2010-08-26T07:11:00.004-05:00

Today is an 8 hour day. ((GASP)) I know, it's what everybody does but not me. I've been on short shifts since I started working. I don't think I'm ready for this. Now, don't get me wrong, the fat paycheck will be appreciated but the constant tiredness? Not so much.

The girls aren't doing too well with the new schedule either. It would suck to be able to sleep in for 3 months and then BAM, 6:30am wake ups. But with every new schedule, we're once again working for the weekend. With my new schedule, I have 3 day weekends now.

So today is my last workday before the weekend of my dreams. Katie has her first soccer game this weekend but as for anything else on the docket, haven't gotten word yet. My husband is working some extra shifts so with our solitude, I think I'm gonna finally dig deep for some inspiration and write. I've got a couple blogs to catch up on. My writerly friends are in need of some love so I'm gonna do my best here.

http://roguemutt.wordpress.com/

http://virginsheets.blogspot.com/

Have a great Thursday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

It's my day off....

2010-08-25T07:00:00.002-05:00

...not to be confused with me avoiding my duties as a mother though.

1) Wake em up.

2) Wake em up again.

3) Wake em up AGAIN by using the f-word.

4) Listening to one of em cry because she can't find her new pants.

5) Relaying that crying of pants that are in the drawer and NOT missing is ridiculous.

6) Telling the other one to hurry up and do her shot.

7) Telling the other one again to hurry up and do her shot.

8) Tightening the pant's waist that were missing before.

9) Finding one of em crying because the previous MIA pants are "itchy" in the back where the tag is.

Good lord, when does this end? Yes, I know, I know. Never. Ask my mother, she still gets to see me cry over the stupidest things. And yes, I know, I made the decision to procreate. My fault.

On a lighter note, about 5 minutes ago, I noticed a bulge the size of big assdom.

Me: What is wrong with your butt?

K: I put a wet towel back there because it hurt.

Me: A wet towel. You put a wet towel back there?

K: ::tear:: Now my pants are wet AND itchy.

Husband: Lemme see.

K: Fix it daddy.

Me: Yes, fix your daughter's ass.

Husband: Jeez K, pull your underwear up. Why do you wear em so low?

K: Mommy wears em low.

Husband: No she doesn't.

K: Do you think they make thongs for kids?

Me: Why? So you can cry that your panties are up your butt?

Husband: To many, this would be a nightmare, surrounded by women my entire life that do nothing but whine and bitch. But to me, it's payback. Handle this Jean.

Me: Thanks, 'preciate it.

K: So do they make thongs?

Husband and Me: NO!!!

I think we're both getting paid back here. Have a great Hump Day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

This is my life.

2010-08-23T20:22:00.005-05:00

I've begun to despise my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love em but good god do they know how to push my buttons.

With school starting, I've set some rules. With these rules, I stated that under no circumstances do they argue with me about them or try to get out of them.

Day 2 of set rules. 8pm, it's time to come inside and relax for the remaining hour and a half of wakefulness. Did they come in with a smile? Did they wave goodbye to their friends and run inside with a skip to their walk?

No.

They did what they always do and argued with me. I have had it with this attitude kids these days have where they don't take no for an answer. What part of me being an adult constitutes me explaining myself when I give an answer to a child? Absolutely nothing.

Child: Can I have another Coke?

Me: No.

Child: Why?

Me: Because you've already had a Coke today. Drink some water or some juice.

Child: But if I just drink water tomorrow, can I have a Coke tonight?

Now here's me. I'm not stupid. I know that tomorrow will come and somehow the child will ask for another Coke. It seems stupid and trivial but seriously? Why do I even bother to explain myself? No!!! Get your ass outta my face and drink some water!

And that's their downfall. Their momma ain't stupid. She isn't a pushover either. She'll apologize if she's wrong but she ain't gonna go back on a rule she set. And no amount of convincing is gonna....convince me. So shut up, get outta my face and please keep the muttering to a minimum.

Muttering. Now I may be losing some sight and some hearing but I can freaking hear you when you are talking shit. And I have never backed down from a muttering of smack talk that I knew it was directed at me. I went to Tracy High School dammit...the freaking palace of muttering, trash talking jack-asses. Oh yah....don't play me cause you will lose.

So we're on to day 2 of school. Yesterday was a cluster-fuck of idiots that don't get the concept of dropping their kids off at school. Drive, stop, drive again. Easy! But no, they have to try to get in the "better" lane or get their kid to the front of the door. I was 5 minutes late yesterday to work because I spent 30 minutes in the drop-off line at the middle school. Trust me, if I had 10 extra minutes....my ass was tempted to knock on a few bumpers and flip a couple dozen idiots off. But I didn't. Dammit, I didn't.

Today is a short day at work. I think it's my last short day in a long time. I plan on enjoying this day as best I can. When I walk out those Target doors at 2pm today....I will have a little wiggle to my hips and twinkle in my eye. I have no idea who I'm working with though. Yesterday I worked with Dennis Hopper and it wasn't too bad. We commiserated about the traffic in the morning....which is why I didn't get in trouble for being 5 minutes late. :) I'm actually starting to really, really like Dennis Hopper. Don't tell though. Have a great Tuesday everybody.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

First Day of School....and now it begins.

2010-08-23T07:43:00.003-05:00

So today is the first day of school. Freaking fabulous! I've been trying to get rid of these kids for over a month now and it is finally here. No more, "Mom, I'm bored," or "Can we go to the pool," or "Can so and so spend the night?" Oh good golly, these kids are driving me freaking crazy!

So in honor of this glorious day, share my joy.

Me: Pop quiz midget! Who said this?

K: Huh? Wha.....?

Me: "First day of school! First day of school!"

K: Ugh, Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Me: Who said it? Come on, there's a prize.

K: Some stupid fish that didn't know what he was talking about.

Me: Ding, ding, ding! You won a ride to school and a half-walk into class. Congratulations....now get up.

It took her like 10 minutes to abandon the doom and actually get excited though. She must've brushed her hair until it was shiny and soft. She brushed her teeth BEFORE breakfast. Yah, I remember those days. The first day of school was always exciting for me too. Of course by day 2, I was completely over it and realized that summer was far away again. As a parent, that's music to my ears.

My oldest M, the new diabetic, is venturing into the unknown here. Schedules upon schedules. Snacks and insulin. And ((GASP)) the 7th grade. She is no longer the little grubby 6th grader. She's in the middle of the pack. She's almost top dog. She's also go this new disease she would rather hide from everybody but can't. Poor baby. I've met with the nurse at school though and I feel comfortable that M will come out of her shell and not be so ashamed to speak up. At least I hope so. She looks fabulous this morning though in her new clothes. All last year she looked like a skeleton until we finally got her diagnosed with diabetes so this new year, she looks like our M. It's really nice to send her back the way she should look.

So, as I dropped K off first this morning and wait to drop M off in a bit, I will be going to work. When I started this job in March, I just thought the extra money would be nice. I've come to realize that I needed this job to save my sanity as a mother. For 8 hours in a day where I might normally be a jittery ball of nerves for my kids....I will be dealing with dumbass customers trying to get their last minute prescriptions filled. Trust me, I'm being serious. 1) They're really dumbasses. 2) This job is a godsend for me.

Happy Monday everybody. Kids are back to school. It is indeed a Happy Monday.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I've been on a break.

2010-08-03T11:48:00.003-05:00

I think life just took over and I'm not complaining but until I can catch up with it, this blog is gonna suffer. I don't wake up with dirty thoughts spilling forth from my mouth anymore. I actually enjoy my minimal yet fullfilling job hours. My writing has taken a beating lately but I can feel the tingle of an idea deep in my brain. So bare with me for a bit please. I promise I won't let you down too long.

Here's a video cause words defy me. Enjoy! She makes me happy.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again

Still got nothing....

2010-07-27T11:21:00.003-05:00

...so I'll just continue with the story.

Y'all know about my moment but I have somewhat of a gigantic circle of people that experienced their own moments the day M was diagnosed with diabetes. I had warned a bunch of people that morning what I feared. There was a lot of, "Don't think that!" and, "I think it's just something simple." I continued to keep the positive thoughts but I am a chronic Web MD viewer and Web MD was screaming at me what the signs were.

After the doctor said those words, "It's diabetes." he left the room to start the admission process into Children's Dallas. I grabbed my phone and sent out a mass text to my circle of people. I often cringe at the feeling of being behind that text.

"It's diabetes. We're being admitted into Children's Legacy and being care flighted to Dallas after they stabilize her."

How horrible to be the recipient of a text like that. It must've felt like a sucker punch to the gut. I could've done it better but at that moment, I couldn't speak. No words could come out of my mouth.

My poor mother was at lunch and was at Home Depot. She had almost made it out the door but alas the text reached her in the garden department. My beautiful mother just sat down on a bag of fertilizer and cried. Every scenario that I had experienced, she was also experiencing. How do I fix this? What do we do? Another experience was, why is everybody just walking past her? Seriously, my mother has gray hair and nobody stopped to see if she was okay. You gotta love people!

My husband never got the text. This is a joke that will go down in the books. M's dad was at Sports Academy picking up empty drums and loading it onto a truck. He left his phone in the other car and was in reality doing something he shouldn't have been doing on his lunch. I kept waiting for him to storm in and demand control of the situation so I could finally break down. He wasn't coming.

As M and I walked through the hospital, into elevators, I kept checking my phone. I kept pressing the call button to call my husband but I never followed through. I looked at M and said, "I can't talk to him." M just calmly said, "Just page him mom, he'll come if you page him." I think I knew that but I'd already sent the text of doom....I didn't want to follow it up with a page of doom. I did though but I just typed three words.

"I need you."

We were in the car on our way to Children's Legacy when he finally called. I was driving like a lost, old lady looking for a garage sale. When my husband asked, "What's up?" I knew he had no clue what was coming. My heart was already broken but to actually say the words would do nothing for it. I couldn't get anything out except, "I need....I need....I need." That was all I could say. By the third plea, my husband finally got it. "Just say it and send me a text of where you are."

That was my husband's moment. He had 3 drums in the bed of his truck. He was over 50 miles away from us. His wife was on the phone with him barely holding on to reality. My Mr. Fix-it couldn't fix it. In the 30 minutes it took him to finally get to the hospital, he'd seen the text of doom, replayed in his head the pleading words, "I need....I need....I need," and still wasn't where he should've been.

He often apologizes for not being there when he should've. I've never felt like I was abandoned or alone that day. The amount of people that reached out to us and took control of an otherwise uncontrollable situation was huge. My mother finally got off that bag of fertilizer and picked my K up from school for me. My friend G immediately started getting my prescriptions covered by my insurance. My social network of friends continued to lend me their hands or their ears so I didn't feel so alone. My husband finally arrived at the hospital and allowed me a shoulder to lean on. My daughter M remained brave throughout the day when I needed bravery to prevail.

It was one thing that created a couple dozen moments.

My moral of this story? When I see an old lady sitting on a bag of fertilizer crying, I'm for damn sure gonna stop and ask if she's okay! :) Happy Tuesday everybody! I am quite sure today is gonna fly by seeing as it's already noon and I've only accomplished this today.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Here's a quandry!

2010-07-25T14:27:00.006-05:00

I've totally ran out of things to say! I know! SHOCKER! I think I'm going to just tell a story none of you knew. Excuse me if you don't care but until I get my muse back, this is the best I can do.

The day M was diagnosed with diabetes, I think everybody knew that I had already had a feeling what was coming. Call it instinct or just signs screaming at me for months that I chose to ignore. When I took her to the doctor, the long car ride prompted an apology to her for my procrastination. I had to say that I was sorry. I didn't tell her what I thought it was. I didn't want her to worry if I was wrong. I did however assure her that I was sorry and I wasn't mad at her. Cause you see, I wasn't quite ready for the answer and earlier that morning I felt like she was forcing me to get it.

When we got to the doctor and I gave the doctor her symptoms, he and I both knew what was coming. M left the room to go to the bathroom and I remained in the room. I didn't cry, I just sat there like a statue waiting for my life to crack. When M came back into the room, I realized that I had to pee too.

Now I went into the same bathroom M was just in and it had that little steel door you put your sample in. I heard the steel door open. I stood there in the bathroom, eavesdropping in a way. I heard the sounds on the other side of that square steel door. I held my breath waiting for anything. I heard the paper ripping. I heard the cap being twisted. My hearing was working very well that morning. I heard the nurse on the other side of the steel door say, "Oh no. Get the doctor."

My heart broke that moment. I left the bathroom and went back in the room with the biggest fake smile on my face. I stood there by the door just waiting. I had my hand on M's leg when the nurse came in and tested her blood sugar with a monitor. I didn't look at it. I just stood there with my eyes closed, holding onto her knee. I already knew. Instincts be gone, I'd eavesdropped on the worst news ever. I had a secret that was about to be spilled any second.

This was a moment where I didn't know if I should be the one that told my daughter of her fate or wait for the professional to do it. It's like those moments in your life that you'll never forget. Did I want M to remember this as coming from me or with me just standing beside her when the doctor told her? I didn't want to be a part of this moment. I couldn't be the one. I wasn't.

When the doctor came in and looked at me, I just closed my eyes again when he started to speak. "It's diabetes."

That was my moment. It was basically an hour of moments that I wish never happened. I pick through that day and try to figure out how I could've done those moments better or differently. If there was any moment I wouldn't change, it would be the one where I gave M a hug and said, "I'm sorry."

Happy Monday??? :) Yah, it's a happy Monday. I hope you all have a fantastic day.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I think it's gonna rain.

2010-07-20T18:19:00.003-05:00

You ever notice that when it rains it freaking pours when you least need it?? God help me, I'm in the middle of a shit storm and there ain't nothing I can do about it. It has nothing to do with anything but life and money. So the best way I can get through this is to try to find the funny.

Here it goes!

Ethan is doing great. His surgery went very well and unfortunately for him...and I, I know a bit too much about his "no-no square." And in honor of Ethan and trying to lighten his unrunnable spirits, when he came to the door this morning, I answered it in a towel. God, I'm going to hell but for some reason, the peephole is blocked by a piece of paper. What did the paper say?

"Give God a chance."

Thanks, maybe another day.

Yesterday was K's last day of futsol. Her daddy went and I prayed she'd have a good game. She did. Oh god, I love to watch her play. Being me however, I just wanna watch her play. The parent's of the other girls on the team, please don't talk to me. I'm cheering for my soccer stud. So this guy, we'll call him "Buff." I have no idea what his name is but "Buff" seems to fit the persona. Not cause he's actually buff but because he wears t-shirts the size my 8 year old wears. Seriously? Your shirt being tight doesn't make you look buff. It makes you look like you washed your shirt in hot water too many times.

Buff: Oh man, K was on it tonight! (He talks REALLY REALLY loud too)

Me: It was a good game.

Buff: Good game? Oh honey, that's the understatement of the world right there! That was ridiculous!!

Me: Well, I'm just glad this is over. I'm ready for outdoor soccer already.

Buff: Oh I've heard about you alright.

Me: Oh yeah? I'm famous huh? I am a bit of a screamer but it's really just cheering.

Buff: No, I'm talking about the tube tops. Can't wait.

Me: Oh, the tube tops? Yah, I don't like tan lines. What's your excuse for that outfit?

Buff: Huh?

Husband: We'll see ya at practice tomorrow! (He's literally pulling me with all his strength at this point)

Me: Um....arm socket....need use of my arm.

Husband: I should kick his ass for being a douchebag but damn Jean, you sure know how to castrate a man!

Me: His shirt's too tight. His brain doesn't have enough oxygen to understand what I said.

Today at soccer practice? My husband decided to go and leave me at home.

Text from husband: That guy is wearing an over sized shirt today. It looks like it would fit a grizzly bear.

Me: He prolly just bought it. Hasn't had time to wash it 3,000 times in hot water yet.

Text from husband: No, I think your verbal castration clicked. He refuses to look at me.

Yah, that's the best I got for funny. I hope you all had a great Tuesday! Mine is about to be called. I'm so ready for this shitstorm of bills to STOP already! Momma needs a vacation but can't afford it. See y'all tomorrow!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Don't worry....I'm certified.

2010-07-18T09:47:00.004-05:00

What does that mean?

Actually, it doesn't mean shit. Certification to most just means that you studied really hard for a test, learned that stuff to pass the test, passed the test and then promptly forgot everything you learned. That's pretty much what I did. I couldn't do half the stuff I learned today. I don't really want to either.

So this weekend was pretty uneventful. It was heaven! My redneck Filipino husband built himself a deer blind. Basically it's a wooden box he'll stand in and kill deer when they come close. Well, it has a couple windows. He actually did a pretty good job at it which leads me to ask again, who is this man? Everyday he surprises me with another talent. Now don't get me wrong, I took shop in school. Hey, there were some cute guys in the class and the girl to boy ratio was always a cool 1:5. But ask me to make a wooden picture frame and I'll just go get some sticks and a hot glue gun. I don't remember shit about that.

I'm sure I could remember things I've learned in the past but the information just clicking on the fly, ain't really my forte. Is that just a Jeanie thing?

People are constantly amazing me with the amount of information they retain. The English language and how to write it is one of them. I graduated in 1992 and rocked English class. It was one of my favorite subjects. Dur. How could it not be? But ask me what a preposition is and I'm gonna embarrass myself. About the only thing I ever retained in English class....is how to read. I can spot mistakes in books but can't spot my own.

One of my least favorite things about English class was trying to find the symbolism in a story. The word "symbolism" is kind of like the word "priortizer" to me. I hate it. Why does a book have to have symbolism? Why can't I just read a book and understand the concept instead of finding the hidden meaning behind it? A book for me is an escape. A trip to the unknown away from the reality of my life. Word in some places is agents are looking for books with symbolism. Seriously? Are we writing classics now that some poor 12th grader is gonna roll their eyes at in 15 years? I don't really want to write a classic.

I have a "friend" who shall remain nameless, that writes. And when I say writes, I mean he really writes. His stories whether short or long are the epitome of symbolism. As an adult that chooses to read what she wants to read, I have to admit that I wish I could write like that. And even though his stories or books have no vampires or werewolves in them, he can write a mean story. Which brings me back to amazement of the skills people retain.

I love when people surprise me and make me want to be a better person. Whether it be a better writer or a better....carpenter, I'm paying attention.

Have a great Monday. My eyes are finally back to what they're supposed to look like. I have to take these giant capsules of Omega-3 and all I keep tasting is fish. It's fantastic. (sarcasm)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I am never alone.

2010-07-16T08:03:00.004-05:00

Seriously, nobody is. If you feel alone, you're just choosing to be alone. I always have somebody to reach out to or keep me company. It can be anybody but I've got my favorites. I think I'm a favorite on some other people's list too.

What about the oblivious nature of people that want to be in your life that you don't see? Nnnnnnnnnnnnope, not me. I see everybody. I pay attention. I think more people should pay attention. There would be a lot less people in the world with frowns on their faces.

Is this just me? Am I the only person that finds the silver lining in a shitty situation? Let me clarify, life hands out shitty situations all the time, people contribute to the shitty situation. What do you do to get out of the shitty situation? Depends, right?

You can either bathe in the shit or grab some soap.

I'd like to think the better choice is to grab the soap. DON'T BEND OVER TO GET IT THOUGH! Cause life will screw you that way too.

I love Fridays. It's an end. It was that light at the end of the tunnel. It's the day that means my family isn't passing each other and grunting hellos along the way. We can take a moment to say hi and actually have a conversation. I think that's the most important thing. Actually asking the question, "How was your week?" Giving a shit, so to speak. Cause the week is gone. It's ovah! It's all behind you now. Find your light. Find your moment. Just take one second to look around and see who's there. It might surprise you.

There might be someone standing there with his/her hand out for you to hold if you need it. And it's like the forgotten or missed high-five. It hurts if you're the one standing there with your hand out and nobody takes it. And next time? They ain't gonna be there anymore.

I feel like Jack Handy today. :) Have a fabulous weekend. It'll be over before we know it.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

So this is it...Part 2.

2010-07-15T14:40:00.003-05:00

Why Part 2? Well shit, cause it's my birthday and I can do whatever the hell I want. Just kidding...not whatever...but some things I wouldn't normally do.

Okay, turning the age wasn't that bad. I have been busy since 5am. I took my parents to the airport. (Still a little pissed that they decided to vacation on such a special day) I went to my ophthalmologist appointment at 10am. Here's that.

Doctor: Have you been stressed out?

Me: You got a couple hours?

Doctor: Well, I've never seen a case this bad but cases this bad is usually brought on by stress.

Me: So on top of being stressed, I'm now reduced to looking like Rocky after fighting Apollo Creed? Purrrrrrrrrrrrfect.

Doctor: I'm gonna drain these. It's gonna hurt.

Me: Just do it Doc....I don't care.

::10 minutes go by::

Me: Well, I don't know ya, but I seriously wanna kick your ass now.

Doctor: Wouldn't be the first time.

Me: I'm guessing it won't be the last either.

So, seems to me that I need to take better care of myself and pay attention to the signs my body parts are trying to tell me. But seriously, this was ridiculous. 2 weeks of misery, brought on by stress....which in fact just stressed me out more. I'm not a genius...well I am a literary genius but any other genius, not so much...but how does this make sense in the health department.

So I returned home with old lady pills and eye drops. I hung around for awhile and then decided to finish my chores. I slipped on a miniskirt and tank top and what did I do next???

Got my inspection sticker! First time for me. I usually make the husband do the manly duty but dammit, I got nice, long, YOUNG legs to show off.

The guy tells me to wait in the waiting room, so I mosey on around the corner and find the co-workers "waiting room."

Me: Is this seriously your waiting room?

Guy: No, it's ours. Yours is through that back door.

Me: Yah, I'm not going in a back door. Can I sit out here with you guys?

Guy: Sure you can but it's hot as hell out here.

Me: Ah, that's okay. I barely have any clothes on anyway.

Guy: This reminds me of a movie I once watched.

Me: Lemme guess. Titillating Auto-Techs?

Other Guy: How'd you guess he was thinkin' porn?

Me: Probably cause I was thinkin' porn.

Guy: You aren't trying to butter us up to pass your inspection, are you?

Me: Would that work?

Other Guy: No comment.

Guy: Well hell yah it would work!

Me: I don't have to butter you up...I'm just making conversation.

Inspector: You passed.

Other Guy: So close.

Me: Yet so far away. Thanks boys.

I love birthdays. When I got home and told my husband that I got the inspection sticker, what do you think he said?

"You went in THAT???"

::giggle:: Why yes I did. Happy Birthday to me, and you, and you, and you, and you!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

So this is it.

2010-07-14T08:51:00.003-05:00

It's my last day being a 35 year old. I am even closer to being 40 starting tomorrow. Ugh, I know, I know. Age is nothing but a number but this really sucks. There is no loophole I can find that still rounds down to 30. I am officially going to have to round up.

It ponders a question I've often asked myself.

Is this it?

Why yes it is Jeanie, this is it. Sure I can find endeavors to conquer but do I want to? It's like that bucket list people on their death beds make. What would my bucket list have on it?

1) Still wanna be published.
2) Still wanna go to Ireland.
3) Still wanna visit England.

Pretty short bucket list. I know I can add on but I've always thought bucket lists were depressing because every year, nothing gets scratched off. If I keep adding to it, I'll be reminded that once again, I've managed to miss another year of fulfilling a dream. That's not fun. And just adding realistic dreams isn't fun either. That kind of like cheating.

I think I'm just going to stick with the original plan. Keep good friends near. Smile everyday. Laugh until it hurts at least once a week. I've been able to stick to that for awhile. So goodbye 35. I'm gonna miss that loophole I found for you of NOT rounding up. Hiya 36. You ain't got shit on my, "I'm 28!"

Have a fantastic Hump Day! The girls have dentist appointments today and pay day is tomorrow.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

You'd think I'd be more prepared.

2010-07-13T11:20:00.003-05:00

Okay, so at 4am this morning, I wake up. I sleep with a sound machine. All of us do. It sometimes sounds like a tornado or hurricane in this house to a stranger with all the wind, ocean and rain coming from our rooms. I never had to sleep to noise until I had babies. Damn kids, they ruin everything.

So I wake up because my sound machine turned off. Too quiet to sleep. Yes, I know, I'm weird. And as I punched the sound machine in vain trying to turn it back on, I realize, it's awfully dark in the house.

Like some stranger crept behind me and said, "Boo!" I jumped out of bed and thought, "Holy shit, no way....they turned my power off!!!"

My second thought?

It was nice knowing everybody....my husband is going to freaking kill me!!!

I was in a panic. I was frantically dialing the power company. "All lines are busy, please try your call again." I kept going outside to see if anybody else in the neighborhood had lights. (I was totally aware that most people were probably sleeping through this) When I finally got through to the power company, I plugged my account number in and held my breath.

"We are aware of a mass outage in your area." (Click)

Even then, I couldn't help thinking that the mass outage could've been because other people got their power shut off. Gimme a break, it was early...I was still preparing for death by husband.

An hour and a half later to be exact, the power turned back on and all was right in my world. Except I really still need to pay this electric bill. Did I?

No. I haven't quite gotten that gift yet where I can actually shit out money. Come on pay day, momma needs to stay alive another month!

Have a great Tuesday! I ain't got shit to do and I plan on doing that perfectly.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Yah, I was lazy.

2010-07-12T07:44:00.003-05:00

I missed Thursday and Friday blog. Sorry about that. Hey, I told you about my eye. Well it ended up turning into eye(s) on Thursday. So I finally went to the doctor and found out it was Pink Eye. WTF?! I'm thirty....five. Not five. But god dang, that shit hurts like a hot poker in the eye. I know the feeling as I'm a smoker and I've had a cherry blow into my eye before. And today? 5 days later....still have eye(s) that need to either get better or spontaneously combust. They're really starting to piss me off, yanno?

Anywhooooo!

I'm gonna call this confession day. I figure I should confess something to make up for my lack of enthusiasm last week. Tit for tat.

I'm dyslexic. No, not the one that can't read words. The one that keeps me from organizing and sequencing. I didn't have to go to special classes or get extra time on tests. I was just constantly and still am constantly made fun of.

You see, I don't know my lefts and rights. I can't alphabetize to save my life. Numbers are okay but letters and directions aren't my strong suit. Don't ever ask me for directions. I will get you to Tupelo instead of Tuscon. When telling me to turn left, could you just point in the direction you want me to go in? Oh and when pointing, don't do it in a manner that sound exasperated. It's truly not my fault. I learned my ABC's in Kindergarten. But I have to actually "sing" the alphabet song to figure out if "L" comes before or after "K."

It's actually quite funny because I don't actually "sing" the alphabet but if you watch me, you can see it in my eyes. Oh yah, I'm singing it alright. And when I get to the letter, an excited gleam comes over my face when I've found the correct letter.

I went my entire life thinking I had been dropped on my head as a baby. I knew it wasn't the pot. I was like this way before I partaked in that. It wasn't the drinking either. This was and has always been a problem of mine. You know when you put your index finger and thumb out to make and "L" shape? Yah, well with me, they BOTH look like "L's" and shit.

I've been told that it's an adorable attribute of mine. The mental deformity I have is adorable? I've gone through life with many idiosyncrasies that people have found adorable. This particular one will never be adorable to me. It's humiliating. There is one silver lining here though. My kids don't have it. They actually tell me which way is left. They've trained themselves to point AND say the direction. Taking care of their "special-needs" mother. That's love baby. Love.

So as I start this humid and hot as Hades Monday, remember the "special" people. They don't all drool. They don't all clap for no reason. Some of them appear normal. Some of them are adorable. Some of them need you to point and allow them some time to sing the alphabet. Happy Monday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Hello Hump Day....whatcha got for me?

2010-07-07T11:26:00.002-05:00

Answer?

An infection in my left eye that makes me resemble a UFC fighter that requires medical attention. Oh yahhhhhhhhhh, livin' the dream today!

Some pet peeves today to pass the time.

1) My daughter has completely lost the ability to pour herself some cereal.

I actually told her today to make her breakfast! ((GASP))

2) The money in our bank account is dwindling and I haven't even paid the bills yet.

Yet, my husband spent $100 on soccer stuff for our youngest last night with hardly a bat of an eye.

3) Showering requires at least an hour of my time.

No, not for any other reason except I just can't walk out, dress and leave.

4) My writing muse has completely disappeared.

Nope, can't even think of what to write when I have all the time on my hands. It sucks.

5) My youngest has a soccer game tonight and tomorrow night and I have to do the single parent routine for both of them.

Not angry about the single parent routine, I'm just more sad that her dad can't watch her play.

6) Today's blog is gonna suck cause I can barely see the computer screen.

The use of only one eye is very distracting. Who knew?

Have a great Hump Day people! The week is halfway over and my birthday is coming up. I'll be 28 for 7th time in history. What? I can sooooooooooooo pull that off. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I actually have stuff to do today. SHOCKER!

2010-07-06T10:36:00.003-05:00

I hate that! Your days off are inundated with crap. I guess I'm lucky that I have em so I can do em without being a toolbox that needs to take a day off but still, I just kinda wanted to lay on the couch all day. Not gonna happen though.

Ugh, my husband and I watched like 2 episodes of Deadliest Catch last night. We've watched this show forever. It's almost an obsession with us. Those guys that are human yet so trashy are like family to us. Well, for awhile now we've been wondering if they were going to have when Captain Phil dies and last night....they started the making of it. I was crying like a baby. I know he's gonna die. But the show is coming off as he might survive the massive stroke. He isn't.

I'm such a softy, I know. SHOCKER! But I'm getting to an age now where death is imminent for some people. A few of my friends can relate. Losing your father or mother is probably my biggest fear. Watching it happen is even harder. My husband's father used to live with us in San Diego. He had a massive stroke too. We were the one's that caught it. We were the one's that flew him to the hospital. We were the one's that pondered the what-ifs of what to do next. It isn't something anybody should have to go through.

I can honestly say, my husband leaned on me and I was there to stay strong so he wouldn't fall. Going back home in June was heart breaking if not relieving. His dad is still alive, thank god. But time is ebbing away and I don't know how my husband will survive it when it happens.

So at the end of the show, watching Captain Phil's sons lean on each other, my husband looked at me and said, "Don't ever leave me."

Why did he say that?

Because he knows it's coming.

What did I say?

I just smiled through my pathetic tears of watching strangers hug it out like I know them like family and said, "I never have."

Annnnnnnnd, then I said, "You're like a fungus that'll never go away."

Humor....it's my crutch during moments of sincerity.

Have a great Tuesday people!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

It could've been worse...but it never is.

2010-07-05T07:57:00.002-05:00

I love my weekends now. I've mentioned before that weekends mean more when you actually have a jobbity job and you crave a couple days off. Granted, I only work two days a week and there is always a couple days off in between my work days. Yes, hate me, love me....it's probably easier just to love me. :)

So on Saturday, I actually went out with most of my "new" coworkers. This could've been bad. I'm happy to report, I don't think I made too much of an ass out of myself. I mean, I drank and wasn't afraid to. I opened my mouth and said some things. All and all, I left feeling like I probably didn't leave a bad taste in their mouth. At least I don't think I did.

The reality is, I still live by the rule that you either love me or hate me. I can't mold myself into a person that I'm not. I can be obnoxious when I want to be. I can be friendly when I want to be. It is too tiring to try not being who I am. She always comes out anyway and wouldn't they rather NOT be surprised when I say something inappropriate then actually be shocked? I'd like to think so.

Yesterday was the 4th of July. We didn't do a damn thing all day except clean the house. My daughter whined, "Why do we have to clean on a holiday?" Oh good god, unless you wanna fight for our country, you better clean your room, yanno? We did however go out to watch fireworks. This town loves fireworks. They're illegal. So whenever there is a show, everybody comes out to watch. It was a freaking madhouse. Luckily my parents live close to where the show was so we just parked and sat in a field. When the show started, they were right in front of us. Ha ha!

However, I'm now suffering with multiple ant bites on my feet and my shoes aren't fitting right today. Oh today is going to suck. I can already picture the comfort level is at a freaking 1 1/2 and I'm not gonna be able to smile about it.

Have a fantastic Monday. Most of you azzholes are off so lemme leave you with this. I am not, so therefore, I hate you.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Patience is a virtue?

2010-07-02T20:14:00.002-05:00

I despise that saying. I have about as much patience as a newborn by a nipple. Waiting for things frustrate me beyond anyone's imagination. I. Hate. Waiting.

So today I worked. It was pretty slow in the morning but damn it picked up after noon. And then? It happened. After working in the pharmacy for 3 months, I finally got my first customer that I probably could've killed if I had a gun. This bitch needed a bullet to her head. She walked up bitchy and nothing good could come of it.

My dilemma? Oh jeez, I suck at customer service when the customer is an asshole or a bitch. It takes every ounce of patience NOT to strangle them or unleash my own fury. And believe me, I could've made this woman cry with my venom. I wanted to as well.

Did I? Dammit! No.

I'm kind of pissed at myself for NOT doing what comes so naturally for me. But alas, another day, I am employed.

So, what do you do when someone pisses you off and you can't do a damn thing about it? Are you like me and think of things you should've said like 5 hours later? Do you imagine meeting them in an alley and kicking their fat asses until they're pulp?

No?

Damn. I need medication.

Have a great weekend! Be safe! Wear flame retardant clothing and bring your condoms!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Sometimes you just gotta say it.

2010-07-01T11:34:00.002-05:00

What is your catch phrase? Everybody has one and they don't even realize it. It's the phrase that gets you through the day. It gets your through a moment. Shit, it gets you through life. I never realized mine until recently. It's foul but it encompasses me like a tight tube top on a hot summer day.

Fuck it.

It seems like whenever I'm feeling scared or blue, it works. Fuck it. Whether it be that leap into the unknown or the skip into something sinful. Fuck it.

It's like you're standing on a bridge attached to a bungee cord contemplating your life. Do you jump? Do you stand there like an idiot? Nope, fuck it. You only live once and there is never a do over in life. Just jump already.

If there is one thing I've learned and held on to so tightly is, my actions are mine. Sure they might effect the people around me but they're still mine. The way my actions effect other people is their own choice. I have absolutely no rights to how they feel. All I can worry about is my own. Some might say that's selfish because I'm a parent and my actions reflect off my kids but seriously, it's still my decision to do whatever the hell I want. As long as my decisions don't kill my kids, I feel pretty comfortable with my view on life.

Before I was married with kids, my catch phrase was so much fun. I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't do death defying acts or anything but I did swallow any fear that might've held me back. Being married with kids, my catch phrase is still somewhat fun. It's just not that life altering. It could just be the simple act of telling a perfect stranger off for staring at my tits....or just staring at me in general. I feel that it is my duty to leave a lasting impression on anybody that injects themselves into my life.

I've always been brutally honest in life. Don't get me wrong, I lie to save my ass sometimes but I've always been a horrible liar. Maybe that's why I embrace honesty. Cause I suck at being devious. And when I say honesty, I'm just meaning saying what's on my mind at the moment it enters my mind. I don't chew on anything. I spit it out. If you're bugging the shit out of me, you're gonna know it. If you look like shit in an outfit, I'm probably going to say it. If you've hurt me, believe me, you're gonna get a hot cup of reality from me.

Fuck it.

What's your catch phrase for life? Did you know you had one? Have a great Thursday. Weekend is almost here!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Oh there would be hell to pay I tell ya!

2010-06-30T10:51:00.003-05:00

I'm not going to talk about Twilight's Eclipse....but it was a great movie! :)

I'm gonna take it back to the days when I would talk about my husband. You remember him? The guy who's kind of an asshole? There are certain rules I have to abide by with him. They aren't hard. They are quite understandable. Number one rule? Don't make him look like an asshole in front of ANYBODY!

What does that mean?

Well, I can't skool him in front of strangers that'll never see him again in his lifetime. Here's an example.

Upon leaving a Best Buy when we were in California, my husband and I were leaving the store. My husband proceeded to go out the IN door. I yelled out, "The door says IN dumbass!" Now this was in front of the door greeter. Whoopsie! Oh there was hell to pay for that one. Trust me, I didn't pay much attention to the scolding that ensued but I could tell from the look on his face that he was pissed.

Another example is making him look like an idiot in front of friends or family. It's not always easy to make him look like an idiot mind you, so when there's a chance, I can't help it. Here's an example.

In San Francisco, my husband asks me and M (the diabetic) if we wanted ice cream. Now M has been a diabetic for a month now. Where in the schedule does an impromptu ice cream cone appear? So what did I do? I "kindly" said, "No, we won't have any ice cream because um....god you're a dumbass." Now I said this in front of his brother and girlfriend/wife. Big mistake. But seriously, DUMBASS!!! Oh he scolded me for that one too. I think he "ignored" me for like an hour....or a minute....who knows, I wasn't paying attention anyway.

See? Rules. Sometimes I respect them but sometimes my bitch side comes out and it can't be helped.

Now one might ask, does he abide by the same rules? I think he does. I'm not really one of those people that really give a crap about what people think of me. I can actually recognize the futility of being embarrassed in front of perfect strangers and being mad about it. But yesterday! Oh here we go.

My friend G comes over to "play." That just means we sit out back drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and talking shit. I hadn't seen her since I left for California. So we're just having a pleasant conversation and my husband proceeds to come out with an iPod USB plug that appears to be broken. The casing is missing and it's just a shell of a USB plug.

Husband: Did you do this?

Me: Um....no.

Husband: Well the kids say they didn't do it so who did it?

Me: Maybe the gerbil that got out did it?

Husband: The gerbil??? No seriously, did you do this?

(Now at this point, I can tell he isn't kidding.)

Me: Why the fuck would I do that?

Husband: I don't know, that's why I'm asking.

(At this point, I've started to ignore him and tell G about the gerbil that got out. Husband huffs and goes back inside. When G leaves....oh, it continued.)

Me: What the hell was that outside??

Husband: I just asked why the USB plug was stripped and if you did it.

Me: I didn't jackass. And check yourself, I'm 35...not 2. Take it back a notch Officer.

Husband: I'm just sick of working my ass off and finding shit broken. This is ridiculous.

Me: Well, seeing as that USB plug is almost 6 years old, I think it's run it's course. Now kindly step back, think about it and I'll be waiting for your apology when you realize what a jerk you were. You'd be pissed if I did that in front of one of your friends.

This went back and forth. So my question is, seriously, what the hell was that about? I just don't get it sometimes. And I'm not gonna be all pathetic and think, "Poor me," but dammit! Was he flexing his husband muscles....in front of my girlfriend? Was he feeling left out? I mean, I've been trying to make this transition to night shift as simple as possible. I've made sure dinner was somewhat early. I've done the soccer game, the doctor visit. I didn't do those things solo to bring it up. I did it because that's my job. I don't resent it. He offered to do both of those things with me but I told him to get some sleep. Trust me, I don't want to burn the guy out with lack of sleep. I can do this. But seriously, what the hell was that about?

Phew, vent over. It's Hump Day....I'm off work and we got paid. Time to bring that massive balance down to $0 again.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Exceeds Expectations

2010-06-29T08:07:00.002-05:00

So yesterday I was pleasantly surprised with my 90 day review. First lemme tell ya, I can believe I've lasted 90 days working again. Lemme tell ya secondly, this job has literally saved my sanity over the past month.

The idea of working in pharmacy saving your sanity is quite an oxymoron. (I looked it up, it's the right word!) I'm constantly surrounded with sick people, impatient people, spazzy people and through all of that, I embrace the insanity. There are only two choices on the review. Exceeds expectations and doesn't meet expectations. I got all exceeds.

As I sat there, I kept thinking about the day my friend helped me get the job. Nowhere in my head did I think I would really "need" this job. I just wanted to get out of the house. Today, 90 days later, I really "need" this twice a week retreat from the daily grind of life. It's kind of nice to be pushed into another life where you don't have an insulin bottle shoved in your face or a sheet of paper to write down carbs and pray you have enough food to reach that magic number 85. Instead, I just do what I'm supposed to do and get paid for it.

We were quite busy in the morning in spite of a lull in pharmacy land called "summertime" ghost town. By the time it was my lunch, we started to taper down. There were no more prescriptions to count. There were no more insurance problems to call on. I got sent home early. This was a gift though. My youngest K had a soccer game, I had a family to feed and this gift gave me an extra 2 hours to get ready for it.

So as my husband came home from a 24 hour shift of regular work and part time work, I had dinner in the oven, my K was dressed in her soccer gear and I had Red Bull in the fridge for my husband later on. Poor guy only got to sleep like 4 hours before he had to go back into work. I'm running circles around these people but I've already said to all of em, "Don't get used to it!" Because I ain't Superwoman and this is going to start pissing me off soon. :)

K played goalie for her first half and played forward the second half. McKinney FC won! It was good to see some soccer again...with the buzzing of those World Cup horns.

Me: You were awesome tonight!

K: I let 2 goals in.

Me: Oh good god, you're just like your daddy. What about the 4+ goals you saved?

K: I still let in 2 goals.

Me: And how many goals did you make?

K: 2.

Me: So you made up for em. Shut up.

K: Did you see that one I made with my left foot?

Me: The slider? Yah, did you see me almost fall off the bleachers cause I got my feet tangled when I jumped up to cheer?

K: No, I'm sorry I missed that.

Me: Was Coach J proud of you?

K: Yah, he kept telling all the girls to watch me and follow me. He's gonna make me the most hated player on the team.

Me: Why? Cause he keeps making me an example?

K: No, because....wait....what does example mean?

Me: It means he's putting you on a pedestal and making the other girls feel like they aren't good enough.

K: Yah.....he's making me an example.

Me: I'll talk to him about it. Nobody will hate you baby.

K: Wear a tube top when you talk to him....that seems to work when you want something.

Me: You got it kid. :)

Have a great Tuesday everybody! I'm off to the hospital with M today for her first endocrinologist meeting. God I hate hospitals. :(

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Did ya miss me?

2010-06-26T11:20:00.003-05:00

I missed you all! Okay, I missed y'all a little, okay? It was a great vacation. We spent our entire time visiting with family...and not once did I want to drive an ice pick in my eye. I absolutely love my second family. Love. Them.

NOTE! I refer to them as my mom, dad, sister and brother. I'm not going to waste my time with adding the in-law. They've been in my life for over 20 years...I think I deserve this right.

Dad was unfortunately still recouping from his surgery from a few weeks back. When we arrived, he was in the hospital. There was word that he'd be in all week but it seems my dad did a little guilt trip on the doctor and got released the day after we arrived. Thankfully, me or the kids didn't have to visit a hospital on our vacation. I think we've had enough of hospitals, thank you very much. My girls hadn't see their grandparents since 2003! Mark it people! Imagine it. Meeting your grandma and grandpap for what might seem the first time ever. K was too young to even know these people. M had a memory of our last visit that really wasn't a good one. These girls needed a do over and I hoped and prayed it would be a good one.

The happiness and joy that filled the house when we arrived was touchable. I'd like to think they were equally glad to see me but they'd actually seen me in December. I was old news. The grandchildren were the cherries on this sundae. My mom had ALL of her grandchildren within hugging reach. When dad got home, K migrated to his side and never left his side...unless her cousin PM was over....then she was in cousin heaven. M was shy of course but you could tell she was happy to be with everybody. Me on the other hand, they told me I'd lost weight since December....I grabbed everybody for hugs and never wanted to let go. :)

I got to see some friends. Some I hadn't seen in years. Some I'd seen in December. Lemme tell ya, I've never felt more loved than I did over this trip. God I love the people that share my life with me. I am a very lucky girl. I've known that. I know that. I will never take it for granted.

Upon returning home, I realized that reality is what I make it. Here's my reality. No matter how hard or how easy things seem, I will always have an avenue or person to turn to. That is my reality. People come and go sadly. Some people choose to leave. Some people don't know any better than to disappear. It's the people that stay and want to stay that are worth the fight. So at home, I have MY family and MY friends. My family is always worth the fight. My friends are my fight. I have my work and I thank God every Monday and Friday that I have it to take away the constant "to do" of my life. For 8 hours, I can worry about something else. That is a great feeling.

My girls have returned back to normal where they think the world revolves around them. I continue to run circles around them while they think their turtle speed is standard. I have to remind myself that a thank you from an adolescent is like asking for a free car from the government. My husband is happy being back on patrol and you can tell he is just giddy with the idea of it.

Me? Well, I'm just trying to embrace the reality of things. To those of you that know me and love me....I love you too. To those of you that don't and just kinda like me...I kinda like you too.

I have nothing funny to say today. I have nothing humorous to get you through your day. All I can say is this marks 100 posts and I'm a lucky girl. I hope I never run out of things to say or things to laugh about. But knowing me....I'd have to be dead for that to happen. Happy Monday! This is going to be a busy week of doctor's appointments, movies, soccer games and practices. God help you....I'm riding this life somewhat solo for awhile while my other half acclimates to being a vampire. Wish me luck!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

OMG....99th post today!

2010-06-13T10:08:00.005-05:00

Annnnnnd I'll be on vacation for a week so number 100 is gonna have to wait. So this weekend was fantastic. I learned a lesson in trust. My mom and dad took my kids for the day on Saturday and didn't kill M. I knew they could do it. I never had a doubt. My poor husband is on call this last week and 2 days left on it, he gets called out. Damn, it never fails.

So now we're in the home stretch of a much needed vacation. I had so much stuff to do but absolutely no motivation to do it. My mother in law is so damn cute. I called her last week to tell her not to panic about M's eating and allowable foods. So now she is panicking. I can bet she wouldn't be if I hadn't said a word. I will never learn. I think the best part about his vacation is allowing everybody to see that M is okay. Because, she is.

What else did I learn this weekend? Well, it wasn't a new lesson. It was kind of an old lesson. Never, never expect anybody to understand something they shouldn't have to understand. Not everybody is like me. I may be a selfish bitch sometimes but I have the ability to set it aside. Other people? They can't. I forgive them. That is all.

So I'll be leaving ya'll for awhile. I can't write my blog on my phone anymore...it's very annoying. I will miss it though. Imagine all the shit going through my head and not having an outlet to get it out. This could either benefit you later or not. We shall see. :)

Husband: Do I have a bruise on my forehead?

Me: Um.....I don't see anything.

Husband: It freaking hurts!

Me: What the hell did you do?

Husband: I got pissed off at the lawn mower and slammed it down. When I picked it up, the handle hit me in the forehead.

Me: Did doing that fix the lawn mower?

Husband: No, but it made me feel better doing it.

Me: Said the dumbass with a bruise on his forehead.

Husband: I thought you said I didn't have a bruise.

Me: I just didn't want to give you any other excuse to be a whiny baby. Silly me!

Have a fantastic week while I'm gone. I'll miss you!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Ugh....I'm Already on Vacation

2010-06-11T06:47:00.002-05:00

It truly sucks when you can see the light of your vacation but still have 2 more days of work. I hate that. There is so much stuff to do before vacation and I don't want to do it. I just want to be on vacation.

Yah, so freaking bummed out.....that is all today. Have a great weekend and be safe.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Shake your.....tailbone?

2010-06-10T09:28:00.004-05:00

Did y'all know that we have a tail bone? Which means somewhere along the line, we had a freaking tail? That is amazing to me but only in the sense that we still have a tailbone of useless bones. Well, I broke mine after giving birth to M. She was a tiny little thing so the fact that I still broke it is peculiar. Well, I broke it again after K. Again, she was another tiny little baby so jeez god, gimme a freaking break here!

You can't fix a broken tailbone. Well, they say they can but that involves...um...er....repositioning it? Cue the scary music because repositioning it involves someone, hopefully a medical professional sticking his finger where the sun should NEVER shine and doing it from there. I have not had that procedure done. Trust me, this is a pain in the ass, no pun intended, but I'm not doing THAT!

So yesterday, me and the girls went to Six Flags. It was their first time and it was perfect. The lines were practically nothing. The weather was bearable with the constant cloud cover and occasional rain. We went on every ride that K was tall enough for. Only 3 in the park where she wasn't. So we'd been there for over 8 hours. I was so ready to get the hell out of there. I'd never done an amusement park without the help of my husband. I think I did a pretty damn good job! So the deal was, one more ride and they better pick a good one. Luckily they did pick one of my favorites. No wait, it was a quick decision on who was going to be where. Originally I had sat in the front, M in the middle and K in the back. This time it was M in the front, K in the middle and me in the back. Here it is!

Me: Hold on K!

K: You hold on mom, the back bounces around A LOT!

Me: Huh? {{ZOOOOOOOM}}

First turn and bounce? Yeah, it lifted me off the seat and slammed me back down on the corner of the chair....right, directly on my tailbone.

Me: Son of a Bitch!!!

How many more times did we do that? Freaking 10 more turns and slams. I had done it again. I knew it. It took my breath away. Tears instantly sprang to my eyes. My mouth desperately trying to find more swear words. I'm proud to say, I found a whole lot more and when we reached the end and stopped to get out, I found my last one.

Me: Mvther Fvcker!

Oh my kids loved that one. The smiles and laughs coming from them did NOTHING for the pain in my ass though. I had managed to spend the entire day at Six Flags with no injury and the last ride....freaking INJURY! The limp back to the car was pathetic. The mini whines and whimpers incited more giggles from the girls.

Cell phone conversation.

M: Hey dad, guess what? Mom broke her butt again.

Add cell phone laughter and the day was complete. Happy Thursday people! It's almost Friday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Am I Immune to the Ultimate Love Story?

2010-06-09T08:00:00.004-05:00

This morning, my husband and I were watching the morning news. Well, I was, my husband was putting on his shoes. It was a slow news morning so they had a fluff piece on about some newlyweds. They were going through old vacation photo albums of the wife's. In a picture, they showed the girl at Disneyland standing next to one of the seven dwarfs....or do we call them little people too? Anywho, the husband saw his father standing behind the posing dwarf. In front of the father was a stroller which held the husband! They'd never met. The wife was from Florida and the husband was from Canada.

It was fate. They were 5 years old in the picture. The father looked as if he was looking into the camera. The newscasters were "awwing and ooohing" during the entire story. My response?

"Stalker!"

Now my husband, isn't a romantic. He knows that kind of shit is wasted on me. My response prompted a sigh and an eye roll. "You don't think that is the coolest love story ever?"

I don't. It's peculiar but I didn't turn all warm and gushy. I mean, come on! We all know this is a small world and stranger things have happened. Of course, I don't really believe in fate. If fate were real, I'd be with somebody else right now. But why is it that this love story didn't prompt gushy feelings of true love?

I have a couple friends that have great loves. Their love makes me want to vomit. Not because I hate them. Because love makes me wanna vomit. I loathe the term "making love." In fact, that whole combination throws me into a scowl and an eye roll. Seriously, let's just call it what it is. Nowhere in that whole act am I "making love." Cause if that's "love" and I'm "making" it, love is truly a dirty thing. :)

Is there something wrong with that? Am I the only one that thinks that? Please tell me I'm not. I need some company here.

Me and the girls are off to Six Flags today. Yes, I'm crazy. But we had planned this before M was diagnosed with diabetes. I have made a promise that I won't hold us back from fun. Even though, this day would've sucked before the diagnosis, it's going to be a little harder. My backpack weighs over 15 pounds. When I walk a mile with this backpack on, I have a feeling I'll finally remember why I have a husband. Ah, true love....carry my backpack now. ;) Happy Hump Day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Oh Glorious Day Off.

2010-06-08T10:45:00.003-05:00

I have the day off today. Going back to work was a welcome adventure. It took my mind off the constant counting of carbs and the in my face worry about M. Now of course I looked at the clock whenever the time allowed to wonder if she had her snack or tested her blood sugar, but luckily for her, I wasn't right there nagging her about it.

With going back to work, I haven't lost touch with the modern annoyances of a pharmacy. The customers that call and drag on about what the hell they want. My daughter has a new saying for that. "Spit it out Bella!" You know, from Twilight! Bella always stuttered when she was upset. Yah, I am constantly thinking, "Spit it out Bella!" I mean, how hard is it to say when I say, "Target pharmacy, this is Jean," what exactly that you want. No, instead I get, "Uh, um, er, I, um, I." It takes all my energy not to reach through that phone and strangle them.

Even worse? I actually get to see these people face to face! They come in and they're just as annoying. Oh! And then they complain about the price AFTER I rang them up and they paid for it already!

With being gone for over a week, I'm still being blamed for stupid shit. I've got the best comeback though. "I don't know. I was home taking care of my daughter when that cluster fuck apparently happened!" You should've seen the look on my bosses, Dennis Hopper's face when that left my lips. It was fantastic! There's this thing we do at the pharmacy that's called returning to stock. If a prescription isn't picked up over a week, we need to clear the bin of it. You credit return it and black out the name and prescription number BEFORE putting the bottle back on the shelf. Well, somebody didn't do that step and one of the techs caught it. Did she just black out the name? No! She saved it to show Dennis Hopper. Why in god's name would she do that? I haven't a freaking clue.

In doing that, she unleashed a pop quiz of pop quizzes on how to return to stock. That's what I'm talking about. There is no teamwork here. There is only a game of who can get the finger pointed at them and get told that they are WRONG. What this tech didn't realize is, she potentially got one of her friend's in trouble. Not me! The other tech. Uh oh! Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut next time huh?

Now here is where I'm going to digress. Upon returning to work, I have a new respect for where I work. I have a new respect for the other techs. They stepped up when I needed them too and in my opinion, I haven't been there long enough for them to step up. But they did and I will forever appreciate that. I don't pretend to understand the constant finger pointing but I only work two days a week so I don't have to. My only job is to come to work and do my job the best that I can. I can do that.

Dennis Hopper: It's a mess over here.

Me: Jeez, it was clean when I walked away. What did you do?

Dennis Hopper: I just did the overrides.

Me: ....and decided to run the labels. Just do the overrides next time and keep your fingers off my stuff.

Dennis Hopper: I was just trying to help.

Me: How is screwing with my labels, then complaining about how messy it is helping?

Dennis Hopper: Are you using the prioritizer?

Me: I'm sorry, did you just say prioritizer?

Dennis Hopper: Sorry.

Me: Seriously, move along now. There's gotta be a report you need to run or something. Go...shoo!

Dennis Hopper: I can honestly say since hiring you, the abuse I get has multiplied.

Me: Seriously, why are you still standing here?

Yes people, I love work. It's a welcome change. Have a great Tuesday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Still Searching!

2010-06-06T09:49:00.004-05:00

When I was a kid, I could miss sleep and still knock people out the next day. Whether it was an all-nighter, studying ::snort:: or an all-nighter, fighting and making up with my boyfriend, I could survive it with no problems.

Now?

Oh good god people, I need a sleep clinic JUST to catch up on some sleep. There is just not enough time in the freaking night. All during the day, I could nap (which isn't like me) and by 9:30pm that night, I'm starting to drift off. I mean, jeez, I'm 35 years old! Not 60!

With feeling like I'm not rested, my coping skills are suffering. I have the patience of a newborn wanting some milk. My littlest one is suffering. My sweet K. I miss her. We used to have so much fun but once diabetes came into our lives, the fun has mysteriously left the building. Now, don't get me wrong, I can still find some fun but it's hard work finding it now.

Ask a mom what the best day of their life was and they'll probably answer the day they became a mommy. As a mom what the worst day of their life was and there is where the answers will change. I hope I have found my worst day. I hope there will never be another one. My hope means nothing though as life will give me whatever it wants to give me. Life is a mystery. Life sucks. But when I wake up every morning feeling more tired than I did the night before, I still have to thank life for giving me another day.

So today is Monday. What can I say that'll perk y'all up and begin this day with a smile? Um....er.....if you find it, could you let me know? Cause I'm fresh out of smiles this morning. It's already over 100 degrees at 8am this morning. My hair is starting to curl from the humidity after I painstakingly straightened it at 7am. The house is once again a mess. I've got the beginnings of a zit on my chin. Oh and my eyes won't quit watering from the allergies. Yah....I'm a regular freaking breath of fresh air...if we lived on a field that was fertilized with shit.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Schools OUT!

2010-06-04T07:26:00.002-05:00

Am I the only parent that loves when school is out? I don't think I am but I know a lot of people that like the schedule of school. I like a schedule, don't get me wrong. Shit, my life is a freaking schedule now. But there is nothing sweeter than silence in the morning. There is no need to yell out, "Get UP!" Not once have I said the sentence, "Hurry UP!"

Okay, reality check. In about a month, I'm probably going to post a blog about how I hate summer because the kids have said, "I'm bored. There's nothing to do." Granted, with the kids being older, they can pretty much find ways to occupy their bored times in the form of some technological device. That's what I do when I'm bored. {{dirty thought}}

I'm so incredibly exhausted. I'm so tired, that on a regular basis, I act drunk because my mind is so exhausted. No, I'm really not drunk....I swear. I don't remember things I should remember. I don't recognize people that I should recognize. I say things that don't make sense. And lastly, my writing is kind of suffering too. And don't think I don't sleep. Oh, I sleep alright. It's just even in my sleep, my mind is buzzing. I dream of diabetes. I dream of numbers. I dream of syringes. I dream of expired insulin. I dream of over feeding M with french fries. When I wake up, I feel like I've ran a marathon...well, a 5K cause I'll never be in shape enough to run a marathon.

Because I'm so exhausted, my social skills are suffering. I don't have the energy to be a social butterfly. I don't even have the energy to be a hermit. And sure, there are little glimpses of who I used to be here and there but the glimpses are fleeting.

Today, I'm going back to work. I'm a little worried about M but there's nothing I can do. My mother, bless her heart, told me to quit. Thanks mom. That's the last thing you should tell somebody. I know though, she's thinking with what happened to M, I need to focus all my energy on her. I know, I get that but I truly don't have anymore energy that I'm already giving her. You see, when I sleep, I'm thinking about it. When I'm awake, I'm thinking about it. Watching TV, every other commercial is about a meter or diabetes. Reading a magazine, every 5 pages is an advertisement for a glucose meter. It's freaking everywhere! I'm not in lala land, trying to avoid the issue. Trust me, my energy is all on this.

So today, I hope to discover at work that putting another task in front of me will make me relax. And I know it's weird to think that a busy pharmacy will be relaxing but hey, a girl can dream yanno? I know that I'm going to look at the clock today and wonder if M had her snack, or what her blood sugar was, or if she ate lunch but even with that....at least my energy will be distributed among other things too.

I'm fooling myself, aren't I? Have a great Friday people! I'll see you all on Monday, bright and early!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Sorry I was Absent Yesterday. :(

2010-06-03T07:12:00.004-05:00

My husband and I had a busy day yesterday. We had our first class. It was called English Diabetes 101. It was basically a refresher course of sorts from last week but I got a lot more out of it. My husband? Yah, he would've rather been home sleeping. I think it's the idea that we have to be "taught" how to take care of OUR child that he's resenting. He doesn't quite get that we actually need help now understanding. He's just looking at it like a man being told he's WRONG!

However, in sitting with a man that really didn't want to be there, I did laugh a bit more than I have in the last week. Laughing to me is almost surprising. It's like when someone dies and the first time you laugh, it surprises you and you think, "Am I allowed to laugh yet?" The answer is yes, you are allowed to laugh. You are allowed to cry and most important, whatever emotion you're having, embrace it.

So we had four sets of people in the class. We had the over protective mom that is really pissed off that diabetes has changed her life. (I totally relate to this woman but I'm not as bitchy about it.) SHOCKER! We had the quiet mom and grandmother that doesn't quite understand this disease and feel sad for their son because he was diagnosed on his 6th birthday. (Yah, that one broke my heart.) We had the couple with a 5 year old. The mom was more understanding of the disease but the dad was desperately trying to appear like he got it MORE! (He had a Northeastern accent that boomed throughout the conference room. Highly annoyed my husband.) And finally there was me and my husband. The couple that complimented each other. My husband with the look of, "When's lunch?" Me with the eye rolls of, "God please don't let him embarrass me."

Turns out, we were the misfits of the class. Go us! The question being asked by the other sets were a little scary. We were the most recently diagnosed family and their questions made us feel like we ruled! Of course, I learned a lot and left feeling like life isn't really that difficult if you follow the plan. I had to get that out because when you see the conversations my husband and I had...it may not seem like we were listening.

Husband: This is ridiculous!

Me: Oh pipe down, it's lunch time.

Husband: I hope they ask us to critique this class because I've got some things to say.

Me: Oh good lord, what?

Husband: Um....like if you say lunch is at 11:30am...maybe you should send us to lunch at 11:30!!!

Me: It's. 11:40am.

Husband: Again, if we're in a class about abiding by a diabetes schedule, they should prolly abide by a schedule too.

Me: I didn't realize you were diabetic too.

Husband: Oh shut up....I'm freaking starving.

Me: If I give you my moon pie, will YOU shut up?

Husband: I love how they're allowing us to go to lunch. Are they paying us to come to this class?

Me: I wish I brought my earphones so I wouldn't have to listen to your bitching at lunch.

Husband: Are you really giving me your moon pie?

Me: ::sigh:: If you quite whinebaggin, you may have my moon pie. :)

After going back after lunch, he conveniently forgot about the "No Whinebaggin" rule.

Husband: These freaking chairs are uncomfortable.

Me: Would you rather have diabetes for the rest of your life or sit in these chairs for 6 hours?

Husband: Hmmmmmmmm, tough call. I mean, really, it's a hard decision seeing as I've already been sitting in them for 3 hours.

Me: You're an idiot.

Husband: No, I'm just freaking uncomfortable in these chairs! How come the teacher gets a cushioned chair?

Me: I don't freaking know. Seriously, shut up.

Husband: I'm so gonna steal it.

Me: Why do you insist of making us the most hated parents in the room?

Husband: How's me needing a cushion for my ass make me hated?

::He totally switched the chairs. Then when he sat down, he moved his shirt so they would see his gun and badge::

Me: You're kidding, right?

Husband: Nope! I dare her to take it back.

She didn't but she noticed her chair was missing.

And finally, class was almost over. We could see the traffic on the highway! So ready to say goodbye to the hospital. Mr. Northeastern Accent decides it was time to start asking questions. I wish I could've got a picture but the look on my husband's face made me pigsnort. He looked like he was going to kill someone...and we knew who he wanted to kill.

Me: What are you thinking right now? ::snort::

Husband: Me? Oh that I wanna kick this guy's ass.

Me: I know, I could feel it. The air around me smelled like smoke and heavier.

Husband: I don't think it was a good idea to bring my gun.

Me: Oh shut up!

Husband: No seriously, this guy needs an ass whooping. I'm hungry again. You got any snacks in that bag of tricks of yours?

Me: I have some low carb fruit snacks.

Husband: SCORE!

::crackle crackle shake shake chomp chomp::

Husband: Oh ugh, these taste like the inside of a monkey's ass.

Me: I swear, I'm gonna move.

Husband: ::whispering:: But they really do!

Me: Your over exageration of the yuck meter on those is ridiculous. A monkey's ass?

Husband: I wouldn't even share em with Mister McI talk too much....they're that bad.

Me: I have a shortbread cookie but it's carb free and I'm afraid of the next analogy.

And then it was over. We came home and life returned to normal. Or as normal as it can be. Have a great Thursday people. I missed you yesterday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I Pity the Fool.

2010-06-01T08:03:00.002-05:00

I'm talking about my husband (the asshole). He's been so strong through this whole ordeal and even though I put on a front, this has been a little difficult to keep the strength. Don't get me wrong, his strength is kind of annoying but most of the time, it's welcomed with relief. Trust me, I can't reassure everybody in this house. Sometimes I need a little reassurance and my husband is doing a pretty good job doing it.

However! He has his moments too. He's almost clueless to the expense of this adventure we're on. When I seem stressed or overwhelmed, he thinks it's an overreaction of sorts. And before everybody jumps on him, I need to relay that this is probably as stressful or overwhelming to him....he's just not going to admit it. He's a dude. He's Mr. Fix-it. Men have to fix everything even when everything isn't fixable. An admission from me that I'm scared prompts an ensemble of him trying to tell me to stop being scared. When all I really wanna do is admit that I'm scared. I don't want to fix it. I just want to say it out loud.

Like last night. M and I are getting her school snacks and bags ready. It requires a lot of thought because we have to document what each carb count is for each food. And M has to think about if the snack is gonna satisfy her hunger.

Husband: You're not gonna be stressing out tomorrow, are you?

Me: ::rolling my eyes:: Uh.....yah!

Husband: Why? It's just school. She doesn't have to do anything strenuous or anything.

Me: I don't give a shit! I'm dropping your newly diagnosed diabetic daughter off at school....into the hands of practically strangers, hoping they don't kill her. Excuse the hell outta me for being a little stressed.

Husband: You just need to calm down. You keep acting like something is stressful, you're gonna stress your daughter out.

Now all of this is being discussed in front of M. If he hadn't had opened his big fat dude mouth, M wouldn't have known I was stressed. I was perfectly fine before Mr. Calm started talking. So for reals, if you just let me do what I do and be quiet, we won't have a problem. Dudes. Clueless idiots that think their dicks fix-all.

But I pity him at the end of the day. It must be difficult to ALWAYS be strong. He knows me and knows that if I'm not working properly.....NOTHING works properly. If I break or shut down, this whole system goes to shit. So on top of being the constant strength and organizer, he has to make sure his wife has all her batteries. So I might be on edge and bite his head off a little more than usual, at the end of the day, I appreciate him more than he'll ever realize.

My only problem? I ain't gonna tell him too much because if I say anything, he'll see it as a weakness he has to fix. Annnnnnnd, I don't need to be fixed. So don't tell him I said this. I'll tell him in my own way. :)

Have a great Tuesday people! M got to school just fine this morning. It was a little embarrassing walking in with mom but I didn't wear a tube top.

Carpool Convo

Me: Everybody excited about school being out in 3 days?

Everybody: YES!!!!

Me: Y'all ready for your tests?

M2: I have all my tests on Wednesday. Today and Thursday is gonna be GREAT!

E: How do you know what days your tests are on?

M (daughter): Don't you have your schedule?

E: There was a schedule?

Me: Oh good god! E! How do you know what to study for the night before?

E: I don't study.

Me: Good luck with that. I've gotta park today and walk Megan in. You guys okay with walking with a mom into school?

M2: I don't care.

We park and get out of the car. M2 bolts! I look at Ethan and smile.

Me: I guess M2 decided she cared.

E: I don't. I'll walk in with ya.

M (daughter): Mom? Can you hold this bag?

E: I'll hold it. What it is?

M (daughter): It's my bag with insulin in it.

E: Awesome....I'm like a doctor.

Me: Nah, you're more like an IV pole. :)

We walk by the principal and he recognizes me from last week.

Principal: Hi Mrs. Bonifacio. How's Megan doing today?

E: She's standing right here. Why don't you ask her yourself?

Me: ::snort:: She doing great. Thanks for asking.

M (daughter): Great, now the principal knows me.

E: No he doesn't. He was too busy looking at your mom.

Me: E!

E: What? Good thinking on NOT wearing a tube top this morning. Although the tank top obviously has the same effect.

Me: Shut it E.

We get to the door and E opens it for us. I put my hand on his head and smile.

Me: You're really the sweetest, you know that?

E: Well, I'd do anything for you guys. Well, maybe not anything for K (younger daughter) cause she's kinda crazy. But you and M, anything.

M (daughter): I'll see ya at lunch E.

E: I'll save you a seat.

Me: ((tear))

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

This is Why.

2010-05-31T09:00:00.003-05:00

Happy Memorial Day! Since I am married to a Marine, I have the honor of knowing a lot of brave people that fight for our country. Thank you!

Being Monday, I should be at work but being a holiday, some other poor soul is at work. I was supposed to work tomorrow but my boss, Dennis Hopper, gave me the day off to continue to acclimate with M. I feel a teeny bit bad calling him Dennis Hopper....just a teeny bit. ;) There are only three more school days left so this week marks how next year for school, and every year thereafter will be. I have to put my trust in people to make sure my daughter is safe while she's away. My friend said it must feel like Kindergarten. It is EXACTLY like Kindergarten! I'm trying very hard not to baby M or make her feel like she's precious cargo. That is very hard to do but I'm getting it.

She still has to clean her room. Oh and guess what? She still bitches about it like she did before.

She still has to be nice to her sister. Oh and guess what? They still argue like little whiny bitches whenever they get a minute.

There were moments last week where I lost myself for a bit. I didn't feel like I'd ever be the same. I mean, how could I? My heart is broken and my head is always buzzing. But three days at home made me realize some things.

All I heard last week was diabetes doesn't end your life or it's dreams. Oh yah? Nowhere in mine or M's dreams did she have diabetes and have to inject insulin into her body four times a day. And I know why they did it. They don't want you to stop living just because you have diabetes. It's a sweet sentiment and to a kid, I bet it's a welcome statement. To a parent, whenever I heard it, I wanted to kick someone's ass. I didn't though. I just nodded my head and hoped M was listening.

You see, at first, all I could think about was the future. The long road ahead. My head was buzzing with things we had to do and wonders of how we would do it. My husband (the asshole) was doing the same thing but instead of wondering, he was basically saying, we've got stuff to do, this isn't gonna work. In my opinion, we kind of complimented each other in our way of thinking. We kind of met each other in the middle because the middle was where we were supposed to be. The middle was the present moment. No thoughts of anything but the task at hand. The moment. M was our moment. All that mattered was M and how to get her through this moment.

And finally, in a weird way, this couldn't have happened to a better kid. I know kids are resilient but M displayed bravery and strength that even inspired me. And with that, I also have to add that it couldn't have happened to better parents either. When things got too heavy or somber, I always had to lighten the mood. (I knew that quality would come in handy one of these days!) I even discovered that M has a knack for the inappropriate jokes. I'm not going to be the type of person that stops living because it's safer. I don't want to hold M back from anything. I never want M to feel that she's ruined things because it's not easy to have fun anymore with four times a day testing and injections. My husband is the organizer. He was made for this. His OCD of placing things in the exact place and knowing it was moved is going to pay off. And K, she is here to remind M that life didn't stop or change. She's still gonna bug the shit out of her!

We were made for this. We got this.

Tomorrow is Tuesday, and my last carpool. It will be a somber day. 1) Because I'll have to say goodbye to carpool convos for awhile. 2) Because I'm giving my daughter to the school and trusting they won't kill her. :) Just kidding, they're actually trained professionals....it's me and daddy that y'all have to worry about killing her. Have a great Monday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I promise....

2010-05-28T18:47:00.003-05:00

...to not turn this blog into a diabetic diary. Yah, it's going to be mine and my daughter's life but as I've heard over and over this week, "Your dreams don't end with diabetes," my blog will still be here for me to vent my frustrations. And holy shit, do I have some frustrations!

Today's is a little late and I apologize. M came home today. I am somewhat happy and scared to have her home. I stated on my Facebook status update that I was the proud owner of a diabetic but with that comes my fear. I am responsible for her health now. Wasn't I responsible for it before? Well, yes, but now I can seriously do some damage. That scares the shit out of me. Any glitch and I am personally responsible for quite possibly damaging this little one. Oh the pressure!

She looks great! It's amazing how "well" she looks now. With the medicine, I actually could see how sick she looked before. Her little pot belly is coming back. Her cheeks are puffing out a bit. Her tiny little double chin in starting to peek out. I kind of missed her and it's nice to have her back.

Okay, lemme tell you how proud of her I am. She is so brave. While I teared up with every milestone of this disease, she just shrugged her shoulders and got over it. Her main complaint was being hungry. She had a hamburger and onion rings at almost every meal. Diabetes isn't about not eating, lemme tell ya! And thank the lord because this girl can eat! With my pride of how brave she is, I was also privileged to witness how strong she was. Here ya go people, take a glimpse and let her inspire you.

M (daughter): Can we go to the gift shop?

Me: Sure but I ain't got any money.

M (daughter): Not even for your newly diagnosed diabetic daughter???

Me: Not even for her sweetie, but I sure do love my diabetic daughter and how she's already using the system of guilt on me.

Our friend brought her over a gift tonight and the gift was earrings. They were beautiful but M doesn't have pierced ears.

Me: It's okay M, we can exchange em for maybe a necklace.

Husband: Oh, they for pierced ears?

M (daughter): Yah.

Husband: Well since you're not playing soccer anymore you can get em pierced.

M (daughter): That wasn't why I didn't have em pierced dad. I was scared of the needle. I guess that excuse goes out the window now....insulin shot anyone?

And finally.

Me: I gotta go pick up your prescriptions. Try to drink that Dr. Pepper please.

M (daughter): How much did it cost?

Me: You don't wanna know.

M (daughter): Sure I do, how much?

Me: $244 and some change.

M (daughter): Sorry about that mom.

Me: What are you sorry about? That doesn't even compare to the thousands of dollars these past 3 days are gonna cost us!

M (daughter): The food was good though.

Me: And I got you home safe and sound. I would've spent a million dollars for that.

M (daughter): Ohhhhhhhh, I think I need my blood sugar checked....Ima vomit!

I hope your Friday was as good as mine was. I got my baby girl home and that was the best part of this week. Have a fantastic weekend and be safe!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Well....what do I say?

2010-05-27T07:21:00.004-05:00

My daughter, M, was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes yesterday. I suspected it for a couple weeks now. That's not hard to admit. What is hard to admit is I was waiting until I was ready to face it instead of getting her the help she needed. :(

They admitted her immediately and transported her by ambulance to Children's Dallas. She's being very brave. She's hydrated and they're sticking her with insulin to regulate her blood sugar.

I still haven't had my moment. I was talking to someone last night and said, "I'm not ready yet. If I start to cry, it'll be too real." The reply? "Jeannie, it's already real. You have no problem speaking your thoughts....let go and let your heart speak for a change." You would've thought that would've broke me, but it didn't. I'm still trying to keep it together. I can't lose it. I just can't. That someone doesn't read my blog but I just wanted to say, I will, I promise, just not right now.

Here are some quotes from my 12 year old yesterday and some talks we had throughout the long day in the hospital.

Me: I'm so sorry.

M: Is it bad?

Me: No, but it changes everything.

M: Oh mom, it could be Cancer. I can deal with a little change.

Check her out! She's like me with her positive outlook....where the hell did mine go?

M: Diet soda?

Me: Yep!

M: Gross.

Me: Oh sweetie, do you know how hot your momma is gonna be with your new diet?

M: Yah, people are gonna ask you your secret and you can do your pose and tell em, my daughter got diabetes.

Me: Yep!

I hope everybody Thursday is good. Today is going to be information overload for both M and I. The good news is they won't let us leave the hospital without knowing everything there is to know about diabetes. I feel very comfortable knowing that. I just wish we were doing it for knowledge. I know this isn't the end of the world, I just wish it wasn't M's world now.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Double the worry....cue the boogyman.

2010-05-26T08:16:00.002-05:00

So today is Wednesday...Hump Day. My favorite day of the week. Today? Yah, it ain't treating me so well today.

Here's a pretty picture of what today is starting out with. My father-in-law is preparing for surgery today and tomorrow. We are kind of worried but we're not really talking about it. Avoidance has always been our forte in the Bonifacio household.

Avoidance. It should be my middle name.

For about two months now, my oldest daughter M has grown 3 inches and shrank to an annoying 75lbs. Yah, I'd give anything for her metabolism but I'm not 12. I've attributed it to puberty and hormones but something else has been going on that I've.....um....avoided. My procrastination was to wait until school was out but she was dizzy and weak this morning so today is the day. So now we've got two crisis to deal with until all the answers are given.

And whether my knack for avoidance or procrastination denies me for the 12th year in a row the award of Mother of the Year....then so be it. I can handle any crisis you throw at me after about 5 minutes of hysterics. That's all I need is 5 minutes and then it's done and over. I'm ready to handle the crisis. You give me that 5 minutes and when it's done, I'll hold you up, hand you tissues and take charge. I haven't been given my 5 minutes today yet. I've never had 2 things to worry about. Does that mean I need 10 minutes or am I just screwed?

Bottom line? I may need a shoulder later. I may need someone to slap me. I may need to just curl up in a ball and cry until there are no more tears.

My true bottom line? I'm not going to ask for any of those things. I am the strong one here. I am the one that never loses it. I am the one person that can't do any of those things.

At least not this week. Maybe next week. Have a great Hump Day people. Mine is barely getting started and I can't wait until Thursday already.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Silence is Never Golden.

2010-05-25T07:39:00.002-05:00

Yah, I know I switched it up a bit but it's true. In my Thir-thir-thirty five years of living, I've learned that a silent companion is a bad companion. Now don't get me wrong, there have been moments when I wanted to shut up the non-silent companions with a tube sock in the mouth but I'd rather they talk than be silent. Oh and if I'm being silent? Yah....ya better check the rat poison cause I'm prolly pissed off. A silent Jeanie is a very dangerous Jeanie.

Silence to me is too much time to think. Too much time to think isn't always a good thing. Over-thinking is very bad. Especially if your a dude. Dudes are rarely given the benefit for thinking at all but I think dudes are the worst in the thinking category. Women think but then it's done and over with. We've laid out our plans and gone on with life. Dudes can never let anything rest.

Tell me this? How are these humans I've aptly named dudes, the superior species? Annoying, isn't it?

I've discovered a catch phrase that I use quite often. "Get over it!" I say it to my daughter, M, all the time. She got into a fight last night with my husband, her daddy. Oh it was a doozy. M mouthed off to her dad and her dad went off! I have to admit, M deserved it. No 12 year old should talk like that to an adult. And trust me, you don't talk like that to my husband, the asshole. I've mentioned before that it's always a battle of wits and pride with that man. Add the fact that a 12 year old had backed him in the corner? Freaking mayhem. The sad thing is, my daughter has the same kind of attitude problem as my husband. She's stubborn and by god, she isn't going to admit it. Welcome to my life people....I gave birth to a female asshole. At the end of the day though, all I want to say and all I can say is, "Get over it!"

Because truly, get over it! Like last night, something highly annoying was...well, annoying me. Oh it was pathetic and ridiculous but it was really annoying me. This morning....okay, I'll admit, it's still annoying me but I'm gonna take my own advice and get over it. Trust me, I'm so much smarter than to let something pathetic and ridiculous annoy me more than a couple days. It's not worth my time. See? We truly are the superior species here. :)

Tuesday Carpool was a little somber today. It's almost over guys and we're all getting a little sad.

E was especially quiet this morning and I finally broached the subject.

Me: What's up E? You're so quiet.

E: I'm a little worried about something.

Me: Worried about what? You're 12.

E: I'm worried about my surgery.

Everybody: SURGERY???

Me: Surgery for what sweetie?

E: Um....er....::blushing::

Me: Oh jeez, you're gonna make me drag it out of you, aren't you?

E: I don't know how to explain it.

Me: Are you getting your tonsils taken out?

E: Nope.

Me: Adenoids?

E: Nope.

Me: Hair transplant?

E: Aim lower.

Me: Appendix?

E: ::blushing:: Lower.

Me: Um....er....your "no-no" box? ::snort::

E: Yes! I told M about it.

M (daughter): No you didn't! I would've remembered a conversation we had about you and your "no-no" square.

Me: Oh shit, that description keeps getting funnier and funnier. "No-no" square?

E: I did too tell you. Nice to know, my impending death by surgery wasn't anything for you to pay attention to.

M (daughter): E, I swear, I don't think you told me.

E: I did, now can we just drop it?

Me: Consider it dropped....wait....is that why you're having surgery? Something didn't "drop?"

E: ::groan:: This is going down as my worst day EVER!

Me: Oh sweetie, you're going to be fine. How many times have I opened the door practically half dressed? How many times have I embarrassed myself in front of you? You'd need like 15 hands to count that. We're all friends here. You're going to be fine. When's your surgery?

E: July 16th.

Me: That's the day after my birthday!

M2: My birthday is July 12th!

Me: July birthdays ROCK!

E: Girls suck.

And see?! The girls in the car moved one. "Got over it," so to speak. Ethan didn't. Dudes....they're all the same.

Have a great Tuesday! I'm off for three days and it's a wonderful thing!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Um.....WHAT????

2010-05-24T07:26:00.005-05:00

Okay, before y'all think that I'm going to dedicate this blog today to LOST, I'm not. I will say that when it ended, I still had questions but when I woke up this morning, I got it. They were all dead from season one and it took all these seasons for them to get out of purgatory. Oh yah people, it was like finding Bobby Ewing in the shower but it was nice to see everybody again.

Anywho!

Today, I woke up wishing today was over already. I have to work but then I've got three days off. Can't. Freaking. Wait. M has a choir performance tomorrow. It's gonna be great having her show her dad and my parents what I've seen already. It also marks 2 more weeks until school is over. I can't wait. Letting the girls sleep in and not worrying about getting them off to school is my favorite thing about summer. My girls are so self-maintainence that summer is so easy. My husband is also changing shift back to patrol in July so he'll be home all day and gone all night. Life is either going to be easy or hard....I'll let you know in July how I like this. I have a feeling my husband is going to be a happier police officer so that's really all that matters but I reserve the right to change my mind.

Weekend recap. Just another lazy weekend. M had a physical for 7th grade sports. She passed. Conrad signed his lease for hunting season. K proved her skills as an independent swimmer by jumping in the deep end to my hysterical fear and swam across the pool with no help. How'd that happen? She's never had a swimming lesson in her life. M is doing a math project for school. She had to interview a professional and prove that math really is used throughout your life. Remember when we were kids taking algebra saying, "I'm never gonna use this!" Well crap, I just got proved wrong because as a pharmacy technician....I kinda do sometimes.

Anyway, I snooped on her report and came across what she wrote. "My mom as a CPhT can make up to $15 an hour. That's awesome because that means my mom makes $30 a week because she works 2 days a week. You don't have to go to college to be a CPhT so that's a pretty good chunk of change."

Oh jeez, I make more than $30 a week. I work 2 days but way more hours than 2.

I told her and her response? "I already typed and printed it. Just let it be."

Oh crap, I don't want people thinking I only make $30 a week. Is that vain? Yah, I made her change it. :)

K was her usual funny self. There have been a lot of questions as to if I've always been funny. I think I have but as I've mentioned before....nobody in my family ever thought I was. I've also mentioned that K is my mini-me. Here's a virtual rewind button of how I used to be. I'm not quite sure if I should be a proud parent or scared shitless.

So what do you think? Yah....I know....I'm screwed. :) Have a great Monday! It'll be over before you know it and let's hope we don't wake up on an island which is really purgatory. Cause THAT would really suck!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm green and I don't like it.

2010-05-21T07:40:00.003-05:00

I've never been one to be jealous. I think it's a useless emotion. I guess it all started in high school but jealousy has always had a hard time biting me. I had a friend that was prettier than me but I wasn't jealous. Why? Well, I may not have been the "prettiest" one in the group but I did bring something to the table that outshined everybody. My sister was smarter than me. I "might" have been jealous with that one but I sure didn't do anything to remedy it. I just continued to be me and came out alright.

I don't look at other people's lives and turn green with envy wishing I had what they had. Trust me, they probably worked really hard to get it and I don't really like working that hard. I've always been the type of girl that rolls with the punches and just believes that something good will come my way. It usually does too.

I was never jealous of my husband and attention some skank may be giving him. She's a skank. Why would I be jealous of a skank? When good things happen to my friends, I'm always the first one thinking that they deserve it.

See? I don't get jealous. It's useless with me.

Today is Friday though. I have to go to work. My husband took the day off because our children have off from school.

I. Am. Jealous.

Now don't get me wrong. It'll probably be on the Hunting Channel all day long. He's probably going to obliterate the house and throw away things he shouldn't throw away. He might do the yard or he might wash the car. I'm not jealous of THAT. I'm merely jealous that I had to hear the alarm this morning and get off my lazy ass and get ready for work.

I'm still somewhat recovering from the stomach alien that nested in my belly on Wednesday that I spewed out in the toilet. My morning consisted of showering and putting my curly hair (because I'm too lazy to straighten it) in a clip. I look like a librarian with my frizzy curls peeking out from the clip. Oh yah, I'm a dreamgirl right now. I would've much rather punched that alarm clock with my fist, roll over and zonk out again. Didn't happen though.

I get to work with Pop Quiz Asshole again today. Joy! :)

This weekend consists of near to nothing. M has a physical for sports next year in 7th grade. It's at 9:30am. Gahhhhhhd! Hello? It's Saturday! My husband is driving to his new deer lease while I'm doing the physical stuff to sign the paperwork and install some cameras.

I'm soooooooooooo glad I have to take M to her physical. Cause I AIN'T involving myself in this deer land lease. Have a fantastic Friday people. It'll be over soon....right?

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Work Ethics

2010-05-20T08:00:00.003-05:00

Here's mine. Do you do the same thing?

1) Unless you're dead, you don't call in sick.

Now this goes with some rules. I don't think people that call in sick are losers. I just think if you overdo the calling in sick, it's kind of annoying. Oh and if it's because of a migraine....yah, I've never had one so I just think it a headache.

2) Know your schedule.

This means know everybodys schedule. Nine time out of ten, you're gonna know who these people are and how unavailable they are. If you're covering for someone, don't expect any paybacks. You are getting paid to cover for this person. You aren't doing it for free. There is no payback. You'll get your payback in the form of a check.

3) Pay attention.

This is kind of like knowing the schedule. Listen to the quips here and there. Nine times out of ten, they're talking shit behind your back. Now here's where it pays off. Don't react immediately. Save it for a rainy day and then unleash the fury. They'll never know what hit em.

4) Wear your name tag just above your boob.

Well, cause customers love it. Yah, I went there.

5) Don't be afraid to admit to your boss that you like the job.

It's not going to hurt you but right after saying it, make sure you add that you're not fitting in with the sorority of the other techs. Oh yes people, I said it. The other techs are getting on my freaking nerves sometimes but refer to rule number 3. Hold it because there is a fury coming and it will be big.

6) Finally, when walking into work, put mass amounts of chapstick on.

It works when you want to bite somebodys head off. With chapstick on, you're more prone to smoothing your lips together while exacting your revenge later.

These are so far my work ethics. I reserve the right to add on. Because trust me, these people are like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I can't quite figure out whether to stake em with my words and stab em with my wrath.

Have a great Thursday! Good news! Tomorrow is Friday and I get to work with pop quiz guy. Woot! :/

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Not Today Please.

2010-05-19T08:48:00.002-05:00

Not really feeling well today. I knew it was happening last night when I felt tired at 9pm but by this morning, I was hit with a truck.

Husband: What's the matter with you?

Me: ::mumble:: I feel like shit.

Husband: What feels like shit?

Me: You name it, it hurts. Just leave me alone, your voice isn't helping.

Husband: Well somebody needs to wake up in a better mood.

Now here's where I don't get men. Yah, I was rude but I'd already explained that I didn't feel good. I told him to leave me alone. Where in there does it say to get butt-hurt because I asked him to leave me alone? This is my life. It's a constant battle of wits and pride. I hate it. Because he felt pushed into feeling like I just beat his pride with a bat, he took it upon himself to continue the 3rd inquisition.

Me: Why do I need to wake up in a better mood? I feel like shit. Could you just make sure M is up and getting ready for school before you leave?

Husband: You can't even get up and do that?

Me: Sure I can, continue being an asshole....I got this.

By this time, I'm attempting to roll out of my blankets and a wave of nausea hits me. (No, I'm not pregnant.) So I lay back down to try to let it pass.

Me: ::mumbling:: I'm gonna throw up. Please don't talk.

Husband: Oh so now I can't even talk?

Now, I'm not even sure what I did next but it involved frantically crawling to the bathroom. The rest should be assumed. And here is why my husband is lucky I didn't feel well enough to kill him this morning.

Husband: Did you just puke?

Me: ::groaning:: Mmmmm hmmmmm.

Husband: Did you?

Me: ::sigh:: YES!

Husband: Why'd you puke?

Me: ::silence::

Oh. My. God. How the hell should I know why I puked? There's a stomach virus going around. Maybe it was the 3 Cokes I drank last night before bed. But seriously, what kind of a stupid question is that? All I'm thinking at this point is when this puking episode is done, I'm gonna kill him.

Husband: Jean, are you okay?

Me: Yes, could you just leave me alone? I'll call you later.

Husband: What's your problem?

Now here is where my head explodes. What's my problem? Well jeez Sherlock, what do you think?

Me: Have a good day at work. (I turn the bathroom fan on and drown out anything else he has to say.)

Yah, I'm not feeling well today and it ain't getting better. This tirade on this here blog has taken way longer than it needed to take because of some pit stops back in the bathroom. Oh and the text I just received from my husband?

Husband (text): Why'd you puke this morning?

I haven't replied. I'm too busy trying exact my revenge on him later for being a clueless man. I hope every body's Wednesday is better than mine.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

If Life were a Lollypop.

2010-05-18T07:19:00.003-05:00

So I bought this giant bag of Dum-Dums yesterday and pretty much devoured the entire bag in less than 3 hours. And hush, I shared....a couple. My tastes for certain flavors are strange. I can switch from butterscotch to fruit flavor with a flick of the tongue. I don't really care because I love my lollipops.

That is the epitome of me though. I'm not really choosy. I'm happy most of the time with whatever you throw at me and if it's a lollipop, I'm a very happy girl. When bad things happen, yah, it sucks but if there isn't anything you can do about it, what's the point of dwelling of it?

So last night after leaving the soccer game of Cops vs. Didn't know they were playing cops, my husband's take-home car went kaput. We were in Richardson on a side road. What does this mean? Well according to my husband, it's the end of the world. He's gotta use his own car and his own gas money. Yah, it sucks. That's going to add on at least $125 a week in gas money for us. Oh and his truck needs new tires before he gets his expired inspection sticker updated. We're looking at $500 in new tires. Yah, like I admitted, it sucks.

But! Here is where it's good to be with me. Now my husband bitched and moaned for like 2 hours. I probably had a sour face for about 10 minutes. Was there anything we could do differently? Nope. Were we on the freeway when the car went kaput? Nope. Do we have a car that he can use? Yep. And finally, get over it dude, it's freaking done. I mean jeez, would you rather be pissed off or just deal with it? Now my husband would probably say he would want to bitch about it but you can't be that way around me. One, because I'm not gonna let you. Two, because I'm gonna tell you to shut up because I'm tired of hearing you bitch and moan. Seriously, get over it!

So as me and the girls got a ride home in a cop car by one of our favorite officers, I managed to finish off my bag of Dum-Dums. The last flavor? Mystery. To this day, I have never hated the mystery flavor. It's never been a coconut or a chocolate one. (Which I think are the worst ideas for lollipop flavors) And that was my epiphany. Life is like a mystery lollipop. You never know what you're gonna get. But when you stick that candy delight in your mouth, it's done. There's no turning back. You're going to either be surprised or satisfied but anyway you look at it, there will always be another lollipop.

So suck it up. Life sucks sometimes but there is always going to be a little mystery and adventure to keep your taste buds excited.

Tuesday Carpool.

E: I'm finally getting my own room.

Me: How's that gonna happen?

E: My dad is giving me his office.

Me: Oh, bachelor pad.

E: Hold it, they're painting it baby blue.

Me: Oh, um.....if it's your room, why are they painting it baby blue?

E: That was the deal.

Me: You got screwed.

E: Hi, have we met...I always get screwed.

M (daughter): One word. Posters.

E: M? You really want me to get my butt kicked, don't you?

Me: Boys can't do posters anymore? No Farrah Fawcett or Cindy Crawford?

E: Who?

God, I need a lollypop. I'm getting OLD! Have a nice Tuesday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

My Weekend of Nothingness and Everything.

2010-05-16T10:49:00.009-05:00

This is gonna be a short one because I can't imagine it being very long. This weekend was probably one of the greatest weekends in awhile. No, it wasn't because my husband was working the entire weekend and I saw him for like 3 total hours. Kinda missed him actually. Missed him enough to visit him a few times while he worked overtime at the Wildflower festival. Saw him in the shorts they issue police officers for hot weather. Highlight of that hour I tell ya. :)

Anyway, I went to Borders on Saturday to get the autograph of my favorite author, Charlaine Harris. She writes vampire books. Now all of you know, I write. I don't write about vampires. I couldn't if I tried. It's more of a brain vacation when I read my vampire books. I don't want to write about something that I couldn't do justice. I just want to read a good fluff that makes me smile.

If I could have one wish it would be to be that author that everybody woke up early to see. I want people to hang on my every word. I want people to ask me questions about how I do what I do. I've never been one of those people that follow stars around like puppy dogs. I dabble in Twitter and follow agents but I don't kiss their ass like some of the other people on Twitter do. I just don't want to be that person. I've actually never been that person. The old saying, "The squeaky wheel gets oiled...or lubricated." I am not, nor will I ever be a squeaky wheel. If I am ever going to be a published author, it will be because I did it the hard way. The way most published authors did it.

Is that naive?

Probably. But that's just me. I won't apologize because I don't follow the ass-kissing line or do things the easy way. So did I say to Charlaine Harris that I was an unpublished author and really wanted to be her one day?

Nope. I said thank you and walked my weary way with my signed books. Because I will be her one day even if I'm old and senile. It will happen and it will happen because I did it the hard way.

Have a fantastic Monday....it'll be over soon. Or at least it's started so now all it needs to do is end. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

It was a Sad Goodbye....to Friday carpool.

2010-05-14T07:43:00.003-05:00

I still have two more Tuesday carpools but today marked my last Friday carpool. Granted, I'm probably going to see E everyday this summer but even though M2 just lives down the street, I probably won't see her. Yes, it was a sad realization. I'm gonna miss those three little boogers to brighten up my every three Fridays.

Me: Hey yo M2!

M2: Hello!

Me: Any plans this weekend?

M2: My dad and brothers are going on a father/son camp out tonight so my mom and I are gonna do something girly tonight.

Me: Oh yah? Punishment over?

M2: It is for me. I've got plans this weekend with my friends and even my parents can't ruin it.

Me: There's the spirit.

::Ethan gets in the car::

Me: Hey yo E!

E: Helllloooooo Miss Jean.

M2: What are you doing this weekend?

E: Nothing exciting.

M2: Aren't you going on the father/son camp out?

E: Oh....yah. I'm going on the father/son camp out.

Me: There's the excitement of a 12 year old I love to see.

E: Oh, it'll be fun. I just kinda wish we had a weekend where we didn't have anything to do.

Me: Well, I have some bad news this morning.

Boogers: What?

Me: It's our last Friday carpool together.

M2: Awwwww, it is! But we still have two more Tuesdays left together.

E: And you dressed for the occasion too.

Me: Nah, I just put on yesterday's clothes.

E: Annnnnnd yesterday's clothes was a tube top thank God.

M2: I'm kinda gonna miss your tube tops too Miss Jean.

M (daughter): Over the summer? That's all my mom wears in the summer.

E: I love summertime.

Me: Me too.

M2: Hey M (daughter), you should take swim team, then we can still do carpool.

Me: What time is swim team?

E: 5:30am.

Me: It was nice carpooling your asses...see ya next year!

Because it might've been a sad goodbye but it was a goodbye. Miss Jean doesn't do anything before 6am.

Have a fantastic Friday! I hope your weekend is great and your Monday is slow to show up.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

My Theme Song

2010-05-13T09:07:00.003-05:00

Crazy Bitch by Buck cherry. Oh yah, if I died tomorrow, it would play at my funeral as they carried my casket down the aisle. Then everybody would cry because....well, hello! I'm dead. And as they carried my casket back down the aisle, they would play it again. Cause that's how I roll.

Okay, now that that's over. What would your theme song? Would it be sad and sappy? Every funeral I've ever been to, the consensus has been to celebrate the life instead of mourning the loss. Well no shit but what about the next day when the reality of the loss hits you again. I always get hit with the realization that I can't just pick up a phone and say hi. That's what has hurt the most when I lost someone special.

Loss.

It doesn't have to be a death but in a sense, when you lose someone whether it be to circumstances or because there wasn't any room in your life anymore for that person, it still feels like a death. I don't handle loss very well. It's hard for me to let go of people that have been intricate parts of my life. I fight tooth and nail to keep them close until it's dead and black. When in reality, I should've said goodbye way before the blackness and death happened. Maybe better things might've happened if I had.

I've reconnected with so many people I thought I lost. About 90% of them are great reconnections but the other 10%? Yah, shoulda just kept on walking and never said hi. They were probably toxic before which is why they're still toxic to me. Oh and I'm not stupid enough to realize that I was probably toxic to them as well. Some people shouldn't be together when it starts to sour. Some people shoulda kept walking...shit, they shoulda ran as fast as their feet could take em.

But don't you agree that the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" of life is too tempting NOT to explore? Why do we do this to ourselves? I've never been a person that regrets anything in my life. I don't even like to use the word mistake very much either. Those two words basically mean the same thing if you think of it. But what do you call it when you wish you woulda just kept walking?

An oversight of being a stupid and dreamy female?

What if that oversight ended up hurting the other person too?

Even worse, what if the other person is happy you didn't keep walking?

Oh, I'm all over the place on this, aren't I?

Okay, changing the subject. I'm going back "home" with my family for a visit with family. My father-in-law isn't healthy and when I visited before, something told me to convince my husband to visit. That "something" was correct as he isn't doing so well. All I can hope is the procedures and surgeries being preformed on him prior to our visit fix him and he's good when we get there. I have every hope and prayer (allowable to a non-church girl) that this will be a happy visit. I also have a fear from past experiences that our time is short and our good intentions of visiting will be too little, too late. I was never a fan of my father-in-law. He was mean and nasty to everybody. In his old age, the miracle of medication has changed that. My father-in-law has always loved me from day one. He calls me "Gina." One, because he says it's his name for me and nobody elses. Two, because I swear, he doesn't know my name isn't "Gina." :)

Hold on "Dad," we'll be there soon. "Crazy Bitch" is coming home and bringing your son with her.

Happy Thursday! It's almost Friday.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

It Can't Get Better....Than This?

2010-05-12T07:19:00.003-05:00

Have you ever woken up, looked around and thought, "Is this it?"

My friend did that and a year later, she was divorced. She's had her ups and downs after that day but I think she's happier for it. Her ex-husband isn't very nice to her. She always says that true stripes come out when times get tough. I think I 50% agree with her.

Look at it this way, sure he might be an asshole to her right now but she left him. Is he supposed to be all warm and gushy inside for her? Plus, he's a man and men aren't required to be nice to you if you've slapped them across the face with reality. Men aren't required to do anything actually.

I have never woken up and thought that though. Every day, there's always something new. I don't get tired of the mood swings from my tween. I don't tire from my youngests latest shenanigans. Oh and my husband is constantly changing. How could he not be surprising? He's a huntin' redneck Filipino.

I am also me. I try to find something every day to appreciate. In regards to my tween, I appreciate how she always says, "Hi mom, what did you do today?" Any tween interested in an adult always deserves a little appreciation. Regarding my little one, I appreciate how she'll always want a cuddle no matter who's looking. And finally, my redneck husband. I appreciate how he'll always argue with me about anything, no matter how wrong he is.

Him: Don't you think M is getting too skinny?

Me: I've taken a poll and the consensus is, she's fine.

Him: What's with the attitude?

Me: I don't have an attitude but it really bugs the shit out of me how if I had said M was getting too skinny, you would've told me I was being a worry wart and M was fine.

Him: So lemme get this. You're pissed that I took an interest and am concerned. That's selfish.

Me: Selfish? That makes no sense.

Him: It makes perfect sense. You want to be the concerned parent and if I try to be one, you don't like it.

Me: That's not being selfish.

Him: Yes it is. It makes perfect sense.

Me: In your world, do you always make sense? Cause in my world, you don't know bupkiss.

Him: Actually in my world, you apologize and admit you're wrong.

Me: Well luckily, I'm not in your world. It requires a warped sense of reality and balls the size of raisins. I have too big of balls to get into your world.

Him: See? Selfish.

Me: What? You wanna borrow my balls? Only if you promise to give em back.

Him: So you don't think M is too skinny?

Ah, never a dull moment I tell ya. Have a great Hump Day! I'm off to work today and really wish I was home napping.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Church Folk are Weird

2010-05-11T09:39:00.003-05:00

Yah, I said it. The possibility that this statement will come back and haunt me at the Pearly Gates doesn't scare me. But seriously, church folk are weird.

It was carpool Tuesday today and our good girl M2 informed me that she was being punished. The conversation went on for the entire car ride so try to keep up.

M2: I got grounded.

Me: I'm shocked. What'd you do?

M2: I broke my commitment.

(I have to admit at first I thought it was a commitment to abstinence. My mind always goes to dirty.)

M2: I was up at 8:15pm when I should've been sleeping by 8pm.

Me: Did they beat you with flames and needles?

M2: They took my books away from me.

Me: What??!! So they....um....well that's just stoooopid. Church folk are weird.

E: Sing it Miss Jean! Oh and wear that tube top when you do it. Blue is definitely your color.

Me: Oh I'll do you one better. I'll wrap a rosary and use it for an ankle bracelet.

E: Seriously, I'm still mad about the airgun.

M2: What about the airgun?

E: Well, now D**** threatened to shoot my dad with his airgun.

Me: Why's he mad at you?

E: Cause my dad called his parents and told them they were illegal. Now D***** can't play with it either.

Me: So how's he gonna shoot your dad?

E: I don't know but I started laughing and told him that my dad has 911 on speed dial.

Me: Cause pressing 9-1-1 isn't fast enough?

M (daughter): Good one mom. E, your dad is crazy.

E: If church folk are weird, explain to us just how long K is grounded for?

Me: She's grounded until I say she isn't grounded.

M2: Ohhhhhh, what'd K do?

Me: Um....er....she called a boy g-a-y and kneed him in the....um...er....

E: The no-no box!

Me: ::snort:: The what box?

E: The no-no box. You know.

Me: Yah, I got it but why is it the "no-no box?"

E: I don't know, my mom and dad call it that.

M (daughter): I dare you to call it that to your friends.

E: No way.

Me: What do you call it in front of your friends?

E: We don't really talk about em.

Me: So, lemme get this straight. Your parents grounded you from books for reading 15 minutes past your bedtime....which in my opinion is way too early. And your parents have reinforced in that brain of yours that....um....er....that general area is a "no-no" box.

M (daughter): Mom, I love you.

Me: Yah, I don't ever wanna hear you say the words "not fair" come out of that mouth of yours. You could be M2 and E.

E: What's wrong with calling it the no-no box?

Me: Lemme put it this way. When you're older....you're gonna wanna change it to the yep-yep box. Your parents have basically, sub-consciously, made you think anything that has to do with...um....er....forget it.

E: No! What?

Me: How many carpools are left in the year?

M2: About 3?

Me: I'll tell you everything you two wanna know on my last carpool day.

And with that, I repeat....church folk are weird. I am convinced that I was put on this earth to fix the evils that they put upon their children.

Have a great Tuesday and have fun with your yep-yep boxes! :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

If Karma is a Bitch....Her Name Has to Be Jeanie.

2010-05-07T21:22:00.010-05:00

Okay, I think I'm contradicting myself here. I've said that I don't believe in luck. I don't believe that life is out to get me. I do however believe that Karma is alive and well....living in TexASS.

Over the past couple of years, I've been reminded quite a few times of what a pain in the ass I was as a child. My reminder is in the form of a sweet little girl. I've mentioned her before. It's K, my youngest, my mini-me. I adore her. Don't get me wrong. In fact, I tend to favor her because I "get" her in more ways than one.

My oldest, I don't "get." She's quiet, she's sensitive and by god damn, she is a moody lil' bitch when she wants to be. Yah, yah, yah....I know, a couple days ago, I compared her to my sister. I'm not favoring that comparison when I say the above. It's different when my sister is an adult and my child is a tween. I hate that I don't "get" M. I hate that I favor her sister sometimes. You'd think that since I recognize it, I'd find a way to put a stop to it. I've tried but damn, it's really hard to do.

Sometimes I wish that I could ship her off to my sister for awhile so she could figure her out. So my oldest could get a taste of what it feels like to be understood. In this house, nobody gets her.

This weekend was a weekend of nothingness. It was freaking GREAT! We had a mailbox fixed. My husband went to look at some land for this year's deer lease. (Don't ask...trust me, you don't want to know.) Sunday was Mother's Day. My mother and I put a request in and wished for my husband's homemade enchiladas. Oh yah, we got em too. Mom and dad brought over some wine and my mother and I got a little tipsy on "our" day. Our only sadness was we couldn't enjoy it with the other mother in the family. We toasted to her though and wished she was with us. If there is one thing, we are descendants of some great mothers. We've laughed, we've cried and we've succeeded through every endeavor motherhood has thrown at us. Oh, and we're not stupid enough to realize that it ain't even close to being over.

I hope everyone who has the honor of being a mother had a great Mother's Day. I hope those of you who aren't mothers, took the day to say thank you. I'll leave you with a mini-conversation between me and my daughters. Ya gotta love it cause if I didn't, I'd be in a freaking asylum by now.

K: Hey momma, what do you want for Mother's Day?

Me: Nothing. I have everything I've ever wanted.

M: Don't believe her K, she'll be asking us to clean our rooms any minute.

Me: Well, did you clean your room?

K: Good one M. We prolly would've gotten away with it if you hadn't have opened your big mouth.

M: Well if that ain't the kettle and the pot.

Me: Oh hush. Did you clean your room?

M: I'll do it later.

K: I already cleaned mine.

M: Butt kisser.

K: Kettle!

Me: Sisters, sisters, there will never be another sister..... (This is a song from White Christmas that my mom used to sing to me and my sister to break the fights up.)

M: Mom, if that didn't work on you and Auntie T****, why would it work on us?

Me: Is it annoying?

M: Very.

Me: Then my job here is done. Go clean your room.

M: ::grumble mumble:: Fine. But it is annoying.

K: If that isn't a pot and kettle....I don't know what is.

Me: Sweetie....give it up. You're not saying it right.

K: Am I the pot or am I the kettle?

M: Neither, you're a dork.

Me: Your Auntie would be so proud of you and shocked at the same time M.

And she would too. :) Happy Monday people....it'll be over soon.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

"I Had a Bad Dream"

2010-05-07T07:46:00.004-05:00

Poor Katie. She sometimes has these dreams that are bad. They tear her apart and she falls to pieces. She is the biggest cuddle bug when it happens though so I don't mind being woken up at 3am with em.

I don't sleep like the dead. I'm a mom. Any sound I hear or "not-sound" I hear wakes me up and prevents me from relaxing until I find the culprit of what woke me up. When my husband used to come home late from work, he'd try so hard to creep in like a ninja but every time, I'd wake up.

Anywho!

Katie suffers from the dream that we all know about. The dream we've been having over and over. It pops up like an old friend and you've had it so many times, you know it's a dream but you still dream like it's real. My dream is always about a house I grew up in in Florida. I wasn't there for very long but that is always my setting. I'm looking for something and I have to find it before the bad man gets it. The bad man is after me too. I still have no clue what I'm looking for and what's going to happen when I find it.

Katie dreams about falling through ice. She can't get out and there's this girl in the ice that keeps her from getting out. Her daddy always saves her. I'm there too but I'm too worried about getting my hair wet to save her. When she wakes up from this dream, she's breathless and she's very mad at me. I always have to convince her that I really would save her. I wouldn't worry about my hair and I'd be the first one in the ice to get her. It takes about an hour to calm her down. When she finally begins to drift off to sleep, she says, "You really do have pretty hair."

God, you could bottle her cuteness and sell it for a million dollars I tell ya!

Lately, I've been dreaming of Facebook. It's so ridiculous. I read imaginary emails. I get imaginary friend requests. Yah, me thinks I'm spending way too much time on Facebook. There is one thing I have to admit though. When I wake up from my Facebook dream, I always feel like I really did reconnect with whoever sent me the imaginary email. I know....I need medication. Gimme a break, my life is boring and I like it that way. I have my schedule to abide by. I have my appointments that I keep. And most of all, there is always a beer waiting for me in the fridge.

It's Friday today! I'm probably working with Dennis Hopper this morning. I also think we are going to have an influx of technicians at 1:30pm. Too many technicians mean I am usually annoyed very easily. It's not that big of a place to cram "know-it-alls" in one place. But I will prevail. There are no soccer games this weekend. My husband is checking out some land for his 2010 hunting lease. I am desperately in need of a grocery trip. My oldest has been in a bad mood for about a week now. My youngest is still grounded. See?

Boring. :) Have a great day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

All He Wanted....Was Me.

2010-05-06T16:23:00.003-05:00

Have you ever known someone that knew all your dark secrets and still loved you at the end of the day?

It could be your spouse. It could be your friend. It could be a member of your immediate family. But to be loved so completely and known?

I have.

It didn't happen until after high school. I had lived such a good life so far. I had come into my own. I had become the type of girl that I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I wasn't someone to be pushed around. I thought I knew everything there needed to be known about me.

I was wrong.

What I didn't know was I was interesting. I was deep. There was so much more to me than what was on the surface. I cried when I laughed and it was adorable. When I was afraid of something, all I needed was somebody to hold my hand and go with me. I could accomplish anything I put my mind to.

What might be surprising to some people, this wasn't discovered because of the love of my husband (the asshole). It was discovered because of a man that loved me and let me go. Why did he let me go? Because he was smart. :)

But at the end of the day, I am only adorable, exhaustible and conquering because of this man. He is why I smile a sly smile once a day. It's a smile that's private. It's a smile that's ours. Thank you.

Does this discovery make me tragic? It's only tragic if I can't honor him and who he loves. It's only tragic if I can't admit that what I am is who I will always be because of him. Do I give credit to my husband? Well shit, of course I do. He's had to put up with me for way too long NOT to get credit. He is the unknown hero here.

He has held my hand when I needed it held.

He has picked me up when I've fallen.

He has tried to make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry.

But at the end of the day, I am only me because of who I've allowed in my heart. It's those people that I honor and thank. Thank you.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow I will still wake up and be exactly who I've always been. Just a girl that can make it through any day, no matter how shitty it was, with a smile and a moment to be thankful for.

I'm calling it....it's done. :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

A Memory and Another Clue

2010-05-05T07:27:00.003-05:00

Over the past couple of days, I've given some examples of some people that are in my life that make me who I am. Today, I'm going to share a memory, a moment, a day that changed my life forever. As usual, I'm going to initial the name to protect the azzhole. :)

It was my Sophomore year. I had been going out with my husband for a couple months. We were still brand new but a couple months in teen-land is like an eternity. I remember it like it was yesterday. A popular guy. A guy that everybody wanted had finally began to act "interested" in me. The only problem? I had a boyfriend. What did I do?

No brainer! I broke up with my boyfriend dammit! I had my eye on this popular guy for over a year and by god, if he was interested...so was I.

Was it true love? Did we bask in our love? Hell no. I'll tell ya, it was anything BUT! J (popular guy) seemed surprised that I would break up with my boyfriend for him. Was he honored? (Imagine me pigsnorting right now)

J (popular guy): I'm not ready for a relationship. I thought we could just mess around.

My response went something like this: You're kidding right? You'll never have me. You lost your chance.

And that was the day that I went from innocent, trusting Jeanie to bitchy, demands respect Jean. I could feel a switch inside me flip. I knew from that moment for the rest of my life, I would NEVER be someone that just got messed around with. I would be respected. If I wasn't, I would walk away without ever looking back. I've stuck to that rule since that day. I've broken quite a few hearts. I've broken quite a few spirits as well.

I can give him credit for creating this person I am. I wouldn't change it for a million dollars. I can see moments thereafter that would've broken me if it weren't for J (popular guy). Thanks azzhole!

Most of you old high school friends might take a guess at who J (popular guy) was. I've mentioned the story before and did include the name. I need to clarify though. I have no hard feelings. I don't harbor murderous thoughts toward him. The remainder of my high school with J (popular guy) was uneventful. We became friends. It was almost like a torture that I was always a no-no. I would be nothing but a friend to this guy and he knew it. And at the end of the day and our time in high school, it was nice to be his friend and not be another girl he messed around with.

So happy Wednesday people! Do you have a moment that changed you forever? Do you have a memory that defines who you've become? I actually have a couple but they all revolve around the fact that I am who I am for a reason....and I like it that way.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Here Are Some More Clues

2010-05-04T07:49:00.006-05:00

Okay, so yesterday I gave some clues as to why I am the way I am. There was some confusion at the end if I wasn't done. Note, I am never done. Hasn't the fact that I haven't ran out of things to say on this here blog proved I am never done?

So, continuing.

My father. He's always thought I wasn't funny. He is also the one that passed on the eye roll gene to me. Funny thing is, whenever I rolled my eyes at HIM, he wanted to slap me. One thing about my father is, he'd rather be on his couch, watching his TV than anywhere else. He has his priorities and he isn't afraid to grumble when your priorities don't match his. With that quality, he has no problem saying out loud thoughts....even though they really should've remained silent.

Father: K's coach needs to shut the hell up!

Me: Dad! Her husband is right behind us.

Father: You don't think he agrees?

Me: Well maybe but that doesn't mean he won't defend her.

Father: If he does, I probably won't be able to hear him cause his wife won't shut the hell up.

Me: You're gonna make me burn some bridges today, aren't you?

Father: I've been listening to this lady scream at K for over a year. Burn baby, BURN.

My mother, you would think is the extinguisher in the relationship. Nope! She hasn't changed a thing. She knows perfectly well what she's doing to annoy my father. She is also the one woman in my life that I'm not afraid to say no to and not feel bad about. She and I have an eery relationship. We are alike in more ways than I'd like to admit. She also throws the guilt and the little spikes of disappointment like a pro.

Mother: I signed M up for a 4 hour babysitting class.

Me: What? When?

Mother: It's at the YMCA on a Saturday morning.

Me: Um....cancel that.

Mother: M said the same thing.

Me: Well jeez mom, I'm just barely getting my Saturdays back and you're signing her up for stuff?

Mother: It's all about you, isn't it?

Me: No, it's about trying to wake your 12 year old granddaughter up on a Saturday. Are you gonna do it?

Mother: No, I signed her up, you can handle the other stuff.

Me: Of course, seriously, unsign her up.

Mother: Fine! I just thought since you went back to work and "expect" M to babysit when you're not there....she might want to know how.

{{ZING}} Ah yes, that's my mother. I do love her so. :)

My sister. I rarely have conversations with her these days. She's very busy being a great mother and there ain't nothing wrong with that. Growing up, we hated each other. We couldn't tolerate a minute of each other's company. What I've learned from her is patience. When I had my girls and realized that they are the EXACT difference in age as my sister and I, I thought I was doomed. Well, I am doomed. My girls hate each other too. Well, K doesn't but she sure helps out M, giving her reasons to hate her. Now I'm not saying this is my sister's fault. My daughter M is kinda like my sister. She's sensitive, she's smart and she's logical. I appreciate my sister more because of the similarities. I pay attention to the detail of an argument between my daughters. I make sure I don't let a fight go without consequences. At the end of the day though, they still argue, they still hate each other. But what my sister has taught me is no matter what, there is and was always love there. It never goes away and it'll always be there when you need it desperately. See? Patience.

My friend G. Oh yah, she's my little dose of crazy and even bigger dose of reality. She's not afraid to tell me the truth....no matter how much it hurts. We all need friends like that. I once got a haircut. I asked G if she liked it. G said, "Kind of but I like it longer." Well shit! I was crushed. What was I supposed to do? Hurry up and grow it overnight? But that's my friend G. She has her faults. She has her idiosyncrasies. But most of all, she has my back. She'll never let me make a mistake without saying, "I told ya so!" She'll never let me fall without saying, "You got dirt on your ass." She has shown me what it means to have somebody I can depend on. I never feel used. I never feel slighted. I just feel loved. And that is what a friend is supposed to do.

I have many friends. Friends that I've known since I was a tween like my daughter. Friends that I made promises to and still, to this day, I've kept. Friends that at a moments notice, they'd hop on an airplane and rescue me....if I needed rescuing. I'm a very lucky girl.

So today, on this lovely Tuesday, worthy of a yellow tube top, think of who you can blame for the person you've become. And for the confused one....this ain't done but I am done for today. Have a great day.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

It's Time to Clue Everybody In.

2010-05-02T11:23:00.009-05:00

People often wonder why I'm funny....or a bitch. The truth of the matter is, I'm constantly finding myself surrounded with characters that deserve a shout out. I wouldn't be who I am without the help of the people that I make fun of, live with or despise.

My husband. The quintessential asshole. It's an endearing term. It's also hard not to get some pointers from him during certain moments in my life. Like the time the Market Street manager saddled up next to me and asked if I needed help renting a video.....as I was returning a video.

Me: I'm returning a video so I think I got it.

Him: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh....oh-kay.

Me: You alright there or are you having a seizure?

My oldest. The emotional melting pot of tears and dirty looks. Yah, we pick on her occasionally but seriously, toughen up girl and stop crying!

Her: Dad doesn't fight fair. He fights dirty.

Me: Welcome to my world sweetie.

Her: He purposely tries to pick on me to make me cry, then he gets mad at me for crying.

Me: Yep, you're an idiot. You've just painted your button neon yellow and given him a free pass to push it until it's dead and black.

Her: How do you fight with him?

Me: Well, sometimes I put an "Out of Order" sign on those buttons and when he pushes them, I don't let it bother me. It really pisses him off. You should try it. You'll save me some money on Kleenex.

My youngest. The reincarnate. The karma that has bitten my ass. The girl that is doomed to be cute as hell but grounded for the rest of her life.

Her: Hey mommy, I finally figured out what I am.

Me: What are you talking about?

Her: I'm filipeño!

Me: Sweetie, it's just filipino. Not filipeño like the pepper.

Her: Well, everybody always thinks I'm Mexican so I just added a little flavor.

Me: You're. A. Genius.

My boss. The Dennis Hopper of my life. The "Pop Quiz Asshole." One on one, he's actually great. Add a couple more people in the mix, good god, where's my gun?

Him: Okay, pop quiz people.

Everybody: ::sigh::

Him: How do you alphabetize?

Yah, I'm not even going to dignify that with anymore banter.

There are so many more people in my life that I will mention throughout this blog. I'm not forgetting you, I promise. It is Monday though and I have to get to work. I'm almost positive that I'm working with Dennis Hopper this morning. I'm also positive that I might need a beer after work. Have a great day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

This is Why I'm Doomed.

2010-04-29T20:41:00.005-05:00

My reincarnate. She is why I'm doomed. She's the cutest little troublemaker in the south. She annoys me to no end but makes me laugh out loud into pigsnorts.

My tween. She is also why I'm doomed. She's a melting pot of emotions that I don't understand. Seriously, stop crying already!

A conversation with my reincarnate.

K: Mommy! I read this entire chapter book!

Me: Awesome! How much points is it worth?

K: Enough to shut my teacher up about my AR goal.

Me: Hey now, don't be rude.

K: Ooops, sorry. It's worth a lot though.

Me: So you can take the test on it tomorrow then.

K: Oh yah, I'm so gonna ace that test. There's just one thing I don't get.

Me: Hmmmmm? (At this point, I'm thinking that I'm gonna get screwed into reading this damn book. I really don't wanna have to read a 2nd grade chapter book.)

K: Can you explain something to me?

Me: ::sigh:: Sure sweetie. What's up?

K: Who would name their kid "Cha-low?"

Me: "Cha-low?"

K: Yah, isn't that the craziest name? That was the main character's name. How embarrassing!

Me: ::confusion::realization::sigh:: Sweetie.....that's......Chloe.

K: Ooooooooooh, that makes more sense.

I'm doomed.

A conversation with my melting pot of a tween.

M: Mom? What does "Shawty" mean?

Me: Why?

M: Cause the next door neighbors are always saying it.

Me: Um.....how do I define this? I'm Jean, your WHITE mom. I haven't any idea how to explain what "shawty" means.

M: Whatever.

She walks away and I don't see her for about 15 minutes. This is the conversation I overheard between her and her dad.

M: Hey dad, I have a nickname at school now.

Him: Oh yah, what is it?

M: "Shawty!"

Him: Shorty? Who the hell calls you that?

M: Everybody does....um...cause I'm short!

Him: You're one of the tallest girls in your class. That makes no sense. And that isn't what "shawty" means.

M: What does it mean then?

At this point, I decide to call her out. Cause in high school, my nickname was "Bitchy!"

Me: You're such a liar! You just asked me like 10 minutes ago what that meant....now it's your nickname at school.

M: It is! I'm not a liar.

Me: Whatever "Shawty!" You so crazy! (I said this in my best Martin Lawrence voice.)

Dad: Oh snap.....you got schooled yo!

Me: Old school homie!

M: Stawwwwwwwwp! I hate you guys. ::tears::

Me: My work here is done. Go forth "Shawty" and be superfly with your bad self.

::SLAM::BANG::

I'm doomed but it sure is funny.

Have a great Friday!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

No Sudden Movements!

2010-04-28T21:32:00.004-05:00

No sudden movements.

A rule that could be applied to any problem in life. Whether you are a man that severely pissed off a woman. You're a child that said the complete wrong thing to your mother. You're a boss that has pushed an employee too far. See what I mean?

No sudden movements.

It's been quite a week and I can't put my finger on it if it's a good week or a bad week. It feels a little weird. Like there is some weirdness in the air trying to screw with me.

Sunday: Katie had her soccer game and we came to the decision that she's not having fun anymore on this team. It was a sad realization but one that needed to be noticed. The problem with this is, we either put her on another academy team that is more expensive (which is NEVER affordable) or put her back on the Rec league. Both have their downfalls but most important is Katie needs to start having fun again. Yah, she kicks ass but is she having fun kicking that ass?

Monday: I went to work. I was literally gut-kicked and finally decided to gut-kick back. I said some things, he said some things, I said more things. Basically when I left, they watched a completely different person leave. I'm not the new girl anymore. I'm the the scape goat that you can blame all your problems on anymore. I'm not the type of girl that takes bullshit lying down so let me introduce myself to you properly. Don't. Fuck. With. Me.

Tuesday: I woke up inspired. I've been fighting this idea in my head for a month now on a new manuscript. I have an unfinished one already. I didn't really want to start a new one without finishing the work in progress. Well, forget it. I'm stalling the old and starting the new. Something in my head really wants to express itself. Who am I to hold it back? It was the first day in a long time where I really felt good. Good inside and out. God, I love that feeling. I just want to bottle it and keep it forever. Well then all that went to shit when my pubescent 12 year old decided to slap me across the face with reality. I kind already talked about that yesterday and I really don't want to open that bottle again.

Wednesday: Ah Hump Day. I woke up feeling tired and like I could've slept for another 8 hours. I should've went back to bed after the kids went to school but I didn't because I offered to work a shift for one of the other technicians. Yah, I had no idea what I was walking into after Monday. Well, it wasn't that bad. Seems like Dennis Hopper is aware of the rule, no sudden movements. I walked in, played the role of a nice lil' technician, put the order away, counted all the autofills and at 4pm.....I was GONE! By 4:19pm, I had an ice cold beer in my hand. But something about last night felt off. I just don't know.

Today: Who knows!? The husband took the day off today so I think I'll be nose deep in my laptop working on my new idea. We'll see.

Have you ever just felt an eeriness in the air? Like someone walked over your grave per say? Or a monkey just jumped on your back like a ninja but you couldn't decide if that was a bad thing? I mean, monkeys are cute. Is it really bad to have one on your back? Um.....yah! Cause monkeys shit and there ain't nothing good about a shitting monkey!

The week is almost over and I'm hoping by next week, the eery feeling will be gone. The walker over my grave will be long gone. The shitting monkey will have either become potty trained or died a horrible death of no fault of my own. If the monkey does decide to stay, I plan on calling it Axle.

But until then, I plan on taking my own advice.

No sudden movements. Happy Thursday! Have a nice day.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm Not the Normal Type of Girl.

2010-04-28T07:56:00.004-05:00

I know, SHOCKER!

But it's true. I don't like jewelry. I'm not a big fan of shopping for clothes. My shoe collection is so sad. Pampering such as pedicures and manicures are like torture to me. Massages? Yah, I bruise too easily.

I have a wardrobe of tube tops and shorts. I have some dresses but those dresses consist of one black dress suitable for funerals and all the others look like I'm going to Mexico. My shoes consist of over 25 pairs of flip flops and one pair of black heels. They cost me $5.88 and they are my favorites. When they die, I will probably cry for a week. I feel that way about a pair of black flip flops too. My flip flops are my staple. I even wear flip flops in the winter. Yah, I'm one of those whiners. "I'm freezing!" Well, put some damn shoes on then!

Personal pampering for most women is heaven. Pampering for me is just having the ability to sit on a comfortable chair with a beer in my hand. Pedicures make me want to vomit. I've had em so don't try to convince me otherwise. Feet, even my own, make me squirm. Don't touch my feet. You will regret it....ask my ex-boyfriend, who shall remain nameless. Manicures suck! My nails grow beautifully without the help of those ninjas that file and paint. Every freaking time I've ever gotten a manicure, my nails ended up breaking and looking like crap.

Jewelry. Every holiday, when the jewelry brochures start coming in the mail, I would turn the pages hoping to see something that I liked. Every flip of the page making that sound of defeat to me.

"I can't wear those, my ears reject earrings."

"I might wear another ring but I like the rings I already wear. What's the point?"

I'm just not like most girls. My idea of "girly" is that 5-7 days every month and that isn't a good thing. And don't get me wrong, I'm not sporty either. The idea of running around and acting like a kid again makes me hyperventilate just thinking about it. I'm just different. I'm not high maintenance. I don't expect much. Is that a good thing? First instincts might be yes but after awhile it gets a little annoying.

It's hard to find friends that share my dislikes. It's hard to keep a lasting relationship when I make it so easy. A friend who enjoys a pedicure thinks it would be weird that I'd rather get my eyebrows waxed. A man who knows I'm not about the expensive things would take advantage of that by never going the extra mile when he needs to.

My lack of "girliness" is a quandary though as I'm raising two girls who haven't quite figured out what type of girls they're going to be. My oldest is on light speed to becoming a woman and doesn't want to be. My youngest is desperately trying to speed up the process and failing miserably at it. All of this is happening while I am just trying to reach back into my failing brain of memories to when I was a "girl." I can't remember the important stuff.

1) When did I start worrying about if I smelled good? (Because seriously, it's like pulling teeth to get these girls to take a shower! Gahhhhhhd.)

2) When was a hairy leg gross? (I wish they weren't, I really hate shaving.)

3) When were boys not the evil, disgusting, incarnate of slime? (Wait, did that ever change?)

4) Should I have her dad talk to his daughter about feminine napkins? (Sorry, had to put that one in. Still funny.)

And finally 5) Is it a good thing that I've always been brutally honest with my daughters about EVERYTHING? Sex, hygiene and all the stuff mom's should be embarrassed to talk about with their daughters?

So, even though I've come to love my lack of "girliness," it's kind of bitten me in the ass in this block of my life. Because in reality, my girls are gonna have to figure this kind of stuff out on their own.

If they ever need fashion advice on what flip flops go with what tube top though....I'm their gal!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'll Fix You My Pretty.....and your little dog too!

2010-04-27T07:50:00.004-05:00

Today was Tuesday which means I have to get up as usual but I actually have to leave the house for my carpool. It was a great morning in spite of the fact that I could've slept for an eternity longer. The Blu-Ray was fixed....by me. I read up on the blu-ray player I have and figured out how to update it with my wireless network. I am now watching Avatar on blu-ray. Yes....I am the plus in this relationship. Found my loophole and read the fine print....oh yes I did.

Tuesday Carpool people and I can't possibly do it justice. It really needs pictures and audio but since I got neither of those, let's see how good my writing is.

M2: I'm sorry, I didn't know it was so late.

Me: It's 7:22am, you're not late. You're right on time in Jeanieland.

M2: I hurt my arm playing basketball with my dad last night and my mom's all mad at me because I can't practice my piano. Well....she's not mad...

Me: Yah right....she's beating you, isn't she?

M2: Yah, she's got a mean left hook.

::E gets in the car::

Me: Hello E. Ready for your tests today?

E: Oh I'm as ready as I'll ever be Miss Daisy.

M2: You're weird.

E: You're weirder.

Me: That's okay, M's the weirdest so she's got you all beat.

M (daughter): Why mother? Why do you always have to.....?"

E: Oh dang, have you ever seen her when she's hungry? She acts like she's drunk and going to die.

Me: I have, I'm the one who has to feed this child.

M (daughter): I'm not weirder than you E. You're just plain lame.

Me: Oh, that's not true, E's my favorit...est boy in the neighborhood.

M (daughter): Not mine....I like (bad kid who shall remain nameless) Oh, I kinda just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Me: Yah, there's no way (bad kid who shall remain nameless) is your fave. Swallow that vomit!

E: Oh that kid needs a good butt kicking at least twice a day.

M (daughter): Then do it already!

E: Oh I did. Yesterday I had to tackle him and sit on him until he stopped. I said, "Boyah, you bettah quit child!"

Me: ::snort:: So what you're saying is you turned all Aunt Jemima on his ass?? What's with the southern accent...did you get your switch and whip him till he squealed like a pig?"

E: Oh hush you! You should have your husband teach him a lesson.

M2: Oh yah, your husband is a little scary. That one day I came to the door to get M and he opened the door, I almost ran away screaming.

Me: That's cause you woke him up. He's like a bear waking up from hibernation. FOOD! ::scratch scratch:: WHERE'S MY BERRIES???

M (daughter): ::snort:: You even added the scratching. When he wakes me up, as he walks away, he's always scratching "something."

E: Let's stop talking about him....he's so scary, he probably senses that we're talking smack about him.

Me: Okay, this conversation doesn't reach his ears. Deal? We're all safe from the bear.

M (daughter): Hey mom, you see that tall kid in the green? That's the kid that doesn't believe in God.

Me: It's okay he doesn't believe in God.

E: He's Catholic!!! Oh and a....douchebag too.

Me: You finally learn what a douchebag was? And being a Catholic explains it. Catholic parents are like Nazis.....most kids grow out of it.

M (daughter): Yah but he's always swearing at me. He's the one who called me the "B" word.

Me: ::pulling up to the curb::pushing the button for the window down on M's side:: You want me to talk to him? I'll teach him a few new words and have him crying for his mommy.

Sidenote: As the window is slowly rolling down, all three kids in my car squeal nervously and scoot down, hiding. From an outsider looking in, I look like the only occupant of the car. The kid (the non-God believer) looks over and I ask, "What are you looking at?"

The snickers and sighs throughout the car almost give them away. Of course the fact that they actually had to get out....really gave them away.

E: Thanks a lot.

M2: Yah, I bet he's calling you the "B" word too.

M (daughter): Mother, one day, I'm going to get you back.

Me: Nah, one day, you'll be doing this to your own daughter. Have a great test day weirdos!!!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

It's a Battery Life

2010-04-26T08:04:00.004-05:00

{{dirty thought}}

Now that I got that outta my system, I'll explain. It might be a surprising fact that I'm a very positive person in this relationship. I always think the best and think that positive energy makes everything turn out okay. And no, I'm not the type of person that thinks I'm unlucky when it doesn't. I don't think the world is out to get me. I don't think that at all.

I know, I've mentioned karma but I truly believe in karma. Karma isn't out to get me though. It's just there to bang me over the head with reality sometimes.

When my husband and I first started going out, we were always the unlucky couple. Our proms were inundated with flat tires, limo hit and runs, missed dances by like 2 minutes and reservations not in the system when we arrived at the restaurant. Long trips either had an overheated radiator 3 hours into the trip or a speeding ticket 5 minutes into the trip. Now you would think these occurrences would lead me into a negative way of thinking. Not so! I just think life thought we needed some excitement. Thanks life, 'preciate it!

20 years into our relationship, it hasn't changed much. I am the positive side of this battery and my husband is the negative. He is the one that believes that life is out to get us. Any kink in his chain, he falls to pieces and goes on a tangent on how life sucks. If I get a kink in my chain, I usually take a breath and patiently unkink the chain.

How does this type of relationship work? Well shit! I haven't a freaking clue. It drives me bonkers that this logical man believes that luck is not on our side. It drives me crazy that this man actually believes luck is the down cursor of all our "misfortunes."

Luck has nothing to do with it. Luck is just what you decide to get you down....or up for that matter. I believe and been proved correct most of the time that if you've been wronged, you can usually find a loophole or some fine print to get out of it. Yesterday, for a split second, I saw a glimpse of this positive energy attack my husband. He was attempting to read that fine print or find that elusive loophole. I've never laughed so hard in awhile.

Husband: I just broke another tooth.

Me: Again!?

Husband: Damn, freaking Doritos.

Me: You're blaming the Doritos and not wondering why you've once again broke another tooth?

Husband: I think it's a crown.

Me: Oh well that's good. You'll just need $500 for a new crown and not $1000 for a root canal.

Husband: Do you remember who did this crown?

Me: I really don't pay that much attention to your dental hygiene. That's your own thing.

Husband: I don't think they're supposed to break like this. I think I may get something out of this.

Me: You think a crown has a lifetime warranty?

Husband: Well, that or some kind of guarantee!

Me: Sweetie? It's a crown. I don't think crowns have a warranty more than a week after they install it. It ain't a Blu-Ray player.

Husband: Well, that's bullshit!

Me: No, that's just life. Quit eating so god damn much and breaking your teeth on stooopid things.

Husband: So this is my fault?

Me: Um....no honey, you're right. I blame the Doritos and the faulty crown.

And there you have it. He tried and he failed to find the brighter side. Did he hold on to this new way of thinking that life is NOT out to get him?

Nope! Two hours later, after putting in our new Blu-ray of Avatar.

Husband: It's not working!!!!

Me: Calm down.

Husband: It's been loading for like 2 minutes.

Me: Well the pack came with a DVD too so just put that one in.

Husband: This is bullshit! We need a new Blu-Ray player...shit, we might as well get a new TV too. This place is going to shit! When it rains, it's a fucking shit-storm on the Bonifacio's.

Me: Yah, poor you. Want a Dorito?

Happy Monday people! It's gonna be a fantastic, busy day!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Friday Carpool

2010-04-23T07:46:00.003-05:00

I'm going to work this morning for my day of drug pushing and smiling through gritted teeth. Can you feel my excitement? It's electric, isn't it?

So this morning was my Friday carpool so I hope you enjoy.

M2: I just want you to know that you're my favorite carpool....other than my mom.

Me: Well of course! Where else can you get a ride to school AND have a meaningless conversation?

M2: Let's tell E he has a stain on his face and see him go absolutely crazy trying to wipe it off.

Me: Oh sweetie, you know E could care less.

M2: You think so?

Me: Only one way to find out.

::E gets in the car::

M2: You got something on your forehead E.

E: It's probably maple syrup...I'll save it for later.

Me: See, told ya.

E: I'm so incredibly tired this morning. My parents are making us all do the P90X before our cruise this summer. My dad says he wants all of us to have 8-packs.

Me: 8-packs? I've got a 6-pack but it ain't from doing sit-ups!

E: Are you doing the P90X too?

Me: Ah hell no! I'm staying strong at my weight and I ain't doing nothing to screw it up. And you need to tell your dad as soon as he has an 8-pack...you'll get one too.

E: You're trying to get me grounded again, aren't you?

Me: No. I just think it's borderline abuse to make your kids do P90X. I may check the Internet and report your parents.

E: Dude! If you put a stop to the mass amounts of brown rice they're making me eat...I might love you for all eternity.

M2: You've still got something on your forehead.

Me: Yah, how do you have maple syrup on your forehead? I doubt that type of food is on the approved P90X list.

E: When my dad left for the gym and my mom went to wake up my brother and sister, I managed to eat a waffle in like 20 seconds.

M2: So you're just gonna leave that on your forehead?

Me: ::snort:: M2! Give it up!

M (daughter): What I find amazing is you totally got snagged cheating on your P90X diet.

E: Who pulled your string?

M (daughter): If the string is me finally speaking, I pulled my own string. The day you get an 8-pack will be the day I will become your slave for the day.

E: What do I get for a 6-pack?

Me: I will be your slave for the day!

E: How would I explain that to my parents?

M2: Probably the same explanation of what's on your forehead.

Me: See ya later my little cherubs!

E: ::whispering:: Do I really have something on my forehead?

Me: ::whispering:: No dummy.

Have a great Friday people!!! It's gonna be quite a busy day. I can feel it.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

No words.....just cracking nuts.

2010-04-22T07:37:00.003-05:00

So my phone rings yesterday and before I pressed the button, I had no idea that I was about to find out my sweet 8 year old is really a bully.

Concerned parent: Is your husband there?

Me: No, he's working.

CP: Oh, I know all about that. Is this "Miss Jean?"

Me: Um....yah, some people call me that.

CP: Well, your daughter is in my son's 2nd grade class.

Me: Okay.

CP: And your daughter called my son "gay" and kicked him in the....um....the nuts today. Then she proceeded to tell my 1st grade daughter that her brother was "gay."

Me: (GASP) Are you kidding me?

CP: I wish I was but my son just came home and mentioned it. My wife thought we needed to talk to you about it.

Me: Okay, wait. What is your son's name and clarify.

Now the clarification was who the boy was and yes, my sweet little girl did exactly what he said.

Me: I assure you, I am going to take care of this immediately.

Oh good god people, I was mortified. So after finding my daughter and telling her to get inside, I asked her point blank, "Do you have something to tell me?"

Now here is my curse, she lied immediately. Her first instinct was to lie. Her second instinct was to tell the truth. Now the truth only came out when I threatened her life and assured her that I knew the truth. Then I find out that this nutcracking thing is a neighborhood problem as well. The mouth? Yah, she's been dropping f-bombs and other bombs as well.

The outcome?

She's grounded until further notice, no TV, no computer, no iPod. She will be on a first name basis with her four walls in her room until I see fit to release her. She wrote an apology note to every person she's ever touched or swore at. Oh hand cramps!

My only question?

How completely screwed am I with this kid?

Forget it, don't answer that. She is me, reincarnated. I'm so incredibly screwed.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Living in a Sea of Estrogen.

2010-04-21T07:17:00.006-05:00

When I was growing up, my father was the only guy in our family. He was always surrounded by moody women and girly angst. Poor guy.

I never quite understood the qualms of it because I was one of the....angsters? Today, I look at my husband and can finally see the predicament of being outnumbered. Don't get me wrong or anything, I don't feel sorry for him. I do however understand when he gets that look in his eye. You know the look. The, "Oh good god, what's wrong now?" look. Yah, he has that look on his face a lot.

As an adult female, I can rationalize when I'm in a mood. I can actually give fair warning. As an adult female though, I don't have the patience for the "other" females in the house. I mean seriously, how in the hell can you be smiling one minute then crying the next. Check yourself girls. Don't mess with the momma bear cause I will eat you....with BBQ sauce.

Another problem is we haven't quite reached full capacity of just how bad it could be. No, my oven is closed. I'm not adding onto the angst with more children. I'm just cringing when these little women become real women with all their hormones and mass amounts of tampons....or feminine napkins as my husband calls them. When that happens, I may have to find a way to sweeten the pot of home because my husband is going to run out of here screaming.

M (daughter): Can I walk to Market Street with my friends?

Me: It'll be 8 o'clock in 20 minutes. You need to be inside by then. Can you make it back in 20 minutes.

M (daughter): I think so. I'll text you if I'm gonna be late.

Me: Um.....no. You either commit to coming back on time or you don't go. ::looking at my husband:: Am I being unreasonable?

Husband: It's a school night. I don't see her making it back in time.

M (daughter): Fine! I'll just stay home, in my flowery room so you can keep me prisoner!

Me: Are you freaking kidding me?

Husband: I know she just didn't say that.

Me: Oh yes she did!

M (daughter): You never let me do anything! I'm in 6th grade and you treat me like a baby.

Me: Which is it? A prisoner or a baby? Because I can do both.

M (daughter): You think you're so funny but you're not.

Me: Oh I ain't trying to be funny right now. I'm asking a question. If you want funny, let's go! You, my dear, are about three seconds from being grounded. You're about 5 seconds from your dad showing what a prisoner really is. Annnnnd you're about 10 seconds from wishing you were never born.

M (daughter): I'm not afraid of you.

Husband: Oh shit! And we always thought your were the smart one. Your mom scares the shit outta me so you better take some cover M. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Did I beat the crap outta her? Nope! Oh boy, did I want to but she's 12 years old. I merely followed through with every threat.

1) I grounded her.

2) I told her dad, "If you don't take over, I might do something that'll put me in jail."

So therefore, 3) Her dad took over and as I've explained before, my husband is an asshole. He took her to her room, yelled at her for being rude and dramatic.....and M ended the night wishing she was dead.

Victory was mine!

I've also found the loophole of living in a sea of estrogen. Claim hormones and the testosterone in the house takes over.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

How do some people actually live to the ripe old age of 30?

2010-04-19T20:08:00.012-05:00

Going back to work has been somewhat of a reminder of how stupid people are. I mean, seriously, these people are having sex, making more stupid people and making our lives miserable. Why God, WHY????

Yesterday was an extremely busy day. I worked with Dennis Hopper but it was too busy for any pop quizzes. He and I were too busy to butt heads or get into any pissing contests either. Yesterday is what I'd like to call, "I'm an idiot and I'm going to call or go into a pharmacy," day. And boy oh boy, did they call and did they come in.

I did my best to smile and put my sweet voice on. I think I accomplished the amazing feat of not alerting these people that I think they are complete idiots. Well, I almost accomplished it. It seemed like every customer that walked in was a new customer. A new customer needs a new profile. A new customer usually has like 5+ prescriptions to fill as well. A new customer thinks that 5+ prescriptions should take less than 20 minutes. Those new customers are stupid. (Smile) Seriously though, they're stupid.

Oh and yesterday was the day that people kept asking ridiculous questions.

Customer: "Hi, I just called and plugged my refill numbers in but I wanted you to check and see that it went through."

Here's me! "Okay, lemme check on that."

Here's what I wanna say! "Why the hell did you waste the time plugging the numbers in then? The automated system is supposed to make my life and your life easier. You. Have. Just. Wasted. Both. Mine. And. Yours. Time. DUMBASS!!!!

Customer: "I know you're busy but I'm still confused about how to transfer a prescription and why I have to transfer the prescription in the first place."

Here's me! "Okay, lemme explain it to you again."

Here's what I wanna say! "Hmmmm, you've called three times already. I've said the same thing to you twice and have changed nothing about the explanation. If you know I'm busy, why in the hell are you bugging me AGAIN??!!!"

Customer: "Why isn't my prescription ready yet? What does the insurance have to do with why my prescription isn't counted?"

Here's me! "Oh, it's ready. Lemme run your prescription receipt through the insurance though."

Here's what I wanna say! "Well, my boss doesn't believe in running prescriptions as cash if we know there is an insurance. But if you wanna pay $159.00 for your prescription, I'd be happy to get you outta here. Oh, you don't wanna pay that much? Then shut the fuck up and gimme your insurance card....bitch!"

Customer: "If the pharmacist is on his lunch from 1:30 to 2pm, why won't my prescription be ready until 2:20pm?"

Here's me! "It's a standard 20 minute wait. We might have it done sooner but the pharmacist isn't set to work until 2pm. We'll get it ready as soon as he gets back."

Here's what I wanna say! "You are an ass. Seriously, go away. Take your prescription for herpes and shove it up your ass!"

And finally, my favorite one of the day!

Customer: "Has my Vicodin refill been approved yet?"

Here's me! "No, I'm sorry. We faxed it this morning and the doctor hasn't returned our call to approve or deny yet."

Here's what I wanna say! "Listen you! I understand that as a pharmacy technician, I should be sympathetic to your 'pain.' However, I'm not. If there is a god, your doctor will deny this refill request....but judging by the way today has gone...there isn't. Call us back later you tweeker! Take a freaking Tylenol or something!"

Oh yah, I got through the entire day not saying what I wanted to say. I smiled and I sweet talked my way through the day. At exactly 3:57pm, it was proven that I'm not as sweet as I want to be.

Customer: "I was there yesterday picking up my medications and the pain medication wasn't in the bag."

Here's me! "Oh really? Which one's were in the bag? Oh the blood pressure and thyroid were there but NOT the pain medication? Well that's weird! You signed for all three of them, the pain medication isn't in the pharmacy anymore....I suggest you look again."

Customer: "Nope, you guys didn't give it to me.

Me: "Please hold for a manager....he's gonna love this one! Oh and I can assure you, you ain't gonna fool him either."

And then it was 4pm! Buh-bye! It felt good waving as I booked it out of there.

Have a great Tuesday people! I'm not at work so it is going to be fantastic!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

My Team

2010-04-17T15:46:00.011-05:00

I like to think of my family as my team. Let's just say we are a soccer team. They yell at you if you need to move. They cheer for you when you've done a good job. They stick up for you if you've been wronged.

I'd like to think my "team" thinks that I give all of that. Sometimes though, I don't feel the same from them. Don't get me wrong or anything, it's only occasionally I feel that way. Trust me, I know for a fact, my "team" has my back and they know I'm a pinnacle to our "team."

Okay, enough quotes. Those are so annoying, aren't they? I'm a hand-talker so even more annoying, I am always doing the "air-quote" sign too. Yah...I'm one of those. It's so incredibly annoying.

Anywho!

I'm a very passionate woman. I fight for what I believe in. If I feel like I've been wronged or one of my peeps have been wronged, I will fight to the death to defend them. Seriously, I would. It's an admirable quality but my husband is constantly holding me back. In his defense, I'm constantly holding him back as well but that's just cause he gets his panties in a wad for the stupidest things. I get mine in a wad for really good reasons.

Like when an adult yells at one of my kids.

Oh hell no! If I'm standing right there, that's my job!

Like when somebody talks smack about my husband (Who I've openly admitted is an asshole).

Oh a hell to the no! What are you, stupid? He may be an asshole but you can't talk bad about him. That's my job too.

I pick and choose my battles. Some battles are just a waste of time but when it comes to my family, that battle is always worth it. I've always been able to take a breath and relax before I react though. I am smart enough to know that spur of the moment battles are usually more elevated than they need to be. I always think before I react. (That is something a lot of people need to do.)

Case in point: We had a center line referee that was a complete tool on Saturday. I had an hour to think about my reaction before the game was over. The ref made horrible calls, yelled at our girls and then explained that he's not perfect. I'll admit humbly that I was very rude to him throughout the game but come on, I was pissed. I also wasn't the only parent on the sidelines getting pissed either....I was the ringleader though.

Referee: I'm not perfect. I can't guarantee a perfectly called game.

Me: That's a freaking understatement. You have definitely not made ONE good call.

Referee: They're not handballs if you are protecting your face.

Me: Oh, okay. But when our girl got hit in the face, you called it a handball? Didn't they teach anatomy in your backwoods school? Your face is not a hand.

Referee: My uniform is green. That makes me the final call. If you don't like it, I don't care.

Me: Hey girls? Next time you get a free kick....aim for the green uniform and make it a hard kick! If it hits him in the face....we'll call a handball.

Referee: You're about 2 minutes from getting ejected from the field.

Me: Isn't the game almost over? You're basically allowing me to go home. Ow, that hurts.

Referee: I can also ban you from seeing anymore games.

Me: Season's over next weekend. Again, your power in that green uniform ain't bupkiss buddy. Try again.

When the game was over, we had a tie game that should've been won. It wasn't the girl's fault, it wasn't the other team's fault. We had a referee that sucked. But it was just a soccer game. We weren't playing for money. It's a soccer association. The kids are playing for fun....NOT scholarships. I understand that. But after the game, I found out the referee in the green uniform was saying things to the girls that no adult should say to a 12 year old. Oh, I was so mad. My husband tried to hold me back. He got pissed at me actually when I ignored his pleas and went over to the referee. (This is my example of not being supported to fight for my "team")

Me: What's your name?

Referee: G*****

Me: Is that like Cher or do you have a last name?

Referee: It's G***** M*****. Why? Are you going to complain about me because your team lost?

Me: Um....we tied dumbass.

Referee: Same thing.

Me: Figures. You're an even bigger asshole off the field.

Referee: I'm man enough not to comment but I think you know what I'm thinking.

Me: I would imagine with the ridiculous calls you made over the last hour, there ain't nothing going on in there but crickets. But hey, good game.....would've been better if you had choked on that overblown whistle but there's always next game.

And I sauntered back over to my husband and daughter with a wiggle to my hips. M (my daughter) and my husband of course was furious at me but they sure wanted to know what I said. They sure laughed their asses off when I told them. But again, don't screw around with my "team." I will make you cry or make you look like a dumbass. It's good to be on my "team" in my opinion.

Of course, my "team" might disagree but I'd battle them and change their minds.

Have a great Monday people.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

iPhone Blogging

2010-04-16T08:40:00.003-05:00

I'm reserving the right to add on later to this. Today is my Friday work day and I had neither the time or the patience to come up with something witty.

However, I'm going to take this moment to confess something. I love my iPhone. I can do pretty much anything with it and it in return pays me back in spades. I can Facebook. I can play games. I can look up a fact my husband claims isn't a fact. (Probably my favorite feature) There's this game. Words with Friends. I've got about 10 games going right now. I'm pretty good and when I lose, it drives me crazy. Last night my husband tried to convince me that the word "axis" is a deer and the other word "axus" is the line definition. Oh yah people, I won that battle and then some.

So I've begun writing my blog today on my iPhone. I'll probably finish later on the computer though. These tiny little keys aren't real easy to navigate. I expect the topic later will switch as I'm not allowed to have my phone with me in the pharmacy. Well, I might be allowed but I know if I had it...I'd be useless. I have to concentrate.

To be continued....

Okay, so the day is done and I'm still iPhoning it on this here blog. It was a pretty good day actually. As usual, when I went to lunch and returned, Dennis Hopper started his usual, "Um...er....you're doing this wrong." Essentially making me feel like he said, "You. Are. An. IDIOT!"

No, he doesn't say that. I've mentioned before that he's a pretty nice guy. He just has these idiosyncrasies that drive me bonkers. The training me by making me feel like an idiot though is my least favorite thing. So today when he began, I stopped him. Look, I can't work in this type of environment anymore. I know, I know. Suck it up Jeanie. But seriously, this me being quiet and taking it up the wazoo just isn't like me. So I stopped him.

Was I rude?

Nope!

I know, to some that might be a shocker but I really like this job. It feels like home again. Even after the 15th discount card I have to rerun...I still like it. (Seriously though, why don't the freaking drug companies just lower their prices instead of giving out discount cards? Share the wealth, you dumbasses!)

So I just explained to him (gently) that I can't learn like that. I'm not and never have been ashamed of admitting I made a mistake or didn't know how to do something. So in turn, I think I deserve the same respect. Don't talk down to me or over me. Please don't make me cry. And you know what, I don't need a pat on the back or an "atta boy" but if I am doing something right....could ya maybe let me know instead of focusing on the negative? Throw me a freaking cookie or something!

So what happened?

He showed me the better way of doing what I was doing then proceeded to trip me....almost making me eat floor. (It was an accident) But seriously Dennis! I'm trying NOT to look like an idiot here! Oh, Oh! Then he threw a pop quiz in there about the importance of triple checking an Escribe prescription.

"Triple checking is important on an Escribe prescription because....."

Whereas the three techs in the pharmacy, myself included, bumbled out an, "Oh! Um...er...."

Yah, "Pop quiz asshole! What time do I leave again?"

But all in all, a stellar day. I am happy, healthy and sitting at a bar with my husband toasting to both of those things. Have a fantastic weekend people! I know I will be wearing a gigantic smile...even if I'm being forced to watch soccer game after soccer game. Go Eclipse and McKinney FC!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Arguing for the Sake of Arguing.

2010-04-15T07:59:00.002-05:00

This isn't me by any means. Personally, I don't like arguing all that much. When I get backed into a corner or feel that I'm losing an argument...I tend to get kind of violent. Violent meaning I want to drive somebody's, anybody's head through a wall.

My violent tendencies only increase if the argument is so incredibly stupid that I can't believe I'm wasting my time on it.

After going to bed last night, AT FREAKING MIDNIGHT, I snuggled in my blankets with my Nook in the ON position, my husband wants to take this time to talk. I have to admit, when I'm comfortable and have my reading brain ON, please don't try to talk to me. My husband knows this but never really cares about this either.

Husband: I'm so glad you got those tickets back to California. I was sweatin' those.

Me: You're welcome. You know me, give me a job to do and I'm going to do it. I'm just glad we land in Oakland.

Husband: I'm just glad you got us on Southwest and we don't have to pay for our checked baggage.

Me: Me too. (At this point, I'm really not paying attention. I've started reading.)

Husband: The only thing I hate about Southwest is the way they seat you. You'd think they'd seat you from back to front but they start from the front. Idiots!

Me: (I've stopped reading. My husband's knowledge of anything travel is zero.) No they don't. They don't have assigned seating. You pick your seat when you get on the plane.

Husband: No they don't. We had assigned seats the last time.

Me: What last time? We've never ridden on Southwest. It was always an affiliate.

Husband: Yes we did and we had assigned seats.

Me: Hey babe? What can I say right now to end this tit for tat you got going right now? I don't have the patience to do this right now.

Husband: Admit I'm right.

Me: Whatever. In two months when I'm proved right, I get nothing. This is stupid. You're welcome and I'm sorry you know nothing about Southwest.

Sadly, this went on for at least twenty more minutes. It was a stupid argument that escalated to little zingers from my husband.

Him: I'm gonna get some part times because we're going to need some extra cash.

(Meaning: Thank god you have me because I always have extra cash.)

Him: You know my parents are gonna be making us dinner every night. Maybe you could make dinner a couple times when we're there.

(Meaning: You're going to have to pay your way with this trip somehow.)

Him: You're not planning on turning this into a Jean vacation by going out with your friends all the time we're there, are you?

(Meaning: I'm going to start the guilt early on how I've lost touch with all of my friends and you still have most of yours.)

Let's call this what it is though. It was past midnight and we were tired. He knew exactly what he was doing and I did too. Did I close my eyes finally, thinking how long I would have to smother him before he stopped breathing?

No. I merely said, "Goodnight sweetie. The best part about going home is we get to see your parents and your family. All the rest, like me seeing my friends and showing the girls where we're from are just fantastic bonuses. I can't wait and even better? If home starts to get on our nerves....we get to leave and come back to our haven in Texas."

So, who won this argument? Why, me of course.

1) He's still alive.
2) I never once called him a dumbass.
3) The family vacation is going to be great no matter what.

Happy Thursday people! It's my last day off so I plan on doing it right.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I Just Don't Feel Like It.

2010-04-14T08:03:00.002-05:00

What did I wake up thinking today? Well, to be honest, it was just how badly I wished I could throw my alarm clock through the wall. I am so tired today.

Husband: Damn, you look like you didn't sleep at all last night. Why are you so tired?

These kind of questions bug the crap out of me. Maybe because I'm tired or maybe because they're dumb questions.

I don't know why I'm so tired. I am though so leave me alone. Don't pick on me please. (This wasn't my answer, this is what I wanted to say though. I merely shrugged my shoulders as I curled into a ball and said, "How should I know?"

This type of request is like a waste of air. My husband never leaves anything alone. He will pick a scab. He will poke a bear that just woke up from a hibernation. But worst of all, he will continue to bug me until my head explodes so he can reply, "What's your problem? Why are you so sensitive? Are you about to start your period?"

This is my life. Just call me a bear and imagine I'm being poked constantly because my husband loves to antagonize me. (Don't go there! I ain't thinking dirty!)

But this is what I woke up thinking today.

Why is my husband's favorite thing perfecting the art of bugging the shit out of me?

Of course, he probably woke up thinking, why is my wife such a bitch and how have I lived with her so long?

Sounds about right to me. I've got all day to shake this mood off though so when he comes home tonight, we'd have forgotten all about the morning.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Training Gone Terribly Wrong

2010-04-13T07:24:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to remember if I ever trained anybody. I don't think I have but I could be wrong. I'm not a very patient person so I don't think training would be my forte.

The way my work trains is by mistake. Okay? My problem with this type of training is the way they go about it. Let's say I'm doing something wrong. It's human. Well, I've noticed that when my mistake is being corrected they tend to try to make me feel stupid because I made the mistake in the first place. Yah, I'm anything BUT stupid. Don't push me people!

My problem is, I can't figure out who's the ring leader in this. Who's ass do I kick when this happens? That's my number one problem. I don't want to get mad at the wrong person. I don't want to excuse the wrong person either. I just want it to stop. If this is how you train a person, you are about to lose me. I'm not a quitter but I absolutely refuse to allow you to train me this way.

It's ridiculous! I just don't think they know who I am. I'm not necessarily out of my shell yet. They really don't know who I am. I'm afraid that one of these Monday's or Friday's, I'm going to snap. I don't want to snap. It's not going to be pretty.

I'm done. No more whining. Just a warning. I going to keep a close eye on who deserves my revenge. I think I know who it is but I'm reserving my final decision for later.

Carpool Tuesday!

E came out and into the car with an Ace bandage wrapped around his knee.

Me: What happened to your knee buddy?

E: I think I've been sitting on it wrong.

Me: What the hell are you sitting on your knees for?

M2: I sit on my knees all the time.

Me: You're not supposed to sit on your knees. Your butt is too big for those little bitty knees to handle your butt sitting on them.

M2: I beg your pardon! My butt is not too big!

Me: Oh, maybe that's just me.

E: Well, I did something to it because my knee hurts.

M (daughter): My knees hurt when I walk on em.

Me: What are you walking on your knees for? Trying out for the part of midget in the school play?

E: Um, I think she means when she's walking on her feet, her knees hurt.

Me: Oh, I'm tired this morning. I pictured her walking literally on her knees.

M (daughter): That's what I meant.

E: Oh, well yah, I forgot, you were obviously a special needs kid.

M (daughter): No, I just felt sorry for you because next to me...you look like a midget. Grow much?

Me: Wow! I am somewhat shocked at your rudeness but feel compelled to offer you a high five on that one M!

E: Don't encourage her Miss Jean.

Happy Tuesday people! Oh and even though he'll never read it, thank you husband for listening to me whine and rant about my qualms at work. It was appreciated more than you'll ever know.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Married to a Cop 101.

2010-04-12T07:21:00.005-05:00

I know some wives that are the wives of cops would disagree but in my life....there are certain rules to follow and certain rules to break.

I didn't marry a cop. I married a Marine. If I had married a cop, I wouldn't be allowed to break any of these rules. Women that marry cops should know what they are getting into.

Being a cop means you are two different types of people. The cop isn't trusting. He/She thinks everybody is out to get him/her. He/She think everybody is breaking the law. The regular guy/girl is the complete opposite of all of that. Changing from one to the other can be difficult but most people do it.

My husband? Doesn't.

Being me, it's hard not to be social and trusting of strangers. Being me, married to a cop, it's extremely difficult to keep friendships and banter with those strangers. Bottom line people? My husband is a real asshole if you don't know him. If you know him, he's a great guy. It's the old adage teenage girls used to say to their parents, "He's a different person when we're alone." Yah, when I was a teenager, that was always a red flag. As an adult, it's my life.

I've mentioned the look on my husband's face could make babies cry for their life. Seriously, I'm not kidding he's a real asshole. If attempting to have a conversation with him, he's been known to give one word answers, prompting the attempter to walk away grumbling, "That guy's an asshole." Yep, and I think he's proud of it too. Me? Not so much. Which is hypocritical because I'm proud of my bitchiness.

Rule #1) I am Switzerland. I am not going to take a side if you hate my husband or if my husband hates you. Granted, my husband probably hates you because...em...um....you looked at him wrong. Yah, he's an asshole. I'm Switzerland....or Canada!

Rule #2) Don't think that if you and I have joked around that you are automatically allowed to joke around with my husband. My husband doesn't joke around unless he knows you.

Rule #3) If I'm standing by my husband and you come over to talk to me....don't expect my husband to join in on the conversation. Oh and please don't try to include him in on the conversation either. Trust me, you ain't gonna crack a smile and when you walk away....he's gonna talk shit about you. Trust me....he's an asshole.

Rule #4) If you and I are friends, don't even think about talking shit to me about my husband. He may be an asshole but he's my asshole. And furthermore, I'm a bit of bitch so I won't hesitate to defend my husband (who's an asshole) to the death.

Rule #5) If you piss my husband off, I may be Switzerland but do you understand that I'm probably being forced to listen to him bitch and moan about you? Do you think I enjoy listening to my husband huff and puff about the "nerd" or "dumbass" that disrespected him? Um....no. But 9 times out of 10, I'm being forced to listen to him and you are probably going to lose. The less I have to hear my husband act like an asshole....the better you stay in MY good graces. Watch yourself!

Finally, in closing, all of this goes down the toilet if he chooses to include me in this assholic movement. Whenever my husband get a little too big for his britches and thinks he can be an asshole to me....I've got this little pin that I use to pop that ego. I won't tell you what I say or do to do the popping but it's worked every time. I have been with this man for over 20 years. It's a perfection of mine and there really should be only one asshole/bitch in the house at one time. I always win. The real question is though, I think he just allows me to win most of the time. He is the man of the house and is quite possibly the smarter of the two. The way he thinks is almost genius so when I say that I always win....he's really the winner in the end.

I hate that! He's mine though and I'm his....you can just call it what it is. Perfection at its finest.

Happy Monday people! Watch your asses if you're on the road in Texas. My husband is pissed today and he ain't gonna take it out on me! :)

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Let's redo today's blog...shall we?

2010-04-09T17:21:00.002-05:00

Here's me! I'm by myself with a pharmacist until 1:30pm. Not bad. I can handle it. When the other techs come in...that's when the debauchery starts.

Old man walks up...everybody knows him but me. Wants to know if he has a prescription. I check. Nope! He winces and asks if I can fax the doctor and ask for it. He says it's a trial pack. Okay? Trial of what?

He changes the subject and asks if I can tell him where the Swiffer sweepers are. Okay? Um....not really sure but I offer to help him find it.

His eyes light up and he says, "Well, that'll be the highlight of my day darlin'! Come on and show me!"

I walk the aisles and find it after he asks, "Do you know what a Swiffer Sweeper is?"

I say, "I'm a girl....of course I know what a Swiffer is. I clean...on occasion."

He replies, "Oh I can see you're a girl. A pretty girl at that!"

I do a little wiggle and a giggle and point him in the right direction. As I'm showing him the difference between a dry sweeper and a wet sweeper (dirty thought) I slip in the question.

"Um....what's a trial pack and what pray tell am I asking the doctor for?"

His reply? Come one guys.....can you take a guess?

CIALIS!!!!

Oh good golly molly....is it time to go home yet?

Yep, that's my life. It was only a matter of time and I knew it was coming. (dirty thought) The old man looking for a prescription for Cialis and the aisle the Swiffer Sweepers and sponges were.

I. Love. My. Life.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm not this important.

2010-04-09T07:45:00.003-05:00

I've got work today. It's one of those days where you wake up in the morning and feel something ominous in the air. Ominous not being morbid. Ominous being something pivotal that can possibly blow my world apart.

My world consists of me, my husband and my kids right now. I've got way too much stuff going on to add any more people to my world. I can barely save myself these days much less anybody else other that the people in my world. Now don't get me wrong, if you're my friend, I'll listen and I'll try to help as best I can. However, let me deal with my own stuff first.

Does this make me selfish?

I would say yes if I was only focused on me but truly, I'm not. These three other people in my life are as equally important to me and I will fight to the death to protect them from heartbreak, sadness or world obliteration.

Yah, weird blog post today but remember what the blog explanation says. "Anything I wake up thinking...." And yah, I woke up to a mess of world obliteration this morning and I don't have the time or the stamina to deal with it.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Ah, Young Grasshoper....Go Forth and Annoy!

2010-04-08T07:31:00.004-05:00

A lot of people that knew me when I was younger always say the same thing. "I never knew you were this funny when we were in high school." Well, let me just say, I was. I've been perfecting my comedy act since I was a six years old and my dad used to say, "You're not funny Jeanie!"

Funny thing is, my dad still doesn't think I'm funny. As I've mentioned before, karma has bit me in the butt with my youngest daughter, K. She resembles me with her dimples and her comedic wit matches me smart ass comment to the next. The sad thing is, her dad doesn't think she's funny either. I have to admit, sometimes her wit is just plain rude. Sometimes. (My dad is loving this right now by the way.)

The thing with K though is she's so dang cute that she can melt your heart with her smile and pig snort with her comebacks. I grade most of my laughs on how they come out. A pig snort means you've surprised me and oops, pig snort. :)

While in the car the other day after the infamous soccer game of sprained ankles, the girls were asking their dad why he hasn't scored a goal yet. My husband played soccer in high school. I never saw him play. I never went to his games. I didn't know him then. His "good ol' soccer days" are a mystery to me and don't make me swoon. My eyes glaze over whenever he talks about his soccer days. Here is why my daughter K is me and why my husband has morphed into my dad.

Husband: Even when I played before, I never scored then either. They didn't count assists but I was really good at dribbling down the field and passing it to the scorer.

K: What position was that?

Husband: I was midfield. I ran anywhere I wanted and did everything.

K: Aren't I midfield?

Husband: Yep, you're center midfield.

K: Um.....I score. What was your excuse? Looks like the master has suddenly become the cockroach.

Me: I think you mean grasshopper.

Husband: I think she meant she's in need of an ass beating.

K: Yes on the grasshopper, No on the bootie beating.

Now you see, I thought that was genius. One, she's so damn cute and misspoke the grasshopper line. Two, she completely obliterated her daddy's "good ol' soccer days" with her own accomplishments.

Her dad on the other hand had no comeback other than to threaten a beat down.

In my opinion? Freaking score for K!

It truly is the passing of the torch. My young padiwan has become the master. God help you all......there are two of us!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

I'm allergic to Texas.

2010-04-07T07:32:00.004-05:00

I've been waiting for four months for the weather to finally cooperate and allow my tube tops out of the drawer. With my good must give me some bad though. Like the clockwork of the Texas bugs come the Spring allergies. It seems my entire family has them. Nobody is worse than the other. We're all miserable. I like to think that me in a tube top takes away from the atrocious red nose, itchy eyes and exploding sneezes. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

Were my allergies as bad in California? I don't think they were. At least I don't remember suffering like I do in Texas. I remember taking some Claritin but it wasn't like if I missed a dose like if I ever do in Texas I ended up wanting to cut my head off.

I've lived in Texas for over nine years and there is really no possibility of me leaving. This is my home now. I'm actually beginning to love Texas in a way. (Shhhh. Don't tell California please.) Here are some reasons that I love Texas. But with love must come hate so I'll include those too.

1 love) It snows here in Texas. It could snow like a foot and in less than two days, it'll be gone and you'd never know it snowed.

1 hate) The sun is a tricky little bastard. Because it's so flat, a sunny day can mean nothing with the wind. I've been known to freeze my ass off on a soccer field wearing a tube top and shivering with the winds.

2 love) The seasons are beautiful like they're supposed to be.

2 hate) The months in Spring have there own bugs. My least favorite are the May Flies which look like GIANT mosquitoes and the June bugs which are like GIANT brown flying beetles. The May Flies are just annoying but the June bugs attack you! I'm convinced they're retarded because they'll land on anything or dive bomb you. And when they do land on skin....they burrow into your skin. I hate those fvckers! I like to crush em and leave their carcasses in a pile for the birds in the morning. It's my gift to Spring! :)

3 love) Texas is known and loved for it's shopping and food.

3 hate) All true Texans know how to do is shop and eat. There are certain towns that think they're so much better than other towns. They're snooty Texans and sometimes I have to pinch myself from throttling them and screaming, "I'm from California dammit! You ain't got nothing on me!"

4 love) The houses are freaking awesome. Our house was $130,000 and would probably be about $350,000 in California.

4 hate) The prospect of selling our house is moot because they keep building more houses here. It's never ending with the building of houses here. Not that I wanna move but an investment of a "starter home" to my husband has gone down the toilet and become our "forever home" here in McKinney, Texas. (This would be a husband hate.)

5 love) My friends are from all walks of life. I have older friends and younger friends and I wouldn't trade them for a million dollars. I mean seriously, where can you hang out with a true Mississippian at a bar and the next day eat some BBQ with a true Texan? Nowhere I tell ya!

5 hate) I haven't yet developed a love for cowboys. You know the ones? The cowboy hats, the boots. Nope, I still think that looks ridiculous. Wranglers which in California would put you in a group you could never get out of is perfectly fine here. As a Cali-girl, I still can't see a pair of Wranglers and think, "What a nerd!"

6 love) The Texas twang. Oh yah people, I've got it! It's not slap your face twang but it comes out. I say y'all and the Spanish language, whenever it's attempted with my tongue is a sort of Spanglish twang. It's adorable. Oh and good god, you get me to spend more than four hours with my Mississippian friend? Oh I do Mississippi good too.

6 hate) My husband is constantly making fun of me when my Texas twang shows. I've discovered it's because he can't do it. Anytime he attempts to say y'all, it comes out, "yah-allllll!" And if you haven't figured my husband out by now, when he can't do something, he makes fun of the people that can.

7 love) And finally, Texas just feels like home to me. It's far away from anybody that knows or remembers me. I in a sense, recreated myself here. I'm still the same girl I've always been but here in Texas, I don't have old skeletons pointing their fingers at me.

7 hate) I'm not from here. I sometimes miss my old skeletons. I miss the people that remember me. I miss the places that I knew secrets about. I went "home" in December and for the first time in a long time, it was good to be "home." Trips "home" are scarce because the economy sucks but "home" isn't Texas at times when I need to embrace the piece of myself that isn't in Texas.

So there you have it. Texas and Jeanie. We are like a married couple. We have a love/hate relationship. I would never trade it but I wouldn't mind a trial separation from time to time.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Happy 50th Post Day!

2010-04-06T07:01:00.003-05:00

Most people do something special for Blog Anniversaries or momentous numeral posts but not me! I'm just gonna ramble again. I don't have any prizes to give away or enough followers to have a, "Ask me anything," post. Besides, I cringe to think what anybody would ask me. I've never had any secrets or have hidden my thoughts so an, "Ask me anything," post would probably be a waste.

Yesterday was as expected. Busy, busy and busy. I survived though. My boss "Dennis" proceeded to whine how busy it was and then did absolutely nothing. Surprising to him, a relief pharmacist walked in and she ended up doing everything. I've never wanted to french kiss a girl more than I wanted to french kiss the pharmacist that walked in yesterday and actually began to work.

When I got home, I grabbed a beer and sat outside until my husband came home and took us to his "last" soccer game. It was a late game but seeing as it was his "last" game, I didn't want to deprive the girls of seeing their daddy play. It was going to be a rough game as they were playing the 2nd place team.

I in my tube top, the girls with their money to buy crap at the snack bar, we all sat back comfortably on the bleachers to watch the COPS play DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE PLAYING COPS.

From the whistle to the first 30 seconds of the game was about as exciting as a root canal until my husband went down like a sack of potatoes grabbing his leg.

What did I do as a supportive and loving wife?

I asked K to hand me her popcorn and go find out if her daddy was okay.

Should I have jumped up and ran in slow motion onto the field? Um......no. My husband is a proud man.

So as his fellow teammates tried to carry him off the field, I could see him grit his teeth and tell them to put him down. Proud, I tell ya! Limping into the box, K leaned into the doorway and ask, "Daddy? Are you okay?"

Her dad shook his head and continued to grit his teeth. My older daughter M leaned in and said, "What happened?"

Her dad continued to ignore them and just grimace while taking his stuff off. IE. cleats, shin guard, socks.

It was then that I watched my K reach up into the bleachers, grab a handful of popcorn and chuck it at him. She got daddy's attention with that and when he finally looked over, K yelled, "Quit being a wimp and get back out there!"

Ah, karma. It's a funny thing. How many times has he said that same thing to her? Probably about ten times.

Did daddy quit being a wimp? Of course he did. He went right back out there and stopped being a wimp. It wasn't until after the game when I saw his ankle. It had blown up the size of a knee and was already a pretty shade of purple.

For the rest of the night he allowed me to medicate him, wrap an ice pack around his ankle and elevate it.

I'm married to Forrest Gimp.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Monday....again?

2010-04-04T12:50:00.009-05:00

Oh yes people....it's Monday again. Wanna hear what I'm in for today? Well, lemme tell ya.

The pharmacy was closed on Easter Sunday. What does that mean? Well, today, I will be walking into a computer full of Sunday's refills and auto-fills and Monday's refills and auto-fills. The numbers will probably be maxed out by 9:01am.

Oh and lookie thur! I'll be by myself for 4+ hours this morning....with the "Pop Quiz Asshole" guy.

Will I survive? Well sure I will but that won't mean "Dennis Hopper" will. The other day, I worked for four hours with the other pharmacist and when "Dennis Hopper" walked in, he proceeded to "train" me on how to "bag stage."

Bag stage? It's when you get the bag ready with all the pertinent documents inside and stickers on the outside.

Seriously, "Dennis?" I've been here for four hours....what the hell do you think I've been doing this entire time? Nevermind, don't answer that....it'll turn into a pop quiz.

My old boss, we'll call him "Spaz" used to walk in and stay as far away from me as possible. The one time he did get near me, I almost shoved a pencil up his nose. I think my exact words were, "Stop finger-fvcking with my stuff!"

My new boss, "Dennis" is the epitomy of finger-fvcking with your stuff. He'll slide by you and say, "What's this and why isn't it prioritized?"

He's done this twice to me and granted, the one time, it really needed to be prioritized but the second time, I just got it and hadn't had time to prioritize. My answer to "Dennis?"

"I haven't prioritized it yet because it isn't a priority yet."

That took him a moment but then he countered with, "Well, it's easy to prioritize. Just make sure you keep this area clean."

My area???? Well, I never! My area(s) are always clean and....nevermind.

My only saving grace? I'm not the only one who finds this annoying. I'm not the only one who gets the joke when he starts on a tirade and I give him the, "You're kidding right?" look.

But seriously, think of me today. I have no idea what today holds but I swear, if you hear about an impalement by pencil up someones nose on the news....in my defense....he was probably finger-fvcking with my stuff.

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Friday Fruckus of Fruck!

2010-04-02T08:00:00.003-05:00

Gotta work today. Gonna keep this short with a Carpool convo. Have great weekend people and enjoy your Peeps and chocolate bunnies!

M (daughter): Are you still grounded E?

E: Nope, yesterday was my last day. I'm free!

Me: What did you get grounded for?

E: I was playing with an air gun down the street.

Me: Who's air gun was it?

E: Not mine. You know those boys around the corner? It was one of those.

Me: And you got grounded. That's kind of bogus.

E: My dad went on the Internet and found out they were illegal. Then he grounded me.

Me: Did you know it was illegal?

E: Nope. I just figured since it belonged to one of the boys it was fine. Stoooopid Internet screwed me over again.

Me: This is why church-goers are ridiculous!

E: Why? Because they find sin by surfing the Internet?

Me: No, because they think God IS the Internet.

E: I'm surprised they don't have a website like Ask.com and name it God.com.

Me: Patent that shit E. That is G-E-N-I-U-S!

E: Imagine the possibilities of sins being forgiven and found out. So you're telling me you wouldn't have grounded M (daughter)?

Me: M (daughter)? Nope! Now K (other daughter) I probably would. But not because it was illegal but because she either shot somebodies eye out or broke something.

E: You are the coolest mom ever!

M (daughter): That's debatable at least one week a month but the other weeks she's definitely the best mom ever.

Me: Awwwww, thanks M (daughter).

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Monkeys, Emu's....and Tube Tops? Oh my!

2010-04-01T15:23:00.003-05:00

Sorry this is a little late in the day but I had a 2nd grade field trip today and there was no time to write. I'm back though and boy, do I need a hysterectomy STAT! Kids are priceless....which to me means you wouldn't pay a penny for em if you didn't give birth to them. Shoot, I would probably bargain a 2 for 1 on my own two kids come to think of it. Anyway, field trip was good. We went to the zoo so we had about 3 hours to cover an area that takes about 8 hours to see everything.

First order of business? Bathroom. Second order of business? Lunch. Yes, it was only 10:30am but I wasn't going to carry around those sack lunches for 2 hours. Yah, I'm that kind of mom.

We set out on our way after about 45 minutes of slow eating. Jeez, my kids inhale their food. The two kids I was in charge of decided to slowly chew their food.

Hello? We've got a zoo to wander around!

As we walked around the zoo, some conversations began that set up for some confusion at who these kids were.

"I smell animal poop!"

Um....ya think? God didn't forget to give these kids brains thank goodness.

"Uh-ah-ah-eh-uh! I can speak monkey!"

Really? Well how do you say, "Move your ass kid because you walk like a turtle on crutches!"

"Can we feed the animals without getting slobber on us?"

Well jeez kid, I don't know. Can you manage to eat your applesauce without dropping it on your lap? No? Well it's probably a good guess an animal won't be careful either.

"I want to buy a bug with my credits. I want this wasp."

Um....K? Do you think you can possibly purchase another disgusting insect that doesn't make me cower in fear like an epileptic on crack? Yes? Thanks. You're the best!

"My shorts are dripping and making my shoes wet."

Well Einstein, when I said to not get your clothes wet...did ya think I meant that other person's clothes? Deal with it....your feet probably need cleaning anyway stinky!

Yep, it was a freaking super fantastic day with 2nd graders today and I lived to tell the tale.

One last thing though. It is the 3rd day of sunshine. It is also the 3rd day of me wearing a tube top. I'm getting quite the tan on my chest and shoulders. Oh yes people, Jeanie is back and she's coming back with a tan. My last thing isn't about my tan though. It's about my tube tops. Mom's hate me. They never really say anything. They say it with their eyes. They loathe me.

I'd like to take this moment to say, "Hey tube top hating moms, bite me. You can't wear tube tops? I'm so sorry about that but don't glare at me with your jealous eyes because of your downfall. Seriously, bite me. And while you're biting me....kiss my ass too. I don't think I'm better than you. I don't wear a tube top so your husband can drool over me. I like tube tops. They are my bread and butter. You don't like it....again.....bite me and kiss my ass."

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

Balls, Testicles and Tests....Oh my!

2010-03-31T07:16:00.004-05:00

It looks like my schedule is Monday's and Friday's for the next 3 weeks so far. Well, let's just say that's my schedule until I find the possibility to be more available.

So with Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off, you'd think my ass would be reintroduced to it's long lost friend....the couch. Not so. Well, not so for this week at least. My parents moved out of their 5 bedroom house into a 2 bedroom apartment. (Don't worry, it's a good thing. Selling the house was a huge burden lifted from my almost-retired parents.) My parents are over 60 though and cleaning their house was yet another burden I decided to try and unburden them from doing. I'm not in any better shape but at least I have age and time on my side.

I had to go to the doctor yesterday for some personal issues and it was one of those appointments where my husband felt compelled to accompany me. (Don't worry, that was a good thing too. I knew immediately upon waking up that morning that I wasn't going to be able to do it alone.)

Note: Even though most times where my husband attends things he isn't supposed to I wanna strangle him, he actually made this grueling and terrifying experience tolerable. I reserve the right to bitch and moan about him later though.

Anywhoooo.

It was a longer day than expected which meant wringing my hands, sweating and feeling like I was going to hyperventilate. When I finally had to go in for the "procedure" of sorts, I had managed to hype myself up into a twitchy mess of heaving breaths and almost hysterical crying. Here is why my husband was welcome.

Husband: Would it make you feel better if you could kick me in the balls while they do it?

Me: Um...maybe?

Husband: (looking at my doctor) Is that possible? Can I go in there with her?

Doctor: No. I'm sorry. She's gotta be brave like she's always been.

Me: I'm not much of a tough cookie today Doc. I'm more of an uncooked cookie.

Doctor: Oh come on! This is coming from the girl who decided epidurals were for wimps.

Me: I only said that because it wore off before it should've and I didn't want him to do it again. Purely wimpy statement on my behalf.

Doctor: Nope, you'll always be my toughest patient.

Husband: Sorry babe, I tried.

Me: Can I just kick you in the balls now then?

Doctor: You two are funny. Toughest AND favorite patient.

Husband: (looking at the doctor) If we're that, can she kick YOU in the balls then?

Doctor: Um....no.

Me: Well jeez Doc, what do I need to be in order to do THAT then?

Doctor: My wife.

Me: ::giggle:: Okay, I'm ready. Take me to your leader. (looking at my husband) You better cover your balls babe....I know where you sleep.

And that is why he was welcome. He managed to take my mind off of everything and focus on the prospect of kneeing testicles instead.

Note: I paid him back for his attention by NOT kneeing him in the balls. I am a good wife next to my good husband. At least that is what I told myself last night after I medicated and drifted off into a drug-induced coma.

Happy Hump Day people! Make it a good one cause it'll be over before you know it!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.

My Want List.

2010-03-30T07:52:00.002-05:00

Wants and needs. Two very different words and even more difficult to decipher which is more important. It was a question my mom used to ask throughout my life.

"Do you need a beer or do you just want a beer?"

Nine times out of ten, I both wanted and needed the beer. When it comes to material things though, wants and needs get easier to identify. The importance of those two words can either put you in the poor house or in rehab. As an adult, we have the capacity to pick and choose what we get ourselves. As children, we didn't have the ability to say no. All we cared about as kids was we wanted it and we wanted it now. Need? Okay, we needed it too.

My carpool brigade are three tweens. My daughter, M, a responsible child that expects to get paid an allowance for being capable of owning a house key and opening the door. The neighbor girl, M2, a smart and church-going girl that always has something inspirational to say. She's pretty dang smart too. The neighbor boy, E, a smart ass, church-going boy who thinks my tube tops are the coolest comeback. The difference of their want lists are typical of who they are.

My daughter, M.

1) Money.
2) Money.
3) An iPhone.

The neighbor girl, M2.

1) World Peace.
2) Straight A's.
3) World Peace.

The neighbor boy, E.

1) An iPhone.
2) A laptop.
3) A sickle and a machete.
4) An iPod Touch.
5) An E-reader.

My adult words of reality to the three tweens?

To my daughter, M. Sweetie, you're gonna have to do a lot more than turn a key and open a door to get an allowance. Going from school to home on your own is no reason to get paid. God gave you legs. They're for walking, running and crawling if you have to. Congratulations! You've. Got. Legs. Oh, and you've got an iPod Touch...what the hell do you need an iPhone for?

To the neighbor girl, M2. Sweetie, you are smart so straight A's are possible. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though. There ain't nothing wrong with a B. Oh, and world peace? Never gonna happen! Sorry about that.

To the neighbor boy, E. Sweetie, you need to lower your standards. Making 20 cents an hour isn't gonna get you any of those things on your list. Get yourself a library card and I promise for the next 7 months I will be sporting a tube top....just for you!

My want list?

1) Health.
2) Happiness.
3) Piece of Mind.

I smoke so therefore, I am NOT healthy but that's my own fault.

I'm always smiling so happiness for me is making sure my smile is contagious. If you don't feel like smiling, that's your own fault. Ain't my problem.

I live and lie in my own bed. Anything I've ever done that could be perceived as a mistake or a regret is what got me here today. I'm perfectly fine with that. No regrets.

And finally, putting the word "need" in front of those "wants" changes them. I need health. I need happiness. I need piece of mind.

1) Must. Quit. Smoking.
2) Say goodbye to toxic people that think the world revolves around them, therefore infecting me with negativity.
3) Never make a mistake twice...cause that's just stoooopid.

Happy Tuesday people! It's just like Monday except Tuesday called in sick and Monday pulled a double!

If I've offended you or expressed anything you don't agree with, don't worry, I'll probably do it again.